duelo: (extra ♦ 42)
derek hale ([personal profile] duelo) wrote in [community profile] maskormenacelogs2019-10-07 12:32 pm

Closed;

WHO: Derek Hale, Vanya Hargreeves
WHERE: Aegis
WHEN: Backdated to Oct 3
WHAT: Checking in and making sure she's okay
WARNINGS: CW for possible mentions of death, murder, torture, mass destruction & explosions.

From the time Diego mentioned that Vanya had her powers dampened, Derek had been concerned. He doesn't know what it's like at Aegis, he just knows what Diego shared and, in Derek's experience, having one's powers dampened is a really, really painful, tortuous process and he doesn't want that for Vanya. She reminds him a little too much of himself when he'd been younger and she doesn't sound to him like she wants to hurt anybody. She just wants to exist without all the turmoil that comes with her abilities and her struggle to control them.

If they're electrocuting her to keep her from hurting anyone, they're not helping matters, Derek knows that much.

Yesterday, he hadn't been able to call clients soon enough to get out of work, but he called the ones for today to make sure they knew he wasn't going to be able to make it to the training sessions and that he'd be happy to reschedule later in the week if they needed to. Today, he's not going to work. Today, he's headed to Maurtia Falls.

It's not as bad in reality as it had been in his imagination, at least. He'll give Aegis that much.

He's not even sure Vanya's going to want to see him at all, but if she doesn't, that isn't going to change him wanting to see for himself that she's okay, so he hadn't really seen the point in asking ahead of time.
Therefore...she doesn't know he's coming.

This place smells like misery, he finds himself thinking, which...well. Of course it does. No one wants to be locked up.

Derek, to his credit, looks appropriately apologetic when she's looking at him. She looks physically okay, just like Diego said, and Derek doesn't think she would if they were hurting her to keep her powers at bay. He'll still ask later, but for now, his concerns are somewhat assuaged.

"...hey."
gigue: (Wieniawski – Légende in G minor)

[personal profile] gigue 2019-10-07 11:11 pm (UTC)(link)
The place smells like misery, but Vanya probable reeks of it. There's nothing like he feared, here - no torture, no electrocution, just a new accessory that, somehow, does everything Dad's medication did without the side effects. Maybe that should be some kind of comfort, but it just - infuriates her.

There was technology like this out in the world, and instead - instead he pull a bottle of pills in the hands of a four year old and made her think that she needed them just to survive in the world.

But maybe he was right, because whenever she's without them, terrible things happen.

She's curled up in the corner of her cell, on her bed, head leaning listlessly against the wall. V isn't sure what is hers to feel and what's because of Diego, but she's exhausted and hasn't slept much since the explosion. When she sees Derek, there's no reaction for a moment, like she needs a few seconds to convince herself he's real. And when he speaks, she straightens abruptly, then freezes, wondering what he's doing here.

She looks like a deer in headlights, and it takes a moment before her throat remembers how to make words.

"Hi?" It comes out like a question, startled and unsure. "Are you - you came to see me?"
gigue: (Ruiz - Your Room at Midnight)

[personal profile] gigue 2019-10-08 02:50 am (UTC)(link)
She watches him sit, still off kilter. It's the you're my friend that really grabs at her. Vanya doesn't have a lot of nervous habits, for all that it looks like she should: she doesn't chew her nails or her lip or her hair. But she does roll the white sleeves of her shirt down over her hands, clutching the cuffs in her palms like she's cold. Stiffly, uncertainly, she stands up from the bed and makes her way to the bars, sitting across from him.

It feels like worlds more than she deserves. Maybe that's why she tries to be honest; it's not too difficult to swallow the snark.

"No." She settles her hands in her lap, fingers worrying at the fabric in her hands. "I just...do you--" Her mouth runs dry, and she has to pause before continuing. "Do you know what happened?"
gigue: (Beethoven – Romance in F major)

[personal profile] gigue 2019-10-10 05:37 pm (UTC)(link)
Her reaction isn't the same as the day she called to invite him to the party: she doesn't look angry that he reached out to Diego. Some of the aching frustration stirs in her - Vanya isn't sure she'll ever by able to look at that without some bitterness. Other families probably don't get angry when their siblings share friends; it probably brings other families together. She should let that happen, shouldn't she?

Except she told Diego she wanted nothing to do with him, and then she almost sent him flying the way she'd done to Klaus. If anything, Vanya just looks guilty.

Unintentionally, her eyes find the same thing he's looking at, though she seems to stare at her hands without really seeing them. Still worrying at the hems, picking at stray threads, she speaks quietly, in a flat voice. "I wouldn't have answered. But not - I don't know. Because I'm here, I mean." She has the access, but there was no way she'd have been able to pull herself together enough to answer.

"I should've left with you when you suggested it."
gigue: (Dvořák – Violin Concerto in A minor)

[personal profile] gigue 2019-10-11 04:47 pm (UTC)(link)
Vanya assumed from the start - at least, from the moment logic thought started to return to her - that she was being monitored in here. She still assumes it, though she hasn't found cameras, doesn't even really know what to look for. For all she knows, there's some import here with the ability to just look through walls. It doesn't particularly matter: she's not leaving any time soon, probably.

Her eyes - which, without direct engagement tend to drift away from a subject, to stare at something cold and inanimate, something incapable of judgement - shift upwards when he starts speaking again. She sees the way his jaw works and doesn't fully understand; is he angry? Is he angry at her? No, he doesn't look angry, but he does look....unsure. Worried? God, she's not good at this, at reading people. They always seemed inexplicably fuzzy, before - which she assumes, now, was because of the medication. Now there's a sharper clarity, but she doesn't know how to read people.

Maybe if she had, she'd have seen through Leonard from the start.

For a long moment she just stares at him, confused. How can he help her? Is he a therapist now, is he going to talk her through what an absolute psychological nightmare this has been, trying to wrap her head around being as powerless as she thought she was all her life? Will he help her understand why she was hallucinating her younger selves at the party? No, because she hasn't told anyone about that, doesn't thinks he could even bring herself to do it.

Finally reaching up, Vanya shifts the collar of her shirt, pulling it to the side so he can see the metal collar around her neck. Not too bulky, not too tight, but definitely something she can't slip out of.

"I don't know how it works," she finally says. "It just...does." There's a note of something in her voice, not quite bitterness, not quite frustration, with elements of both. She doesn't know how to feel about this, except that she doesn't like it, and feels she has no right to that feeling.
gigue: (de Bériot - 6 Etudes brillantes pour le)

[personal profile] gigue 2019-10-11 06:00 pm (UTC)(link)
She still doesn't understand, not until he asks. Even then, it takes a moment after he clarifies, and she wonders, in that space before it clicks, if she looks so bad that he thinks they're actually electrocuting her. Vanya reaches up, touching her hair and wondering wildly if it's frizzing badly or something. Why else would he make that assumption?

Logic catches up, and she drops her hand back to her lap, feeling a little foolish for the thought.

"Oh - no." Shaking her head, V tucks some hair behind her ear, then resumes picking at the cuffs of her sleeve. "It just. Just sits here." Like a noose. That feels wrong to think, but she's not sure why; maybe the comparison doesn't work, maybe she's been dramatic. She's probably being dramatic. At least it's only in her head.

She opens her mouth to ask a question, but hesitates for a second, sitting there a little like a fish on dry land. Finally, she remembers how to make words. "Do you - is that how they depower you? Electrocuting you?"
gigue: (Dvořák – Violin Concerto in A minor)

[personal profile] gigue 2019-10-12 12:51 am (UTC)(link)
She's silent for a long moment - mostly trying to digest the idea that he's probably been electrocuted before. Who would do that? Why? Derek has shared some of his baggage, and he's acted like he's got a past - but he'd been nothing but nice to her.

Which makes her feel a surge of guilt over trying to push him away at the party, hanging up on him on the phone. She shouldn't be jealous just because he befriended her brother. It sounds stupid in her head. She knows it's stupid. But there is a part of her that just wants something - someone - for herself.

And it's not like she has no one, now, which is still hard to get used to. That is, if Murphy and Damian don't hate her for what happened. She hasn't had the wherewithal to reach out to them. Now she's too afraid to.

The rest finally sinks in, and Vanya shakes herself quietly, coming back to the present. "You - wanted to take my pain?" She sounds a little doubtful, and a little confused: never in her life would she expect an offer like that out of anyone.
gigue: (Geminiani - Violin Solo in C major)

[personal profile] gigue 2019-10-12 01:28 am (UTC)(link)
She opens her mouth, closes it again. There's no good answer here. If she says no, it sounds too selfish, and she'd stumble all over herself trying to fix it. Yes would be a lie, or at least close enough to one. She doesn't want to lie to him. So she shrugs, shoulders lifting right up toward her ears. The gesture looks almost helpless.

"I - I don't--"

God, fine. Just admit it.

"I've never really....had friends. I don't know."
gigue: (Bach – Violin Concerto No. 1 in A minor)

[personal profile] gigue 2019-10-12 01:44 am (UTC)(link)
"It's not your fault."

The words come out like a croak, tight and embarrassed, but at least she manages to vocalize instead of gaping like a fish. "I'm - I don't know." Crazy is what she thinks she should say. Right now she's just grateful there are no duplicated voices in her head, no younger Vanyas in the corners of her eyes. Maybe it was just stress. That's nicer to think.

"I wasn't - fair. And it's stupid, and you didn't do anything. I was just - mostly mad at Diego."

Mostly, but not entirely. There's guilt in her voice now, but still plenty of annoyance. His conversation with her late last night - early this morning? - did not leave off on a positive note. Then again, she can't remember the last time talking with him did. He knows how to dig at her, and even wen he tries--

Well. Maybe she just returns the favor.
gigue: (Williams - Schindler’s List)

[personal profile] gigue 2019-10-12 02:18 am (UTC)(link)
Vanya huffs out a breath, not really a laugh but still almost derisive. It's not directed at him, just the subject as a whole.

"I don't know if we can."

The words come out flatly, unimpressed, and whether it's aimed at herself or at Diego, not evens he's certain. The truth is ugly, and she can't run from it forever.

Besides, if she doesn't tell Derek, Diego will. And she wants to at least wrap her hands around her own narrative.

(Isn't that what got you in trouble in the first place, she thinks, and tries hard to shove that thought away. It never goes far.)

"I wrote this - this book, a few years ago. All about our family. I put a lot of things the public didn't know in, things about all of them. I don't think he'll ever forgive me for it." That is, really, the very barest of the iceberg between them.
gigue: (Debussy – Violin Sonata in G Minor)

[personal profile] gigue 2019-10-14 02:04 am (UTC)(link)
She shrugs one shoulder, shifting to pull one leg up, wrapping her arms loosely around it. It's defensive, though it's more mental than physical: she's protecting herself against his judgement, and she's afraid of it coming. Vanya bites the inside of her cheek to keep from saying it, but the words find their way out anyway.

"I don't know if I want to."

She stares at some point on the floor, beyond the bars, beyond him. It's easier to look at cold tile than to see whatever is moving through his eyes.

"Since we were kids, they were famous. The Umbrella Academy. And I was just the sister no one knew about. They barely noticed me."

V grits her teeth, abruptly wary of wandering down that petty road. It's easy, God it's so easy to be angry about that. She reaches up, fingers trailing over the collar around her neck, pressing inside to scratch at her skin. "At least for a couple months, the world noticed me."
gigue: (Beethoven – Violin Concerto in D Major)

[personal profile] gigue 2019-10-14 01:40 pm (UTC)(link)
He's silent for long enough (though with Vanya, any amount of time waiting for judgement is still too long) that she starts looking for ways to make it better. Just kidding wouldn't be believable, that's off the table, God she shouldn't have said it at all. He's nice and he asks questions sometimes, but he doesn't really know what it was like. He loved his family.

Vanya doesn't know if she loves hers. Maybe she does - maybe that's why it's so hard to let them go, hurts so much to have them around. She glances toward the exit, wondering if Allison went to get food or if she's waiting just outside. She's half tempted to call her back, send a desperate text and let her sister help her figure this out.

Her gut turns at the thought, though, and she knows she won't.

"I didn't want to be noticed for this." She gestures vaguely at the cell, at Aegis itself. She sounds miserable. The truth is, she has no idea what she wants. When Abigail mentioned her record deal, back during the issue with the kryptonite, Vanya felt that twinge of jealousy. Does that mean she wants that? She has no idea, but mostly she wants to play violin and not be afraid of herself.
gigue: (Haydn – Violin Concerto in C major)

[personal profile] gigue 2019-10-15 12:38 am (UTC)(link)
She wishes for a moment that their powers were reversed and that she could have his senses. Any well-adapted person would see this as perfectly reasonable, straightforward. Vanya is terrified that he's just hiding his judgement to be kind. If she shares more, will he judge her harder? If she stops, will he ever come back? Is this all he wants, to know more about her, use it against--

She runs a hand over her face, scrubbing at her eyes with her sleeves still pulled over her hands. He's not Leonard. Right? He's not. If anything - she's pretty sure Diego would have hated Leonard on site, he probably did, and if he's friends with Derek then...it's such a reach that she can't honestly finish the thought.

For a moment she's silent, and after that moment passes, she shifts a little so she can lean against the bars too, facing him. He did notice her. Maybe it was because the anxiety and the fear was rolling off her, but he still noticed her - because what is she, if not a human shaped ball of anxiety?

"Yes? I think. I don't know how to explain. It's - it's not like I want to be a movie star, or anything." God, living Allison's life would probably make her hyperventilate to death. "I just - I want to know that - that people know I exist."
gigue: (Bartok - Violin Concerto No. 2)

[personal profile] gigue 2019-10-15 01:04 am (UTC)(link)
He makes it sound so simple. Like talking to people is easy. Like opening up to them is something you can just...do.

Then again, she's opened up to him a lot more than other people, hasn't she? Vanya chews the inside of her cheek, listening and flattered and confused. He must see something in her that doesn't exist, or somehow she's made herself just - appear like she knows what the fuck she's doing.

But she doesn't think he's that dumb. He doesn't seem it, and she really doesn't believe she can fake it.

"You sure you don't want to lose my number?" It's a little bit of a joke; she tries to smile, though it doesn't exist very long on her face. Part of her still expects the worst answer to that question.
gigue: (Godard - Sonata No. 2 for violin solo in)

[personal profile] gigue 2019-10-15 01:23 am (UTC)(link)
All she has to do is believe him. It's not so hard: she spent her life taking people at their word, after all. Just because Leonard - she doesn't want to let what he did affect what she'll do. It should be as simple as that, but it isn't. It takes her a moment, silently considering his face, taking in his expression. He looks honest, looks like he cares. Why else would he be here? And just because Leonard looked interested doesn't mean anything, here. It's not like there's any secret for Derek to find out, any journal to use against her.

"Yeah."

It comes out more easily than she thought it might, and she nods. "Yeah, that - I think that'd be....nice?" Irony makes its way into her voice, and she manages to roll her eyes a little, somehow managing to indicate the fact that however nice it may be, she's in a cell (and does she really have a right to anything nice--).
gigue: (del Aguila - Cutting Limes)

[personal profile] gigue 2019-10-17 12:16 pm (UTC)(link)
The silence settles, and while he isn't quite looking at her, she watches his face. He's thinking, she has no idea about what, and she wants to ask. But the paranoid voice that's never far from her mind whispers not to, because he might be thinking about some place he'd rather be.

It doesn't seem likely, especially now, but that kind of worry is never really logical.

When he focuses on her again, Vanya blinks and looks away quickly before meeting his eyes again, like it's suddenly paramount to pretend she wasn't staring at him. The question, at least, is easy to answer: she shakes her head.

"No. I haven't really asked." Afraid to, is more like it: what if this is going to be for a long time? Worse, what if it's not and she has to go back out into the world that she could have wrecked?
gigue: (Giannini - Violin Solo Sonata No. 1)

[personal profile] gigue 2019-10-28 02:52 pm (UTC)(link)
Vanya just nods silently, at first, still stuck on the idea that he wants to come see her. It's new, and it's nice, and she likes the idea of it enough that she wants to really convince herself that's all it is.

A second later, she sticks her hand through the bars - not reaching for him, but offering. She's let go of the edges of her sleeve, so just her pale but calloused fingers are sticking out. She shrugs, abruptly awkward when she tries to explain it.

"If you, I don't know...want proof? Does it work that way?"
gigue: (Achron - Dans l'intimité)

[personal profile] gigue 2019-10-29 03:02 am (UTC)(link)
She hesitates and wonders, why not? Vanya's not afraid of pain, and especially not the kind she can inflict on herself. What's a pinch compared to the exhausting mental gymnastics she does every minute of every day?

Instead of pinching herself, she digs the nails of her free hand into her palm, pressing hard. She's used that sting for too long, a way to bring her out of her own head, a reminder to stop thinking so unnecessarily hard.

She can feel her nails carving crescents into her skin, and the ache shoots up her arm. Still, she just watches him, eyes shifting between her hand in his, and Derek's face.
gigue: (Grundman - Terezin Through the Eyes of t)

[personal profile] gigue 2019-11-21 04:06 am (UTC)(link)
The pain fades almost immediately, and she digs her nails harder into her palms, confused. That changes nothing, and when he reveals the veins on the back of his hand, Vanya's eyes widen. She doesn't try to pull away, though - frozen as she usually is by indecision. Should she pull away to make it stop? Would he be insulted or upset if she did that? Not deciding is easier, and when he gives her instruction Vanya lets her gaze flicker up to his face before dropping to their hands again.

She eases up, straighening her hand and pressing her palm against her leg. She expects it to string, but it doesn't. It's all gone, just like the black in his veins.

"Does it..." She trails off, because asking him if it hurts is just too stupid to swallow. "Are you okay?"