maskormenacelogs | (no subject)

Entry tags:

(no subject)

WHO: Annie, Senketsu, and Ryuuko
WHERE: Nonah
WHEN: backdated to September 11
WHAT: Senketsu and Ryuuko go to pay Annie a visit
WARNINGS: n...one?

[Senketsu arrives with Ryuuko in tow at their arranged meeting spot bearing gifts--one basket full of freshly baked sweet buns, still piping hot since he and Ryuuko took the porters to get to Nonah.

Why? Because he can, really, and you can't stop Senketsu when he's given the opportunity to feed someone.]

Miss Annie, [he says in greeting, then presents the basket to her.]

I've brought something just for you.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ Beware... fresh.. baskets of buns? Annie blinks, Rex sniffing at the air (he smells food, he smells Senketsu, he smells Ryuuko, and it's all rather exciting) before ambling forward, all puppy awkwardness and curiosity and no hesitation over strange smells or strange looming people, considering his own owner liked to walk around at twenty-two feet tall and was anything but standard organic humanoid. Annie tries to manage the leash while accepting the basket, Rex mostly ignoring her efforts to tug him back to her side and instead getting friendly with the new strangers. He isn't that large - even full grown, brittany pointers were medium sized dogs - but he is a lot of energy. ]

Ah - thank you?

[ She could pretend not to be as confused as she is, but, no. Annie is obviously confused. Count this as something along the lines of the first time anyone's ever brought her food as a gift; bread in many ways is apt, and familiar. Or. She's not sure. These smell nice, but she has to seriously resist checking to make sure they're not those terrifying things made by Mako's mother (and that has to hurt, she guesses, having your child disappear, but it's better to know where they went to than to wonder perpetually what happened to them like the parents of those missing persons and their empty graves in the memorial cemetery) at the faire. ]

You didn't need to bring anything.

[ She brought puppy on loan from someone else. Technically she figures Rex is better company than she is, particularly since it's not like any one of them hasn't just had a friend (or something like one) Port out in the last handful of days, though even Rex lost Thundercracker for a while... he just noticed in different ways. And then TC was back.

Such is life. ]

[Ryuuko trudges alongside Senketsu, though she falls a step or two behind as they near Annie. shrugging her hands into her jacket pockets she seems distant, a solemn frown gently tugging at her lips- but that's pretty much her usual expression anyway. watching silently as Senketsu hands the basket over, her brow twitches and a subtle pout begins to form before her attention is torn away from the pair. forced onto the dog that leaps up to say hello. hurriedly catching his front paws in her hands she laughs, surprised.]

Wh-Whoa, easy-!!

[crouching down to the dogs level she smoothes her palms along both sides of his head to calm him before petting along his back with one hand and scratching behind his ear with the other. her gaze travels back up to Annie, mouth tipping back into a slight frown before flickering her attention back to the dog, sighing.]

Yeah, well, that's Senketsu for yah.

[Senketsu makes a wholesome smile as he watches the antics of Ryuuko and Pup, mostly relieved that she has something to occupy herself with other than being all jealous about him paying attention to an attractive woman that isn't her.

He hopes that his wearer might warm up to Annie when she realizes that the two actually have an eerily similar story--that is, being "monsters" in the flesh of a human, intended to be used as weapons for someone else: superiors with no regard to the value of human life. That is, of course, assuming that will even be shared in conversation.

Mostly he hopes that it will go well over everything else.]

I know. Think of it as an apology for asking awkward questions on the network.

[ Annie doesn't call Rex back, keeping track of his interactions with Ryuuko in peripheral vision. All the books and materials she reads on puppies stresses the importance of socialization, and all the better for him, if he keeps engaging with people who take some degree of pleasure out of the interaction. She tells herself not to be tempted toward her own small amusement in turn: in this moment, Ryuuko's posturing reminds her of Mikasa at times, when Eren had been sparring with Annie. A different form of that awareness, but close bonds play across many emotions between people.

Unlike with Mikasa, there's no desire to needle over the possible reasons. There's no history between them, and nothing she wants to help Senketsu to learn. He's quite literally nothing like Eren. Basket jammed under one arm and balanced against her hip, she gives a single shake of her head. No apology feels necessary. ]

We all fall into that habit... it's easy to forget how little of our own thoughts we can keep to ourselves on those devices.

[ By little, she means absolutely none. Annie's learned to live with her assured paranoia that nothing said on device is sacred to anything (thank you, Inumuta). Her attention shifts to Ryuuko - thoughtful, but mostly calm. Annie's used to being subtle in outward expression when not taken by surprise. ]

It's nice to see you again, Ryuuko. [ Sans lemonade stand. ] Rex looks happy to meet you. Ah... actually, would you be willing to help me with him? I could use an extra pair of hands... leash laws seem arbitrary, but they're enforced here.

[ Laws which don't exist in Florida. Go figure. She holds out the leash, letting it remain a question between the two of them if she wanted to accept or not. Annie will manage either way.

It seemed wiser to include her from the beginning, since this conversation isn't going to be anything less than awkward for Annie in the first place. Sorry. I won't be feeling like someone who's lost her best friend. I don't even know what that feels like, and I'm sorry twice over that you do. Loss isn't easy. ]

This may seem strange to ask, but... [ She looks over at Senketsu, as he'd been the one talking to the three of them at the time of their confession. ] ... what is your perception on the relationship between Berthold, Reiner, and myself?

[it would certainly be nicer to see Annie if she had bought some damn lemonade last time they'd met. but, eh, what's done is done.

rising back up to stand she dusts herself off before giving the leash a blank stare. pursing her lips together and thinking it over for a moment before holding out her hand, eyebrows raising expectantly.]

Five dollars.

[her serious expression is quickly betrayed by the shit eating grin that rapidly spreads across her face. she snorts, giving an amused laugh before taking the leash.]

Kidding.

[the last dog she was around was the Mankanshoku's pet, Guts. he was a real handful despite being such a small dog. and... vaguely perverted.... but this one seems easy enough to handle.]

[Ryuuko and Rex have Senketsu's attention, bringing a content smile to his face and a chuckle when Ryuuko makes a jest even before she calls it out as such. He looks back up at Annie when she asks him a direct question, however, and contemplates an answer to her question for a moment.]

Bear in mind that I haven't spent much time with the three of you, either as a group or individually--but as far as I can see, the three of you are comrades. I imagine that your shifting ability brings the three of you close through solidarity, though it seems like a closeness of understanding rather than intimacy.

[Unlike that of Ryuuko and Senketsu; unlike that of Satsuki's elite four.]

Why do you ask?

[She doesn't seem like the kind of person to invest too much in how other people interpret her or her relationships with others...]

[ Annie snorts as she hands off the leash - there's a small, lopsided quirk of her lips. She's not oblivious to jokes, particularly not in person (text is something altogether different). She's just not usually the one people are joking with, or at. She's never much cultured that response. ]

Thank you.

[ Senketsu is both right and wrong in his estimate - Annie does care, because knowing those interpretations allows her to move and operate and predict how people will respond. It's not for the sake of caring about being rightly understood. That doesn't bother her. Knowing outside opinions doesn't change her own, but it better informs her on how to proceed. ]

To explain part of why it is Bertholdt leaving doesn't mean the same thing to me as it does to Reiner. He and Reiner are... you'd say they're intimately familiar with each other. They've been friends for a long time, and each other's support in a foreign, hostile environment. There was a third... he didn't survive the journey to the Walls.

[ She's the one who is close out of understanding - she's the outsider, and most the time, it doesn't bother her. Why would it? It's the position she assigned herself, that her father crafted her for beforehand. ]

Reiner isn't as steady without Bertholdt around. What they do for each other... that kind of stability, it's not something I'm familiar with. I was trying to help Reiner with it before Bertholdt arrived. I guess I'll be trying again with him gone. So missing Bertholdt... it feels selfish to say I miss him more for that, than even for himself.

[ It's a cold kind of honesty, but for someone who has trouble opening up, even Reiner's easier to connect to than Bertholdt. Bertholdt had been the one between the three of them who had been able to make friends with the people he knew he'd be throwing to the wolves. Reiner had literally generated a whole second personality to handle the stress. Annie never allowed herself close in the first place. They were both too soft hearted for what they needed to do, and too well trained not to do it. Bertholdt is harder for her to frame in words. ]

[all this talk about friends and having someone to lean on just puts a damper on Ryuuko's already crappy mood. she hasn't gotten over Mako's leaving, not by any means, it's definitely going to take time to adjust. still, she's aware she's not the only one suffering... mrs Mankanshoku, Senketsu, the others too. even if some of them wouldn't admit to it.

that being said, she's been so caught up in her own thing that it's a little surprising to hear someone talking about the same thing she's going through.]

I get that...

[a hoarse whisper, uttered without really thinking. that exact kind of stability is something she never knew before meeting Mako and Senketsu. it's not a time in her life she ever wants to relive. her grip on the leash tightens, and her face is visibly pained at the thought. Mako getting deported is just a huge reality check that she could lose her entire support system at any moment... and that's scary.]

To feel that role is a responsibility isn't what a close friend does.

[The statement is more of an observation than an accusation--he understands what she's trying to get at. There is a professional distance between her and Reiner.]

The fact that you feel like you can function without that kind of stability would be an advantage in a place like this, where there is very little of it. Ryuuko and I can only get by because we have each other, a mutual stability that comes as a side-effect to the rest of our relationship.

[Mako had provided stability too--but he avoids mentioning the loss of her, for Ryuuko's sake.]

Do you wish that you didn't have to sustain that one-sided responsibility?

[ Ryuuko's hoarse whisper carries to Annie, enough to prompt her into shifting how she stood, shifting the basket along with her to glance at the other young woman. There are bits and pieces of the people around that fall into place, make more sense as time goes on, and while it's not something that inclines her toward smiling (she's not sure what is, it's unexplored territory), it earns a dip of her head in silent acknowledgement to Ryuuko. No commenting on the words - they seemed too spontaneous.

Allowing people room to decide what is or is not what they want to claim to have said is a small enough courtesy to give, when she can afford the giving.

Which means she moves her attention to Senketsu and his question - his statements, too, but those are ones she can't exactly agree with. Not with the people she knows, or the friendships she's observed. Granted... normal wasn't a word applied to Mikasa, Eren, and Armin. Far from it, for all they were some of the closest knit people she's known. They felt responsibilities for each other, but he's right - it's not that sense alone. There's a slew of emotions that tie them together, good and bad. Responsibility isn't owed. It's a labor of love. ]

For his mental stability? It would be a lie to say it's not discomforting. It'd also be a lie to say it's entirely one sided... in the sense that either one of us feels responsible for the other. Reiner does. It's part of who he is, and why he is the way he is now. If he didn't care, if he didn't take that responsibility for the people around him, he wouldn't have divided himself so completely in order to survive.

[ which isn't answering what he's said, but that's the answer she needs to give. outline part of what makes Reiner who he is, and underscore, in her own way, the fact she does respect him, regardless of complicated personal feelings. ]

When you lose your important people, what helps you process that it's happened, as you live on?

[ that question... is actually addressed to Ryuuko. but with Rex snapping at a passing moth, and Annie's own subdued way of engaging the world, it's difficult to tell. (sorry, Senketsu, but you are, on one hand, the self-confessed individual who has done the leaving in a more permanent sense, before here. so now it's about what he can say since he's been here. and it's whatever Ryukko may or may not choose to offer on the same subject.) ]

[Ryuuko hadn't come here intending to engage in much conversation, this was a meeting between Annie and Senketsu, really. she wasn't sure why she was invited along in the first place, other than assuming he wasn't comfortable leaving her alone. ridiculous, but it's not like she hasn't given him reason to worry. running off and crashing bar scenes in the run down part of town in the middle of the night and what not.

this topic of discussion is hard for her, she's never been good at talking about feelings. which is why she's more prone to fall silent, letting the two talk... she almost misses Senketsu's comment on "their relationship" and as that word registers her head snaps up, all composure lost as her face lights up with a coupled sense of embarrassment and surprise at his phrasing. a small disgruntled noise bubbles in her throat and she sputters, obviously caught off guard by his statement. but she doesn't comment, not just yet. no, it's best not to make it a big deal, right? now's not the time for that. STOP DRAWING UNWANTED ATTENTION TO YOURSELF RYUUKO.

biting the inside of her cheek she drops her gaze away from him, and back to the dog. using him as a distraction while their conversation plays out... it's not until there's a drawn out silence that she realizes she was being addressed. she was listening, at least, but not paying enough attention to catch that the question was tossed her way.

a bitter laugh reverberates in her chest and she kicks idly at the dirt on the ground, shaking her head and shrugging her shoulders.]

I'm probably the last person you should be asking about that...

[how does she deal with loss? she doesn't. she runs away. it's easier to turn your back on the pain and mold it into rage. anger is so much easier to stomach than sadness. it's why, when her father was murdered, she turned to revenge. devoting her life to tracking down his killer and dealing them the same cruel fate they had forced upon her only known family. channeling that grief into a spiteful mission, projecting those negative feelings onto a mystery murderer, rather than berating herself for all the things left unsaid, all the time that was never spent, and could never be spent together with her dad.

but that's the most extreme case of loss she's had to live through... until she goes back home and has to face losing Senketsu. she knows it's coming, but she doesn't want to think about it, despite knowing it's inevitable. she can cope with the knowledge that she will lose him now only because he is here with her to comfort and ease the blow. going back home and living it all will be a totally different story.

in the case of less severe losses, like Mako returning, Ryuuko still has the same tendency to flee from her feelings rather than dealing with them. old habits die hard- or something like that. but she's taking it better than she had when Senketsu told her he'd died. significantly better. at least she knows Mako is home where she belongs and living out her life in the peaceful world that Senketsu sacrificed himself to create.]

Not much helps, really... Time, maybe? Learning to accept what's lost and to keep moving forward. Letting that loss hold you back from experiencing life is what's most dangerous. That I've got plenty of experience with.

Attributes like that are what make a functional unit of comrades. You couldn't call it a weakness or a strength, because it depends on context...well, that's just the way humans are.

[Senketsu had not expected Annie to address Ryuuko with such a hard-hitting question so soon--especially since he didn't realize they actually had met before. Still, he watches Ryuuko with a mild smile as she answers, glad that she was given the opportunity to give a voice to the feelings that he knows she would much rather run away from, and with a stranger.

He knows for a fact that she wouldn't even fathom herself doing such a thing if she were a few months younger. It makes him exceptionally pleased to see this happening for himself.]

[ Annie nods, though who to at first seems hard to pick out. It's interesting, in that her focus has shifted to Ryuuko, and with her it stays; she has a better idea of Senketsu, which makes his companion of more interest to Annie. Listening, learning what she does from what Ryuuko chooses to share. ]

Wise words.

[ There's no sense of mockery in what Annie says. Her tone is even, edging toward thoughtful if anything. Even the basket at her hip is shifted just enough to account for as they walk, Rex flicking his ears back their way, but continuing to investigate wherever Ryuuko allows him to wander. The world is filled with more excitement and discovery than he's ever suspected before.

He's perpetually pleased. It's his natural state of being. ]

Moving forward in spite of the things that've come before... or more, because of them. And to some degree, it will always depend on context. Mine, yours, anyone's... a world or an individual relationship. It all matters.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

(no subject)

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

holy tl;dr im sorry

followed by a long awaited short ass tag lmao

i could have one worded this i could have