maskormenacelogs | [ Open ]

Entry tags:

[ Open ]

WHO: Kaneki + Open
WHERE: Heropa, Nonah, Maurtia falls, De chima
WHEN: March 1st to March 15th
WHAT: Find Kaneki on the street because he won't tell you he is here otherwise
WARNINGS: Canon spoilers, mentions of violence, gore and cannibalism

[ His arrival back in this world was smoother than he expected. The government told him he was not going to prison for what he did, but due to his violent acts --even if he wasn't in his right mind and was being "controlled" by Hornets-- he had to be put on probation. He was requested to wear an ankle monitoring bracelet for a month and he will have to report to a Registered imPort who will act as his parole officer; the tattoo in his arm now says "criminal" and will remain so for a month. And during all of this, not once Kaneki argued or complained. He nodded and accepted every decision the government made about this situation, and at the end all he did was ask if he still had access to De Chima labs --they said 'yes' because it was necessary-- and requested to now live in De Chima --request accepted-- and that was it.

That's how he returned to this world.

He left an entry over the network, and went to his new place. he is not sure how to address others just yet, but he knows he has to apologize, though you can't really apologize for something like that, not so lightly. He will focus on what he can while he decides the best course of action: the Hornets, the Porter, he will focus on keeping his place in this world, that has been threatened so many times already, and he will protect everyone. He will find what is the better way to do that, since experience told him he can't just do everything blindly. He needs to think.

He will figure it out. ]

HEROPA : Bookstore

[ Even though Kaneki is no longer living in Heropa, he still walks around the city quite often. It's a way to make sure everything and everyone are safe and in case something happens, he will be there to help and protect the people he cares about. He is now working at De Chima bookstore, but he decides to drop by his old workplace; here, only few days passed after he was sent back to his world, but back home it was over 6 months.

He smiles politely at his ex-boss as he comments on the white hair, and he smiles kindly at the man. He also apologizes for leaving and apologizes for no longer working there. With a small bow, he buys three new books and an extra fourth is given to him for free. When he finally leaves the bookstore, he looks around for a second and decides to take off his eyepatch; white hair and black clothes made him pretty weird already, but he figured it was better to avoid looking THAT weird with an eyepatch too. ]

NONAH : Coffee shop

[ He never actually been to Nonah before. It's funny because he was 6 months in this world before, and he never found an excuse to go to Nonah and visit the city. Right now he is only doing so because he wants to know the city, the layout, to see the people, the natives, the imPorts and their locations. He is scouting, that's the only reason he is there. Annie and Reiner live there, so it's important for him to know the place and in case something happens, he can navigate through it.

After a whole morning of walking around, he eventually comes to a coffee shop - a petite and quiet one - and asks for their "best coffee, no sugar, no cream, just coffee". And he eventually sits by the window, looking outside. Doing this sort of things... drinking coffee at a coffee shop, taking a moment to look around without searching for an enemy... it has been a while. ]

MAURTIA FALLS : Streets

[ This was the second city Kaneki was set on getting to know. Like Nonah, he has never been there, but like Nonah, he needs to get to know it in case anything happens. Scouting, learning the layout, learning what you may need to face. If anything happens and he needs to go to this small city again, he will know the place easily. He is also interested in the rumored underground scene going on; these are usually good for information, but given Kaneki is currently a "Criminal" and under Government's observation he knows he can't approach it just yet.

He is carrying his eyepatch today, plus the black clothing and the white hair help a lot for people in this town not to be so suspicious of him. The ankle monitor also brought enough attention, too, but Kaneki politely asks them to go away -with a smile and everything!- as he grabs his cup of coffee and sits down at a public bench to drink it.

This is a really interesting place, actually. Ghouls would probably find it "homy" ]

HEROPA/DE CHIMA : Moving from a city to another

[ Now that he lives in De Chima, he will have to move there. It means going to his old apartment in Heropa and get his things and move them to a different city. At least Kaneki doesn't have much house utensils and necessities, but he has a lot of books and carrying those can be a feat. At least he has super strength and he isn't going to hide that anymore; in his hands, he carries bags full of books, some clothes, some other accessories like coffee.

He can be found carrying his items from Heropa Individual Housing back to De Chima Individual Housing, since it's where he will live from then on. ]

CLOSED : Will Graham

[ Kaneki was assigned Will Graham as his parole officer; he is to report to him and the man already has files on what Kaneki is, thus he doesn't expect having to explain it to him. Hopefully. Though he has a feeling questions and conversations will be had. In any case, Kaneki decides to visit him the second he can.

At least he doesn't bring cupcakes this time.

Kaneki is wearing black, and if Will remembers a gentle black haired kid who smiled and looked too naive for this world, he will now meet a white haired Kaneki who still wears an eyepatch and looks far too tired (and sad). He is still smiling, though. Once he arrives to Will's shop, "Hook, line, & tinker", the first thing he notices is the dog, but after he looks around ] Excuse me...?

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[Of course the doctor knew...

But it makes Josuke wonder how many other people were in on it, and what the purpose behind that kind of operation even was. Did they have something specific planned for Kaneki?

He's on the verge of asking when Kaneki begins telling him about the pleasure of eating ghouls experience. All that's left for Josuke to do then is bite his tongue and pay attention. After all, it's a lot to take in.

He doesn't think he can even imagine what Kaneki was going through at that time. He's never starved himself, even if he's felt varying degrees of pain. The only thing that's ever made him lose his cool is the loss of a loved one or...an insult to his hair. Which might sound stupid, but there's a deep and personal meaning behind it, a reason close to Josuke's heart for why he doesn't easily forgive people trash talking his do.

But none of that compares to the hollow agony of starvation, he thinks. And to have endured that for an entire month?

...Ken was a lot stronger then than Josuke ever knew.]

I don't wanna ask, but...I gotta.

[The look he gives Kaneki isn't one of dread or suspicion. It's just...sad. Josuke thinks his friend deserves so much better than this.]

What're you gonna eat now to keep that from happening again? You can't...

[...go around killing people.]

...you gotta be careful. Whether you want your friends to get dragged into it or not, the fact is you got friends now who care a lot about you. And one way or the other, now...they're involved.

[ it would be hard not to know; a ghoul's skin can't be pierced with normal tools, so the doctor would need something to open Rize. And ghouls have different organs inside, and Kanou would certainly realize Rize wasn't human and he transfered a non human body into Ken.

Kaneki was so naive not to realize it.

However, Kaneki does not consider his "pure-self" (as he calls the Kaneki he left behind, the human one) strong. he considers him rather weak, because Kaneki WAS weak. he was shoved into an unknown world and had to learn how to deal, but there was so much he refused to deal with and that was his downfall. The starvation, dancing around with his hunger, all of it happened because Kaneki was too weak to accept that he had to eat regardless of his feelings about that matter.

There is much else, too. Too many painful things.

Kaneki was weak.

he is no longer weak, though.

At Josuke words he nods though ] I still have access to the bodies provided by the government. I will feed on those.

And I know that you are. And I know it's unfair to push you away. And I know I need you, and I can't do everything alone. [ he knows that. it took one of his friends beating him up for him to see it. ] I want to protect everyone. You, Annie, Hide, Touka, Reiner - I don't want anyone to die anymore and I don't want anyone to be hurt anymore. And for a while [ half year ] I took it all by myself, everyone's pain and what weighted them, while I pushed them all away, trying not to drag them into this.

I don't think i was right. ... [ he trails off. kaneki is looking at his hands, his black fingernails deformed by continuous torture. Inside his head he hears so many voices - Rize's, Yamori's... - and he hears something eating him away from the inside. He knows it's not really happening, but Kaneki idly reaches for his ear, and just for a second, it's as if his fingers are trying to pull something out of it, even though nothing comes.

His focus returns just as fast, as if he hadn't stopped at all ] I think i did a lot of things wrong, but now I know, I don't have to push everyone away like that. [ it doesn't mean he will tell everything, but he won't be disappearing, like he did back home ]

[Josuke nods, relieved to hear that Kaneki has a plan, that...he's not going to be deprived. Because, regardless of what he needs as nourishment, it'd be inhumane to expect him to starve.]

No one's gotta die, alright? No matter what happens...

[He shakes his head.]

...maybe you think what I'm asking is too much, and maybe it is, but hear me out. I've got this power—the power to 'fix' things, to 'restore' them—and I've got it for a reason. If you or anyone else is ever in a bind, all you ever gotta to is call me. I'll even try not to ask too many questions if you can agree to that.

[Try being the operative word, because Josuke is and always will be curious, almost to a fault.

For the time being, though, he really means what he's saying. He'll try and give Kaneki his space, his privacy, all the time he needs to continue sorting things out...just so long as he can give in exchange his word that if it gets bad, like...really bad. He won't try and do it all on his own again.]

We're pals. We gotta stick together.

[ Kaneki won't ever starve himself again. Too dangerous and too naive. He can eat and he will eat; and sure he isn't telling Josuke he plans on actually raiding morgues and crematories - those details are better left for other ghouls, not humans. They don't need to know this. But he can assure the other that he will no longer be driven by hunger.

But he listens to Josuke, glancing back at him. Listening his words bring a small smile to Kaneki's lips and even though he doesn't know what the future will bring here, he knows he can't do everything alone anymore, it's alright to do it together with others, too. Of course a lot of things still worry Kaneki - to bring humans into a ghoul world is not wise - but there is a lot they can still do and know without having to be involved in such a thing.

He nods ]

We are. I know.

[ however, he feels this is necessary ] Josuke. Ghouls are not all friendly, you realize. Ghouls eat people, it's what they do, and it's not uncommon for a ghoul to be completely messed up. While the ghoul world isn't just terror and eating each other and while there is much beauty in it, it is dangerous. It's cruel. And there are terrible things happening in it. [ human slaves, killing people in front of their own children, killing each other for territories or simply because they are bored, the Aogiri tree which wishes to take over Earth, ghoul restaurants which their turn into a hunt. ]

Humans fear ghouls and humans see ghouls as things to be exterminated. Suzuya-san- [ sure, Josuke might not want to talk about him, but he has to ] Was taught exactly that. He has probably seen even more terrible things that ghouls do than you can even imagine.

I'm not saying that he was right for the way he did what he did. But he will never see it as "wrong". [ and in truth, it was necessary ]

[Josuke can't help it—the look he gives Kaneki then is quite incredulous.]

You think the 'human world' is any different?

[He could get angry at the implication that he doesn't know any better, but instead...he's just going to get serious. Maybe even grim, which isn't commonly seen for someone with his disposition, but if showing that side is what it takes for Kaneki to realize he's not some dumb kid, then that's what he'll do.]

People aren't all friendly, I'm not sure why you gotta sit there and separate them by human and ghoul. The world's an unfriendly place by default, that's just how it is—but the only horror that really exists is what we make for ourselves and others. Species doesn't really matter.

In fact, that's probably the most glaring but also insignificant difference of them all...

[He stands, needing to—to do something with himself. His hands, his feet, to move so that the frustration he's feeling, that's beginning to build up again, doesn't overflow.]

I've seen...things. People who've been mutated, people who've been used by their own families and treated like expendable objects, and I've seen people who've been blown apart or fused together with others and stored like food. So don't try and spare me, okay? Because what you're telling me, it's really not a whole lot different from what I already know.

So don't tell me what I can and can't imagine.

[He might be fortunate for not having been exposed to an abundance of the world's horrors, but he still knows what's out there. All those things that ghouls do, humans do also.]

As for Suzuya...I really don't care what he thinks is wrong or right, and I don't care about 'teaching' him. I care about seeing him caught and kept from hurting others again. [Which brings him around to...] Why the hell you gotta be so formal when talking about him, anyway? It's not like he's earned it. Don't tell me you're...really that grateful?

I know it is.

[ as someone who has lived in both worlds? Yes. Yes, it is. ]

Josuke, a ghoul needs at least to feed a body a month in order to survive. This means in one year, a ghoul eats 12 people. [ he looks down at his own fingers, cold and rough, and thick black fingernails ] After 16 years, a ghoul has eaten over 150 people. And I'm being generous, there aren't many ghouls who only eat the minimum amount. Regardless, ghouls walk their lives on top of human remains. How do you think they see life when this is how they live? To them, you are are "fish", "steak", "rice", "soup". But, while you'd never eat an animal who can talk to you, ghouls do. In fact, many find pleasure that humans can talk-

[ he looks back at Josuke, and his thumb captures his own middle finger and cracks it. A loud "pop" can be heard. ] -it means they can hear them beg for their lives. [ kaneki has killed so many ghouls who think like that he has lost count. And he has eaten all of them. And it's funny, because he too likes to hear them beg.

there is a loud noise inside Kaneki's head. he can't focus on it, or he will forget what he is saying, but there is a weird pause. ] It's alright if you don't see the difference. It's good.

it means you haven't lived it. [ And that's why it's so difficult for Josuke or Hide or Touka to see and understand why Kaneki is honestly not angry at Suzuya, why he isn't going after him and try to murder the guy as revenge. In fact, Kaneki DID thank him. ] I prefer that. [ he looks away again, thoughtful. Why to address him so politely? Well, Ken is still very polite even if messed up in the head ]

I don't think the existence of Ghoul Investigators like Suzuya is wrong. You see, it's a warped world and so people in it become warped too. [ eat or be eaten. Is it wrong for a person to eat their enemies before they eat them, and is it wrong for the enemy to hold the same thought? ]

The me that Suzuya-san knows is a danger. That's all he knows and that's all he saw. [ when he met Kaneki in their world... how insane was he at the time? Kaneki remembers he nearly killed one of his friends, the ones he wanted to protect, with all that insanity. And the kaneki Suzuya killed last month? It was exactly the same.

He was not wrong for killing Kaneki.

he looks back at Josuke, a sad smile across his lips. Sad because he knows this for sure: ] I did nearly kill my best friend, Josuke. And I ate the leg of another. And lucky me Hazel doesn't die, or she'd be dead.

If I had killed any of them then, I don't think I could have taken it. [ and Kaneki can take so much. He really can - but not that. ]

[Kaneki is a friend. A really, really dear and good friend.

But that doesn't mean Josuke is incapable of becoming angry with him. It doesn't even mean he's unwilling to throw a punch when it's necessary—or when his emotions get the better of him.

As they do now.

It only takes Hazel's name. Josuke pivots, and before even he's realized what he's doing, he's slammed a tightly balled fist into the side of Kaneki's face. If it should hurt, it doesn't. But it doesn't because right now all he can think about is how yet another of his friends was in danger and yet again he didn't fucking know about it.

And it just so happened to be the one he had the weirdest hangup over, because Hazel's the one person he CANNOT heal. She's already dead. Any attempt at trying to restore her...just causes her a torturous amount of pain.]

[ he sees it coming, that punch. The moment Josuke turns, Kaneki is expecting it and he doesn't move an inch. The punch won't hurt him, he doesn't even feel it.

There is no use deflecting it, and if that makes Josuke feel better, it's fine.

But now he also understands, at least a bit. because he can shrug about what ken did to his own friends, but he obviously can't shrug about what ken did to Josuke's friend.

And that's that. The reason why Kaneki isn't angry at Suzuya; if he hadn't stopped him, it wouldn't just be one of Josuke's friends. it could have been his family, too. ]

[That's not even it.

Their friends—Kaneki's and Josuke's both—they aren't the line that's been drawn in the sand or the reason that he feels any line at all has been crossed unfairly. The real reason—the only reason—is that, as far as Josuke knows, the other people Kaneki has hurt can all be healed. But there is literally nothing he can do to help heal Hazel if something is taken away from her.

The stitches that she bears, the scars all over her body, they're a testament to that.

And in Josuke's mind...there's nothing worse than being unable to undo that kind of loss and pain. Nothing worse, except perhaps having to to endure that choking feeling of being helpless and useless and untrusted to help shoulder burdens. Is it any wonder that he finally snapped, with feelings like these constantly building, constantly bubbling beneath his surface?

It doesn't come to a head the way it might ordinarily, however. Yes, he's lashed out, but there's no yelling that follows, no kicking and screaming or flailing of fists. Besides the one punch, anyway. Instead, there's the tears he didn't want to show Kaneki or any of his friends. There's a softly muttered curse.

The slow shaking of his head as he looks away. A sleeve pulled over the back of a hand and scrubbed across his eyes.

Because he hates this. He doesn't know what to do. Thinks about what he saw Kaneki do to his thumb, thinks he could fix it at the very least, but looking at it again...it doesn't even look broken now. Yet another thing he can't do.]

Just...tell me one thing. The way you are now, calm and in control, is he gonna bother you again? Or is he gonna leave you alone and let you live your life?

[Idly rubbing at his knuckles now. Flexing his hand a little and...somehow managing to look apologetic and pissed off at the same time.]

[ kaneki doesn't say anything, nor he looks at Josuke. he allows him the time he needs to recompose himself, to feel frustrated about the situation and try to wrap his head around it because Kaneki knows it's not easy. he knows it's something Josuke doesn't want to accept so easily either.

When he speaks, Ken nods softly ]

We have agreed to remain civil. I am not his target and he does not wish to chase me unless I give him a reason to. [ unless he goes mad again, Kaneki thinks. he isn't sure. Suzuya is weird, Ken can't even tell what he is thinking. ]

And I don't plan on giving him a reason.

...civil's good.

[He doesn't know what else to say for the moment, so he drops down onto the bench next to Kaneki again and sighs.

If, in the end, Ken remains safe, though...that's a good thing, right? As long as there are no more fights resulting in the sort of thing that he saw before. But the fact that Suzuya's got another target (or that's how it sounds) means that this isn't really over. Knowing that, Josuke can't really...do nothing. Can he?

He's tempted to ask Kaneki about it, but ultimately decides that...at least for now? He'd better not. So instead he just hikes his shoulders up and mutters awkwardly...]

Sorry. For lashing out like that.

Civil is not "good", but it's the best we have.

[ because not everyone can remain civil. And it's hard to stay civil when the world around you isn't. Kaneki is not going to get into that now.

And if Josuke asked regarding the target, Kaneki would tell him. Rize is not there and she is the one Suzuya is looking for. For now there is no danger, but who knows. The Dove is a complicated matter, not because of his job, but because Suzuya doesn't feel like he is... well, all right in the head. But who is Kaneki to judge? he too isn't all there.

At the apology, Kaneki shakes his head ]

It doesn't hurt anymore. [ nothing does. Even if Josuke had super strength and managed to actually bruise a ghoul, Kaneki would still not feel it.

After being tortured to the extremes he was, nothing hurts anymore. ]

[Jeez, Kaneki.

Saying it doesn't hurt anymore like it's supposed to be some kind of comfort. But it isn't. There are benefits to not feeling pain, but Josuke's not stupid. Getting to that point...he can imagine the horrible things Kaneki must have been forced to endure.]

Maybe not. But that's not the point.

[There's different kinds of pain, after all. Not everything is physical.]

Besides...you're not the only person who didn't say anything about that to me. It wasn't....the right way to react. I'd tell you to take a shot back to make us square, but knowing you...you probably wouldn't.

[A slight laugh, a shake of his head, and then Josuke slaps a hand down on top of Kaneki's head and ruffles his hair. This is all really screwed up, but he's convinced they can get past it.]

[ she probably didn't want to worry Josuke and hurt him with something like that. Just the way Kaneki doesn't want others to know what he went through either, the reason why he has white hair, the reason why all of his fingernails turned black, the reason why his hands are so cold now, the reason he is always picking at his ear, the reason sometimes he stops and counts one thousand minus seven, or the reason he makes weird pauses when he is talking.

He doesn't want anyone knowing any of that.

Kaneki shakes his head ]

I wouldn't hurt you. [ he can't bring himself to say "never" because he doesn't know. Kaneki turned into a monster - he IS a monster - and there are things he wants to promise, but it was +proved to him that he can't keep that. "I will never hurt you" is one of those things; sometimes, he needs to hurt the people he loves. The only promise he can make for sure is "I'll protect you".

As he feels Josuke's hand, Ken smiles a bit. ]

Thank you.

[That's selfish though, isn't it? Being friends with someone isn't about only being there through the good times. It's also about being ready to help with anything whenever help is needed. Friendship is something that is give and take in equal measure...

At least that's how Josuke feels, and what he'll eventually tell Hazel when he speaks with her after this. It's also the reason why he doesn't run from what Kaneki's told him so far. He would...rather know these things than not. Even if they're not pleasant truths, they're better than being coddled or being lied to.]

I know you wouldn't. Not without a good reason.

[He can say the same. If he'd wanted to hurt Ken, he'd have used his Stand, after all. But he hadn't.

In any case...that apology receives a bit of a head tilt and an arched brow.]

Uh...what are you thanking me for, though?

[ there are limits to friendship, though. And is Josuke knew everything Kaneki did, he'd soon realize that limit. Because Kaneki is not a pure person, a good guy anymore; he is a monster who did monstrous things. And he might be smilling now, and he might not push away his friends anymore - talk to them, reach for them, ask their help, he doesn't have to take all the weight by himself alone; this is something Kaneki decided on - but Kaneki feels that much of what he did is... terrible. And there is no excuse for it. He doesn't want to push his friends away anymore, he wants to protect them always, but does he deserve all of it? After what he became and did and is? It's so hard to say he is not a monster, even if he doesn't think monsters should have people caring for them like his friends do.

That's why he is thanking him.

And it's alright if Josuke doesn't understand. ] For listening. [ that's his answer, but it doesn't cover half of the reason why kaneki thanked Josuke.

He reaches for his eyepatch again, putting it on. Though he can control his eye now, it's just a strange reminder of what he was. And maybe it's better to use it, even if it's just to make sure his eye won't react. Just a reassurance. ]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ Open ]

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject