maskormenacelogs | And they say that a hero can save us

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And they say that a hero can save us

WHO: Daredevil and Spider-Man
WHERE: Where all good superheroes go to meet: the rooftops
WHEN: the night of 3/14-early morning of 3/15
WHAT: Serous and not-so-serious conversation.
WARNINGS: General superhero problems, mentions of stalking (Harvey Dent...)

[Matt's had too much on his plate to spend as much time as he'd wanted catching up with people. Not even his closest friends, of which Spider-Man is undoubtedly one. There are few people in his life he's known longer, at this point, and almost no one he trusts more. They might have very different approaches to the world, sometimes, but it all meets at the same place, and if he had to ask anyone for details about a missing portion of his life...after Foggy, Spidey would be the first person he'd go see.

A (slightly creepy and unfair) application of his supersenses is the recognition of individual heartbeats; he's always been able to use them to find people, once he catches the sound of one. Tracking Spider-Man's become old hat at this point. All he needs to do is head for the highest ground and wait to catch the sound. If he's out here, Matt will know, and then they can hash everything out. And, though it's not fair to Spidey...Matt thinks he really might need to talk to somebody, right now. He's in over his head and he's not sure he'll get through all of this by himself.]

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[Matt can always tell which way the wind is blowing. It's a curse, really, and he's not sure he wants to continue this conversation down the way that it could go. There's not a lot that's unfinished between them.]

Do we? [As though feigning ignorance will help.] I'm not sure I know what you mean. Is it something we've left unfinished intentionally?

[Spider-Man sighs. He may be years behind Daredevil on their original timeline, but there's one conversation they had before he "left" that he remembers clearly, and he hasn't been looking forward to hashing it out all over again.]

Look, when I agreed not to tell you back home, things were a little different. I didn't understand how the "blindspot" works – or what it could do if I wasn't careful. If we barely knew each other to start with, or if the imPort community were large enough to hide in... I don't want what happened to Hank McCoy [what he did to Hank McCoy] to happen to you.

[Oh, god help him-]

What the hell are you talking about? [Is this one of those things he should remember? Does he just not remember, right now? Or does it- no, he can't dredge anything up.] No, you know. it doesn't matter. I said it before. The fewer people who know, the better. Don't just throw away that protection, not even from me.

Matt. [He leans on the name deliberately.] If I can't trust you of all people with this then I may as well get plastic surgery, change my name and move to a hippie commune in Oregon – you wouldn't want me to be branded as a Commie sympathizer, would you? [Well, that seemed funny until he said it out loud.]

It's better for you to know, at this point. We have enough problems here without my having to talk around you every time I talk to you – besides, I won't pretend I was thrilled when you first found out, but it's been ...weird, not having you know. If there's a risk, I'll take it.

[Which is the real clincher. What happened to Hank was worrisome, but almost certainly a circumstantial outlier given Hank's own mental state at the time Peter accidentally mindwiped him. It would be easy enough to prevent that from happening again without unmasking – except that it's also a convenient justification. Years ago, the idea of anyone, even other heroes, finding out Spider-Man's secret identity was enough to make him break out into a cold sweat. That's still true to some extent. But after Daredevil and Wolverine, after the new Avengers and the Fantastic Four, he's come to realize he doesn't want to be cut off from everyone else in their community. Not even when he has the chance to put the figurative genie back in the bottle.

Spider-Man's not taking off his mask and parading down Main Street any time soon, but Peter Parker can choose to re-trust a friend.]

I don't want to know.

[That's not a total lie. Some part of him does. He knows he used to know, and nothing too terrible happened...at least, not from him. Not as a result of him knowing who Spider-Man really was. At least not compared to all the terrible things in their lives. But Matt's life has been devastated by the revelation of his identity, and obliterated when he finally, publicly, had to confess it to the world to save his friend's life.]

You might not care about the risk, but I do. There's a thousand ways this could go wrong. You run the risk the moment you talk to me outside of costume of exposing yourself to everyone else, especially if I know who you are. [Which would certainly be true, back home, but not so much here, where most people don't know about Daredevil...] I don't have a secret identity anymore. I can't keep one even if I want to. Too many people already know who I am, even here. And there are so many days when I've thought I would do almost anything to stuff the genie back in the bottle, even with the people I loved best. Don't throw that away. You'll need it.

[Peter falters. Over and over again he's gone over the logic in favor of telling Matt, sure if not confident that he's making the right decision, only to have the other man halfway to convincing him in the other direction.]

Ugh. What was I thinking, picking an argument with a lawyer?

You were thinking that we're friends, and that you can trust me with something like this.

[Matt doesn't see, but sometimes he still feels the urge to reach up and rub at the corners of his eyes, as though he could. As though they're tired.]

I would never intentionally betray you, Webhead. It's the unintended consequences I can't account for. We've got more and less to lose, here.

Unintended consequences are exactly what I'm worried about. Maybe it's easier if I just –

["– show you," Spider-Man is about to say, his fingers already tugging at the lip of his mask. And then he starts to laugh.]

Oh, my god. I am such an idiot.

[Despite himself, and Matt's sometimes-terrible lack of humor in serious situations (a lot), he snorts out loud, cracking a grin.]

No no, finish your sentence. You were going to show me, right?

[He's still chuckling – giggling, really – about it as he continues.]

Here, I gotta start from the top. Back at the end of the SHRA civil war back home, Dr. Strange cast some kinda weird spell on me – it keeps people from finding out my secret identity. Everyone forgot – you remember that much – and anyone who came close to finding out would come up with some other explanation, any other explanation that would cover the evidence they had. Unless I unmasked to them, like I did with Luke's Avengers.

So I don't know what would happen if – well, I can't show you my face. I guess you could feel me up if you really wanted, that might work.

[Ah, but this is really the best conversation to be having with a lawyer, even a blind one. The devil's in the details, and the wording is everything.]

Do you remember the specific wording of the spell? I'm assuming it won't work if you just tell me, or you would do that.

I tried that once back in the City and it didn't take.

To be honest, a lot of things from around that time are kind of... not fuzzy, exactly, but vivid in all the wrong places. And the Doc never gave me the details, just told me where to stand – he put me inside some kind of protective shield so that I wouldn't be affected by the spell, but he stayed outside. I pulled MJ -- my girlfriend, Mary Jane -- inside the bubble as well, and that's the only reason she remembered.

[Matt sighs, feeling the beginnings of an irritable headache starting to form behind his eyes.]

Sometimes I have to wonder about Stephen.

[But secretly, he's kind of relieved. If Spidey can't show him, then they don't have to deal with this whole thing. It's not that he's not curious, or not relieved to know exactly what's been blocking his senses for so long. It's just- it's just.]

Webhead, it doesn't matter. Do I really need to know your name? What good would it do?

I respect the hell out of the guy and I'll always be grateful for his help, but yeah, a cheat sheet would have been appreciated.

[Peter laughs again, but this time it's the sort of laugh that's two steps sideways from a groan of frustration.]

I don't know, a resolution to all the emotional whiplash? Aside from everything else, it's -- I know you you are, but you don't know me. Like I said, it's been weird.

[Carefully neutral.] You really don't want to know?

Edited 2014-06-20 05:03 (UTC)

[Last time they'd had this conversation, he'd been brusque. He'd shut it down. His feelings on the matter still haven't changed...but if he thinks about it, he knows that his reasons are kind of flimsy now. Here.]

Stop. You know it's not about that. It's about the protection Stephen gave you, to keep your life intact. The thing that happened to me is the thing all of us have always feared happening ever since we put on the mask. Even for me, I can't let you throw that away.

You, of all people, are not a liability to me, Red. And I'm not a liability to you. If you're not worth telling, then who is?

Assuming I can figure out how to tell you, that is.

I don't think you're a liability.

[Matt sounds tired, for a moment. This is hard. Of course some part of him feels curious, ever since the mystery came up. Just the relief of knowing why, precisely, the answer can't be found is more than what he thought it would be. Why his senses had been fooled. He feels better, for knowing that it's Stephen, and nothing- nothing more serious, nothing more dangerous. But there are reasons, for protection like that. He can't allow one of his best friends in this job to throw it away. Not when he's the poster child for what goes wrong.

On the other hand, it might have helped, to know. Maybe not enough, but not knowing who was behind the mask...it could have been easier, to intercept him, when things started to go wrong. To know what was off, and get to the bottom of it. And what if things go wrong here? Will he have to let it play out all over again? What if something just happens to him, and Matt never knew where to look?

What will happen to Valeria Richards?]

But I am. You understand, if you really want to do this, that I don't have a secret identity anymore. Everybody knows who Daredevil is, even if they don't say it out loud. If you talk to me outside of the costumes, you'll bring suspicion on yourself by association. I can't hide. Even if I wanted to, it wouldn't work. More so than ever here. There are so few of us, and we'll be under scrutiny. I won't bring that on your head, if I can help it.

It doesn't matter who's under the mask. I don't need to know. And I stand by my insistence that you shouldn't throw away that kind of protection, not even for me. Not just because we're friends.

[And he sighs.]

...But, here, I can recognize why you might want me to know. Why I might need to know, one day. If you're willing to take that risk, however peripheral, that comes from knowing me and letting me know, then...here, and only here, I'll agree to try.

[Peter doesn't know enough about the behavior of his future self to be more than mildly apprehensive, but if he did he'd be thinking along parallel lines to Matt's train of thought. It'd be easier for him to take note of the warning signs if he knew Peter Parker was at risk as well as Spider-Man; if push came to shove it'd be easier for him to stop him.

By whatever means necessary.

As things stand, he's made his arguments and his counter-counter-arguments, but truthfully this decision has less to do with logic than it does loyalty. In the end it's another, more personal sort of responsibility than the kind that has him patrolling the streets every night.]

Well, look, we could go back and forth on this in perpetuity -- please note the legalese -- but it's all moot if I can't figure out a way to tell you and make it stick. So on that note...

[He catches at the hem of his mask again, hooks it up over his chin and tugs it off. That gets tucked into his waistband with a little more fussing than strictly necessary. Then he looks up and offers Matt his hand as though they had just crossed paths in the street.]

Hi, I'm Peter Parker. I think we've already met.

Edited 2014-07-24 23:32 (UTC)

[So they're doing this.

Matt takes his hand, and then, just to be sure, touches Spider-Man's face with the other, just barely, palm to cheek. It's a gesture he doesn't make often; his radar allows him some of the privilege of not needing to do things like this, giving him the crude outline of features and telling him where everyone is at all times. The rest of his senses fill in other blanks. It's a little weird to be doing this with one of his oldest friends, here and now, but Matt gives it his best shot. Touches the lines of his face gently, taking in planes and angles. Jaw and chin and cheekbones and the jut of his nose and the hollow spot beneath his eyes. Everything, barely touching him at all. Ruffles his hair a little bit for good measure. Might as well be thorough about it.

Whether or not that's what did the trick, something works. Peter Parker. Yes, he can see the connection now, insomuch as he sees anything these days..]

Peter Parker. [It's spontaneous, the way he grins, suddenly. He knows that name.] Pete, you sly asshole. Hiding in plain sight under Jameson's nose?

[Peter closes his eyes as Matt's hand skims over his face. The touch is feather-light and ticklish, unfamiliar for all their long acquaintance. It should feel awkward, but Peter's too busy trying not to sneeze onto Matt's palm to put much thought into it. That, and mentally crossing his fingers that this will work to break the block.

When the other man actually reaches up and ruffles his hair, he makes a token noise of protest, but he already knows it's a victory. He breaks into a grin to mirror Matt's: take that, mystery magic MacGuffin.]

Hey, I needed the cash, he didn't ask enough questions. He was going to slag on me anyway, so why not pay my rent out of it?

[Although... that hadn't been the status quo between him and J. Jonah Jameson for some time, even before the firing that immediately preceded his arrival in the City.]

Matt, how much do you remember? Of when you knew before, I mean.

[Matt's brow furrows as he tries to come up with a satisfactory answer to that. If his memory is missing pieces of his time with Spider-Man, he can't quite be entirely certain of anything. He's known that Spidey has come to see him unmasked- and now he knows who was standing there all that time. A name for it.]

God, I don't know, Peter. I can't be sure. You've talked to me without your mask on here, and I knew I was taking to Spider-Man. It's not like I've ever known what you looked like. I don't think about people in terms of sight anymore. I know you because of this- [He taps Peter on the chest, directly over his heart.] and the fact that you still slouch like a high school student. And the godawful smell of your webbing. Things like that.

Godaw-- there's nothing wrong with the way my webbing smells. And I don't slouch. [Having previously been folded nearly in half, he swings his legs over the roof edge and straightens to a normal sitting position.]

Yes, you do, and yes, it does.

[But Matt doesn't sound in the least bit judgmental about it right now. He's busy racking his memory, trying to come up with anything.]

I remember you coming to talk to me during...when I quit being Daredevil and decided to be the kingpin of Hell's Kitchen. Without your mask. And you in my office, asking me to help Felicia. I know you were there. Just not who you were. Thank god for being blind?

[Peter scoffs, but lets it pass. It's not exactly important right now, and while lack of importance has never stopped him from fixating on anything, his mind's focused on the yet unsolved puzzle before them.]

But do you remember knowing who I was, now? Because back then you did. I mean, for both those conversations you knew I was Peter Parker -- that time in Hell's Kitchen, you were the only one who did.

[He remembers how nervous he'd felt at the time, standing in that park. Worried that he was exposing himself to one too many people, or that some passer-by would see him with Matt Murdock, Luke Cage and Reed Richards, and put one and three together. But even more worried for Matt, who was either setting himself up for a fall from a great height or -- worse -- nowhere near falling at all.

It's as though their positions have switched, these days: Matt has far less trust in his own resilience than Peter does.]

Do you remember the Sin-Eater case? That was the first time you found out. I didn't think of it that way at the time, but you and me sharing our secret identities was the only good thing to come out of that.

[Damn it, Stephen. Matt doesn't like this idea that his memory's been fuddled with, in particular because it's so complete. Not having pieces of his life properly laid out for him, someone who is so dependent on what they can sense in the world.]

I- didn't. [But now that Peter says it, he does. Because it happened, didn't it? They just made Matt forget. But now he knows, and there's no point to the forgetting.] Not that part. But I remember it now. And I remember meeting you later, and not knowing, but now I know I would have.

[And it's giving him a huge headache.]

I'm really sorry about all this mess.

[The words come out with helpless sympathy, which makes them a well-meaning lie. Because Peter chose this for Matt, even if he didn't quite understand what the consequences would be. And though he regrets some of those consequences, and has done everything he can to undo them, he knows that if pressed he would make the same decision all over again. Probably Matt's guessed that, as well.]

[Matt sighs, on the other end of the line. The mess is the mess, no matter what.]

It is what it is. [Another sigh, before a careful confession:] I can't really blame you. I asked Stephen once if there was a way to take things back. After you came to talk to me in the park. After you revealed yourself to other people, to talk to me. I remember that part now.

[There are still days sometimes when Matt wishes it had never happened. That there had been some way to make it all go away. But one thing Matt's learned how to do is live with the consequences of his life. If he'd made everyone forget his identity...Karen would still be dead. It wouldn't change anything.]

[Peter shifts and rubs the back of his neck. It's not that he doesn't appreciate that Matt appreciates the risk that Peter took for him, but having it stated out loud like that makes it seem... bigger.]

Friends don't let friends become criminal masterminds.

[A pause, and then:]

There's one more donut if you want it.

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And they say that a hero can save us

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man I wish this were so better outlined just makes shit up I suppose

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