maskormenacelogs | to tell the truth

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to tell the truth

WHO: Laurie, Sasha, and Tobias
WHERE: Heropa #024
WHEN: Aug. 26th
WHAT: Sussing out Tobias' deal via questioning
WARNINGS: none just yet! will edit if necessary

[ When asking another source familiar with Tobias had failed to yield any results to explain the man's strange behavior, Laurie made plans to follow through on her semi-threat of questioning her roommate herself. She doesn't go it alone. She and Sasha have had a discussion or two regarding Tobias and the dangers that he potentially presents, the high amount of blood in the laundry and the mussed-up house, indicative of some kind of break-in with Tobias returning days later.

Dorian had apparently swore himself to loyal silence, but maybe his lack of outright denial means that there is much more to Tobias than the image that he presents to them. And if it's something that could end up harming them, it's got to be addressed.

Sasha's already been directed, to a certain extent. If Tobias isn't willing to talk right away, Laurie intends on making him. So long as Sasha stays further way from Laurie than Tobias is, or at least gives Tobias himself a decent berth, she won't get caught in any kind of pheromone crossfire.

When a good opportunity seems to present itself, Laurie attempt to approach casually enough, just an everyday instance of coming upon your roommate in the living room. ]

Hey, Tobias, can we ask you something?

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[Nothing seems out of the ordinary for Tobias, seeming moderately drained as usual as he sits on the sofa. Between actually dying because of different magic and believing he was dying because of fear gas, he'd needed quite a bit of time to recuperate. It's possible this is the first he's been home since the swear-in; the last he'd been likely was only a day or two before that event.

His eyes open with a twitch or two when he hears Laurie's voice, and he tries to sit up a little taller when Laurie approaches him. "We" indicates that Sasha is somewhere nearby; if she's in his periphery, he can't quite see her.]

Hmm? [Lethargically, he turns to Laurie. Sounding tired but casual and pleasant enough, ] Oh, sure—what is it?

What's going on? [ Simple and to the point, if only it couldn't apply to so many other things. She realizes how generally it could be taken as soon as she gets it out and she clears her throat before correcting herself. ] I mean, not right now, just... In general.

[ She tries not to flounder. To remain stern just in case this is the sort of thing that requires it. ]

With the blood on the clothes, I mean, and the disappearance coupled with the house getting left a mess. Everything.

[It's not an act when Toby blinks innocently here, but only because he's trying to process what Laurie's saying. And then, slowly, recognition sweeps through his expression.]

Oh, that— [When he studies Laurie's expression, she looks quite stern; his feelings sink.] Ah, where do I begin...

[Now sitting up straighter, he continues.]

I'm sorry, I... haven't been forthright with you since the beginning.

We assumed that much. [ That's how they've reached this point, after all. ]

So here's your opportunity. We want to know what's happening, because it's happening where we live. I think that we deserve that much.

[He draws in a deep breath.]

Over two hundred sixty years ago, as I lay dying after my heart was nearly ripped out, someone asked if I wanted to live. To this day, I don't know about that, but what I did know is I didn't want to die. So he saved me. By changing me.

[Sleepy as he may look, he manages to look Laurie straight in the eye. It's possible that, for the first time, she may see what Dorian had once described to Toby as the "deadness behind [his] eyes".

By the look on his face and the sound of his voice, he hates having to acknowledge and explain the following: ] I'm a vampire. I can only survive by drinking fresh blood, the kind directly from another person or being. Or fresh from their injuries...

[...How about that? Do they hate him, then, for what he is? Don't they think him a monster?]

Edited 2015-08-31 05:38 (UTC)

[ Sasha purposely stays out of Tobias' eyesight until he drops the truth on Laurie and her. Without an idea of what to say, his response lingers in the air uncomfortably between them all. ]

What...?

[ Her voice is small and conflicted at first. Clearing her throat and raising her voice a little so she can be heard clearly: ] Is that why there was blood on the clothes?

[ But don't the hospitals here provide blood for imPorts? Something is still greatly amiss. ]

[Ah, there's Sasha. It's one thing vaguely knowing she's around somewhere, and another to actually hear her reaction. He guiltily drops his gaze to the floor.]

It is, but I can explain. Or, at least, try to. [A beat.]

Even before coming here, I have tried everything to not be... what I am. Like anyone else, I have to feed if I don't want to die—I've tried all sorts of substitutes. The blood of animals, frozen blood, fresh blood preserves or stores that come from hospitals and the like. And even when I first arrived here and discovered the synthetics... [Shaking his head.] Nothing else has ever properly nourished me. I tried not to resort to what I've always done, what I've always had to do for lifetimes past.

[Tobias is beyond ashamed and self-loathing. He knows the way Kanaya reacted and thinks that now, his housemates might be the same way, too. How pathetic he must be, how disgusting that he can't control it.]

I never wanted to be this way, never wanted to hurt anyone. I tried not to, I've been doing the best I could given the circumstances—a new place with new rules and standards and expectations. A new time, trying to acclimatize and get up to speed because I was dead for thirty years, only alive for mere days before my arrival here.

[But all he's earned is disapproval lately. Sure, it was the fear gas, but in spite of patching things up with Dorian, Tobias still has nightmares that Dorian will leave or toss him aside like he means nothing. Kanaya could scarce believe Tobias respects her or tries to take her advice. Lucy... probably hates him now that he's told her the truth about his relationship with Dorian.

And now, he's telling Laurie and Sasha the truth about himself. Perhaps it is for the best to move in with Dorian. After all, with his track record? He's hardly feeling optimistic about the outcome of this conversation.]

[ The look he gives her when he fesses up, at least partially, is direct and somehow strange. She's tempted to break the eye contact herself, but this whole thing... She doesn't want to be scared or to cower. She asked for the information, she brought the subject up, and she's going to maintain control.

And the explanation he gives... Quiet shock shows on her features first before it settles into something tougher to read, something stuck between differing emotions, with her brow furrowed and her mouth drawn in tight. He seems ashamed, but Laurie doesn't want to have sympathy for him. What he's doing, after all, is mostly likely criminal to say the least, no matter if his life is on the line. ]

That's still not a direct answer to the question. Or-- Let me word it differently. What are you doing here, or what have you done, in order to sustain yourself? Where did the blood come from, exactly? If this is what you need to sustain yourself, how far does it go?

[His answer is low, bitter, and miserable.]

I bit them. I sired them.

[He sighs and swallows and tries to regain his composure.]

Not all at once. Not right away—except for one of them, when I arrived... and didn't know any better.

The sun was high that day, and the ushers who brought us around didn't really help cover me up. I nearly burned up; sunlight does that to me, and it's a very painful process. A very painful death, one that I've already experienced before coming here. [No point mentioning that death was of his own volition.] If I don't feed after taking that kind of damage, I don't recover, and in so doing, I sired and nearly killed one of the natives, Martin. Someone stopped me; she beat me up, actually, but she gave me advice that I've tried to follow since then: no killing. I tried staving off the hunger and using all sorts of alternatives while getting acclimatized here. Days would go by, and I would grow weak and ill... and then, I'd feed again. Terry, Amanda, and Natalie, all sired because of me.

[He takes a deep breath.]

It's easy to get blood on one's clothing when feeding, especially when the most efficient way to get it is to bite someone on the neck. I might be able to go a day, maybe two, without feeding. But not much longer than that; the hunger, the thirst, it's overwhelming. About a month before this discussion we're having, someone used magic to prevent me from going after any more natives... [A small, resigned shrug.] It took me some time to sort out matters with other imPorts before I could secure proper blood sources—Dorian included; nearly everyone knows of his immortality, and he does come from the same world as I do. Probably isn't much of an excuse, maybe I should've fed on him right away, once I found out he was here, and I didn't because of some personal issues.

As for the mess here, in this house, well... One of my negotiations with another imPort went wrong, and I was— [No, he doesn't want to tell them he died, that seems a terrible idea.] —terribly injured. My memory of the whole thing is rather hazy, but I'm guessing he dragged me out and left a terrible mess in his wake. I can assure you he was here for me, not for either of you, but...

[Another sigh.] I just wanted to try having something normal, wanted to be something... normal. I'm sorry. For trying to hide it, for making trouble, making a mess of things. After all that, I understand entirely if you want nothing to do with me.

[Everything about his expression and body language show his guilt, regret, and frustration at his entire confession. He figures he really should've expected as much. Doesn't matter if it's here or back at home, no one can accept the creature he is. Even those who claim understanding to their differences and situations. This is always the result.

He audibly swallows.] So, if it makes you feel safer... I'll go. I'll leave. I'm really... terribly sorry for getting you all caught up in this.

Edited 2015-09-02 12:08 (UTC)

It's not my safety I'm worried about now.

[ If he'd wanted to attack them, to fully drag them into this mess, he'd had ample opportunity. Laurie's not in a position to assume it's true, full-on good will on his part, though, so much as it's proper planning. She or Sasha would've ratted him out if he'd done anything to either of them.

So, still, despite his open guilt and frustration, it's difficult to allow the whole thing to be smoothed over. Despite any desire for normalcy, Tobias has effectively ruined the lives of four natives. Martin, Terry, Amanda, and Natalie don't get to be normal anymore, either, and that's on Tobias. And what of their hunger? Who will they go after in turn?

Her nerves, sudden frustration, and anger have her in a near-trembling state when she speaks again: ] You're ruining people to save yourself. You shouldn't be allowed to walk around like that.

Laurie.

[ Sasha edges toward Laurie nervously, her fingers twitching lightly. She's ready at any given moment to summon her bow and arrow and draw it on Tobias if things escalate. Though tensions run high, Tobias hasn't made any funny moves... yet. It's Laurie Sasha begins to worry about.

Although she's on Laurie's side, despite the sympathy she does feel toward Tobias. It can't be easy to live a life requiring to feed on others, though the thought sickens her to think about the people who Tobias has hurt in the process. There had to have been other ways. It shouldn't have come down to this. ]

Tobias, you could have told us from the start. [ Maybe all of this could have been avoided if he had made an attempt to trust them. ] But Laurie's right... this is wrong.

[He shakes his head in frustration and sits deathly still on the sofa.]

How could I have told you, or anyone else? As much as possible, I've had to hide it whenever I could for the course of not just years or decades, but multiple lifetimes over the course of centuries. All because a monster like me has no place among people. There's no way I could've known for certain who to trust this with, not when it meant being turned away, shunned, or killed so many times past.

[Then, he sniffles and sighs.]

I... never meant to hurt anyone, let alone ruin their lives completely. I tried to take care of one of them, but another imPort has taken all the fledglings as her charges since I didn't really know what I was doing. [Never kept any alive to deal with being turned.] And now, I can't feed on any more natives even if I wanted to; yet another imPort made sure of that.

[He wipes his nose on his arm.]

So if it's any assurance whatsoever, said imPort also made it that I cannot feed on other imPorts without their clear and informed consent.

I don't deny I've made mistakes while trying to do things in the best way possible while transitioning here. There've been times that I'd lost control, in spite of my best efforts. But I know I'm not perfect and would never claim to be... Anyway, the point is, I've been trying. So very hard. To take responsibility and face the consequences and simply live here in this world with natives and other imPorts alike.

[There, he's come out with almost all of it. But the simple knowledge had never been enough in the past, and so perhaps it's not adequate now. Maybe they'll think to out him, or perhaps want him to out himself... not only to all other imPorts, but to all the natives as well. And the cycle will start all over again; he'll be hated and shunned for the creature that he is.

It doesn't matter that he didn't want to die, or that he still doesn't want to, because his choice hadn't made a difference. As a victim who was nearly killed, his life had already been forfeit anyway.

Completely defeated and resigned, ] If that's not enough... what else do you want me to do?

[ Laurie tries to swallow down the little pang of sympathy that rises up at Toby's sniffling, because really. Being turned away, being shunned, being killed-- People face these things all of the time and are still able to own up to themselves. She's been to that same point, too, attacked and killed because of what she is, but she still hasn't bent to the point of sacrificing others for the sake of her survival. She couldn't. She won't.

Saying he's made mistakes is putting it very lightly, and saying that he's tried for responsibility and proper consequence seems almost laughable, honestly. ] It sounds more like you've gotten other people to take your responsibilities and to protect the people of this world.

[ No matter what he says, no matter how much his sniffles and sighs, he's already devalued the lives of those around him for the sake of his own. What does he do about that now? Laurie honestly has no idea. ]

I don't know where you're supposed to go from here, except away. And that has everything to do with what you've done, not what you are. [ You know, before he starts waxing melodramatic about being a vampire again. ]

[ The firmness behind Laurie's words is what surprises Sasha the most. Her eyes flick from the other girl to Tobias, her fingers dangerously still just in case his reaction is not a pleasant one after being told he needs to leave their house.

She doesn't know if it's the right thing to do, but after what Tobias has done even she doesn't feel relatively safe knowing there are people he's hurt and changed forever -- for the worse apparently -- maybe this is the only way. What if he can't curb his hunger one day and turns on either of them or he brings some unsuspecting person back into the house? What if that's already happened and Sasha and Laurie never caught wind of it?

She remains eerily silent, watching for their reactions. ]

[At first, he wordlessly sits on the sofa and processes those damning words before deciding this is another one of those arguments that he could never win. What he's done is intrinsically part of what he is. Much like a carnivore cannot eat insects for sustenance, Tobias cannot change his dietary needs or turn off hunger when he feels it. And so, there seems little more to say on the matter.]

All right. [His voice is quiet; his tone, reluctant.] I'll go... I'll try to be out before the end of next month.

[His gaze goes to the windows, the light held back by the cute, frilled curtains. His expression is sad and tired, and a shudder goes through him when he remembers the feel of dying in sunlight, without Dorian, before inwardly telling himself it was only fear gas. It wasn't real.

This, on the other hand, is very real.

Ugh, now he's getting stupid ideas. Slowly, he rises from the sofa.]

It could take a while moving. Sorry. If you'll excuse me, I'll be retreating to my room, then.

[With that, he starts shuffling away.]

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