[open] yar har fiddle dee dee

[glampop]

WHO: Caesar Zeppeli (glampop) and anyone
WHERE: Heropa, after escaping his apartment, sneaking into a teleporter, and having a pity party
WHEN: February 3rd-5th
WHAT: Caesar was hit by lightning, is convinced he's the pirate king, and finally has enough of his bearings to do what he must-- recruit.
WARNINGS: Idiocy. Pirates. Maybe violence.


[The spot that Caesar will gravitate around, dirt on his cheek, clothing torn, are the front steps of a distinguished public library. He has commandeered this massive front stoop as his own after several days of stalking the streets, scaring citizens as he demanded they turn him to the nearest port. Several times, some grubby law officer has tried to chase after him, but he gave them the slip, he did! Now, he's tired of slinking around back alleys, licking his wounds as he recalls his betrayal. 'Tis no longer the era of undisciplined self-gratifying feelings of anger and woe.

What he wants-- nay. What he needs is a crew.]

You there!

[Anyone will do as long as they have a little muscle to spare. He points and he speaks with an authority any pirate lord should have.]

Have you ever set sail on the high seas! Do you wish to know true freedom! Join me and accept me as your captain!

[He has completely forgotten the life he had before. The Caesar Zeppeli who knew Ripple and fought alongside that Joestar kid. There is only the truth as he knows it in the moment. The empire that simply must be rebuilt.]

Comments

[deadtective]

What am I going to do with a bus in the middle of the ocean!? Drive through the coral reefs?

[Hazel had told herself that she wasn't going to get sucked into crazy hobo ramblings, but this disconnect is just too much. this is possibly the worst job pitch she's ever heard, and that's including the mandatory 'do this or I'll rekill you' one she got at home.]

[glampop]

You'll take the bus to the ocean where you'll take a ship!

[Does she think pirates only steal or take control of one mode of transport per day? There's no limit to the booty and bounty that can be amassed. Caesar hates to spell it out, but he's had no bites so far. This is the best bet he has.]

[deadtective]

That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard! You might as well rob a bank and drive it to a boat and pretend you stole it from the Spanish Armada!

[THERE IS A REASON YOU HAVE NO CREW HERE CAESAR AND IT IS YOUR POOR STRATEGICAL THINKING]

[glampop]

What do the Spaniards have to do with this?

[This woman is without ambition. That's the problem here, he's decided. She needs to be further inspired.]

And don't be a fool-- there's no way to drive a bank.

[deadtective]

I am not going to be called an idiot by somebody like you. [accusatory finger point! forget inspiration, all you need to do is rile her up enough.]

Especially not when you can't figure out I meant you put all the money in that bus we've apparently stolen!

[glampop]

You didn't mention the bus! Don't you think a bus outside of a bank would look too suspicious!

[He's besties-- not that he can remember right now-- with Joseph Joestar. This has not hit the tip of the iceberg of Ridiculousness he can dish out.]

[deadtective]

We were just talking about the bus, did you think it disappeared into the aether? And it'd be totally inconspicuous, all you need to do is pretend it broke down and it could sit there for hours!

[HAZEL WISHES TO STOP MEETING THE REST OF THE JOJO CAST NOW, WHERE DOES SHE SUBMIT THIS REQUEST FORM]

[glampop]

What if a repairman came before you made your escape? It's much better to attack other ships once you've set sail.

[There is no request form. There is no escape.]

[deadtective]

How could a repairman come? Nobody actually called the bus depot.

[she's arguing theoretical bank robbery with a hijacked bus with a homeless man. this is hell. this is true hell.]

[glampop]

[He stops, then. Thinks it over.]

How much gold do these banks hold?

[deadtective]

Depends on how big it is. Some of them have actual gold, but you'd never get it out of there in time.

[gold is heavy!! she watched Goldfinger, she knows this shit.]

i'm sorry, hazel, eternally

[glampop]

Not alone.

[Sidelong glance. He looks so sure of himself, isn't that at all convincing?]

What do you say? We'll overtake this bus and find the largest bank we can!

[Crew? Crew!]

there's no need. i wish i could say this is the dumbest situation she's been in.

[deadtective]

Would you stop trying to make me a pirate.

[SHE WAS BEING HYPOTHETICAL IN THIS HEIST SHE IS NOT DRIVING A STOLEN BUS ALL THE WAY UP TO NYC TO ROB THE FEDERAL RESERVE]

[glampop]

Why don't you want to be one!

[It's the only life he knows! How can anyone be this cruel? She raised his hopes, high, high up, and then threw them to the ground. Roughly! A distant part of his brain says that he should have gone with seduction, but the primary, pirate king memory, has no time for the romantic. Count yourself lucky.]

[deadtective]

It's stupid and I have enough problems already!

[who ever thought that Hazel Lockwood would be turning down the possibility of being an honest-to-god pirate. but she's not going to humor a homeless man far enough to try and hijack her public transportation.

even if he did actually smell nice.]

1/2

[glampop]

Becoming a part of my crew would solve those problems.

[A PIERCING LOOK.]

A crew is like a family--

2/2

[glampop]

-- until they betray your trust.

[Would you betray his trust?]

[deadtective]

W-what the hell is that supposed to mean?

[WHY DOES IT FEEL LIKE THE AIR GOT SUPER SERIOUS ALL OF A SUDDEN]

[glampop]

A true crew would always follow their captain, even into Hell.

[deadtective]

A smart crew wouldn't sign on with a captain who thought that was a good idea.

[arms crossed. she read Moby Dick, sorry!! she knows how this goes.]

[glampop]

Bah!

[He raises both hands. This recruit doesn't have the pirating spirit, he sees that now. He'd be better off trying for someone with a thirst for riches and adventure.]

Be a fool. I don't have time for this.

[deadtective]

[is he finally tired of harassing her? thank god. Hazel's about to just let him go, but...well, the dude's pretty crazy. as annoyed as she is, she can't just let him wander around and get mowed down by a car or something.

she sighs deeply and digs around in her pockets, producing a twenty dollar bill which she begrudgingly holds out to him. god damn her inability to just let people shoot themselves in the foot.]

Here. Try the big building three blocks down.

[is she covertly directing him to a homeless shelter? you bet she is. the pirate king's your problem now, volunteers!]

[glampop]

[Why is she handing him this worthless paper 'money' all the landlubbers are so attached to? His pride only allows him to take it since he tried, again and again, to do the woman a service! It's her own fault she wouldn't accept. Shoulders back, head up, he will kindly think she's sending him toward a dock full of ruffians more suitable to the high seas.

At last, she's free.]