But one time out of ten everything goes perfect for us all.

[hostage]

WHO: Loki & Jesse Pinkman
WHERE: Xavier's #202
WHEN: Tuesday, February 10 (after this)
WHAT: Loki corners Jesse for a heart-to-heart in this Very Special Episode.
WARNINGS: Drugs, cancer, death, and stuff. I don't know.

[As soon as the car's parked, Jesse pulls out his burner to check for messages. Nothing from Mr. White yet, which means he's got some time to himself. Jesse's only glad for that because his encounter with Skye has left him exhausted. He could use a few minutes to recuperate before he has to go back to pretending he's fine.

The walk up to his room is difficult in his current state. He's gotten used to perfect health, so moments like these feel even worse than they would have if, say, he had lung cancer all along. He's coughing by the time he reaches his door, and still coughing when he stumbles inside.]

Comments

[selfimage]

By Ymir's frozen testicle—!

[ Loki tries very hard not to roll his eyes. ]

Circumstantial, just because I did something now doesn't mean that whatever I did before was under the same pretense.

[hostage]

Oh, yeah. Crazy me. Thinking you'd do something you'd totally do, just not when I thought you'd do it. Totally paranoid.

[selfimage]

When you're using current circumstances to justify your paranoia, I'd certainly say so.

[ but that's not entirely unexpected, he has to admit. ]

I suppose that shows how well you know me. At least it's not another myth about mistletoe or how I ruined everything or so on and so forth.

[hostage]

Maybe people would like you more if you didn't keep them prisoner. I mean, seriously - You did come after me. This is literally you coming after me. You giving my girlfriend a sword to chase me with is you coming after me. I didn't start any of this shit with you.

[selfimage]

Ex-girlfriend.

[ he says pointedly. ]

[hostage]

[Jesse twitches at that and brings the cigarette to his lips. He finishes it off and immediately sets about lighting another one.]

[selfimage]

[ Loki pauses and then his expression lingers and softens somewhat after he lets out a long breath. ]

As much of an irony as it may be, I'll give you the truth from the mouth of the god of mischief.

[ he examines him briefly before starting. ]

Skye wanted to clear your name, believing desperately that you wanted to change. The sword was a loan. And this? It spawned from ill-created concern, I suppose. [ he points at him again. ] Before we got off track, I thought you'd at least get it in two. The god of chaos is also the god of change.

There are old patterns in the universe, Jesse, old cycles that govern—threaten—us. [ that threaten him. ] I came to tell you I believe you can change, because if the god of chaos doesn't believe it, then there may be no hope at all.

[hostage]

[Jesse stifles a cough into his fist before inhaling a lungful of smoke. He's not looking at Loki now, but somewhere far off.]

...I know I can change. I know I'm gonna. I'm gonna change so much it won't even feel like I'm me anymore.

It just won't be for good.

[selfimage]

And on what scale have you already determined that?

[hostage]

I know my future.

[selfimage]

You know a future.

[ it reminds him of him. when the All-Mother had enlisted the help of his very literal future self, all to make sure that Asgard had a safeguarded future and Loki? well, it doomed him to fall back right into place with what the universe wanted—an evil Loki. a villainous, vile, selfish creature bent on nothing but personal victory at the expense of everyone.

and even though he was there, in front of him, he refused to give in. no, not yet. ]

There's a difference.

[hostage]

There's somebody walking around here with a bullet hole in his gut and I'm gonna be the one who put it there. How'm I gonna change something that already happened to him?

[selfimage]

[ sometimes he really hates this place. ]

I can tell you what you don't do, and that's give in entirely like you seem to have a penchant for. There are other ways to approach those nasty little foreseeable futures than "deny it" or "give up."

[hostage]

Start over. Go straight. Live a clean life. Don't hurt people.

That's what you're saying, right?

[selfimage]

[ there's a little shrug of Loki's shoulders. ]

The first and the second, really. "Go straight and live a clean life," are all in the eye of the beholder. Generally "start over" couples with "be better," which coincides with "don't hurt people." The rest falls into place. [ not that Loki had ever really gone straight—he just decided that Loki wasn't going to be the one to hurt people anymore. ] Still be Jesse, I suppose, but don't squander the obvious chance for change.

[hostage]

How much do you know about me?

[selfimage]

After our last dance with that question—you probably don't want me to answer that one. How about you give me the deets at the curve ball you want to throw?

[hostage]

I was wondering if you know what my problem is. A lotta people think I don't know, but I do know. Do you know?

[selfimage]

[ jESSE WHAT EVEN. ]

Let's just say I don't know.

[hostage]

Of course you don't fucking know. That's why none of you could stop me.

Here's my problem: Whenever I think I'm right, I'm wrong. And whenever something feels wrong, it's right. And you're all coming at me with shit like "be better". Like that's a direction you can turn and face and head towards. Like somebody put up a road sign.

[selfimage]

No one will put up a road sign when your compass is broken. [ Loki looks a tad bit resigned. his desires always conflicted with what he wanted. and he ended up questioning himself and following his whims into ruin. maybe it was the curse of Loki, and maybe Jesse was his own worst enemy. ]

Though I'm surprised that this is your excuse for giving up.

[hostage]

What makes you think I gave up?

[selfimage]

The setting yourself up for failure thing usually does that.

[ like he's really one to talk, but, you know. ]

[hostage]

I didn't fail.

[selfimage]

That's not what I said.