[semi-closed] kiss the cook

[5055034455]

WHO: Saul Goodman & his housemates
WHERE: Heropa gov't house #012
WHEN: Afternoon — evening of 9/14
WHAT: Saul decides to put some of his cash advance from Jesse toward acquiring a grill and a stack of things to cook on it. Barbecue time! (Threadhopping is encouraged!)
WARNINGS: None; will update if needed.

[It's been a while since Saul last had to share his living space with someone else, and even though the housing he's been given is spacious and comfortable, he's finding it harder and harder to avoid his housemates — especially since one of them is now a freaking dinosaur. It's not that he's been antisocial lately, or so he'd swear; he's just busy. He's trying to adjust. He needs space to think and organize his new life, because he's already got so much going on, and and and —

The excuses are starting to sound, in a word, lame. What's making it worse is that he's already gone out with Freddie, so avoiding her just seems like a dick move, and it's even harder to ignore the teenager when he'd been so nice to Saul over the network, and the dinosaur is — well, the dinosaur is a dinosaur, and Saul does not want to be on a dinosaur's shit list.

So he decides the best course of action to take in order to instill a sense of community in this house of theirs is to buy a grill, fire it up, and get cookin', because nothing says "let's be friends" like food. And that's exactly what he does: thanks to Jesse's cash advance, what Saul winds up lugging into the backyard with the help of two other guys is a large box that eventually becomes a shiny, shiny grill capable of cooking (almost) literally an entire cow at once. And soon enough, come mid-afternoon, he's out there with a stack of assorted meats and a spatula and a set of tongs and an apron that demands someone kiss him.

If people thought his suits were bad, they haven't seen him in what he apparently considers casual Florida wear: Bermuda shorts with a Hawaiian shirt. And then there are the flip-flops. And that goddamn apron.

And his stupid, stupid grin as he bops along to the music coming from the radio and the sound of meat sizzling, like this is the best vacation he's ever had.]

Comments

[redhairring]

[ What the hell. Saul's wearing a Hawaiian shirt. And has a massive grill. Freddie, who had come back to the house from an interview with her heels and red polka dot dress was utterly judging Saul and his apron.

What was this. Was this some sort of attempt at bonding? An attempt at bonding that involved meat? She wrinkled her nose slightly as she looked at the grill. ]

You do know I'm a vegetarian, right?

[ He probably didn't. She could pass her hot dogs off on the dinosaur if needed anyway (Freddie had to take a pause to realize just how bizarre that sentence was.) ]

[5055034455]

[He knows she's coming as soon as he hears her heels click-clacking, so he turns to fix her with a bright smile — except oh, whoops. Vegetarian. That's something Saul definitely didn't know, because he likes to assume the best of people.]

That's news to me. Lucky for you, I also picked up some salad — it's in the fridge.

["Salad": One of those bagged, pre-mixed deals that was on special at the store. He tried...?]

[redhairring]

[ She had a fairly good idea about what Saul meant by 'salad' and was slowly resigning herself to the fact that she might have to go out shopping for herself tonight. ]

Well, that was sweet of you. [ at least she managed to scrape up a smile, even if there was some tenseness lingering behind it. ]

What's the occasion?

[5055034455]

[Call it a hunch, but he thinks she's disappointed.

Ah, well; this is a learning experience to file away for later. He'll make it up to her.]

Call it a late Labor Day celebration.

[redhairring]

[ A late Labor Day celebration. If he was going with that excuse, she'd be okay with it. ]

Better late than never, I suppose. I hope you're making enough for the dinosaur.

[ because yeah. There's a dinosaur. ]

[5055034455]

[That's totally the excuse he's going with and she can't stop him. But she has a good point, which makes him open his mouth and then quickly shut it again.]

Ah —

[With a rueful nod toward the house:] You might not wanna look in the freezer anytime soon.

[Because he knows about the dinosaur. And he stocked up.]

[redhairring]

[ there's a pause as she puts two and two together. Ah. The dinosaur was here. And the dinosaur had to eat. ]

I'm okay with the sight and smell of meat--I just don't eat it myself. [ though, still thinking about the dinosaur raised another question... ] You know, it's a talking dinosaur so it's got to have some level of intelligence. But do you think it can cook?

[5055034455]

Hey, I'm just tryin' to be considerate.

[It's the thought that counts, right?]

And, uh, I have no clue. I guess it depends on what kinda dinosaur it is. I mean, if it's a t-rex —

[Saul draws his arms close to his body, poorly imitating a t-rex. But then a thought occurs to him, and he glances back toward the house.]

...it's probably not that big.

[redhairring]

I have no idea what kind of dinosaur it is, [ she admitted, with a little frown. Freddie didn't know that much about dinosaurs to begin with--it never interested her as a kid, never interested her now. ]

I think it's pne of those tiny armed ones, though.

[immigrantpunk]

[The smell of grilling from outside is enough to draw Jayden forth from his room. He stands before Saul barefoot, in PJs despite it being Sunday afternoon. His stomach growls loudly as he watches the gaudy man, whom he's not really had a chance to speak much with in person.

But hey, this can't get any weirder than talking to a dinosaur.]

What's all this?

[5055034455]

[Saul had a feeling that would work. It's been a while since he was one, but he likes to think he's still familiar with how the average teenage boy's mind functions.

While pointing at each item:] Some t-bone steaks, a few hot dogs, bratwurst, aaand burgers that may or may not make the cut. [They're still wrapped in plastic.] You like burgers?

[immigrantpunk]

[You are one hundred percent correct, Saul. Jayden's stomach rumbles again as the list gets rattled off. He nods, his hair bouncing with the bob of his head. His expression is still a bit serious, but he certainly doesn't look disinterested.]

Yeah. You gonna put cheese on them?

[Burgers are much better with cheese.]

[5055034455]

[He looks at Jayden like Jayden just asked him if he was stupid.

What an offensive question.]

Um, of course I'm gonna put cheese on them.

[immigrantpunk]

[Jayden nods in approval.]

Good. I'll have one and a steak, if they're up for grabs.

[5055034455]

Sure are. Gimme like fifteen minutes.

[Pause.]

You can maybe use that time to get dressed.

[immigrantpunk]

Whaaat? No one said there's a dress code.

[5055034455]

Well now I'm saying it. C'mon, it's like — [He peers at his watch.] It's after two. Lemme guess: you just woke up?

[tooscience]

[Mammal roommates! MAMMAL ROOMMATES!

Mammals kidnapped him and put him with mammal roommates! More fuel to the hatred fire most certainly, but he'd play along to their stupid game for now. Stupid mammal authority people, they'd never expect his betrayal and use of their own tech in destroying them all! All mammals would die.

Eventually.

When he got some crystals... and maybe some nukes.

For now he was playing nice. Be the nice harmless dinosaur that no one ever suspects and not eat or horribly murder and experiment on his mammalian roommates. Yes. His acting was flawless! So flawless that- meat. He smelt meat.

Meat was good. And almost instantly H'ssssk is darting outside to check things out.

FOOD!]

[5055034455]

[Saul doesn't know what he expected, since he thought he was expecting a dinosaur, but —

The sight of H'ssssk, who is really an actual, honest to God dinosaur, makes him want to piss his pants.

He freezes at the grill and stares at his new roomie with wide, worried eyes. What he wants most is to see what kind of teeth the dinosaur has — maybe they'll all get lucky and he'll turn out to be an herbivore...?]

Um. H-hi.

[tooscience]

[Unfortunately there's no such luck for Saul. H'ssssk is 100% carnivore and if his teeth don't prove they're for cutting and ripping, then his claws certainly do show they're made just to cling and cut. Honestly anyone who'd seen Jurassic Park and had nightmares about the velociraptors would probably break down in tears of fear. He looks exactly like a raptor from the movie and not at all what science says they'd look like. Really going off science he'd be more of a dromaeosaurus, deinonychus or utahraptor. Without feathers.

FEATHERS ARE LIES! MAMMAL SCIENTISTS LIE!

Fortunately for Saul, H'ssssk is far more interested in the meat than him.]

What are you barbecuing, mammal roommate?

[5055034455]

[It wasn't the velociraptors Saul had nightmares about; his nightmares were more along the lines of being plucked out of a porta-potty by a pair of huge jaws.

But this is, you know, almost as bad.

Good thing Saul stocked up on the meat just in case.]

Meat, mostly. There's, uh — [Gesturing with the tongs:] Brats, burgers, steak. Plenty more where this came from, too. You hungry?

[tooscience]

[Thankfully being snatched off a porta-potty was unlikely to happen. At least by H'ssssk.

But meat. Meat was excellent! And there was so much of it. It was like some meaty tribute to the dinosaur god, that was him!]

Can you cook it properly, mammal roommate?

[He pushes his face up close to the barbecue, eying the meat like if this mammal doesn't know how to cook they'll all just spontaneously explode. Can't be too careful with a mammal handling things.]

[5055034455]

[That's totally what Saul was going for!

...wait.

Saul leans back when H'ssssk moves closer, with a puzzled look on his face.]

You don't eat it raw?

[tooscience]

[The comment makes H'ssssk's snout scrunch up, almost insulted. Almost. If it hadn't come from a mammal it definitely would have been insulting.]

I can eat both!

[Raw. Cooked. He eats whatever he feels like.]

Are you saying I can't have cooked meat, mammal roommate?

[5055034455]

No! No, I — no, man, no, I'd never tell anyone what they can or can't eat.

[Please don't eat him, though. That's Saul's main concern right now.]

You can have both if you want!