maskormenacelogs | we can relish all the pain

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we can relish all the pain

WHO: NELSON GARDNER and HOODED JUSTICE
WHERE: Their home (#005).
WHEN: Afternoon.
WHAT: Nelson has contracted the type B: boundless energy/mania virus and all must suffer. One person must suffer.
WARNINGS: ???? tbd

[ Several hours had passed without Nelson noticing anything was really different, or wrong; he was not the man he once was, no, but he was still a man who kept himself busy, who often felt that shouldn't be wasted. He did keep busy, but he was not immune to fits of idleness, either. Alone time (not to be confused with being alone) was appreciated for what it was, as were the times when there was nothing to be done save for relax with some mild indulgence.

All he feels today is restless. Invigorated. After speaking with Hans Nelson's mind had filled up brightly with plans and ideas and he'd fled to the library, refreshing himself on some of his favored military strategy books and also exploring new ones, taking notations (in a hurried hand that was still just about as legible as his usual cramped, mumbly script) and referencing his communicator all simultaneously. Hours passed before he'd been notified that the library was closing and he'd headed up, still feeling vivacious and not all hungry despite having missed lunch.

It's once he's home there's the first wave of... something. He lets himself in and takes off his coat as normal -- it's still early in the day enough he imagines he's home alone, or mostly so -- and his mind nearly rattles at him with impatience, accompanied by a brief wave of nausea and heat to his face that almost feels like fever. It passes, but Nelson's brain is already filled with what feels like dozens of separate thoughts all competing for his attention.

Why are you inside you should be taking a run about now or perhaps a swim would be refreshing but why not start on a new book, it's been a while, hasn't it? Maybe Kristoff is home you can ask him about his day maybe take a run together he seems like a strong fellow hasn't it been a while since you've caught up with Rick Bradbury what kind of friend are you and if you ever intend to speak to that nice Hans character again you really ought to take some dancing lessons no you ought to repay him somehow of course you won't be dancing but gestures of gratitude are never unwarranted are they but you did dance with Christine didn't you it never hurts to be prepared maybe Lil is free for the evening the two of you could go to the park or get a drink and talk about your lives she must be still seeing Frank isn't she but what will you have to share aside from all the shameful flirting you've been up to lately what you ought to be doing is fixing your own love troubles instead of looking for indiscreet solutions that's how trouble begins don't think no one is going to notice is it any wonder things are the way they are when you avoid confronting the issue and if anything's wrong now it's your
own

fault

for

doing

nothing.

The rush of thoughts, all occurring at roughly the same time, is so instantaneous Nelson almost feels the warning pang of a headache stab his temple. It's just for a moment before he determines to try and solve his problems right then and there -- or whichever he can. He feels as if he doesn't everything could go bad all at once, all his follies might catch up with him, he may fall further out of shape, he may simply, literally die if he doesn't handle it right this moment. Ordinarily Nelson might determine that thought process irrational, even for his own normally panic-prone distress, but in the moment it's as certain as the static one feels just before lightning strikes.

Frantically he begins to search the house, shouting with disregard at the possibility others might be home (he simply hasn't checked, but the house has been silent since he's been there): ]

Hooded Justice? Hooded Justice! Hooded Justice?! Where are you? For God's sakes, where are you? I need you!

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[ Hooded Justice, who was adjusting no better -- if not worse -- to this place than he had the City, was home, but had thankfully thus far been outside of Nelson's manic reach. It wasn't strictly that he was avoiding him, but HJ preferred solitude -- quiet -- no questions and conversation could be left to others who had inane things to say. It was a waste of breath.

Of course, with more people in the house, it was increasingly difficult for HJ to avoid anyone, and other than going out on patrol, he wasn't exactly making an effort to get to know his housemates. Then again, if they were all like that Woman, then perhaps he should avoid them. Lest he end up with another fight on his hands; not something he minded, but then there were other consequences of fighting.

Like a familiar screeching from the other end of the home. He'd been in his bedroom, an empty, still too spartan affair, where he'd been doing his own exercises, while the dog sat in a corner and watched with a baleful gaze, not really getting the significance, only that HJ did this far too often.

He opened the door just a touch too hard, letting the frame rumble slightly while he stood in the doorway, and if he'd had the presence of mind, he would have tossed up his arms in annoyance. What in the world was it now?

Because to HJ, it always was something with Nelson. ]

Quiet down.

[ He strode out from the bedroom, moving for where he'd heard Nelson's voice. When he finally found him, he could only level him an annoyed look. ]

What is it now?

Hooded Justice!

[ Nelson rushes towards him, palms out so that they grab Hooded Justice's cape in bunches at his shoulders; though smaller than Hooded Justice in both height and weight, even with Nelson's extra pounds, his momentum is enough that it might drive Hooded Justice backwards, if only slightly. Nelson yanks at his fistfuls of cape, face flushed, eyes wide, breathing in frantic little gasps. He hasn't felt hungry all day since breakfast, but he does feel momentarily light-headed.

His voice doesn't lower much. He isn't shouting anymore, but he isn't speaking quietly, either. ]

I want to talk to you! Yes, I think we have a lot to talk about, you and me, this has gone far enough, you and I--

[ He runs his tongue over his lips, catching his breath and letting go with one hand so he can pull his tie loose, along with the top couple of buttons of his shirt. ]

Well, don't just stand there, take me to your room so we can talk!

[ Hooded Justice does back up a few steps, the sheer force of whatever it is that's propelling Nelson into frantic action drawing more than just a wide-eyed stare, his hands rose to try and stop him, or stop the momentum.

And he'd been about to tell him that if there were problems, then perhaps he should simply go deal with them elsewhere. Hooded Justice didn't have time for all this nonsense that Nelson tried to drag him through, honestly. Not with a government out there trying to hunt him down -- their knowledge too keen, too precise -- he felt like there was a spotlight on his back, and he was under constant surveillance.

He knew it was crazy, but then again, his paranoia had somewhat paid off, the last time.

Up until the inevitable. ]

Must you be so loud?

[ Was all he could hiss, eyes flicking between Nelson and the hallway, and then back to Nelson, and then back out to the hallway. HJ had a one-track mind, at the slightest provocation. He took a step back, and then two, and then three, intending to slam the door behind Nelson when he finally followed him in. ]

Edited 2014-02-20 07:05 (UTC)

[ Nelson follows, never letting go of Hooded Justice in the process. He clings, rather, face flushed and frantic with exhaustion, anger, and still-unspent energy all competing for dominance, and pants raggedly as the door slams. ]

I'm not being loud, don't you change the subject! I said we've got to talk and I expect you to listen this time, I-I've held back long enough that I've earned the right to--

[ He hesitates, feeling dizzy again, a bit nauseous as he stands there -- he isn't doing enough. He shoves Hooded Justice by the chest toward the nearest surface, impatient, and is pressed back up against him in moments, gently thwapping Hooded Justice's shoulder with his fist in frustration. ]

I've been thinking long and hard about what to do with you Hooded Justice and I've come to the conclusion that as long as the two of us remain at idealistic odds I'm not certain you're ever going to respect me, are you, perhaps it's my own fault for never having the courage to stand up to you but how can I do that when I love you, for goodness sakes, you really make it impossible for me to know what's right and I really detest it, Hooded Justice, I-I hate that, I'm a foolish mess when you aren't around, I'm a sham, but you don't ever make it worth it, do you, you're no better than before, you--

[ He breaks off to take a breath, quickly so that his nerve and train of thought aren't lost, but also takes the moment to kiss where Hooded Justice's jaw should be under the mask. Still, his breathless rant has lost some steam by the time he continues. ]

You-- you-- t-tell me right now, do we have any sort of future at all?

Edited 2014-02-20 16:45 (UTC)

[ Hooded Justice had started -- sometime in between when Nelson wouldn't stop clinging and when he started to rant -- to believe that perhaps he was on drugs again. He wasn't working with those people anymore, so there should be no issues, but then again, he was certain Nelson still ran with the same crowd. Maybe it was them that had been the bad influence. Something was, after all.

Or maybe it was simply time. There was time there that Hooded Justice had missed, and not simply because they'd parted, although he was certain that was a large reason for it. How else could one explain how far Nelson had come, and how much he'd changed? Hooded Justice really hadn't been expecting this force of exuberance, and he stepped back, once, twice -- the nearest surface ending up being the wall.

It was difficult for HJ to figure out what to do. Normally Nelson cowed to his force of will. The rare concession coming sparingly -- more frequently than usual, it seemed. After all, Nelson had seen his face. Even still, it took him a while to catch on, and catch up with his words, and form a response. HJ's words often either came fast, and biting; insults easy -- and occasionally quiet, like he chose his words much more carefully.

This was one of the rare times he considered carefully. What did Nelson even want? Other than this ambiguous idea of a "future". Probably another one of those stupid, romantic notions he took to occasionally. ]

We are here and alive, are we not?

[ Hooded Justice had tomorrow, with all luck, but what kind of "future" could a dead man really have? ]

You have not said what you expect of this future.

[ Time was not a passive factor. The eleven years that had followed Hooded Justice's death had been painful for Nelson, complicated and reflective, but they had given him a sense of perspective he could only have looking back. A perspective that had gotten forcibly sidelined for familiarity and old habits, but not one that could disappear entirely.

Nelson can't ignore it anymore. His needs and his wants have fallen too far out of alignment and he finds it upsetting and confusing on normal days, even when able to mostly burrow himself in his own denial. When his thoughts are crashing around his head like pin-balls, lighting everything up with spotlights and making it impossible not to dwell on each and every single one of them, over-think and over-worry and over-enthuse wherever applicable.

His mind has purpose, but easily distracted, his hands want to explore. Everything comes bursting out at once, miraculously coherent: ]

That's the trouble with you, I don't think you see a bigger picture at all! How are we supposed to go on this way, Hooded Justice? What we want the world to be-- it-- it isn't, don't you see? How are we supposed to live, we are alive but all we're doing is chasing ghosts! All I'm doing-- I-I can't go on pretending things haven't changed, that I'm still young and without worry, I can't pretend that I'm happy the way things are, not when I'm all alone.

[ His eyes are wide, expectant, one swell of emotion away from tears. He pushes away from Hooded Justice and paces the room, impatient energy bursting off him. Strands of hair fall in his face. ]

Do we have a future?

[ Normally, the weight of his personality and force of his opinions could sideline Nelson, if he distracted him enough, if he pushed him in the right directions. Hooded Justice was more comfortable with old habits and no change. He was unchangeable and immutable as anything else. He'd always stood fast against anything that could even remotely encourage change from a lesser man.

And to HJ, that's what change did only to lesser men. Adapting and changing like that was not what he'd ever known how to do, after all. A more logical mind, someone without such a steadfast, vice-like grip on his opinions and principles might have given in long, long ago. Understanding that this would hold them back. HJ disagreed. Giving in would admit weakness, wouldn't it?

But Nelson was a rush of energy and exuberance, running to hot and fast for even HJ to keep up. ]

If you were alone, would we both be here?

[ He was deflecting, even he knew it. Puzzling, in a familiar, HJ way, about the question itself. He kept going on about future this, and future that, and he wasn't even sure what he was supposed to be doing with his future -- what was it to even have one, knowing he was going to die? People returned eventually, didn't they?

Even still, he was the surprising calm to Nelson's storm -- a dramatic reversal in some ways -- or at least a change. While HJ very rarely held back in any way, he was finding it difficult to keep up with his moving, pacing, ranting, raving like a madman. He watched him carefully from slitted hood, eyes maybe giving too much away, a touch too narrow, but darting to follow him as well, watching his every move. ]

Much of your question depends on you.

[ After all, he hadn't been the one that left. It was a miracle they were still talking (or what HJ constituted as talking) considering how it last went, with the HUAC. ]

[ If anything that sends Nelson into a sharper, more despaired squall of frenzy; he paces like a crazed cat chasing its own shadow, wailing now, pulling at the skin of his face with his fingernails. He hits a wall, bounces back, smacks himself into it again before he starts whacking at it with frustrated fists. ]

Yes! Yes, that's just my point, Hooded Justice-- being with you is nearly no different than being alone! No, no, maybe it's worse, I don't know what to do with myself, I buried you, I l-l-loved-- I-- oh...

[ It isn't a good time to think of what life had been like after Hooded Justice, because now even more thoughts shoot out signal flares across his brain and body. Nelson feels like he's going to explode. Stumbling back from the wall again he violently sheds his shirt, panting and rubbing his face with his hands. ]

Do you think I don't want to? I want us to be happy, we spend the rest of our lives together as long as we don't go anywhere, don't you see? Don't you see? I thought it was fate, I thought it was a miracle because I'm a damn fool, Hooded Justice, I'm a fool for you, but I-- I... [ Then a thought occurs, some neon bulb that draws out enthusiasm where there just moments before had been distress. ] No, I've got it! We've been going about it all wrong this whole time! We could pretend, don't you see?!

[ He flies at Hooded Justice again, leaping at him, on him like an excited puppy, hands smacking and legs kicking in glee at his own brilliance. ]

We could pretend to start over! I-imagine if we pretended-- you and me, we could do whatever we wanted! We can be anyone or anything we wanted to when we're alone, no one-- there's nothing here to tell us any different, if it's all temporary why shouldn't we let ourselves have a whole new life while we can?! We could love each other this time, think of it!

[ He was starting to think he was on drugs. Nelson was acting like a crazed madman, ranting and raving, all the while stripping his clothing off, and Hooded Justice was powerless -- he could only stare and watch, not quite sure what else to do in response to the way the man was full of simply boundless energy -- no, more than that -- it was like he was filled with frantic energy, and he wasn't getting an outlet.

He held out his hands, to stop him, gripping him by the shoulders, although for once they weren't tighter than usual, like he was trying to get him to stop. Even HJ knew when there was a point that someone should stop, and rest. Or he'd had to learn, at least, that if one kept going, the the task at hand couldn't be completed. ]

Slow down.

[ He urged it, in the same low voice, but now he actually was starting to show the slightest modicum of concern. Not much, but for HJ, it was like giving a mile. His brow furrowed.

Mostly because Nelson was acting weird. Weird and odd was bad, and HJ didn't know what to do with this. When he acted like this, there was no reasoning with him, after all. Normally HJ had two options, fight until they weren't fighting anymore, bludgeon him down, or force him to acquiesce to HJ's force of will. One of them bent, one of them always bent, and it was so rarely Hooded Justice.

If he could help it, it wasn't him at all, but there had been times -- in the interest of keeping peace -- he'd given in. Most notably the most recent. He seemed to be doing that more and more, giving in, and he didn't know if it was a madness that took him, or maybe dying had messed everything up. Perhaps it was the fact that when he'd passed, his brain hadn't quite caught back up.

It was the most likely solution. It would explain why he always seemed to come back, despite everything. ]

We cannot accomplish what you want to in a house full of other people. You're not making any sense.

[ Talking about that was easier than offering his own death any further concern. HJ actively worked very hard not to think on it. ]

Ah--

[ When Hooded Justice grabs his shoulders Nelson looks up at him with something almost like pain, vibrating restlessly, eyes darting around like they can't decide what they should be focused on. Sweat dampens his forehead and he winces, something in his head suddenly throbbing as his energy hits against walls without cracks it can escape out of.

His legs buckle a little, seized with sudden cramps, as is his stomach, his shoulders. Almost panicked, squirming, he wails: ]

Let me go! Let me go!

We can accomplish anything, Hooded Justice! We've just got to put our minds to it! You'll see, it's entirely possible, w-we've just got to have the will to try! Don't you think we should make the most of what time we have, don't you? We've come this far, we've come all this way, I have to know that it's not been all for nothing, I just couldn't live with myself, Hooded Justice, I couldn't continue living if I knew there was nothing else out there for me, what's the use if it won't work this time, either, what's the use? But--

[ He stops thrashing, groaning again as another sharp spike of cramps makes its way up his body the moment he does stop. He flumps forward against Hooded Justice despite the pain, face excessively red. ]

The only other alternative is for me to l-leave. A-at least for a while.

[ His eyes narrowed, when Nelson squirmed, and tried to get out of his grip. He watched his reactions carefully -- trying to figure out the source of this, or at least figure out what was going on.

But watching him offered no answers. The only thing it showed him was that Nelson was in pain, and it wasn't the usual. Nothing that he caused, anyway, and that forced a fierce spike of -- something -- HJ didn't know what, didn't know how to quantify it. HJ didn't know what to think, other than that fact, that singular fact made him angry.

Oh, they'd both been injured before, but this was different. Something about it didn't settle right, made him angrier -- or maybe it was the threat of leaving.

Something in HJ reacted to that alone. The thought made his heart thud harder in his chest, something close to fear, that was what HJ could recognize. The fear. The folly of his concession, the mistake in letting him see his face. Nelson could hold that over him, now. ]

No. Do not leave. [ But HJ didn't know what words to say. He didn't believe in living any differently than how they'd been living. He saw nothing wrong with how they'd done it. It was how men like he and Nelson should live. ]

If you wish to accomplish something, then perhaps you should make more sense. [ He held his head, maybe something not as rough -- or violent in the touch -- but still inherently that of Hooded Justice. He never softened. ] Leaving is not necessary.

[ Nelson groans again, legs creaking under his own weight as he leans against Hooded Justice to keep himself from collapsing. It's as if all his energy has left him in one fell swoop, leaving pain and exhaustion behind.

He can't tell if the clench in his chest is respiratory, a tightening that forces his breath in and out that's almost asthmatic, or if it's a physical reaction to his emotions just then--

Do not leave, Hooded Justice said. Nelson is in no state to feel smug or victorious about that statement, that demand, but something about it offers him some degree of contentment even now, as his head swims. He grips at Hooded Justice as if trying to keep himself from drowning.

Still, he murmurs drowsily: ]

You want me to stay. [ With a smile, though it soon smothers itself. His heart thumps with the reminders that things are different, he needs to stand his ground, but suddenly his brain seems bent on not cooperating. Maybe it's all the lack of sleep and food. ] I can't make sense until we can. What else can I do?

To what?

[ To make them work, he supposed? He knew the the answer, what Nelson could do to make things right. It was the thing that neither of them would let surface, of course. The argument that left them both split wide open, led to his -- demise -- and everything else that had caused it in the meantime.

HJ stared down at him, hands sliding down, on his arms, more to hold him up than anything else. He didn't need to have him collapsing into a mess on his floor, after all. Not that this was much better, but he still held Nelson in some respect. ]

I do not think this doesn't make sense. [ At least to Hooded Justice, they did -- or the arrangement did. Nelson, however, often didn't. Go figure. ]

No-- no.

[ It hurts, thinking, speaking, standing, but Nelson exhales out words anyway, breath forced out in huffs. In a way he feels almost feverish, but he assumes as always he's simply overreacting. Being overly emotional. Thinking too much about things. If something isn't broken then don't try to fix it, people say, but Nelson isn't so sure how one is supposed to tell the difference in the first place. ]

I know you don't. You never do. And normally I-- I don't mind, it's not the submission that's the problem, it's...

[ He hesitates so long it might even be a minute or two when he finishes that thought. ]

We're so different. Almost all our believes are in opposition, all the... deeper ones, the ones that strike us most in our hearts. We might agree about things like crime and the problematic influences upon society on that lay on the surface, but I'm not sure i-if our hearts are aligned -- we might be lovers but I don't think we're even friends. I was in this because I thought my purpose might be to help change the world. You...

[ Another breath, willpower the driving force that's keeping him awake and focused in this moment. His thoughts are messy, but honest in that way. More so than he ever claim normally. ]

You only want to fight.

[ Hooded Justice wanted to fight, right now, but he didn't. His arm tightened, muscles constraining before he let it go, concentrating on what the implication was here. Oh, normally, he didn't bother worrying about what Nelson wanted, because that seemed to...change. One moment things were fine, the next he was ranting and raving -- but never this bad.

He was acting more like he was touched in the head, and HJ was starting to think he may be, but men like him had little faith to give, and what little they did, they would hold onto for a while, and HJ did have faith in Nelson, despite evidence to the contrary.

After all, he'd given him his face, and that was a show like he'd never given before. ]

That is what I know.

[ He would admit that, bluntly. HJ knew that he was not the thinker, the planner. He knew only a world that started and ended with pain -- and how to fight it was to make others hurt, instead of himself, to gain control of the world around him. That was what he knew to do, was fight, and never stop fighting.

He didn't know if he even could. ]

That is how I know to change the world, is to fight it. [ He tipped his head, watching carefully for any signs on Nelson's face, even if some of it was obscured by the hood. He still so rarely took it off -- now more than ever with other people in the house -- it was like the walls were closing in on him. ]

Our purpose is the same, only the method is different.

[ Making a noise that's something like a sigh and a whimper, Nelson pushes away sluggishly and lets himself collide with the wall, not quite letting his knees buckle under himself yet. His eyes are tired, energy draining from him rapidly, but he doesn't let them leave Hooded Justice.

He doesn't have the strength for this conversation. He can't be firm or articulate, he can't even know if he'll remember having it later. Or at least remember what he fully wanted to say.

Breathlessly, red-faced, he huffs: ]

What's the point in going on fighting if we're never going to win? I want to win. For once in my life. B-but--

[ His tongue runs over his lips, which are dry and only feel drier the warmer his face gets. Maybe he's dehydrated. When was the last time he ate something? His voice is raspy, pleading. ]

I can't do it alone. I wouldn't want to, you have to know that, b-but if I'm going to be at your side this time I need your help.

[ With Nelson off his chest, not needy or seeking attention, it leaves HJ to clear his head, or at least start pacing. His feet are silent on the floor, but that's hardly surprising. For a man so large, HJ had seemed to perfect the parts of him necessary to become a predator.

Then again, that should hardly be surprising.

His head tipped, while he kept his own eyes on Nelson, watching for any sign that he was going to collapse. Was he on drugs? It was looking like there was something compromising him. Not that this wasn't a familiar, old argument -- one HJ was sick of having. ]

It is not you I will not assist. It is them. If you wish to win, then we will devise a way to make it work.

I don't believe you!

[ Staring agape at Hooded Justice, Nelson's suddenly revitalized -- at least somewhat, at least briefly -- in his fury, his face red and his movements both sluggish yet unrestrained. He flies toward Hooded Justice, smacking his chest hard with fisted hands. ]

You can't have it both ways, damn you! You aren't helping me if you can't stand my side, you barbarian, it's just like I said, isn't it, tht's exactly it, you won't stop fighting long enough to even c-consider what I'm saying to you, well I'll tell you something, Hooded Justice, because you ought to hear it from me or else you won't even think to humor the possibility th-that I might get fed up with trying to find something good in someone who has nothing good to offer and maybe I might find someone else who can give that to me!

[ Smack. Smack. Horror flickers over Nelson's expression for a brief moment as it begins to sink in where his ranting took him this time, but it's just a moment before he's off again, pulling away, reactions themselves on hold: ]

You could stand to be a lot more like Frank Castle!

[ It was lucky that Nelson pulled away, because HJ's usual taste for violence was about to rear its ugly head. As if the tension hadn't been thick enough to cut with a knife, the way he tensed, and stood a little straighter -- a touch more imposing -- that was likely the wrong thing for Nelson to say.

Then again, what wasn't the right thing to say when arguing with Hooded Justice? He didn't weather disagreements well, obviously. ]

What? That man has no merits.

[ Says Hooded Justice.

His anger flared, and he stepped forward, his voice tipping somewhere low and dangerous at the end. What did he mean by that? His jaw, even if it wasn't visible, tightened considerably. Not just at the mention of a man HJ didn't like at all, but the implication int he middle of an argument rankled -- something HJ rarely felt bubbling to the surface, something he didn't recognize, but it left him angrier than before.

What did he mean by that? He stepped away from the wall, footsteps slow, but not hesitant, but instead his usual, dangerous stride. ]

[ The wrong thing to say... only just. Once it's out of his mouth and Nelson witnesses Hooded Justice's reaction, sees him advance, fear is enough to get his adrenaline surging once more, the veil of fatigue lifted. He has two thoughts: that Hooded Justice is going to kill him, quite literally murder him where he stood, and that Hooded Justice is jealous.

And that thought gives Nelson a bit of his courage back. Not that he isn't still frightened, but his hyperactive mind latches on, devising leverage for this battleground, feeling almost proud at inciting such a reaction.

He steps backwards nonetheless, heart racing in his chest. ]

Oh, what would you know about merit? Who are you to speak about merit?! Who are you in the first place? I find plenty of merit in a man who respects me! H-he-- [ He'sgoingtokillmehe'sgoingtokillmehe'sgoingtokillmeIFYOUSTOPNOWHEWILLWILLYOU ] Listens, he listens, he compliments me, he addresses me as Captain, and while he may be a rugged tough and tumble soldier he can be-- kind-- he held me-- [ ifyoustoptalkingYOUWILLDIE ] When I saw him this afternoon.

[ Without even noticing it, Nelson's backed himself back into the opposite wall. Not that there's any way not to corner oneself in a bedroom, but-- he clears his throat, catching his breath and going right on talking, face burning red: ]

Nearly the entire afternoon. I almost fainted.

[ Cornering him was easy, and automatic. It wasn't the first time that he'd done it, and it was a preferred tactic for a man that was so big. After all, HJ used what he had, which was normally physical. Barbarian indeed.

He wondered if Nelson was actually going off the deep end, or maybe he was under some kind of influence, the way his face was read, the gibberish he was spewing. It had to be nonsense, didn't it? His expression didn't waver from something bordering on dark, and something else deeper. Maybe it was jealousy, not that Hooded Justice would acknowledge it, or even recognize it. He was not as in-tune with himself as he deluded himself into believing. ]

Did he?

[ His voice was as low and as dangerous as one could expect from a man like HJ, who almost surprised himself with how cold it sounded. He almost asked him if he was pleased with himself, but he suspected that would just spur Nelson on more. If there was one thing he didn't want, it was vivid detail.

For a moment, he thought he might kill him, but he stopped, when he was close enough that he thought that he could almost feel Nelson tremble, just from the air shared between them. He planted a hand on the wall, to crowd him in, before he hissed: ]

If you are so pleased, perhaps you should return to him.

[ Nelson stands his ground nonetheless, as much as he can do so. Straightened shoulders, chin up, he refuses to look as intimidated as he might feel. A moment of weakness and he feels he might be done for.

He exhales sharply in some unidentified relief, sensing the questions that Hooded Justice doesn't ask. Nelson has no answers of course, there are no details to give, but even if there were he could never be that shameless. There was no way to call off the bluff now, regardless. He was too keyed up, too angry, and too far into it.

When Hooded Justice crowds him against the wall Nelson does tremble, however slightly, flinching but refusing to drop his eyes. Now that he's still again he can feel the fatigue returning like a freight train, but he has to press on. He must. ]

Maybe I'd like to! Maybe-- [ His jaw clenches, eyes defiant, and he presses his palms against Hooded Justice again to shove him, shove at him hard before one of Nelson's arms flails to point itself at the door. ] Maybe it's over. I've had it! I've had it! I-it's over, I can't do this with you anymore! I need... well, you don't know what I need!

[ Nelson doesn't know either. Not what he needs, or what he really wants aside from the few dignities he's finally recognized that he should be owed. Still, he decides to add just to drive his bluff home: ]

But Frank would, I'm sure.

[ Hooded Justice didn't know how he felt, about being in this position, other than the fact that it left him exposed. He wondered if anyone else was in the house, if anyone heard them, but it was only idle, and passing, most of his focus on Nelson. The last time they'd split had been through HJ's choice, and each one before that had been the result of some fight, and normally HJ leaving. Not being told to leave -- despite the fact that this was his room.

He couldn't help but stay silent, like he was actually thinking about the situation, or rather, it would probably be more accurate to say brood, but it was short lived.

Hooded Justice's temper won out, as it so often did. ]

Then perhaps you should see how pleasant an experience it is for you.

[ He knew Nelson, knew him better than most did -- he could anticipate his needs at least in part -- and what he couldn't was more due to a distinct unwillingness to cooperate, to be that accommodating that he wondered if he realized that Frank would hardly know more than him.

The fact that Nelson wanted him to try made him angrier. ]

It's of no consequence to me what you do.

[ The tone of voice, and the words, however, didn't necessarily match up, but HJ was going for the kill. ]

[ It is, in fact, the first time Nelson has ever told Hooded Justice to leave, at least in his own recollection. The notion fills him both with a great sense of dread and a great sense of power, something in him illuminating like a lightbulb as if he's just now realized he even could be the one to make such a decision. To form those words and speak them aloud.

His face still goes about as red as a stoplight, staring at Hooded Justice with anger and distress. Vehemently he musters, words spilling out in a just barely comprehensible flood: ]

I-- I will. Don't think for one second I regret a single minute of what happened, either, I wouldn't dream of tarnishing the experience with apologies because I'm not sorry, I won't be sorry that I needed someone when you couldn't be around, he was there and do you know, he was actually good to me. I deserve decency, I deserve at least that much.

[ He trembles slightly, nerves escalating, and before anything more happens he tries to push his way past Hooded Justice, thinking it better, maybe, that he himself be the one to exit rather than stay there huddled against the wall.

"It's of no consequence to me what you do." It lands exactly like it was presumably meant to, it hurts, it makes Nelson want to scream. ]

This was such a mistake, I can't believe I ever thought it would be a good idea to do this all again, I should have never expected anything different! I-it shouldn't be this hard and I never learn, even after I thought I'd finally moved on I can't stop thinking about the impossible. I just can't do this!

[ Hooded Justice, on the other hand, doesn't know how to feel, about having Nelson be the one to leave. Somewhere between infuriating and humiliating, being the one who was left behind. Hooded Justice didn't care, though, not really. It wasn't the fact that it was Nelson, it was the fact that it wasn't him who left.

Hooded Justice didn't like things to change. He was a creature of habit, and Nelson cheating and leaving?

It was like some twisted reversal of everything he'd ever done.

He pointed at the door, but didn't move, other than that. ]

Then go.

[ His other hand at his side, he said nothing other than for him to leave, but his eyes said enough, that this wasn't nothing, not to HJ.

He was angry. ]

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we can relish all the pain

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