we are running around till our hearts break down.

[nightmarist]

WHO: Ronan Lynch & assembled morons
WHERE: Well, it starts at Declan's apartment...
WHEN: February 3 - 9
WHAT: Ronan stages a highly unnecessary rescue mission.
WARNINGS: He's as suicidal as always.
NOTES: The starters are in the comments.

Comments

[nightmarist]

Ronan whispers, "I know."

Most of the people in his life have left him without meaning to. It was naive of him, really, to believe that Kylo would be different. Nothing in the universe is safe or certain. As solid as Kylo feels, holding him close like this, there's no guarantee he won't vanish in an hour. Ten minutes. Two seconds.

He wants to scream, and if he does, he's not sure he'll ever be able to stop. Why is he so afraid now? If Kylo's absence had left him empty, shouldn't his reappearance fill Ronan with joy? He feels more fear than ecstasy, by far.

"Were you... Were you happy without me? Tell me if you were. I wanted that for you, if I couldn't fucking be there. If you have to go back. If it's better, I wanna know."

[photophobic]

"Ronan..."

He sighs, closing his eyes as he holds him as tightly to himself as Ronan can bear, their breaths shuddering against each other. He doesn't have any comfort to give, as much as he wishes otherwise. Happy? He barely knew the meaning of the word, beyond knowing it wasn't for him.

"There's no happiness for me there. You know that."

[nightmarist]

Ronan doesn't know that. He's seen it for himself, in Kylo's thoughts and in Rey's memories, that there is an ending to Kylo's story which grants him a happiness greater than anything Ronan could ever give him.

But there's also so much standing in the way of that, a thousand ways it can and probably will go wrong. Different choices. Different worlds.

"I'll find you, then," Ronan tells him, fighting the waver in his voice. "Every time. I won't let you stay lost."

[photophobic]

His hand slides up and comes to rest over Ronan's spine, massaging slow, familiar pressure between his shoulders.

"I think... you did," he murmurs, haltingly. "Something of you. Something of me. Maybe you are everywhere I am."

Multiversal theory is not something best discussed under these circumstances, probably. Kylo doesn't have the first idea of what he should say, though, beyond this:

"...but we are here. Now. Be mine, here."

[nightmarist]

It isn't easy. Letting go of loss feels an awful lot like letting go of what was lost. It feels dangerous, as if he's letting his guard down in the middle of a fight. If he'd given up when he was supposed to, earlier, the two of them would have never been reunited at all.

"I'm yours. And I have you."

Here and everywhere. Now and always.

He wants to believe in it, that pieces of them exist in each other, that they can never be apart. Gradually, with Kylo's caressing, the tension eases. Ronan's tears keep falling, but it feels less like he's being torn up inside, more like Kylo's touch is mending him.

[photophobic]

It's extraordinarily brave of Ronan, Kylo thinks, pressing his gratitude into soft kisses to Ronan's brow. Could he trust in the very thing that had vanished and left him bereft to be his healing? He's not certain. Cheek to tear-stained cheek, he holds Ronan close, marveling quietly at his capacity for love.

"I believe you," he promises, discovering it as he speaks. "I feel it, Ronan. You'd find me. You found me."

He draws back just enough to look at Ronan's face, to lift his hand to cradle it in his palm. Ronan had once sworn to be the sword in Kylo's hand— and he had been, so willing to be wielded however his master chose. But this... Ronan had poured his will into being Kylo's rescue in a way no-one ever really had, before. It's more than he knows how to process.

"Thank you. For coming for me."

[nightmarist]

Ronan doesn't understand how he can be the first one, although he knows he is. It makes no sense to him, that no one else before him saw fit to reach out to Kylo. They reached for Ben, of course. Plenty of people called out to the uncorrupted boy and tried to save him from the man he'd become. What Ronan doesn't understand is how he can be the first to want to save Kylo Ren, who needed love more desperately than any boy saint ever would.

He meets Kylo's eyes, leaning into his touch. "You're in for it now," Ronan threatens with a weak smile. "You won't be able to get rid of me. I'll chase you across galaxies. Stalk you through the universe. Don't thank me. God, I love you."

[photophobic]

Kylo meets that smile with an awkward attempt of his own, an unpracticed flicker of warmth without performance.

"Romantic," he decides. And it is, as far as he's concerned. Perhaps, the most romantic gesture he can imagine. His smile widens clumsily where it should draw out to his signature expression of flat, hidden amusement. "I look forward to it."

How had he ever forgotten this face? It feels impossible now, that he could ever exist without knowledge of Ronan Lynch, entwined together as they are. Kylo doesn't want to look away.

"As you can't chase me here. When I'm chasing you."