maskormenacelogs | semi-closed;

WHO: Ken + castmates/housemates and CR; planned threads
WHERE: Nonah#005, De Chima#001, and various places as needed
WHEN: May 19th to perhaps the 24th
WHAT: the aftermath of this and reconnecting with friends
WARNINGS: like last time, talks of death and suicide and shit

i: Nonah #005; (the prompt is for the 19th, but other days work too)
On the 18th, he left with a note on the refrigerator that he was sleeping over at a friend's with Koromaru and wouldn't be home that day. That, he thought, might keep his housemates from worrying when he didn't show up that night. But Ken ends up home anyway, much later into the night, with a certain blue-haired man in tow, and he curls into bed and falls asleep almost immediately then. When he wakes up, it's past noon and he has a headache but he's feeling oddly refreshed.

There are things he lied to his housemates about. There are things he wants to ask them, and clear up. He doesn't feel like putting on clothes so he just throws his jacket on over his pajamas and steps out of his room. It's a weekday, so he doesn't know who's going to be home, but he has plenty of time. Whenever he comes across someone who's at the house, he shuffles over to them, hesitating just once before mumbling: "Can I sit with you?"

ii: De Chima #001
After the talks at Nonah have been had, De Chima is his next stop. He isn't sure how far the news had spread, if it had at all, but he's sure he'll find out once he's there. It's daunting, but it's hardy the scariest thing he's dealt with at this point... right?

Lies. Facing his friends is the scariest part. Scarier than running off alone with a knife in his pocket and no idea where to go. He's absolutely terrified of confronting them, even if there's a voice in his head whispering that it really wouldn't be a confrontation. It doesn't help the nervous twisting in his gut, though, so he clutches the straps on his backpack as he enters the house.

And the nervousness is overwhelming. He can hardly handle it. It's to the point that the moment he runs into anybody at De Chima #001 and they so much as greet him, he jumps and lowers his head and immediately blurts out a hurried, "I'm sorry!" ... Sorry about that.

iii: a text message
And maybe you're not at either of those houses when he is and Ken still wants to see you, or he feels like going somewhere that's not the houses to talk with you. In such a case, there will be a text from Ken to you, short and to the point. He'd make it more specific, maybe explain more, but he ended up getting nervous and sending it off quickly so the actual message ends up saying nothing more than:

Can we meet up somewhere?

((ooc; I'll likely also make this a catch-all for Ken stuff during June, so if you'd like to do something with him, whether it's about the above stuff of anything else, feel free to shoot me a message at

squigstuff!))

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ Revenge. Kasumi knew that feeling all to well, better than she's ever let on to anyone, probably even to herself. When Shepard helped her get Keiji's graybox back, they had walked out with one less Donovan Hock in existence, and to this day Kasumi isn't sure if that was the way she had intended for things to go. Maybe they weren't supposed to get caught getting it back, but sooner or later the man would have realized the graybox was gone and that only one person would ever dare to get it back. Maybe they could have made their getaway more cleanly and avoided the big confrontation with Hock--but he would have chased her down to the ends of the galaxy until he got Keiji's graybox back, and then he would probably remove hers, too, so that he could finally decrypt the data in Keiji's. The key, after all, is laced within Kasumi's memories of him.

Maybe she could have gone without exploding Hock's gunship into a fiery ball.

But damn, did it feel good.

So the difference between herself and Ken, among other things, is that he tried to kill someone for revenge. She has killed someone--whether or not it was really purposeful or merely an act of self-defense hardly mattered at the rush Kasumi felt, watching Hock's gunship go down in flames. Ken--Ken ostensibly did not succeed at his revenge, but that's quite alright with Kasumi. She doesn't know the details surrounding what happened, but she does know revenge hardly ever is the answer. When she got hers, it just merely happened that way. She'd just wanted to get all that was left of Keiji more than anything, more than any thought of wanting to get back at Hock. Besides, the man was a smugger and an arms dealer in all the wrong circles. (And just a big jerk.)

So she proceeds with her words with trepidation, trying to convey that she understands, but trying to hide just how much she understands. She falters, even just a little, because frankly it's breaking her heart to be having this conversation with such a young boy. Her words don't pass any form of judgment--that's the last thing he needs. Instead, they're just questions, ones that might help Ken open up so he doesn't feel the need to have to bottle anything up. ]

I'm so sorry about your mother, Ken. [ it only seemed fitting to drop the honorific for such a topic. ] What happened when you found the person?

He was a good person. A really, really good person.

[Because it was only an accident. Because Shinjiro never meant to hurt him or his mother. Because Shinjiro didn't walk away from it laughing that he got off scot free, but because it ruined his life as much as it ruined Ken's, too. Because Shinjiro came back to SEES once he heard Ken was there, and he's the reason Ken is still alive, in Iwatodai.]

When I confronted him, we ran into an enemy. When that guy tried to kill me, he took the bullet while protecting me. It just feels so... My friends tell me that I should live, that if I die-- I guess I'd be wasting their lives if I did, wouldn't I?

Oh, Ken...

[ This? This is breaking Kasumi's heart. For such a someone so young to hold so much of a burden--it's upsetting, and it takes a lot out of her to not just give him a hug there and then, because something stops her, holds her back, tells her no, Kasumi, this is not a thing that you do.

What she does do is listen, and when he's finished talking, she reaches over and gives him a gentle pat on the head. That, at the very least, she can do. ]

Not just that, you know. You should live because you deserve to, Ken-kun. Don't forget that.

[How can he? He looks at her, eyes round, mouth closed as he bites back the question. How can he forget? People said that all the time, and he still doesn't understand. What did he to deserve to live? If there's a reason for him to be alive, then what is it? Is he ever supposed to find out?]

I don't know about deserving to, or being supposed to, or anything like that. That's what everyone says... but that's not a real answer. But it's not fair to expect an answer from someone else about something like this.

[ She heaves a little sigh at his response, and her hand slips away from his head, instead skirting the edge of her hood with her fingers (a little restless tick of hers, it seems). It would be easy to say something like, Everyone deserves to live, Ken--

But how could she say that when she's killed countless people?

She purses her lips, then, searching for an answer. He's right; it's not a real answer. ]

Maybe there isn't one. A real answer, I mean.

[He hears her sigh, and he hears her response, and he watches, out of the corner of his eyes, as she touches her hood. Maybe there isn't a real answer.

That would be comforting for him. Then, he would feel less lost. But then he thinks about his mother, and about Shinjiro, and it hurts. Then did they die without any answers, too? Did they have answers for their lives? Did they feel this frustrated when their lives ended so abruptly?]

Isn't that... isn't that hard? To believe in that?

Of course. I don't even know if I believe in that. It's a lot easier to say things like "everyone deserves to live," but...

[ Kasumi turns her head, looking up and away with a far-off glance like the answer must be somewhere else. ]

I suppose that very few people actually get to have their answer when they die. That's very hard to believe, but maybe that's why people always say things like "live life to the fullest," you know?

To the fullest...

I guess so. You-- you really never know, huh? [He sighs.] I hate being a kid. I wanted to get older, all the time, so I could be an adult and maybe I'd have more answers, but that's not necessarily true, huh?

[ That actually surprises a small smile out of her. ]

You get a lot of answers as you grow older, but you know? You start getting tons more questions, too.

Like, when you're younger, you can ask yourself what you're going to be when you grow up, right? But when you get older, you might find out, but then the question turns into, "now how do I get there?"

So. You're never really done with questions and answers. It's just how life is. Trust me--even the adults who seem like they've got it all figured out have their own questions to answer.

I think you also have to worry about "can I really do it?" and "do I really want to?" too. I... thought about it, too. About the stuff I wanted to do before all that, and I can't really remember anymore. It all seems dumb and unrealistic now, but until recently I wasn't really

[He stops. Sighs.]

I wasn't planning on any of that stuff either? I think. So it's gonna be a trip to start trying to think about it again.

[ She reaches over and gives him a pat on the head. ]

It's going to be a trip, for sure, but you don't have to do it alone, you know.

I know. I think that's... I think I'll be able to accept that, from now on. I used to think I had to.

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