maskormenacelogs | Boy, don't hurt your brain

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Boy, don't hurt your brain

WHO: Kaidan Alenko and John Shepard
WHERE: their apartment
WHEN: 12/6
WHAT: big dumb Marines don't know how to real life
WARNINGS: none

[ It was an odd thing, to be waiting around, he'd already decided. Kaidan wasn't the sort to stay idle, but even worse was the fact that he had nothing else to do. It may have had something to do with the fact that he'd been going for so long, focusing on things in Alaska, or the data he and Shepard had found overseas, or even something like helping Jaime, all of it was a welcome distraction from that one thing that Kaidan, a man used to living on ships where there was no end to the work, wasn't used to: boredom.

He was trying to do something normal, like watch TV but he was antsy and restless, fingers dancing against the arm of his chair, shifting more restlessly than he was used to. He used to value his quiet time, his time alone, time to sit and read, but...

There was so much of it, free time. Since he'd just been in the middle of a damn war... It was like getting off an adrenaline high, but too abruptly, the energy and need to keep moving, but nowhere to go.

Listless meant that sitting around and waiting was even worse. Why hadn't he been the one going out shopping for the groceries? Maybe then he'd have something to do, instead of sitting around and waiting to talk to your own roommate,

He felt like an idiot. More and more like one lately.]

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[ Shepard wasn't much better at civilian life than Kaidan was, and in some ways he might even be worse -- but he was, if nothing else, good at keeping himself occupied. Even tracking Saren down and finding a way to destroy the Collectors had been interspersed with running missions for the Alliance and around the galaxy, and now, not having that much work to do at once felt... odd.

He may not necessarily have expected to survive long enough to see retirement, but he'd definitely not expected to see his career end up like this. He still thought of himself as an Alliance soldier, and even though the action in Alaska hadn't been much to write home about, enough of the trappings of a military operation had remained to make him feel a little bit better.

Here, unless you were looking for it, you had no way of knowing you were in a country that could be at the brink of a war. Not one that Shepard was interested in fighting on the government's behalf, or at least not this one's.

But for now? He didn't have any business more pressing than navigating around afternoon traffic to bring groceries back to the apartment he shared with Kaidan. Though they lived right over a restaurant, biotic appetites didn't justify eating out for every meal, so the groceries were mostly to supplement it. Paper bags weren't quite as effective at holding in food as he would have liked, and he balanced the groceries carefully on his hip while he got up the stairs, fishing the keys out of his back pocket and clumsily fumbling the door open. ]

Kaidan?

[ He didn't even know why he was waiting, really. It wasn't like he'd promised his roommate that he was going to do anything more than hang around, right? He could have been doing something more than just sitting in a chair, watching a whole lot of nothing on the television. It wasn't all that interesting, that was for sure. Some guy talking about the news, and none of it was relevant to him, even if he wanted it to be. They weren't covering import affairs, and had moved onto something that didn't really apply, even remotely.

This was supposed to be what weekends were like? He didn't know why people worked for them, or why they even looked forward to them.

Maybe he needed a hobby. ]

Hey, Shepard, need any help?

[ Help was better than talking about...what, a holiday? They normally served it with dinner on an Alliance ship, no gifts because you were generally too far out to receive them, but his mom had always sent him something or the other, if she could -- even if it was just a bottle of whiskey or a few vids. It was something, right? Kaidan always appreciated at least something.

Instinct said he was supposed to do something big for Christmas, but... well, he wasn't sure what. He was a damn Marine, not a civilian, and doing something normal was about difficult as holding a lift for as long as he could. He shifted to get out of the seat. ]

Or... oh, it looks like you've got it.

Yeah --

[ He did have it, but only just, and it was a near thing, half-stumbling over his feet to race to the kitchen counter before food toppled out of the bag or the paper itself tore. If Shepard had just a little more finesse with his biotics, maybe he could have used those to lessen the weight, but did you really want to alter the mass of something you were going to be hopefully putting into your stomach, especially when your own control was more likely to make it explode than not.

Once the food was set down, he breathed a soft sigh of relief, glancing curiously over his shoulder. The loose sweatpants and dark shirt he wore suggested he hadn't come from work when he'd decided to go out, but it was... well, not odd to see Kaidan in the apartment, but odd to see him there and not otherwise preoccupied. Feeling a touch of something almost like guilt: ]

How long have you been home?

A while.

[ He admitted, moving closer to the kitchen to lean a hip against the counter, crossing him arms to peer at the groceries. A biotic always went straight for the food before any other concerns. That was just the way it went, they both lived like that. How could they not when their energy got so low without proper food -- they'd been running their biotics pretty hard lately, particularly with Alaska. Even Kaidan had been working on his control and tried to work on making his biotics better and better.

Just like back home, it seemed. And wasn't that something? That even here he was needed, and maybe he should have spent time working on that, instead of just trying to learn to do nothing, like he was assimilating to this way of life, leaning to blend in. ]

A while, I didn't really have that much to do today.

[ That, at least, was true. ]

I take it you weren't doing too much, if you went shopping. Don't tell me you're that bored.

I was hungry, and I realized the fridge was empty.

[ Shepard, at least, had the grace to look a little bit sheepish at that, knowing how that had to sound. He began pulling things out of the bags, moving around the kitchen to put them away where they were meant to be -- he'd gotten more than just the bacon, of course, eggs and meat and a token amount of fruits and vegetables as a reluctant acknowledgement of the fact that they should probably endeavor to have a decent nutritional intake. ]

Besides, I thought I should probably try to pull some of my weight around here.

[ Normally, Kaidan was the one who made dinner -- if only because Shepard usually lacked the initiative or patience to. Then again, maybe that was the reason Kaidan would have preferred to take care of this himself, too? He couldn't quite tell if that was disapproval in his tone, and he finished putting the eggs away before he finally glanced over his shoulder. ]

Sorry. I should have asked first.

Asked? [ Kaidan lifted an eyebrow, and reached out to take a bag, giving Shepard a look, before he started to pull things out, looking them over with an eye that might just have been a touch judgemental. It wasn't that he wanted to judge Shepard, hell, he'd been about to tell him it was fine, it was just groceries, and Kaidan didn't think there was anything wrong with doing some of the shopping -- hell, he'd welcome it, but... ]

It's fine Shepard, but... [ He held up the box, shaking it. ] Rocket Ship shaped pasta?

Maybe we should go grocery shopping together from now on?

[ It wasn't that he didn't trust Shepard, but... What the hell was he going to do with rocket ship shaped pasta, anyway? Kaidan wasn't a gourmet chef, but he at least cooked better than that, he thought. At least good enough that someone didn't need to buy instant macaroni and cheese. ]

Hey, it was buy one take two!

[ It wasn't exactly the most compelling argument he could have made, admittedly, and he looked at Kaidan beseechingly, as if that would make it any easier for him to accept the idea of pasta that wasn't even shaped liek real rockets in his kitchen -- though the expression lasted for all of five seconds before it wavered and broke, Shepard grinning and ducking his head as he conceded the point. ]

That's probably ... not actually a terrible idea, though. I could use some back up. [ He rubbed a hand along one arm, grimacing in mock pain. ] Some of those shoppers get vicious with their elbows.

And you were getting into fights with little old ladies?

[ Kaidan sighed, softly, and set the box down. It wasn't that he didn't trust Shepard to be able to conform to normal life -- he assumed at some point, it had been at least moderately normal -- but... Well, sometimes he had to wonder. If he was the expert in this arrangement, maybe he'd need to think things through a bit more. Not that he would, really, Shepard needed someone to make sure he didn't keep being smacked around by other shoppers. ]

Need me to watch your six? [ He shifted, and put the boxes away with a soft sigh. There was that -- he'd have to find something to do with it, wouldn't he? ] Any other purchases I should be warned about? [ Although he had a sneaking suspicion that there was Canadian Bacon somewhere in here -- since Shepard had eluded to it on the phone. ]

I wasn't fighting anyone.

[ Defensively. Despite what Kaidan might think of him, Shepard was perfectly capable of living a normal civilian. But some tactics learned on the battlefield just didn't work nearly as well off it. At the question, he paused. ]

What qualifies as something you need to be warned about?

[ There was bacon, under the chicken breasts and even one lone steak. There was also an alarmingly large bottle of hot sauce in there, the stuff Shepard seemed to put on everything regardless of how appropriate the seasoning was to the food item he was attempting to cram into his mouth. ]

[ Kaidan didn't so much roll his eyes as he did give Shepard a look that said that he should know what he was doing, before gesturing again at the rocket ship pasta, and then at the hot sauce. ] Well, I guess I can see why you can eat this stuff, you're probably going to drown it in hot sauce, aren't you?

[ Next came the meat, and he pulled it all out, eyebrows drawn together in consternation at the steak, and the chicken, before he caught on to the bacon underneath, and he smiled slightly, pulling it out with a boyish grin. ] Oh, you really got it.

[ He offered him a smile, a touch shy, before he tucked it into the fridge, still smiling. ] The bacon kind of makes up for it. Thank you, I'll, ah, make it for breakfast tomorrow, and you can try the real thing.

You thought I wouldn't? I didn't exactly ask you for no reason.

[ Shepard's brow wrinkled, glancing at Kaidan and folding his arms against the edge of the counter. His posture relaxed, for him, but he was never truly at ease, since that didn't seem to be something Commander Shepard was remotely capable of. ]

You live here too, don't you? [ He paused, cocking his head slightly like he was trying to work out how to phrase what came next. He'd picked up the bacon on a whim more that anything else, half-thinking it might be nice to be able to do something for Kaidan for once, but he hadn't expected him to be so... happy about something as simple as bacon. It was almost embarrassing, like he was being given more credit than he deserved. ]

That comes with ... benefits.

[ Kaidan Alenko was a marine. He was well used to anything someone could throw at you, a wayward word, an insult, god knew he'd been called enough names in his time to fill a few Normandys. All because he was a biotic, and then marines always said things to rile each other up. Maybe that's what Shepard was doing, but Kaidan swiftly turned to put the next thing -- the chicken and the very large steak into the fridge. ]

Benefits, huh? [ A pause, he shook his head. ] Is bringing home the bacon your only trick, or do you have more?

[ Well, it was a hell of lot better than some things, and a lot worse than others. He kept his head in the fridge for a few moments longer. Grabbing the few vegetables and the other chilled items, and sliding them in there. It was good, to keep his head down for the moment. ]

That is classified Spectre information. [ Shepard raised his brows. ]

You're just going to have to keep living with me to find out.

[ He was a little rusty at this, but he was getting better at it. Getting used to living in close quarters again, fostering the easy banter that came with it. Kaidan was different -- he'd always been friendly, but there had been an aloofness to it too, something that made more sense once Shepard found out what happened at Brain Camp.

But now some of that had eased a little, like whatever had happened between Horizon and becoming a Spectre, something in him had eased. Sometimes, more often lately, it was on the tip of Shepard's tongue to ask about it, but he never quite got around to it. He glanced away, instead, frowning slightly. ]

[ The frown was odd, and Kaidan wasn't used to Shepard being so... concerned. Oh, he didn't think the man was stupid, by far, but Shepard had always been the sort of person that didn't seem to think, just act and it worked.

He'd always been a bit envious of that, really. How anyone could actually be successful was something he didn't know how to even comprehend, but Shepard did it, and he did it well. That's why he was supposed to save the galaxy though, right? At least the way people talked about him, they did. ]

Well, I guess since I'm on the damn lease anyway...

[ He tried to keep it light, but he frowned, and looked at him with a measure of concern. ]

You alright over there?

Yeah, I'm fine.

[ Shepard startled when he was spoken too, and forced himself to shake out of it, and bring himself back ot the present. Kaidan sounded worried, and that was never a good thing. Kaidan already spent more than enough time thinking. ]

Just ... lost track. This -- [ He waved a hand around, vaguely. ] --is still hard to get used to.

[ Normal life was such a vague concept. ]

[ Kaidan knew what he meant. They were both marines, and he lifted a shoulder. ]

It's not that bad. Comfy beds, warm food that doesn't taste like a Turian's ass... It's almost like being a real human being.

[ Instead of a weapon. Or a soldier. ]

It's not that bad, just...weird, right?

No, I guess it isn't all bad.

[ Shepard manages a wan, though genuine smile at that. ]

Definitely an improvement over Alaska. Think that means I've lost my touch?

I don't know, Alaska was pretty bad. Well, unless you're Armstrong.

[ Honestly, nobody could out-do Armstrong in terms of sheer steel. She wouldn't be comfortable anywhere, so she looked the same no matter where she was. ]

Normally the Alliance takes decent care of us, right? Alaska was the opposite, we even had to get our own food. They weren't encouraging us to do well, were they?

Not particularly.

[ Shepard nodded, grimacing slightly. It wasn't like they'd been hurting for calories out there, but the form the calories had come in had been less than appetizing, and after spending a few months planetside with food that wasn't just reconstituted edible matter, he found it was harder to go back to rations than he'd thought. ]

And they were willing to disavow us if we messed up.

Yeah...

[ he shook his head, like just thinking about it was enough to drive him up the wall. He really could have started to dance with nervous energy, because Alaska hadn't been fun, despite the fact that they could have come home at any time of they needed to, but Kaidan and Shepard were both military men, they'd been the sorts to go on long missions and campaigns before, and this was no different than before. They could handle it, but not having support... ]

It didn't feel right. Like they didn't care enough about what we were doing. It's like it wasn't worth it, in the long run, at least tactically. Why were they willing to give up a whole state, if needed.

Unless they don't know about... You know. What's going on in Canada.

Hard to believe they wouldn't know. [ Shepard's voice is just a bit dry. ] They jumped on us pretty quick just for getting too close to the border, didn't they?

[ Then again, the nanites offer the government an advantage over them that they don't really have over the rest of the world... ]

That doesn't mean they know about this border. They haven't restricted travel yet, maybe they... Don't know?

[ or maybe they only suspected. Not enough to do more than watch carefully, but not enough to do anything about it. ]

I don't know Shepard, I almost think galactic politics are easier.

Yeah. At least we knew we were the good guys. [ Or at least when Shepard had been part of the Alliance. His time with Cerberus is something they're still managing not to talk about, though it still surprises him. ]

I think the government's just as good about listening to us as the Council was.

Edited 2014-12-21 13:19 (UTC)

Between us and the Reapers, the answer is kind of obvious, isn't it?

[ even so... He ran a hand through his hair, and grimaced. It didn't do much to soothe the turbulence in his belly and chest. He wanted things to be a little easier than the way it was right now. ]

I think the answer's less than they did. The council could at least be coerced with enough screaming -- even if it was too late. Or at least theyll believe us.

[ That was a prospect that didn't bother Shepard as much as it seemed to bother Kaidan. He'd already experienced what it was like to work on the wrong side of the law -- as far as the rest of the galaxy was concerned -- and it wouldn't bother him too much to do it again here, if it he had to.

Not that it meant he'd be throwing himself against the government any time soon. They did more good than harm, for the moment, even if they are secretive as hell, and if Shepard ever found himself in opposition to them, it would only be because he chafed at being bound in place by rules made by an organization he didn't owe any loyalty to.

He glanced at Kaidan sidelong, considering, and found his lips quirking into a slow grin. ]

Careful, Major. You almost sound like a rebel. [ He paused, because it was better not to dwell on that, and quickly and none-too-smoothly changed tracks. ]

I need some advice.

[ It was better, really, to switch tactics. It meant that Shepard wasn't going to keep driving Kaidan down that path, the one that meant the had to look critically at something her didn't really want to consider. Not yet.

This might not be the Alliance, but it still was the people in charge, and he didn't have experience working for terrorist organizations like Cerberus. He didn't want experience working for groups like that. Particularly after the battle for the Citadel.

He didn't think he'd told Shepard about shooting Udina.]

Advice with what??

[ It was lucky for Kaidan that Shepard couldn't read minds, or this conversation would become a lot awkwarder. After a moment, trying to figure out how to phrase it, he cleared his throat. ]

You said you taught other biotics for a while, right? There's this teenager -- an imPort. She asked me for advice on practicing some of the powers the Porter gave her. [ A beat. ] I don't actually know if anything I teach her will be useful, though.

Why not?

[ He asked it honestly. It wasn't that he didn't think that Shepard wouldn't be able to teach him, but it was that he wasn't sure that Shepard would instill something important called caution. He figured technically, he'd do great.

The problem was that Shepard was the kind of person who launched a tank off mountains just to see how far it would fly. He shook his head. ]

Shepard, you're a Spectre. I'd say there's a lot you could teach her, just...make sure to restrain yourself from encouraging her to take risks. She'll do that on her own, I'm sure.

[ Most young people did in his experience. ]

[ Shepard almost looked a touch offended. ]

I'm helping her work on barriers, Kaidan. There's not much risk to be had there unless I start shooting at her.

[ Admittedly, he put himself through some pretty stupid risks, but that recklessness was never something that he extended to the lives of his crew or anyone he felt responsible for (notable incidents in the Mako notwithstanding) ... though whether they chose to follow him or not is their choice. But that was beside the point, and Shepard cleared his throat. ]

She's not the risk-taking type anyway. [ If anything, she struck him as similar to Kaidan. Control and discipline the watchwords of the day, despite her age... and that, maybe, was the problem. ] I guess I just wonder ... how do you know if you're helping or not?

And hopefully you won't do that. [ His smile, though, said otherwise. He had no delusions that Shepard wouldn't try and do right by her. He more worried that she'd try and take off of his example, more than his guidance.

Shepard wasn't the sort to take unnecessary risks unless he thought it was absolutely the best way to get something done, and he knew that if any of them protested, he'd likely take a moment to step back and listen. There was a reason he commanded some of the most loyal members of any crew out there. ]

You don't really know? At least not at first. I mean, it's one of those things where learning to do something takes time. If she keeps coming back, that means she think you're teaching her something worthwhile. You'll know, eventually, if you're doing well, because she'll tell you something happened.

Maybe not in combat, but it came up somewhere, and it helped. [ He still didn't know if he was a good teacher, or not, but he'd had one of those moments, and it made all of the uncertainty worth it. ]

Hm. [ There are no more groceries to put away, all of them somehow having been packed away when Shepard didn't realize it, and he blinks, looking down at crossed arms. ]

So basically, you're telling me I have to wait and see.

I know this goes against your nature...

[ It was good natured, the teasing. ]

But one of the things you learn is that teaching takes patience.

[ Shepard groans, dramatically lying on the counter face-down. ]

Guess that means I'm screwed.

What, you don't think you can learn it?

[ He doesn't buy the dramatics. He knows Shepard can be patient -- if it's a really good reason. ]

Come on, if she believes in you, and I believe in you, I don't think you'll be that screwed.

[ Shepard crosses his arms under his head, so his chin is resting on top of his arm, squinting at Kaidan, challenging. ]

How can you be sure? I didn't think you believed in me.

[ It was meant to be a joke, but that came out less funnier than it had sounded in his head, because that had certainly been true, at least for a little while. ]

[ There were moments where Shepard's honesty came out in odd ways, and Kaidan -- who was rather a master of being a touch passive aggressive -- was also the sort of person who could get as good as he was given. He let his mouth turn down in a frown, and he leaned on the counter, finally uncrossing his arms. ]

I don't say what I don't mean.

[ Pointedly. Well, maybe there was a part there -- back after Horizon -- where he'd been mad, but... He didn't know, somewhere along the line, he started to trust him again. Or maybe that had been after they cleared the air, but he understood why he went that route. Why he'd had to.

He just didn't trust the folks who'd also been with Cerberus. Baby steps. ]

[ Shepard watched Kaidan a moment or two longer, head slightly tilted, looking like a question might be on the tip of his tongue -- before he huffed softly and turned away, looking almost abashed. Except Commander Shepard never actually looked abashed, did he? ]

No, you don't.

[ A pause. ]

Thanks, Kaidan.

[ He had to squint, slightly, as if he was trying to figure out what it is that Shepard meant by that, his eyebrows drawn in consternation as he watched him, before he finally shook his head, a touch of a sigh on his lips. ]

Don't mention it, Shepard. You want to do this steak?

[ Food sounded a lot better than prying his former CO. He figured if Shepard had something to say, he'd say it in his own time, and poking at it wasn't going to do him any favors. ]

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Boy, don't hurt your brain

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