maskormenacelogs | [ Closed ]

[Touka, on the other hand, isn’t paying much attention to where she’s going at all – simply drifting through the streets with a faraway look on her face. Somewhere, in the back of her mind, she knows she should be trying to get to know the area, but she can’t bring herself to care. There’s still too much to take in…and too much that she’s unfamiliar with to process it all at once.

Luckily though, most coffee shops feel more or less the same no matter where you are…And being there sounds more appealing than staying in her new apartment. She moves towards the first shop that she spots – not feeling particularly picky about the location right now. Just a cup of coffee and a quiet place to think sounds nice. Maybe it’ll feel a bit like home.

But honestly…even going up to the register to place an order feels strange. She’s used to being on the other side of the counter, after all.]

[ Kaneki registers a girl coming inside the shop, but he insists on reading the first few lines of the page he just turned first. However, it's like something tells him to look up - a smell, perhaps. Different than a human's - and his eye finally meets that person. And Kaneki freezes in place momentarily, because it's Touka. He has seen her a day before arriving here, but he never expected to see her here, of all the places.

He forgets the coffee or where they are and he gets up without much problem or even caring if people realize there is a white-haired guy with an eyepatch standing there - it's pretty obvious and pretty unusual, even for North American standards. It doesn't matter at all, and he approaches to stand right in front of Touka, a small smile on his lips, tired but above all, glad. ]

Touka-chan.

[ The way they parted wasn't the best, but in the end, Kaneki feels that she might have been right. He did a lot of things he is no longer sure they were the right things to do. Joining Anteiku again, he isn't sure if it is either, but he has decided to return and he will. Touka was angry and him, and she was right to. It's fine. He has pushed her away and she is right to be angry.And even if she said for him to keep away, that's fine too. It won't change a thing, it won't change how he cares for her and how he wishes to protect her.

And here in this world, he will do it too. He will protect her. But this time, he won't push her away. ]

[Touka hadn’t been looking – hadn’t been expecting to see anyone she knows around here. Honestly, what were the chances? Even if someone else had ended up in this place, how would they find each other? She sure didn’t expect to run into anyone on her first trip out. She sure as hell didn’t expect to run into Kaneki.

But all of a sudden, as she’s starting to turn away from the counter, there he is. Standing right in front of her. Just…just there. Touka’s so startled that she nearly drops the cup of coffee she just picked up.]

Wha…What…[What are you doing here?

She can’t finish the sentence. She can’t even bring herself to move from where she’s standing – unaware of the backup she’s causing in the line at the register. She just…stays there, blinking at him. Trying to make sure he’s real.

Until yesterday, she’d gone months. Months without seeing so much as a trace of him. And now they’ve met for the second day in a row. It was already more than she would’ve expected…after beating him to a pulp and saying all those things to him.

But he is here. And smiling at her of all things.

Touka finds herself happy to see it. Even if it’s a small smile…It reminds her more of the Kaneki she knew. The Kaneki that she worked with at Anteiku.]

[ Kaneki opts not to answer to her obvious question and instead he looks behind her at the people waiting in line. His smiles brightens at them and the white head tilts to the side ] Ah, I'm sorry.

She is just arrived.

[ and that is enough for them, because it means they are imPorts and OH BOY Touka, did you ever wish to be a super hero? because that's how people see imPorts, welcome to this world ENJOY YOUR STAY.

kaneki comes closer, to leave money at the register and pay for Touka's coffee instead, and with one last smile he gently pants Touka's shoulder so she'd follow him. The smile he offered the waiter behind the counter drops just a bit but doesn't leave, as he heads back to his seat where the cup of coffee still waits for him ]

[Touka follows his gaze to the line that’s formed behind her – suddenly remembering where she is. Why…why were they all smiling at her? ~~If this is what being a superhero’s like then THANKS BUT NO THANKS.~~

After a quick apology, she marches over towards Kaneki’s table – feeling the gaze of the other people burning into her back. But that’s easier to ignore once she’s standing next to him again.]

I can pay for my own drink, you know.

[A window seat. And a book on the table next to a cup of coffee. Now this is a familiar sight. It’s like he’s already settled in here.

She sets her own drink down next to his, but doesn’t sit down just yet.]

I know. But I wanted to give you something, Touka-chan, as a welcome. [ because, of course, she has just arrived. She hasn't posted to the network, and Kaneki has only been gone from this world a few days (even if he was over half year in his world; timeskips and timejumps are apparently pretty normal in this place and he will try not to think too hard about it yet). Not to mention, she looks a bit lost and overwhelmed, which is only natural.

Kaneki motions for her to sit down with him, while he takes his seat and pushes the book away. Not that it'd distract him, but he wants her to understand she has his full attention. ]

Touka - [ he speaks softly ] I know everything is a bit confusing right now and you probably have a lot of questions.

[Touka watches him carefully before sitting down – taking note of everything he does. It already seems like there’s something a little different about him from yesterday, but she’s not sure how. He seems more…attentive. And more willing to talk. He’d been the one to approach her this time, after all. That thought alone is enough to make her feel optimistic.

After the way they’d parted, she wasn’t sure if she’d be seeing him again at all. Even if she could, she wouldn’t take back the things she said…But she hadn’t wanted to scare him off either. Not for good. And right now, it feels like she’s getting a second chance with him. Maybe things could go differently this time.

She makes an effort to give him the same attention he’s giving her – resting her hands on her lap and looking him straight in the eye.]

Yeah…Yeah, I guess I do. [She has plenty of questions, but there’s one in particular that she wants to ask first.]

What about you, though? You’re talking like you know your way around already.

[ Willing to talk... well, it'd depend. If it's about things happening in their world, there is still much Kaneki will simply look to the side and avoid answering, there is still much he isn't ready to answer yet from the lack of decision. But right now, he has to talk to her; not only he wants to, but he has to - about this world, about the current situation.

(The moment she flips on the network and reads the last month's entries and sees Kaneki being dismembered by a Dove, things would get ugly. )

he can talk about that. And even if Touka did what she did, Kaneki doesn't blame her at all. he is still trying to figure everything out, but maybe she was right. ]

I have been here for six months. [ he will explain, because he realizes it sounds absurd. ] The day Aogiri tree went to Anteiku [ and kidnapped Kaneki ] I woke up in this world like you did, and I lived here for six months until I was returned to our world to the exact same point in time when I left.

And after spending over half year in our world, I was sent back here once more, though only five days had passed.

[While Touka does want to talk about it, she won’t force him to either. At least…not yet. There’s no point in rushing, not when there isn’t even an Anteiku here to begin with. Besides, she’d already made her own opinions pretty clear.

Right now, she wants to keep things open between them, so talking about things like this will be fine. It’d be nice to just…have him in her life again. But if he tries to pull the same crap he did before, she won’t be able to stay quiet either.

At his explanation though, she presses a hand to her head.]

What…what the hell? What kind of time does this place run on?

[She wouldn’t have believed a word of this if she weren’t already here and experiencing it firsthand. But on top of everything else, this whole timeline thing is making her head spin.]

Six months, huh. That’s…a long time to be away. [It is, isn’t it? A lot can happen in half a year.]

[ he is not surprised by her reaction and instead he smiles a bit, mostly apologetic than anything. Aha, he knows Touka, he knows ] I know it's confusing. When Hide arrived, he was 3 months into the future compared to my time point. [ he remembers being scared that he was kidnapped and was missing for 3 months; he remembers how he feared he was dead back home.

Aha.

That sort of happened.

Well. Not dead. he re-arranged himself, in some ways. ]

It feels a bit like a movie. Or a comic book. [ heroes. That's what they are called. Except right now, Kaneki is a "criminal".

But it's Touka's comment that makes him nod softly. Yes. A lot of things can happen in half a year. Your hair can turn white, you start cannibalizing your own kind, turn into a Kakuja, find out Rize is alive, hear about the One Eyed Owl. So much happened. ]

I arrived here... the next day after I talked to Yoshimura-san and he told me his story. After you and I met, too. [ and she beat the shit out of him. ]

Yeah. It’s the same with me, actually. Yesterday was the first time you showed your face since you left. [The first time he showed his face to her, anyway. And only after she chased him down.] So it’s the same day for us…That’s some dumb luck, I guess.

[If nothing else, at least she knows where she stands with him. Well…she’s on the same page with him timeline-wise, anyway. Anything else, it’s too soon to say.

Honestly, as weird as it is, learning about all this time-skipping is something of a relief. It meant that, whenever she managed to get home again, she could pick up right where she left off. Anteiku, her exams, Yoriko...Everything would still be there.]

Hold on a sec though- you said Hide’s here too? But I…I only just [~~had a long talk with him about you over coffee~~] saw him the other day.

[ that is what he wanted to know, too. In a way it's easier, but in another it may not be. Mostly because they were left at a standstill they couldn't continue here in this world. At least. At least, not the way it'd truly go. Not the way he can make things go. Things are complicated here, just like they were back home, but it's a different kind of complicated that Kaneki still needs some time to think over. There is a lot to be done, there is a lot left to do and he didn't have the chance to do them yet; only after he can direct himself.

With Touka here... well, he certainly will take her in account. Because he is still set on protecting everyone, but she was right that day when she punched him, at least some part of it. He can't just do everything alone; he can rely on others. He can be with them. leaving is not the right path.

About Hide, Ken nods. ] He has been here since January - for two months now. I was here when he arrived and he was from a further time ahead. Right now, he is from a time before you and I.

[ but- he has to know ] When did you see him? [ a beat ] Was he alright? [ kaneki hadn't had the chance to speak to Hide yet, back in their world ]

[It probably would’ve been complicated no matter what time period they’d come from. Touka can’t imagine what it would’ve been like if she’d met a Kaneki who hadn’t gotten kidnapped by Aogiri yet. It would’ve been a shock, that’s for sure.

When he asks about Hide though, it brings a small smile to Touka’s face. She’s glad to be able to give him some good news.]

It wasn’t very long before I saw you. He was fine. We talked for a while, actually…It was nice.

[Touka pauses – considering her choice of words, and looking down into the cup of coffee for a moment. Hide had been…he’d been fine in the sense that he was safe. But his best friend had still been missing for months. Just how alright could someone be after that?]

Don’t you think he deserves to know the same about you? That you're alive for starters?

[ he is so glad to hear. Hide said he was working along with the CCG to find Kaneki, and that had worried him, but knowing he is fine after 6 months is a huge relief ~~wait until you get canon updated again, ken~~

He smiles at the thought and finally his hand reaches for his cup of coffee, still eying Touka. ]

I know. And I want to tell him. [ there is a small pause ] I disbanded my group and I'm still going to go back to Anteiku. [ even if Touka told him to stay away, he is coming back ] Banjou-san, Ichimi, Jiro and Sante, Hinami-chan... we are all coming back. [ he ponders if he should add, but eventually he does ] Tsukiyama too. [ IT'S OK TOUKA HE KNOWS YOU WON'T APPROVE.

but anyway- ]

I will tell Hide that, too. That he no longer needs to search for me. [ because he knows Hideyoshi has been looking for Ken, Hide told him so here. That he'd never give up until they found each other again ]

Edited 2015-03-06 08:18 (UTC)

[Coming back…to Anteiku? Just…like that? It’s what Touka’s been hoping to hear him say, for a long time now (~~THAT NASTY GUY TSUKIYAMA EXCLUDED, WTH KANEKI~~) and for a moment, that sentiment shows through on her face.

But then all her memories of yesterday come flooding back in an instant, and suddenly she feels a little cautious about being happy.

Maybe…maybe it’s just hard to believe he’s really serious about it, when he’d been so adamant about staying away this whole time. And then only yesterday, he'd said he wasn't sure what to do. But she hasn’t noticed him touch his chin since they’ve started talking, so he wasn’t hiding anything. She’d have to thank Hide for telling her about that, next time she sees him.

Reaching for her own cup, she takes a small sip and tries to process everything he said. She doesn’t even taste the coffee.]

So you want to come back, huh? What made you change your mind?

[ Kaneki is silent for a moment. he changed his mind because he thinks Touka might have been right to an extend. To do all of it alone was a mistake, and to change the way he did- why did he, in the end? Why did the have to change like that?

he wishes to protect everyone, and all he did was for that, but he doesn't know if the way he went about it was right. If he had known everything from the start, would have things been different, he wonders? Would have he changed the way he did?

he was wrong. His desire to protect everyone like that and keep everyone safe without ever accepting their presence because Kaneki's sort of world it'd taint theirs... he shouldn't have done it like that.

And if he was wrong, he should start anew. Go back to what he was, he doesn't think he can. But at least pick off where he left. ]

I was wrong. It was hard for me to see it because I was so set on my objective. It hasn't changed, I still want to protect everyone and keep everyone safe - but I think I went about it the wrong way. [ a small sigh, as he recalls Touka's words. he can't fully agree he is doing it out of his own satisfaction, so he wouldn't be alone. He can't ~~yet, wait for your canon update~~, but- ] I tried to push everyone away from the world I drowned myself in and live in it myself- I shouldn't have done that. I shouldn't try to struggle alone, not when I always had everyone's support.

Even yours, Touka-chan.

[There’s plenty that Touka wonders about sometimes- …a lot of the time too. Like what would’ve happened if Kaneki hadn’t rejected her offer to travel with him. Or if he’d never left Anteiku in the first place. Or…or what things would’ve been like if Aogiri had never gotten a hold of him. When she remembers him from back then, she feels a tight ache in her chest.

None of that’s anything they can change now, but he can try to pick up where he left off. And hearing him say that – admitting he was wrong, at least in part, is a big first step.]

You realized that much, but you still can’t see the whole picture, huh?

[~~That damn canon update again~~. The remark was mostly to herself. She really is glad, though - more than she can admit out loud without embarrassing herself.]

Well…Having some extra workers around again doesn’t sound too bad. It’d take some of the load off me, so…I guess I’d be okay with you coming back. [The words aren’t anything special, but there’s a smile on her face and a softness to her voice that do show how happy she is to have him return.]

There is a lot I see, Touka. But I don't know for sure if it's the right thing or not. I can't say for sure that i know what I'm going to do for certain, as well.
[ Right now, he is focusing on other things. Keeping the people he cares about in this world safe.That's what he must do now. Focus on his world when they return to it, since they won't remember their stay in this one. here things are different, but the objective isn't; Kaneki has to change his methods or at least adapt them in order to reach what he wants: everyone's safety.

he doesn't think Touka was completely right in what she said. Or at least, this is how he insists it to be. That he did everything to protect others, and keep everyone safe, his reason wasn't that selfish. maybe there is a tiny truth to it but- honestly, Kaneki wants to take everyone's pain. he did so with Banjou, and he wants to do so with everyone. It took him a while to realize it's alright to share the weight, but he now knows that can be done too - this is how far he has gotten.

But that's in their world. In this one... Kaneki has to think things carefully. ]

I won't go back to being a waiter. I think i'd rather stay in the backstage, like Yomo-san does. [ he thinks it's for the best, too. Kaneki smiles a little at her, though ] But I will be there.

I promised I wouldn't leave you, Touka-chan. [ he never truly left. He was always there doing everything he could to protect her. But this time, he will show his face. ]

Edited 2015-03-09 13:41 (UTC)

[She’s fine with him staying behind the scenes, as long as he’s there at all. But when she hears that last comment, her face falls.]

You already did leave me, though. And don’t give me more of that “silent protector” bullshit.

All this time, you knew where to find me. You could keep me at arm’s length – check in on me whenever you felt like it. Hell, you could even leave a gift for my friend to deliver, but never actually have to show your face.

[She reaches into one of her pockets, then holds out the little rabbit keychain in a shaking hand. The same one he’d given her. It was one of only two things she still had when she arrived here.]

But it was never a two-way street, was it? I never knew where you were, what you were doing, or even if you were okay.

[Her free hand balls up into a fist – trying hard to prevent herself from losing it again…It’s not quite as bad as yesterday, but she still can’t keep the anger out of her voice.]

If that’s not being left alone, then what is?

[ yes, he has done all of that and he was wrong. She is right to be angry at him and this is why he won't try to argue back. Because she IS right.

he has told her, he has done things the wrong way. Pushing her away and leaving, never showing his face to her but silently telling her that he was there watching over her... well. he knows he shouldn't have done it. But at the time, it looked so clear to him it was what he had to do.

He never knew for sure what was the right path. he still doesn't. He took the one that felt more sensible, at least to him, And he was wrong. ]

I'm sorry. [ he is sorry he has done that. He is sorry he was wrong.

And he is sorry that he changed. ]

[As soon as he says he’s sorry, she lets out a long, breathy sigh – uncurling her fist and resting that same hand against her forehead. The other hand still holds tightly onto the keychain, like she’s afraid to let go of it.

The anger already feels like it’s starting to pass, but…Honestly, anger was easier to deal with.]

Okay.

[She can’t say that she forgives him yet. It’s one thing for him to apologize, and another for him to actually follow through with everything he’s saying. But he did apologize, and that still counts for something.]

If you really mean it, then…just…don’t do it again, alright?

[Somehow, the idea of him leaving a second time feels even worse. She’s been left alone by so many people in her life already, and no matter how many times it happens, it still hurts just as badly.

Maybe it’d be worse in this case because…Kaneki’s the first one to ever come back to her.]

[ he won't ask for Touka's forgiveness. There is much he has done that he isn't sure Touka would forgive him if she knew; perhaps she would, but still. He doesn't think she needs to know and he won't ask for her to forgive him.

kaneki nods softly, eye dropping to the hand holding the keychain. he'd rach for it, and in fact his hand moves, but eventually it just rests besides Touka's hand. Callous and cold fingers are there, the black thick fingernails too, and Kaneki decides to leave them there. it's fine. ]

... Touka. [ now that was out of the way ] Do you have any questions about this worlds? There are several links that might help you to get acquaintance with everything, if you want to read them.

[Touka thinks that she can forgive him for leaving. And she wants to. It just might take a little time.]

Links? You mean on the network or whatever, right? Yeah, I think that’d be good. [There’s plenty about this world she still needs to learn, but asking him about everything at once sounds exhausting.]

Unless there’s anything I should know right now, I’ll read up on the rest later. [There’s a pause.] Except…maybe about food. I’ll have to figure that out pretty soon.

[Touka doesn’t notice Kaneki’s hand right away, at least not until it settles down next to hers. She frowns, and studies it for a moment. Don’t be so obvious about what you were trying to do if you’re not going to follow through with it, idiot.

Slowly, two of her fingers reach over and wrap around one of his – giving it a little squeeze. “It’s okay.”]

[ Kaneki will send this link to Touka's communicator later on. A FAQ to start with which addresses most things and it's an easy read. There is a lot that isn't addressed, but Kaneki doesn't think Touka needs to know all those details.

What she does need to know and ins't addressed in the FAQ is... well. His own death, files being leaked about him being a ghoul, the food issue. He opts to start with the later, since it's easy enough. Of course, he first focus on Touka's hand, though; when he feels her fingers, he finally moves to rest their hands together like that; the reason why he didn't take the initiative before was simply because he doesn't know if Touka is angry enough to want her space right now.

But this answers it.

he's missed her. ]

... The government helps us with food, as long you are registered. These [ bodies, but he doesn't say the word out loud ] were donated to science and imPorts fall under that umbrella. Thus they do not consider it immoral. [ it's probably really weird for her to know the government of humans is providing ghouls with bodies to eat. Certainly they taste terrible due to the chemicals they inject into them to preserve them. But they can still be digested and used as a food source.

a pause ] Touka-chan, I don't think it's wise for you to be under the government's wing simply because of the food issue, they should not have such control over us because of it.

My situation is rather complicated, thus I am under their control, but I can grab more for you, too.

Stop and think for a second. You actually think I was considering swearing my loyalty to some shady government? Guess you don’t know me very well. [And let them track her? No way in hell would she be okay with that.

The so-called benefits wouldn’t be worth it anyway. Even the idea of them willingly donating bodies makes her a bit uneasy. Food isn’t something she’d want to take from anyone she doesn’t already know or trust.]

Looks like whatever they give you will have to do. For now. But I don’t want to rely on them any longer than we have to.

[Touka looks down at their hands. His fingers feel cold against hers…but she prefers the cold to no hand at all. After a moment’s hesitation, she lets go of the keychain and turns her hand so it fits more comfortably in his.

She’d missed him too.]

I’ll help you out, okay? I’ll start looking for other options. [They’d found a solution back home. They’d find something else here, too.]

For now, you wanna tell me how you ended up under their control in the first place? [She does not like the sound of this.]

Edited 2015-03-13 04:42 (UTC)

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