[OPEN] voltaire softly plays from somewhere

[despicableglee]

WHO: Xellos, you
WHERE: anywhere, everywhere
WHEN: January (not dunking into the au event, so any time!)
WHAT: professional shit-stirrer and people-watcher does both, hijinks to ensue
WARNINGS: in subject headers if needed


o1.
[out and about is really the only line item on Xellos' to-do list on any given day or night; Mazoku don't need sleep, so there's really no need to take breaks unless one is bored enough to take it! yet even in his downtime, Xellos can find something to keep his wandering interest piqued, what with this world being full of such odd gimmicks, gizmos, and guys slipping on the patch of black ice on the sidewalk he's sitting in front of.]

Ooh, oof!

[aaaand there goes another one, arms full of groceries and everything. not anymore! gosh, look at all the things flying and scattering here and there -- Xellos very nearly gets bonked by a can on beef and barley soup, but his reflexes are sharp enough that he swats it away.

it hits the windshield of a car parked on the curb and the alarm goes.]

Hoh! Oops! What a mess.

[a mess he is by no means helping clean up or make better in any way whatsoever, even if it was yours or just some passerby's!]


o2.
[Xellos is, for all intents and purposes, a full-bodied, fleshy human-thing that passes well enough and would do so better were he to adhere to more conventional styles of dress and haircut. as it stands, however, he's a bit of a sore thumb out here, but he isn't particularly sorry for it, even if it means he's inevitably attracting swarms of curious people and weirdos whenever his feet are on the ground.

their delight and enthusiasm is...skin-crawling, yes, but a monster of his age and experience knows how to quickly deflect and manipulate their honest interest in a way that leaves them with their own set of heebie-jeebies, and thank goodness for that.

so when the remark arises: Whoa! Cool staff!]

Aa, thank you!

[Where'd you get it? What's it for?]

Well, it's actually a talisman to ward off wicket spirits! [he wags his finger, his voice carrying weight similar to that of a game show host talking up a prize.] It can sense the unseen, wretched forces at work, and even glows to warn me of them!

[at this point, the orb affixed to the top of the staff begins to glow to the amazement of his crowd of out-of-school adolescents and their parents.

It's glowing now, though! one such youth cries, worried. What does that mean?]

Ah, that must mean there's something wicked underway in this very area. Perhaps an attack of sorts? That'd be a bit scary, huh. [he rubs his chin, giving a thoughtful hum as worry starts to build up in the crowd.

waving his hand dismissively:] Oh, well! At least it's not starting to give off steam! That'd mean there's a real risk of fire or explosions!

[But...but it IS steaming!]

Ah? [he cants his head, watching his staff begin to hiss and smoke.] Oh! Would you look at that. That explosion's going to go off any second at this rate! Looks pretty serious, too.

[cue the panic and fleeing as Xellos stands, rubbing the back of his head with a little chuckle.]



o3.
[the thing about the government housing out in Jeopardy is that it all comes standard and the same, save for the numbers on the exterior. but who reads numbers on the outside when one can teleport?

the cookie-cutter sameness of these buildings is as decent an excuse as any to just suddenly appear in a stranger's abode regardless to what they could be doing or the hour of day (or night!) it happens to be.

and so he does! without even a poof or anything as warning, Xellos just...appears! in another Jeopardy tenant's house!

ta-da!!! what's up, you wanted company, right?]

Comments

2

[monster_san]

[The sight of a glowing, hissing, smoking something gets Fuu's attention, and she's quickly maneuvering closer to the source as the crowd starts to make its getaway. There has been quite enough trouble and danger for the citizens here and she's not hesitating to intervene if necessary.

She didn't expect what she finds at the epicenter of the chatter and panic, though: another imPort, holding the offending staff with an air of amusement.]

Excuse me, sir, but is your staff meant to be doing that? Everyone seems to be rather concerned about an imminent explosion.

[despicableglee]

Ahaha! [he shrugs, pleasant as ever.] Well, because there is an imminent explosion! I wasn't kidding around just for show.

[granted, he could've just lied and let the people flee as they were, but lies don't have to be so mundane!

it's why he's casting a fireball. like right now. hence the smoke. it's going to blow up in like three seconds here.

two...]

[monster_san]

[a few things flash across Fuu's brain.

one is "what in the world is wrong with this man."

another is "where is Umi when I need her." because. a girl who can cast water magic and most eloquently deliver a piece of her mind. would be welcome right now.

and because fuu knows from experience that her wind magic only makes fire worse.]

Please, stop that!

[can she knock the staff out of his hand with magic? no, it's too late, it might just spread the fire somewhere else. the best thing to do is to back out of range as quickly as possible--which she does, though she doesn't take her eyes off of him.]

[despicableglee]

What's that now?

[sorry, can't hear you over the blossoming of flame and the inevitable FWOOSH as it hits the ground at his feet and detonates. this particular corner lacks a great deal of conventional kindling, so nothing remains alight after the smoke clears -- it's more scorch marks and sizzling heat off the bricks and concrete around him.

he himself is spared -- and a silhouette of himself on the building behind him to match until he lifts his hand to rub the back of his head with a light chuckle as he feels the delicious prickling of distress and outrage building up from the nearby witnesses.]

Maybe I just don't look like an honest man up front...

[monster_san]

[Fuu doesn't swear. Swearing is dreadfully impolite and she doesn't like how ubiquitous it is in modern-day America. But it would probably come in handy right now.

At least she's gotten far enough away that she doesn't singe, though she shields her face from the heat and the wind of it. She straightens up quickly--her hand twitches towards her glove jewel, but the man seems self-satisfied for the moment and she's not sure about escalating with a weapon.]

Why on Earth did you do that?!

[despicableglee]

Hmm? [he looks over her way, feigning surprise at her question.

after a beat, he seems to come to a realization.] Oh! You must not've been here from the start. [he wags a finger.] I told them my staff detects imminent explosions! That's why.

1

[patchricide]

[Is it just her, or is the ice far worse on this one stretch of sidewalk than in literally any other part of any other city?]

[The princess is doing her best to keep dignified and upright, but it's proving unusually difficult when this sidewalk is such an obstacle course. Especially when she's trying to hold onto a styrofoam cup of hot chocolate and keep that upright as well.]

[It must be like a circus act, watching as she starts to slip, slides forwards, juggles the cup, twists and spins around, and manages to correct her balance at the very last moment... and does it all again just a few steps later. A trained acrobat wasting her talents on pedestrian problems.]

Aren't they supposed to salt these walkways?!

[despicableglee]

[sure, watching her performance is fun, but it's the mounting frustration that's really the delight here. Xellos continues to smile pleasantly as he beholds it with his chin cupped in his hand as though he were admiring some beautiful flowerbed or something.

of course, when she begins to windmill again and start to pitch in his direction, his staff goes out and props her up in-between her shoulders.]

Salt, you say? [huh!] Is that what they've been peppering everywhere? Here I thought that was some old trick to ward off monsters.

[spoilers: it doesn't work.]

[patchricide]

What? No, of course not! It melts the ice away — and what monsters would they have to worry about here, anyway?

[For a moment, she relaxes, letting this stranger prop up her weight. And then she realizes that's a very dangerous and stupid idea, and rights herself before that same stranger pulls the staff away and lets her fall flat on her backside.]

[despicableglee]

[her timing is good; he was just about to do exactly that. lucky her!

the staff returns to rest against his shoulder as fingers drum thoughtfully on his chin for a moment.]

It's my understanding this place is quite the magnet for spontaneous attacks, monsters or otherwise. That whole thing out in the desert not a month ago...

[patchricide]

Those are usually rare emergencies! They aren't so frequent that they need to ward off monsters in the streets!

... not to my knowledge, anyway...

[But already, there's a seed of doubt planted in her mind. Things had seemed quiet enough since the reality distortions had died down, but what if things were worse than she realized? Should they be looking into monster wards?]

A-anyway, they're rare enough that they can rely on heroes like us to protect them, rather than salt!

[despicableglee]

Really? That's not the impression I've gotten...

[at that, he sits up, rummaging through his satchel, and holds out a copy of a rather inflammatory stack of news media -- the kind of rabble rousing periodical with more high color photos and caps lock than actual content.]

I was just reading about some chimera-like monsters on the loose over the summer? Sounds pretty salt-worthy to me!

3

[desmodusdraculae]

[There Kirk was, minding his own business, drinking some of his fake plasma, when all of a sudden someone just pops into his pitch dark basement. Is he startled? Yes. Does he spill some of this fake blood bag onto himself? Absolutely.

Does he immediately hurl the nearest bladed object within reach at the interloper? You bet your life.]

[despicableglee]

Whoops-!!

[wow, not even a full second to look around and he's getting targeted? neat! Xellos's head jerks to the side to evade the projectile, letting it zip past him to fall or stick wherever it sees fit to.

putting on an air of alarm, he holds his hands up, shouldering his staff to do so.]

Now, now! There's no need to be so jumpy, is there?

[desmodusdraculae]

I'm feeling generous, so I'll give you three words to satisfy me that you belong here, or I'm going to eat you.

[Clearly, someone feels that there is a need to be jumpy. And that person's eyes are currently glowing red.]

[despicableglee]

[Xellos' mouth twitches into a crooked smile. what a paranoid sort! it's kind of great; there's like a kind of miasma of suspicion and distrust billowing out from this masked weirdo, and the scent is enticing.

three words, he says? eat him, he says? my, my!

one of his hands moves to rub at his chin thoughtfully.

then, with a helpless shrug:] I got nothing! [that's three.] But! [wagging his finger, pushing a nervous kind of wobble into his voice:] I taste bad. I'd just upset your stomach!

[desmodusdraculae]

[Kirk steps forward, not betraying a sound as he bares his fangs.]

That's not going to be a problem.

2!!!!

[burlyboy]

[ Normal people run, fleeing from the staff that threatens explosions. This is the smart and logical way of doing things. Magnus on the other hand is smart and logical in his own way, but in a way that rarely overlaps with what ordinary people deem to be common sense. So when everyone else runs, Magnus edges a little closer.

He rolls for Common Sense! He rolls a nine and, sadly, has a -1. ]

Seems like a real specialized skill for a staff to have, [ he remarks, waving his hand over it so that he can see whether or not it's hot or if it's just producing magical steam. ] Is it really worth carrying around?

[despicableglee]

[amicably:] Why, yes, actually! It's got lots of uses.

[like actually helping him cast the explosions!

which he does!

right now!

IT'S A FIREBALL AND IT'S BLASTING INTO LIFE RIGHT NOW, MY BOY.]

[burlyboy]

[ Wow, it doesn't feel hot at all. Wild. ]

[burlyboy]

[ Ah. ]

[burlyboy]

[ Ah. ]

[burlyboy]

[ Magnus springs away with a mighty roar, snatching his hand back close to his chest. It didn't miss his hand entirely - he's going to be burned for a while - but nor did he get the full blast of it. ]

What the fuck are you going around casting fireball for?! [ He demands, shaking his hand wildly.

For good reason. Magnus is called I'Morko because he's as big as a bear, but sometimes it seems as though he's as furry too. His arm hair is very, very on fire.

[despicableglee]

Ahaha!

[Xellos shrugs his shoulders before waving his own hand in a dismissive manner.]

Well, I said my staff could detect explosions, right? If something didn't explode, that'd make me some kind of liar, wouldn't it?

[burlyboy]

You could've just not said anything at all. Asshole. That could have really hurt someone.

[ ...don't mind Magnus. He's just rubbing some ash - and singed arm hair - off on Xellos' sleeve. ]