maskormenacelogs | and in the dark, i can hear your heartbeat

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and in the dark, i can hear your heartbeat

WHO: Riku

mirroredmemory
WHERE: Heropa park
WHEN: Early evening, April 1
WHAT: The boys have questions; Xion may have answers.
WARNINGS: Not yet.

He's waiting. Just sitting here, fingers curled in the hem of his sweater, communicator a rectangular lump in his pocket. It's a matter of time until both Roxas and the girl get here -- Xion, his brain says to him, almost exasperated with himself. You know this. But he doesn't, or does he? His brain feels like a jumble of things he thought were true and things he is learning were a lie.

Riku gets up abruptly, suddenly feeling like he needs to stretch his legs. Maybe physical activity will quiet his mind. He doesn't have much hope that this is so, but it can't hurt. It's better than sitting here brooding while he waits.

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When she went away. He frowns, looking away across the park, unsure what he wants to say to her about this. It sounds like a euphemism, he's sure it is, but for... death? Maybe, or something close to it. But why would that... keep him from remembering?

He looks back at her after a long moment, eyes searching for answers even as he speaks. "There's something to remember now, though. Since you're back again."

"How much do you remember? Is it just my name or do you remember anything else?"

Maybe that's the best place to start; work out what he knows and fill in the gaps where she can. But then she remembers what he said about Roxas getting his memories messed up and she can't help but worry about that. There's an awful lot she hopes he doesn't remember, especially the end.

"Did- did Roxas tell you what memories he has of me? Because I never meant any of it, I never meant those things I said to him but I had to! I knew if I didn't then they were going to destroy him and it had to be him who was allowed to go on, not me."

If she stopped for a moment to consider how strange her words might have sounded, she wouldn't have been so talkative, but right now, remembering that panicked look on her best friend's face as he'd turned and ran from her is upsetting enough to warrant such an outburst.

"Riku... is Sora okay? Is he awake now? Nothing bad's happened to him, right?"

"I remember... meeting you before. But I don't know where, I just know I did. And that I probably hurt your feelings." But he's really good at doing that to everybody, so that isn't that much of a surprise.

"He didn't." He listens to the stream of words racing from her mouth and nods quietly, listening to her talk. She's helping him put the pieces together, slowly. But -- Sora?

"He woke up, yeah. It's been a while since then. We got home," he adds, a bittersweet smile coming to his lips. We got home, and then I got dragged away. But he doesn't say all that, yet. "I did some bad things to make it happen, but..."

"I'm glad he's okay. I know that the Organization did terrible things to him, to his memories..."

She clasps her hands together in front of her chest, willing herself to stay calm and explain it all rationally, telling herself that everything worked out okay in the end and Riku can't be angry with her for it all, he wasn't the first time and he knows it wasn't her fault, right?

Except he doesn't, not right now.

She takes a deep breath.

"We've all done bad things Riku. When it comes to helping someone you love, like a best friend, you would do anything to keep them safe, even if it's something that hurts them."

'You both think you can do whatever you want. Well I'm sick of it. Go on, you just keep running!'

She closes her eyes and tries to forget about the pain she remembers in Axel's voice in Twilight Town the last time they'd seen each other. Perhaps now she should start to explain.

"I don't exist anymore back home," she says, quickly, like pulling off a band-aid. "I wasn't- I wasn't what the Organization- I was supposed to be their puppet. That's why they created me. But I couldn't let them use me for what they wanted anymore, I knew it was wrong, and if I let them then Roxas would-"

The grip she has on her hands tightens, the leather of her gloves creaking audibly.

"I don't know how to tell you all of this, I don't even know how to tell Roxas and he's my best friend, I don't want to hurt him anymore."

"You don't exist." Well, that explains... why he can't remember her. Or couldn't, because his memories are rearranging themselves even as they're talking.

He shakes his head, half-wanting to step forward and hold her but then he realizes it's because he can't help but see her the way he sees Kairi or Sora. So instead he stays in place, but he reaches forward anyway, trying to... he doesn't know what he's trying to do. What he does do is put his hand on her linked ones, trying to ease them apart gently.

After a moment, he speaks again. "Just.... you're doing fine. There isn't one way to go about this. And it's... a unique situation." Even when Roxas went back to Sora, he still existed. Riku never forgot, just like Axel never forgot, or Sora never forgot. So why... did they forget Xion?

Riku gave him ten minutes to get here, but Roxas was a long way from the park and dark corridors just aren't a thing anymore. Besides, part of him is still terrified of the implications of whatever this girl has to say for herself. So maybe he doesn't take a slow walk to the appointed meeting place...but he doesn't run as fast as he could.

But soon enough he's there, and he spots the two of them before they can see him. They're already talking—he can't blame Riku for starting right away. He wouldn't able to hold back his curiosity, either. But instead of making his presence known, he takes a slight detour that aligns with small treeline edging one of the paths. He may have had powers before arriving in this world, but one of them is new. Roxas can blend in with the shadows, practically invisible—they won't see him until he wants them to.

His eyes go wide as she speaks, and he starts to see her again, in more memories. With him and Axel, in the castle with the other Organization members—she's there. She was always there. And with the memories comes something else—a name.

"Xion."

Roxas steps out of the shadows.

Being reassured works wonders. She's still struggling, but knowing that she has a patient audience, that she can take her time to explain all that happened, it's a comfort to her. At Riku's coaxing, she loosens her grip on her hands and looks up at him again.

"I was cre-"

And then she hears her name again, coming from another familiar voice, and she turns and sees Roxas emerging from the shadows and the words catch in her throat.

"Roxas!"

Of course. It makes sense to explain it to them both at the same time, to lay all the cards on the table before them and have no more secrets... but if he doesn't remember... if he doesn't remember how she met her end... she's not sure she can bring herself to tell him.

She looks between them both, relieved but uncertain, and lets her hands fall to her side.

"Maybe it would be better if I start from the beginning. I know you two have questions."

He lets his hand slide slowly from hers, looking up when Roxas arrives. Suddenly the park smells like both of the others and he wonders how he never noticed that Roxas was here at all, but that's a question he puts on hold for later.

Riku nods, stepping to the side just a little so that Roxas can join them. It's weird, standing here with the two of them. Remembering what he said to Xion, seeing her face not as this black-haired almost-Kairi but as Sora's, and he frowns to himself, looking away for a moment.

"I have less questions than I did. My memories... feel like they're getting back to how they should be. But... if you want to tell us your side of the story, that might be easiest. After all, each of us only knows so much."

"I know enough," Roxas says quietly. And he does—with every moment that passes in her presence, he remembers more. Number Fourteen, the Organization member that wasn't really part of them, but was, because she was a person and Roxas' friend and he didn't care if she was a replica.

She was Xion. How could he have forgotten?

Hesitantly, he reaches for her hand. If he hadn't run away before, he'd have remembered everything faster, wouldn't he?

Xion forgets how to breathe for a second.

It shouldn't be possible for either of them to have any sort of memory of her, Naminé had said it herself:

If you return your memories to him, you'll disappear. And since everything about you was built on those memories...no one will remember you when you're gone. There won't be any "you" to remember. I can't save you, Xion--even a memory of you.

But here's Riku, telling her his memories are coming back and Roxas says he knows enough... that makes her want to start explaining things, to apologise for everything she did, that there had been no choice and she's sorry, she's so, so sorry and he must hate her for what she made him do-

He reaches for her, and Xion is so relieved that she bypasses his hand entirely and hugs him fiercely.

Riku watches this display silently, and smiles gently to himself. This meeting... he's honestly so pleased with the way it came out. He and Roxas came here knowing next to nothing and now it's like there's a whole segment of his life he's uncovered. It's -- well, it's honestly amazing.

His brain flashes back to a conversation he had with Roxas, it had to be almost last month -- where he almost choked on how far into his mouth he ended putting his foot. But now Roxas has Xion here with him, and that's...

He's happy for him, but at the same time he can't help but feel sorry for himself. Because where he felt almost like he and Roxas should stick together, the only castaways from their world here, now it's not like that -- Roxas has someone from home to be with, and Riku's friends are still... not here. He hates that selfish vein of jealousy running through him, but there it is.

For a moment he considers just leaving, even though it's him that called this meeting in the first place. But instead he stays, though he looks away, trying to give them a little bit of a moment alone. It's... kind of awkward, though.

For a few moments, Roxas nearly forgets that Riku's here with them, and that wouldn't be such a bad thing to forget, compared to what he's gained now that it's all come back to him.

They never hugged this way before—back then, before he had even fake memories to give him an idea of what "normal" was like, physical affection wasn't a thing in the Organization. (Neither was affection, even the hollow, faked kind, for that matter.) But this is completely normal, and he doesn't hesitate to hug Xion back as tightly as he can.

"Xion," he says again, mumbling into her shoulders, eventually pulling back because he has to, and because there's still more to say. His eyes are bright, but he won't cry, because the last time he cried, he was sad, and now he's happy.

Plus he hasn't completely forgotten that Riku is here, and some things a guy just doesn't do.

"How are you here?" A horrible thought strikes him—Riku had said something about what if Axel arrived here before the end. What if that happened now, with Xion? "What do you...remember?"

"I don't know," she says, looking from Roxas to Riku and then back again. "I don't know how I'm here. It's not supposed to have turned out like this- I'm not supposed to be anything anymore, I don't understand how any of this could have happened."

She turns to Riku now, looking bewildered. If anyone can help work out what they need to do, it's Riku, right? There's a little voice inside Xion, and she's not sure whether it's her own or some tiny part of Sora reassuring her, but it tells her to have faith in Riku and that he can help, because he's Riku, and he's helped her before. He respected her enough to let her make her own decision, and perhaps now that they're all here together she can tell him just how greatly she appreciated that gesture of kindness from the one person who really did have a good reason not to show her any.

"I feel like I should be asking you two that, about what you remember, because Naminé said to me when I... when I was gone, there wouldn't be anything left to remember and you two do remember me and it just doesn't make any sense. I wish I knew more."

She hangs her head and looks at her feet.

"The last thing I remember was... the sky. It was sunset, and it was beautiful."

He's still kind of half-letting them do their thing, but when Xion addresses him, he faces them properly again. He looks thoughtful, mind turned now to the situation at hand instead of the patch of darkness he'd been entertaining. "Seems to me we can only compare all three of our recollections and see if we're missing anything. I... can only tell you the things that I know, after all. I think I remember everything now, though -- meeting you the first time, and everything. And when you asked me about your choice." He frowns -- he's pretty sure Roxas has no idea about those things. It's not like they ever compared notes or anything.

He pauses, thinks of something she already said. Her memory... sunset immediately makes him think of Twilight Town, even though lots of other worlds have sunsets too. And the amount of time the Organization spent there makes him think it probably was. But her last memory... implies that that's where she died, isn't it? That's not something he witnessed, after all, but it'd be awkward to ask straight up now that he's made the connection. Wouldn't it?

"So then... what happened after that? I wasn't there." He turns to Roxas, lifting a brow. "What about you?"

Instantly Roxas knows that she remembers all of it, right up until the end. It's not from anything she specifically says—Namine could have said that to her almost anytime, and they've seen hundreds of sunsets together, all of them beautiful. The one she just mentioned could be any of them.

It isn't.

He swallows hard and doesn't meet either of their eyes. "I don't want to talk about that."

The brief time between when Xion literally slipped from his grasp and when he met Riku again doesn't matter to anyone but himself and maybe her, later, if he can open up that part of him. He wouldn't to anyone else; maybe not even Sora.

"I saw you at outside the castle a little while later," he says after a moment, folding his arms. "And you know the rest."

But Xion doesn't, he realizes. She can't. And it's not going to be easy filling her in.

The atmosphere surrounding the three of them is so tense, Xion doesn't know if she should ask what had happened after she died. Perhaps she would be better off not knowing.

But she does want to know. She wants to know that she made the right decision, that the Organization were stopped and all those hearts they'd captured were set free.

"What happened?" she asks quietly. "Did you two fight the Organization together?"

That's what she hopes happened. For some reason she has a feeling that it might not have happened that way.

But then she remembers something important, something she hasn't asked about yet and the realisation makes her feel terrible.

"Was Axel with you? How is he?"

"Sort of."

Fighting the Organization together... well, Sora did a lot of it. So Roxas could take credit for that, if he wanted to. Though Riku doesn't really think he would want to.

"Sora and I fought Xemnas together. Their Kingdom Hearts is gone now." So she did... in the end, make a difference. That's essentially what she wants to know, isn't it?

He looks at Roxas, though, when Xion asks her question. It might be better for Roxas to tell her the things she wants to know about their friend.

"That's not... a question for me," he replies quietly, gaze still on Roxas. It's for Roxas to make the decision to tell her, not him. Isn't it?

He meets Riku's eye for a moment—just a moment—and hopes he can see the gratitude Roxas feels for that. It's not a question for Riku, but he could have answered it anyway.

"I can tell you more, but not now," he says then, looking back at Xion. "It's a long story. But the worlds are okay now. You don't have to worry about the Organization anymore."

Not everything is okay. Outside of this world, the two of them are gone. But she'd always been the unselfish one; she'd want to know this much.

"Did you register? Where'd they put you?"

Xion releases a breath that she doesn't even realise she'd been holding. So. Everything had been okay in the end after all. She hadn't had to give up everything for nothing. The mistakes she had made helping the Organization had been put right.

"I think... I'm more worried about what they want from us here than the Organization now," she admits. "I'm in Heropa, I live in house number 6. I did register. I didn't see what else I could do, I didn't know anybody here."

But she smiles in relief now, looking between the two boys.

"But I know that's not true now. I'm really glad you two are here."

Riku nods, looking thoughtful. "Well, you're not too far from either of us, then. We're both in Heropa, too." Not that he knows Roxas's exact house number or anything. He's never been there, and he's not a stalker, no matter what he seems like sometimes. "It'll be nice... to be able to get together."

Not that he's sure Roxas will be up for that or anything. But it's nice to think that there's someone from home who his presence won't bother.

"I'm glad... we were both able to see you again." Catching up like this is a one-in-a-million chance, isn't it? With Xion, of all people. "I knew there were places where I was missing time, so it's nice to figure out where those memories went. You know?"

Had he known? Huh. Roxas hadn't even really noticed those holes, huge as they were. It makes him feel like a pretty rotten friend—but not worse than overlooking all he had back when they were in the Organization does.

"Being here is like a second chance for us, Xion," he says. "I don't know if we'll always be here or not—maybe it's for good, maybe it isn't. But we've got this time and that's what matters."

This time he'll look after her. This time he'll keep her safe.

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and in the dark, i can hear your heartbeat

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