maskormenacelogs | Legerdemain [OPEN]

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Legerdemain [OPEN]

WHO: Hisoka and OPEN
WHERE: Government Holding Facility
WHEN: December 1st - December 31st
WHAT: Visitors and fellow inmates chatting it up.
WARNINGS: None yet.

It's been an incredibly long time in this holding cell, in this- prison. Only three months and Hisoka can't handle being still for more than a few moments and his sleeping periods have shrunk smaller and smaller to naps of about two hours when they do happen. Even so- he's made to sleep, or well- lay there, in the dark, and those moments are the worst. He gets by by reading network conversations. Sometimes under blankets when hall patrols are happening, and he's only gotten caught once to which he lied himself out of and just said he checked the time upon waking up.

But for the most part- he's going a little mad. Especially now with Shade gone.

His cell neighbor, speaking to him was really what was getting him through the days, not that he'd admit it to himself. Hisoka was all for waiting but- being able to do things he wanted in the mean time helped. Years upon years he'd wait but only because he could best busy himself with other people and activities. Here it's just-

Jewelry, eating, "sleeping", wandering, re ha bilitation. And it's doing him in. Maybe that's why he- was starting to like Shade despite seeing none of his abilities or strengths. They spoke often in there, and the more they did, the more Hisoka was around someone generally just- enjoying speaking to him back and forth? It made it easier to stay cam and wait.

And then Shade left.

And now- if he doesn't busy himself he might accidentally snap a guards neck without- thinking about it. The bloodlust is there. He feels it in those long nights, waiting in the dark, his hands idle, knuckles white from how tight he keeps clenching them. He knows- he'd feel better if he could just- touch someone. Feel their blood beat under his fingers, their hot flesh against his, if he could just see a reaction in their face from his hands and a moment of taking everything from them. It- it wouldn't be nearly as good as a fight, or sex- but it'd make him feel less meaningless rotting away in here.

But he can't do that.

So instead.

Should a visitor come at any time throughout the month, or another inmate wander by- they will find Hisoka sitting amidst cards. Beginning of the month it won't be so impressive, but near a week into the month, and further on the castle of cards just- continues to grow and grow around him in his room. He supposes- he feels better doing it. Not that he's thinking while stacking. Infact, he's not thinking at all the entire time. Because thinking involves missing people, and needing things. Thinking involves wondering where Chrollo has been and why he hasn't visited despite saying he would do so. The same goes for Gon and his where abouts. Wondering about Jaime and what he's been up to and finding the thought mildly arousing only to once again work himself up and have no means of letting off the steam. And let's not even get started on that- Lunatic fellow he's been hearing so much about. So- no thoughts, no thinking, just cards.

So much of rehabilitation.

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He was mentally cornered, okay. But it seems this last one worked, or at the very least, satisfied Hisoka enough. Maybe he doesn't want to ask about Gon, maybe he doesn't have any idea-- either way, it works out in Killua's mind.

He watches that awkwardly for a moment. He really doesn't like feeling like he can relate to Hisoka, but it happens every so often. Before, when he was less controlled and still an assassin, and now, when he's so heavy and upset over Gon's absence. He actually thinks Hisoka is handling it better, and he doesn't feel so great about that.

"I tried not to tell you." He says this, but it's true that he wasn't really concerned for Hisoka's feelings. Not in that way. "Right when you're pretty close to getting out... Right?"

"Soon, yes. I suppose my plans don't really change with him gone, we only had so much planned." As in none at all besides mindless studying of other powers and perhaps stealing them here and there for Chrollo's benefit.

"I would've found out either way, and who's to say how I would've taken learning that you hid it from me purposely, hm?" A look directing to Killua quickly. Dark and slim, the rest of Hisoka's body completely still.

Well, that's good to know, even if Killua's not sure how much he can take seriously. He was paranoid of so much more, and he'll probably stay that way. That's how he was raised, after all.

Those last words and that look, though, freeze him in place. Is that Hisoka trying to work him up over nothing, or is he hinting about telling him about Gon? ...Either way. He thinks that, even if Hisoka finds out either way, knowing it in here gives him a lot more time to think on what to do about it.

"You wouldn't cause trouble after this jail thing, would you?" That's an actual question, hidden in uncertainty.

No comment.

As honest as he can be sitting in here, right?

That's mildly concerning. A little more than mildly, actually. That's a flat out threat, isn't it? It's a threat! But he doesn't want to tell him about Gon. Even if it's out of pure stubbornness... He doesn't want to say those words here.

So he'll just tensely stare back at Hisoka for a a few seconds.

"Don't be stupid... And anyway, you know now." About Chrollo. And his sister. So leave it at that! Get out and don't murder people this time, how about that.

"Thanks." Though a little bitter before he sighs and glances away.

"Sorry about your sibling." Sister, brother, whatever is it. He doubts Killua's much concerned though, if a little sad to have someone he loves gone. Still- better he not here with everything that goes on.

"I can't imagine she'll show up again soon, but- would you say you'd prefer it?" Cocks his head slightly, sitting back again.

It's strange to hear Hisoka apologize for anything, and so he lets that slide by. That question, though, gets clear hesitance. "It depends."

If Gon were here, then yes, he'd prefer it. He could take care of her here, his family wasn't here to get in the way, and Jaime and himself were working on a way to keep Nanika under control. But if Gon were back home, how could he decide between the two? It's strange, too, that she'd slipped from his mind completely until Hisoka brought her up again just now.

Something was wrong with his thinking. He'd learned that much.

"If things go well, then yeah, probably. If she's back home, it's the same as normal."

"Forgive me, normal being?"

He pauses. "Being that time and events go on like I'm still there. Either way, I'm with her." Eventually.

"And you plan to be for the rest of your life?"

He's questioning that again? Or maybe he's lightly mocking it. Either way, Killua grows more intense as he answers this.

"Yes."

A breath, closing his eyes. He chuckles but doesn't mention why he finds it amusing. Perhaps it's because he doesn't quite understand it but it's amusing for many reasons.

"That dedication I imagine is the same for Illumi and yourself, remember that." How similar you are to him, how you can't get rid of how you were raised, even if you prefer to run from it. Better to know it, embrace it, and grow from it, right?

"She's lucky to have an older brother like you-" But no comment on whether Killua's lucky to have Illumi or not.

"Really now- calm down." A chuckle, sighing and relaxing a bit as he pushes more weight on the arm propping him up. "Do I sound like I'm threatening here?"

"No," he says quickly, and though the intensity does fade a bit, it's never quite gone. Hisoka seems more relaxed all of a sudden, and while that's less terrifying, it just makes him wonder more. What's so funny? He really thinks that?

"The difference is I'm not trying to control her." It's completely different. Their motives are opposites. "And yeah, you do! What else am I supposed to think?"

He's not the long suffering type, really. Even with how he's been in here he's been- rather pleasant, right? Not the sort to dwell, whine, complain. If anything he keeps everything inside, let it fester till he pops and gets his fingers dirty to make himself feel better.

He's certainly not pleased, but he's not going to have some Zoldyck tantrum.

"You're pressing your best interest upon her, aren't you?" Shrugs, hands up. "No matter how you approach it, you're doing what you feel is best for her, isn't that to be said about your older brother as well?"

A smile, cocking his head slightly before leaning forward to rest his chin out, and ontop of a knee. "What good would threatening you do me, Killua?"

He really, really does not like the way Hisoka is trying to compare his love for Alluka to Illumi's love for himself. It shows on his face and in every word and action. Like now, as he snaps, swiping out at the air.

"You're wrong! I always ask for Alluka and Nanika's input, too! It's not about me; I'm not pressing anything!"

So shut up! He has to let that settle in for a moment. Realize that Hisoka's probably having more fun just riling him up-- right, he's wording it like that on purpose to bug him. He forces himself to calm down that way, though the anger never completely leaves.

"I don't know. I'm not trying to follow your fickle thoughts right now. I just know it's not out of the question."

Riling him up IS easy.

Infact Hisoka barely responds to Killua's outburst. Calm, quiet, he just watches him from the cell full of cards. Maybe doing this is making Hisoka feel better? Does he feel better? A little bit. It's hard to say if it's from purposely making Killua angry or just vicariously enjoying the anger in the moment.

Moments pass as he watches, seeing realization take a place on Killua's expression, the boy most likely seeing that this is purposely happening to him and not idly. Though it's hard to miss the twitch in his face still.

"Hmmmmm---" A sigh, still quiet, thoughtful even before he finally says something. "You're right, I can lose interest or gain it quickly, I won't dismiss that. And were I to tell you I have nothing to threaten you for, I doubt you'd believe me, right?"

A smile.

"But we still have to go to Disney World together!"

"That's right."

He wouldn't believe him. He's honestly set to stew in that for a good few minutes, right up until... Hisoka drops that. For some reason, Killua looks shocked. And then he's struggling to recover from it, looking just a little caught off guard.

He's back to going to Disney World with Hisoka alone! Ah, but he still wants to go... It'll be okay, right?? Paranoia aside, he wouldn't actually be stupid enough to try anything-- Okay, maybe he would.

But... It's not like he's going to back out.

"Well, yeah. But you have to raise the money first!"

Well, Hisoka doesn't know it'll be just the two of him, now does he.

"I certainly will, I've so been looking forward to it, though it'll be tough getting it for the three of us." Chuckling, he quite liked the look on Killua's face just there.

"It will we a productive way to keep me out of trouble until then though, don't you think? Once I find a better job."

He sure doesn't. And Killua's all too aware of that. He's thinking now, that he won't say anything yet. Hisoka can raise the money. But if Gon doesn't show up again by then, he's wondering what sort of reaction he'd have to raising the money for Gon and having him not be there...

Ah, but he'd find out sooner than that, right? That's probably for the better.

"Yeah..." He blinks. "And I hope so." You know, just for the sake of Hisoka not being Hisoka all over the place.

Such a cruel child. What has he done to deserve that?

"I'll pretend you hope so for my sake."

"You can pretend whatever you want."

Ah, yes, he's so cold, that much is true. Let's leave the topic of Hisoka's innocence for later, though. Anyway, Killua's just going to dismiss that comment and then belatedly wonder if he should add 'unless it's weird'...

No, that'd probably make it worse.

"I just came here for that." So anything else before he walks off again? Hisoka looks pretty terrible, so he'll humor him this much.

That would just make it weird, or make Hisoka purposely make it weird himself, yes. Smart move, Killua.

He doesn't say anything, not at first. Though there's this odd hollow feeling he's not quiet used to watching Killua start to walk away. It doesn't occur to him to look at him as he has before with some sort of passing hunger. To look at him like a toy, or prey, or something he's only waiting to pluck apart. Infact, the only thing that crosses his mind is that he'd prefer if he- didn't leave.

For some reason.

The lack of physical contact and social interactions is to blame he imagines, were he to dwell on it. But a conversations with Killua- someone he knows, made him not only feel more stable but also slightly homesick in a way he finds utterly uncomfortable. This place is making him insane. Taking his freedom away is doing something to him. But he doesn't know what and he it makes him sick how Killua's walking away, he has no attachments to this child and doesn't plan to have any besides the playful not!friendship, not!alliance they have brooding. But still he's really all he has to latch onto considering their world right now. All he has that's at all close to security in the known world he's familiar with.

In this place.

This world.

Where nothing makes sense and he's no longer a prepared and used to it. No longer experienced with it enough to be confident in everything he does. Being here and not getting away with something he so easily could before has shaken him. Feeling defeated isn't- something he is used to. Knowing he'll always be caught doing what he wants, what he feels he needs to do.

And how Killua leaves makes him sick.

For a moment he sits up a little as if to say something more, only to feel his shoulders weigh back down, and he sits back again.

He thinks he notices Hisoka moving behind him, and so he turns to check, hands still shoved into his pockets. What he sees isn't what he was expecting at all. An expression like that... Killua can't help but react with one of his own. Sympathetic and shocked.

Hisoka... Hisoka wasn't supposed to be this human. He's spent months in jail now, and he seemed to lose it more each day. Killua had been noticing that as well, and it make him uncomfortable. Of course it did. But this?

He should walk away. Hisoka has only been an ally when it was convenient, right?

But Killua has changed a lot as well, since first meeting Gon, and since first running into Hisoka. He really knows nothing about Hisoka's life, so maybe there was more there that explained a lot of what he acted like. And he, himself, could have ended up the same way, couldn't he?

When he thinks that, he turns the rest of the way around, blinking that earlier expression away. It wouldn't do any good. It might just be awkward for the both of them. So instead, he looks nonchalant and curious, stepping back towards Hisoka. He can't even bring himself to look at him, picking a spot on the ceiling to view instead.

"Ah, actually... You have cards in there, right? Do you play any games?"

Edited 2014-12-29 02:09 (UTC)

You in ten years had you not come across Gon maybe. You had you not learned friendship perhaps. You if you continued to deviate from your family and only ever did anything for yourself. It's unlikely you would've ended up like Illumi considering what lengths you've gone to get away from your family and what they've done. But then you'd only be someone living for himself, right? Someone only interested in their own competence and how much stronger they were than others. Someone- very much like the man you see sitting back there in that cell.

Hisoka sees nothing of himself in Killua though. In Gon, in anyone really. Sometimes- like with Kimblee, he'll see attributes that are the same, but normally- he keeps himself so distant from others. It's just better that way. Not exactly easier, that'd lead to imply making friends was difficult or worthwhile enough to work for. No- just better. Because making friends or forming true bonds is just weakness, silly. People are better as play things, toys that can be discarded when he's lost interest.

And still he sits there, and stares, and hates seeing someone leave. He'd rather have broken toys, or useless toys, or just- a single toy, than be completely alone as he's been. The network is nothing compared to a real face, to actually being close to someone. He might want to rip out someone's throat but- it'd be nice just feeling that heat in his hand at all..

When Killua looks back he doesn't think to change his expression at all, doesn't move. Just stares back like some beast in a cage, knowing it has no real say to anything anymore. No matter how it might roar or claws at it's bars. Just sits, and stares.

Till his eyes slim and he- can't really think of a reason why Killua's coming back, or why he's being asked this. So he just answers.

"No, I don't have any cards in here." A small smile, though- completely genuine. He smiles and then smiling feels sort of nice in this moment, so he smiles a little more.

"Eh?? Really?"

Focused only on this, now, Killua tries not to think of the implications of anything he's doing. After everything Hisoka has done, it's odd to feel so sympathetic. It's even weirder to feel an obligation to do something about it. But he does, and so he will. Little by little. He doubts it'll do much, but how could he walk away?

Moving to sit down on the floor, he pulls out his phone. "I thought you'd have some with how you pull them out of nowhere all the time... But that's fine. This might be easier through a jail cell. Take out your phone. Uh, communicator-- whatever."

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tiny hisoka head

I just laughed for like 5 minutes thanks

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