Untamed/MDZS catch-all

[ze_uwu_jun]

WHO: The Untamed / MDZS cast and friends (enemies, etc)
WHERE: Anywhere, everywhere, including their assigned lodgings and around all towns
WHEN: March
WHAT: Catch-all because the emotions never end
WARNINGS: The Untamed / Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation / Mo Dao Zu Shi spoilers; canon-typical violence; event-typical violence. Will add more if it becomes necessary

ooc: Go forth and do the things as they come.

Comments

[secondjade]

He had been rousing already, the early dawn breaking both outside and in his mind, the rigid sleep schedule working its magic. It didn't compare to the way he jerked suddenly upright when he feels the bed jolt around him as Wei Ying shrieks, before a foot finds his shins and an elbow find his side.

His breath comes short as he immediately scrambles to grab flailing limbs, to try to pin Wei Ying down before he can hurt himself.

"Wei Ying," he whispered, his voice rough with worry and sleep. "Centre--"

[yilingdaddy]

Even when pinned to the bed, his head continues to jerk wildly, breathing too fast, too harsh as his limbs attempt to jerk free of their confines. Wuxian doesn't seem to hear him for once though, face wet and contorted in pain.

As with every time before, since they'd come here though, while Wei Wuxian is attacked...Lan Wangji is left alone. Wind tugs at Wuxian's hair and sleep robes as the dark energy takes form and teases all over his body, making him struggle to lash out with each movement.

[secondjade]

It's like trying to ride a hurricane, but he tries, immediately regretting this course of action compared with going for his guqin. But this has worked every time before - he's always been able to coax Wei Ying back from the dark, since they arrived. He just had to be vigilant.

He shifts his grip, pinning his knees in against Wei Ying's hips, crossing his ankles over his legs and pressing his weight firmly down against them. He manages to get both of the man's wrists up over his head, pinning them with one hand.

His heart is racing, but his mind is working through it slowly. They've been here before, and come out the other side. Even if it's taking longer to reach him, they've been here before.

"Wei Ying," he pleads again, a little more loudly this time. His free hand moves to cup the man's cheek, to try to stabilize him even as the darkness swirls around them. His pulse is a rapid staccatto, and he pulls in a breath before cautiously letting his thumb graze Wei Ying's cheek. The motion is far too tender, far too telling, and all he can hope is that the other man doesn't remember when he finally comes to.

"Wei Ying," he whispers, leaning over him, his hair falling in a gentle wave to cross the bridge between them.

"Wei Ying, come back."

[yilingdaddy]

It's Wangji's strength that succeeds in finally pinning his limbs to the bed and keeps them there, though Wuxian's head still thrashes about and his back strains. Breath coming in harsh pants, hissing through clenched teeth.

But then he freezes, feeling a hand rest on his cheek. Feels a thumb brush tenderly over pale skin. It sinks in, but it's with the next plea to return that his eyes flicker open. He doesn't relax, but he stops attempting to get free.

There's a mocking laugh that makes him shudder before he seizes again as all that dark energy rushes into him. The wind dies as he suddenly coughs, turning his head away from the tender hand as blood darkens his lips. Drips down his cheek as he struggles for breath, otherwise going limp in Lan Zhan's grip.

[secondjade]

The laugh hurts, of course it does, but Wangji is resolute to ignore it, even if his hand does quickly retreat a few inches.

He relaxes his grip as Wei Ying coughs blood, his heart skipping a beat even though the darkness has all disappeared back into Wei Ying again. That wasn’t a good thing. He needed to find a way to banish it, but right now his focus was elsewhere. He raised the edge of his sleev, carefully dabbing blood from the edge of Wei Ying’s mouth before cupping his cheek again, gently tilting him back into facing him again.

“Wei Ying... Wei Ying, I’m here.”

[yilingdaddy]

He hates the ghostly whispers, outside of when he's sent them off to haunt people.

Wei Ying flinches from the hand on his cheek and tries to pull away from it. Affection that he's so badly wanted...but can't handle right now. Not just because of this latest attack. It lashes at his battered heart.

Love.

Right.

Lan Xichen could tell him all he wanted that Lan Wangji loves him with every fiber of his being. But here and now he can't believe it. Doesn't dare to. Because if he does...

He'd fall.

He swallows heavily. "Let me go," he whispers hoarsely.

[secondjade]

The hand pulls back when Wei Ying flinches, pain and relief filling him in equal measure. Of course he doesn’t want Wei Ying flinching from his touch, but at least the man seems calmer, now.

Let me go. They’re on that cliff again, Wangji desperately gripping on even as every fibre of his being screamed in pain, blood pouring down his arm. Except there’s no soft, fond smile on Wei Ying’s lips now. No gentle plea as the man refused to hold on to him.

There was just darkness, and disgust.

He drew back, climbing off of Wei Ying’s body, his hands pulling back in against himself as he sat at the end of the bed. It was the disgust that hurt the worst, even as Wangji tried to push it from his mind. What did it matter, if Wei Ying was disgusted by him, as long as he was still alive?

“Wei Ying.” Soft, this time, barely above a breath. He can’t bring himself to finish the rest of that statement, or the questions gripping his heart.

Hadn’t he chased Wei Ying from him once? Hadn’t he half doomed the man by trying to force his help where it wasn’t wanted?


Wasn’t that all he was doing now?

His eyes dropped, feeling as if he was retreating deeper into himself.

He wanted to ask if the man was alright, but the words never made it to his lips.

[yilingdaddy]

It's a cruel joke. Just when Wangji finally reaches out...It's because Wuxian is falling apart again. Worse than before. But...

Only when nothing else works.

Not enough.

Falling, fingers digging in, scrambling for whatever purchase they can latch onto. Shadow hiding all signs of safe passage.

The disgust is directed inward. Broken. Bleeding. Can't hold it together, no matter how hard he's been trying.

He sits up once Lan Zhan gets off, hears him pull away to the edge of the bed.

'Let people love you!' Jin Ling had screamed at him. How can he, when he only hurts them? Over and over and over again in a vicious cycle.

Distance. He moves to the other side of the bed, not able to bring himself to look at the other man. He can barely breathe, but forces himself to his feet, grabs Chenqing and his qiankun pouch, feet shoving into boots...

And heads for the door.

Clothes can be replaced. He thinks he has a spare ribbon in his pouch, but even that can be replaced.

He just. Has to move.

[secondjade]

Still. Calm. Centre. He repeated the words like a mantra in his heart, determined to stabilize himself. He was no use to Wei Wuxian when he felt like an open wound.

He was expecting the other man to cool off. To lie there until the shadows retreated. But then suddenly Wei Ying was moving, and before he could stop himself he was up, grabbing his friend’s wrist before he could walk out the door. He didn’t know the irony of what lay behind him - a painting of another time and place, a happiness that kept taunting them by its proximity but never its truth.

He gripped Wei Wuxian’s wrist, even knowing that Wei Wuxian always pulled hardest away when he held on too tightly. But he couldn’t stop it.

“Wei Ying—“

[yilingdaddy]

He should have expected it. The cage reaching back out to drag him down with it again.

But the hand latching onto his wrist almost has him lose his precarious balance, dragging him a quick step back. Lan Zhan can probably feel the tremor running through him with that contact.

But Wei Ying doesn't look up or back. Just squeezes his eyes closed.

"Let. Me. Go." Each word quiet, a plea repeated.

[secondjade]

Wangji was still as a snow-capped mountain, his expression frozen despite the liquid magma eating him from the inside out, trapped inside his chest.

He didn’t listen. Or, rather, he did, but he didn’t comply. He wasn’t really here. He was trapped sixteen years ago, clutching desperately to something that wanted nothing more than to leave him.

But no smile.

No trace of fondness.

Those are what had haunted him most, in the intervening years. The thought that maybe, at the very end, Wei Wuxian had known the truth of Lan Wangji’s loyalty. Of his love, despite everything.

And here he was, squandering even that.

His grip slackened, fingers still curled but no pressure behind them, and not a sound reached his lips.

[yilingdaddy]

He feels undeserving of anything Wangji has to give. And just now, it's unbearable to stay near that unflappable loyalty.

Wuxian feels the grip go slack. It's more than enough to simply step forward again to break it. To open that door and walk out.

He doesn't deserve this man's comfort. This man's protection.

This man's love.

[secondjade]

He doesn’t move.

Wei Ying is gone, the moment he allows it, and Wangji stands there in the darkened room, the first gasp of dawn just barely peaking in the window.

The world grows too quiet in the wake of Wei Wuxian. It always does.

His hand lowers back to his side, palm and fingers still tingling where they had held their desperate grip.

In twenty minutes, the juniors would be in the park. In twenty minutes, his duty would be required.

He misses seclusion. Misses the gaping wounds on his back. Misses the quiet.

He doesn’t move at all for seven minutes, staring at the door with a forlorn hope that maybe Wei Ying will walk back through it. Maybe he’ll sigh heavily and apologize, maybe he’ll turn into a dog and curl up against him, maybe he’ll laugh and say something about how hilarious Wangji’s expression was when he had pretended to leave. To say he hopes for these things isn’t quite true - he doesn’t let himself hope. But he waits, in case.

And then he carefully moves through the motions of preparing himself for the day, without even thinking about it.

He dresses, carefully does his hair, equips his sword.

And then he walks out into the dawn like he did for 16 years, thinking he may as well have pushed Wei Ying from the cliff himself.