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WHO: Armin Arlert and Jean Kirstein
WHERE: A coffee shop.
WHEN: 9/17/14.
WHAT: Talking.
WARNINGS: Spoilers for all of Attack on Titan.

[There is a part of Jean that doesn't want to leave home without his three-dimensional gear, but he knows it's illogical to walk around with what is literally an obvious weapon. He leaves the gear behind on his bed, in part because of that, and heads out toward the coffee shop. Being back in this world, with its modern technology and conveniences, is strange. Some part of him does feel more at ease with it, though. He knows what the Survey Corps can accomplish. If they can do that there, then they can do the same here, can't they?

That thought doesn't exactly make him light in his steps, but he's more at ease. It helps. It helps, considering that he had dreaded returning home. He dreaded knowing what it would be like mere moments away from death, but they had learned. Captain Levi had helped, and he has an idea of how to work with (and even help) Armin. He hopes he can employ it.

It's likely not obvious, though, because Jean always looks like himself, and he looks as if he's deep in thought as he enters the coffee shop. While he's left behind his gear, he hasn't bothered to take off his uniform. Later, he'd definitely do it later, but now, he settles into a seat not far from the menu and scans the options. He hasn't really gotten into the hang of drinking coffee like it's a common commodity, so he's uncertain as to what he should get.]

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[Armin arrives a minute or two later, carrying a small bag of groceries. He spots Jean and smiles, genuinely, since he seems to look... okay. It's hard to tell with his face, but Armin's sure he's capable of looking much worse. He stows the reusable bag under the table.]

Decided what you want? My treat.

[He wants to say I'm glad you're back but he can't. He can't say that.]

I think I'd like one of those breads.

[He eyes the pastry case from a distance, considering it.]

I feel like I went back to not eating good food for a while. Do you know anything about coffee?

[While they're not without certain confections back home, they're enough of a luxury that Jean has only had them growing up, sneaking sips from his mother's glasses and the like. Even though he's lived here for a while, there are certain things that he hasn't developed a refined palette for.]

A lot, actually. I like it. It's very bitter, and the caffeine might upset your stomach. Most people either like it or hate it? I'll get you a small one, if you don't like it we'll get you tea.

[Armin flashes Jean a smile he hopes is confident or reassuring in some way, and places an order for two coffees - a mild roast for Jean and a dark for Armin, the bread Jean liked and pumpkin bread for himself.

It's weird, the things you become used to, simple things, like being polite to baristas and counting out money. For nearly a month after returning Armin didn't think he could handle Heropa anymore, though he was afraid to admit that to anyone. All of it seemed frivolous, and the food tasted awful.

Jean seems to be doing better, if he's hungry and curious about new things. Armin can only hope that bodes well.

A minute or two later Armin returns with all of their things, and he sets a small pack of sugar and creamer in front of Jean along with the coffee.]

You can sweeten it, and put the creamer in it if you like. I don't personally care for it that way, though.

[Armin drinks his coffee black, though carefully, minding his tongue.]

[For Jean, the difference of time is not so great, and the stress of the events is something that he'd already been undergoing. By experiencing it for himself, and returning to this world, it felt as if the two mindsets collided. He felt the guilt over his decisions, but hadn't he already, in some distant, undetermined way? He didn't know how to feel over it, and he feels as if that's ultimately continued. It wasn't as if he was prepared for it first hand, lacking the memories of the warning about that experience. But now that he had the warning, and he knew what came after it, it settled him somewhat.

Jean was pessimistic in the worst way, but he had to be forward moving. That meant drinking coffee and tea and having whatever pastry he decided to try. He hadn't eaten since he came back, though, and he didn't know if his stomach would handle it.

Noting the absence of other patrons (for the most part), he took the creamer container and a few sugars back to their table, just in case he didn't like the coffee. He took a sip, and the intensity of the flavor was immediately too much for his tongue. But the bitterness was appreciated, too, as if it was like some of the flavorless things they customarily ate back home. He thought that Sasha might like it, what with her tendency to eat potatoes in their whole form.

He waited to try the pastry, poking at it on the small plate.]

I'll drink it slowly. I have to give you the update.

Okay. The update, then.

[Armin blows some of the steam off his coffee, taking a tiny little sip before setting it down and giving Jean his full attention.

He doesn't think it's right to be happy Jean might've gone through all that, but he can't help but find relief in the thought the burden of the experience might no longer his to bear alone.

He hopes he doesn't look happy, but he's really glad Jean is here, too.

Armin values his brand of levity even more so, in this place.]

... I can corroborate what you said before about my near-death incident. You left out the stuff with what Captain Levi said.

[He made it too impersonal. Jean hadn't felt particularly at ease, but he does feel better having experienced it for himself. That doesn't mean he feels better about Armin's involvement, but he doesn't know what to say there ... and he didn't exactly know what to say back home. He works his jaw momentarily.] Thank you.

[Jean lets that hang in the air, as he figures that's something that Armin would like to respond to before he presses on.]

[Making it impersonal was the only way Armin could attempt to process everything. Turning into a series of stated facts, cold and devoid of grief or regret, or the churning mess of his heart and guts after the fact. Maybe he should've let in more detail, in retrospect. He still isn't sure how he's supposed to talk about this. He knows how he feels, but he fears sharing that.

He finds himself staring at Jean. Thank you. It's two small words and yet he's floored.]

Jean, I--

[He reaches out, wanting to touch of the back of Jean's hand, just to confirm he really is here, alive.]

You don't have to thank me.

I wasn't able to say anything before.

[Though he doesn't know how well he would have gotten there. He watches Armin's hand near his, and only at the last second does he draw away, somewhat flustered. Jean doesn't remark on it, filing it away (and likely repressing it).]

That isn't the only thing I experienced. Let me keep going.

[Armin pulls his hand back quickly, looking away, embarrassed.

Of course. Of course. He was being silly.]

Sorry. What else happened?

[As if nothing happened, he presses on:]

After I convinced Marlowe and Hitch to join us, we went after a group of military police to gain more information about the central headquarters. In the meantime, Commander Smith staged a takeover of all the government within the walls, ensuring that the selfishness of the monarchy was revealed in the process. It was a successful coup that bought us time to head toward the Central HQ and act.

[He pauses, shoveling a piece of his pastry into his mouth and chewing on it thoughtfully. As he had been speaking, his voice became more and more relieved. While they hadn't found success yet, they were moving toward it.]

We're heading to save Eren and Historia now, Armin. [He knows that information is necessary.]

[Armin keeps silent as Jean explains, though his eyes grow wider and wider with each moment. He feels his pulse jump, his face warming. His eyes fill with tears.

He doesn't ask Jean to confirm it. He trusts Jean is telling the truth.

Armin shoves his hands into his lap to avoid grabbing for Jean's again, looking at his coffee in front of him on the table as the tears stream down his face.]

Jean...! [He chokes out.] That... is really good news!

Now we've just got to not fuck things up.

[Years of working in close quarters with Armin left him familiar with his tendency to tear up at a moment's notice. He barely notices it, instead focusing on his coffee. Armin always cries. It's what he does.]

But we're here for the moment, so we can try not to worry. [If they can. He's not sure if Armin is actually capable of that.]

[Armin forces himself to keep silent about Eren and Historia, since Jean hasn't said anything about them there must not be more to say. He knows it annoys Jean when he mentions Eren. Jealousy, maybe, though it's never made sense to Armin.]

The important thing is we'll have a chance to get things right. [It seems a bit weird to say something so optimistic, but it's the best Armin can offer. He wipes his eyes with the edge of a napkin, sniffling.]

I'm really glad you're back.

Well, some of it is set right, at least.

[Which is helpful to know. Jean's relieved that they know that. They can also look at their behavior there and apply some of it here. After all, Jean still has his uncertainty when it comes to this world's government. Then again, he doesn't know what a tiny group like theirs could accomplish in a world this populated.

Maybe not much.]

And I don't know that I'm relieved so much, but I'm here. It's back to feeling like I won't die any day soon, at any rate.

Edited 2014-10-14 22:16 (UTC)

[Armin rings his hands in his laps. He's crying again even though he just wiped his eyes. How frustrating.]

I'm glad. [He repeats lamely.] Thank you for telling me all of this in person.

After before, it only made sense to tell you.

[That's what Jean tells himself, anyway.

He's messaging Sasha, after all.]

[Armin spends the next few moments sniffling. He wipes his eyes again, and thinks about what Jean has said. Not the news - which is still a little overwhelming, and he'll have to keep telling himself again and again that it's real for awhile - but the fact that Jean came to him first. And maybe he should be warning Jean that Levi isn't here to take the report so he should file it with Hanji or Erwin.

He looks at Jean's hand for a moment, and then Jean's face. In his heart he feels a tiny lick of heat, an affection like the flame of a sputtering candle.]

Just me, huh?

[Armin suddenly remembers he has coffee, and food, and takes a sip of his drink to hide his urge to smile.]

[That statement makes him flush and shift uneasily. It's not just because of the fact that it's Armin sitting across from him, but there are a lot of factors. They're unspoken factors, and they've only really had the opportunity to address them here and today. There's no point in pushing Armin not to deal, or to embrace the blood on his hands, or anything like that.

He swallows.]

Yeah, well ... you saved my life.

[It's said with some finality. It comes back to that, in his mindset. Of course he tells himself that's all it is. Sasha had been there, Sasha had helped Captain Levi, and had lived through it, but it's not the same.

Armin's the reason he's somehow managed to cheat death. And it's not just the first time either.]

Even you can figure that out, can't you?

[The wounds are now fresher to Jean, and they were always going to be different to him, too. Armin's had two months to process, to attempt to make his pace with this trouble turn of events. In truth he is still heart-hurt over it, in fact it might take the rest of his life not to be. But there's distance between him and that pain now. Looking at Jean in this moment, having lived through some time where he was gone, he can begin to understand what Levi meant. He feels more confident in his decision, because Jean is here, alive. Breathing, and is he blushing?

Armin picks up his cup of coffee and raises it to his lips, but sets it down without drinking any.]

You wanted to see me because of that? [Armin settles on asking, because he feels somehow they've ventured somewhere new he can't quite predict, and it's his fault for asking those kinds of questions.]

I think we're getting better, then. [Before, he was sure Jean could barely stand to look at him.]

What the hell do you mean? "Better"?

[The words catch him off guard, so much that it mangles his features, returning them to their harsher look. His eyes squint somewhat at Armin while he considers his coffee. Half the time they're in the middle of something, and Armin goes on like this. What's he even supposed to say to that?]

I thought once you knew everything, you wouldn't be able to stand my face. [Armin smiles then, and he'd probably start tearing up if he had anything left in him to cry. He gets this way in his head, assuming people find him to be a burden, that resentment or disappointment lurk where there is none.] I just didn't want you to be miserable. But you asked to see me.

That isn't at all what I was doing back home.

[Jean can understand the place that statement is coming from, but he also doesn't feel like entertaining it for longer than he has to. He can understand, sure, but that doesn't make it any less nonsensical. He sees no point in entertaining it as a legitimate worry.]

But it's not like we've had much of a chance to talk. [And for his part, he hadn't known what to say then.]

No. When I first came back, I really hated having all this time to rest and think, actually. My body wasn't used to it anymore.

[Armin cradles his cup of coffee, feeling its ebbing warmth.]

I shouldn't have assumed how you'd feel, I'm sorry.

Just don't do it again, especially if it's just to make yourself feel shitty. That isn't really what anyone wants to hear, you know?

[The beginning portion is ignored. Jean can understand that sentiment, and it doesn't require a comment as much as the second half does.]

I understand. [Armin says quietly, trying not to sound too pathetic. He does regret he has these sort of doubts, but he's still learning to try and squelch those thoughts when they occur. Everyone has faith in him, and even though his job performance ought to prove it correct, he still wonders if it could be misplaced.

Finally, he sips his coffee.]

If we're okay, then I hope we can hang out some more. I sort of cut myself off from all of you when I came back, even though I know you and Sasha were probably worried. If that's what you want, of course.

That's fine. We should probably be sticking together, anyway. It's smarter.

[Jean isn't able to tell if Armin means Sasha and him or just him, but he wonders if he has the tolerance to "spend more time with Sasha." He considers that and adds:] And don't forget Sasha. I bet she'd like if you introduced her to some of that food you found. [He does like and respect Sasha, but he does find it easier to be an asshole to her.

It's probably because she cries less.]

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wow i really enjoy how i either didn't get or missed the notification for this

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