Casting call for BATS!

[hellufacade]

WHO: Solus Galvus and YOU
WHERE: Nonah Community Theater
WHEN: July 5th
WHAT: He's got another casting call and a woefully empty roster-
WARNINGS: Regular Emet-Selch stuff. Horny on main and public drinking. Graphic description of accidental injury and violence in the prompts. Some non-sexual but descriptive bare-assedness.



[This time, he was prepared. Or at least, this time he would try to be more prepared. A week before the auditions actually started, he posted fliers around town and on the network. It seems to be a musical called Bats. The actual plot of it becomes hazier the longer you look at it, but that's not important. It's got catchy tunes and snazzy dances and adorable bat costumes!

He's expecting an actual crowd... So he's seated in the front row with his sunglasses up on his forehead and his cigarette lit.]

The dread, the horror!

[This is a lot of commotion just for auditions for some silly musical. It's also a lot of blood.]

Oh, for the love of... [Emet-Selch approaches the scene where the line to a young actor's safety harness has snapped. The young man is wailing as if his leg is broken— Oh. And it seems to be. There's bone through the shin, and blood on the stage... He sighs, rolling his eyes as he turns to face the crowd.]

Someone call an ambulance! Do we have a medic here?

[Besides the fact that he could probably do something. Whatever.]

So you think you can dance?

Well, that was terrible... Next! Please tell me we have someone whose next!

[Alright, you've seen blood and drama, but this is Bats, after all. Let see if you can sing and dance. Emet-Selch hopes that you have come prepared with something to sing and dance. Really show us your chops, hmm?]

The comedy bit

[Well, no day would be complete without a little humiliation. And that's just what he gets as he stalks over to the stage, about to step up... When his slacks come totally undone, ripped straight down the ass. Little does he know, a certain someone broke those stitches. But that's far away from his mind right now, since everyone present can see that he decided to wear a fancy jockstrap today.]

[Lovely. Great.]

[You are now burdened with the knowledge that Emet-Selch keeps it nice and tidy back there. He turns and sighs in a very "Well, this may as well have happened" sort of way as he leans back on the stage with his elbows.]

You, get my jacket from my car.

Comments

she can dance, but that's about it

[eightfoldlight]

[ Yenh has been waiting for this audition ever since he played the Bats soundtrack for her. It is bewildering and meandering, with a strange amount of double entendre for a play about literal bats. She knows why she's here—to be a warm body if Emet-Selch can't cast enough actors for his roles. The most likely outcome is that she's a back-up dancer, but that doesn't mean she won't fulfill the conditions of the audition. Particularly when doing so will get on his nerves. ]

[ She struts out on stage, wearing black yoga pants, a pastel blue graphic t-shirt with a unicorn running across the front in silver sequins, and a pair of matching blue canvas sneakers. ]

[ Yenh centers herself on stage and makes direct eye contact with Emet-Selch. ]

For your listening pleasure, Mister Galvus, I shall be performing "Toxic" by Britney Spears.

like fred astaire

[hellufacade]

[ His soul seems to start leaving his body as the first whining notes of "Toxic" play. His voice comes out loud and sharp as he calls to backstage. ]

José! Cut the music!

[ And the music stops. ]

No, you shall be performing a different number. Silently.

[He snags a boom box from underneath his seat and places it next to him. He was prepared, it seems. He hits play. Prokofiev's Dance of Knights begins to play.

[eightfoldlight]

[ Yenh sighs extra loudly to let it be heard over the opening notes. ]

Very well!

[ And so she begins to dance—a sway at first to get into ballet rhythm. Then, without further ado, she launches into a pointedly slowed-down and over-the-top version of the Toxic choreography. ]

[hellufacade]

[ He lets his head hang back over the chair, sitting bonelessly. He snaps back up after a moment, slamming his fist on the arm rest with bruising force. ]

This is how you choose to adapt!? Someone bring me the bucket of bricks.

[eightfoldlight]

Yes, bring him the bricks! I'd like to see him try!

[ Yenh continues following along with the dance number, managing to be both aggressive and slow with her movements. She refuses to back down from her chosen course. ]

[hellufacade]

[A stagehand reluctantly brings the makeshift door stop. He picks a brick out of the bucket, staring at her with cold menace.]

I have marvelous aim, sorry, what was your name again?

[He looks at the printed off sign ups]

[eightfoldlight]

[ Shouting in as loud a voice as she can muster. ]

Yenh Quryoja!

[ Yenh points at herself as she dances, eyes trained on him as she waits for him to make his move. ]

By your leave, mister!

[hellufacade]

[He crosses his legs as he slumps, staring at her with unfettered boredom before lobbing the brick at her.]

Faster, woman!

[eightfoldlight]

[ Having fully expected that, Yenh dodges smoothly out of the brick's path. A newer stagehand who didn't expect a brick to actually get thrown makes a noise. ]

[ Yenh does not adjust her dance speed. ]

Say "please."

Dread

[thyarchon]

[Why is he here? Look he liked opera and Emperor Solus had been renowned as having a good judgement for theater so... ]

Either steps aside or assist me.

[Look you asked for a healer.]

[hellufacade]

[Emperor Solus was another man from another time.]

What, am I in your way?

[He swivels around, and steps vaguely out of the way.]

Oh, good, you have your powers intact, or did you just want to stand a little closer?

[thyarchon]

[And yet, here he is. Directing Bats! the musical.]

Thou wouldst needs first purchase me a meal if thou desire closeness, your Imperial Majesty.

[Just going to get busy healing the poor dude, not that it takes long.]

[hellufacade]

[ we can’t all live charmed lives, Urianger.]

[He places his hands on his hips and frowns. ]

My, my, saucy without your fellow Scions, are we?

[ He watches him heal the unfortunate fellow. ] Alright, Mark, walk it off.

[thyarchon]

[He's just raises an eyebrow, watching the guy walk it off.]

T'would seem thine Empire's information is better than anticipated, if thou recognizes me as a Scion. Though I should not be surprised considering mine own actions against thee prior to the fall of Dalamud.

I recall there being a call for my capture or execution, doth that still stand or doth standing upon a star that is not our own make such declarations void?

[Pretending he doesn't know what who he's standing beside? He's had worse plans.]

[hellufacade]

[Emet-Selch says nothing for a moment, staring level at Urianger before he raises his hand in a high, arm-trembling backhand before he makes a fist and drops his arm like he’s holding a lead weight.]

You have recognized me already as a “young Solus zos Galvus”, or are you from a point in time before you started reading?

[thyarchon]

[Urianger just lifts a shoulder in a shrug.]

Tis not difficult to recognize the visage of the Emperor of the Garlean Empire after studying it for any length of time. As for thine age... twas difficult to verify such when most portraits had thee with a naval length beard. Removal of such makes any man appear younger, if thou wilt forgive mine candor on the matter Your Majesty.

[The 'side of a van wizard beard' look wasn't exactly a flattering one.]

I hath only begun learning the art of my homeland in earnest, though mine knowledge of some of the fundamentals of it began ere I was tall enough to reach the shelves where such tomes were placed.

[It's not an outright lie, just leaving out some specifics.]

What of thee, thou speak as if we hath met before.

[hellufacade]

Yes, yes. For your commitment to the character, I’m surprised that you weren’t in my queue to don a costume and try out for a part.

[He drops himself back into his chair, giving Urianger a withering look. ]

Well, why are you here?

[thyarchon]

Believe what thou wilt.

[He's going to stick to it until it's not possible.]

I dislike being the focus of attention, unless thou put on a staging of a work by Shakespeare I shalt refrain from attempting a role upon the stage.

[He shrugs.]

Curiosity predominantly, mayhap a touch of desperate desire to remind myself that worlds not solely populated by humans exist.

He's no healer, but he has a bat and weasel... for help?

[silvallyant]

[The wailing catches Gladion off guard, and is mildly annoying to hear, but he rushes forward nonetheless. He's no healer, but he's got Crobat to help take the person to a hospital and Sneasel to perhaps add some ice if the dark type elects to help out. He's also got his nifty discs, one of which quickens healing speeds.]

I'm not a healer or a medic, but my Pokemon--[Crobat and Sneasel come from their pokeballs]--can help. I may be able to help if one of my powers will work on locals.

[hellufacade]

[Great. Now there's animals.]

...And what powers might those be, little boy?

[silvallyant]

[They're trained at least, better than some other animals in this place.

He brushes off the 'little boy' remark with a breath, now wasn't the time to get bratty.]

One of the, err, discs I have can accelerate the healing process of an injury.

[hellufacade]

Wonderful, can it set a bone, or with accelerated healing are we going to need to do it really quickly? I’ve set bones in my time, but it has been at least a few years.

Or perhaps your weasel can set a bone?

[The boy on the ground is groaning in pain. ]

[silvallyant]

It can set a bone, yes, as well as help it heal all the way. Depends on how long I let the disc remain active. He can set it, and has the added bonus of being able to numb the pain.

[He snaps his fingers at Sneasel, who gives his trainer a look and then complies, using a weak Icy Wind to just make the area cooler and lessen the pain; awaiting further instruction.]

[hellufacade]

See? All is well. [He says to the poor bastard on the ground. He passes the boy on the ground his flask.]

Well. Let us be about it, then.

[And honestly, he was interested to see how this was going to work without the whole opposable thumbs thing.]

casually forgets the leg is what is broken, not arm

[silvallyant]

[the lack of any yowling in pain is good for his focus at least, no more of that to potentially ruining a broken bone from healing.

It's not pretty, or entirely painless, but Sneasel manages to get the leg in place with his trainer's help. More of the latter, but the weasel helps by keeping it frosty until it's set, and then the grass disc is applied with the sparkles in a forest green colour as the healing starts to show. Although slower than it had been on any other import.]

That... should do it. But it seems that it's not as effective on locals, he won't be acting any time soon.