maskormenacelogs | [Open] Gabriel Log for October

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[Open] Gabriel Log for October

WHO: Gabriel [And possibly you?]
WHERE: Maurtia Falls, Nonah - near YOU?
WHEN: Throughout the month of October
WHAT: Gabriel gets hit with the fallout of his pride, sings out his feelings (in public ugh.) and tries to acclimate to living with humans.
WARNINGS: Gabriel is a walking warning for assholery and also possibly embarrassing human situations. He's also kind of a scary good singer. **UPDATE** will include toplevels for **OCTOBER EVENTS**

LET'S BE ROOMMATE BUDDIES (MAURITA)

[Gabriel doesn't sleep. His pet does and it is being taken care of. It gets a bed. almost a whole bed! Sometimes the human-shaped thing sits beside it and reads and that's when it'll just sit against him and after two days of pushing it away he just allows it at this point. Today though the jackalope gets the bed and the archangel has his very nice expensive coat off and his sleeves rolled up and he is cleaning.

It's something to do and this whole place is filthy. Compared to heaven it's filthy. So he scrubs and reads all the scrubbing things and everything is very very clean. It's gleaming even. The drains shine. Somehow all the dishes get done like it's instinct. Sometimes he can be found scrubbing the grout in the kitchen or the bathroom or wiping things and-]

I'm not apologizing. This place could always be cleaner.

LET'S GET MOTIVATED WITH MAXIMUM EFFORT (MAURITA)

[Gabriel is supposed to be a motivational speaker. He's been given a pamphlet on how to do this but it mentions his phone and using his communicator and social media but he still can't figure it out and finally he slips it into his pocket and approaches the first person he sees.]

Excuse me, would you like to know how not to go to Hell? I can help with that.

[So sayeth the very well dressed guy who may be insane. Feel free to hit him.]

I'M TIRED OF TALKING TO MYSELF HERE (NONAH)

[He honestly believed that this was a test. That didn't make it less painful. He was passing everything and he should have gotten a sign by now. Some sort of confirmation. Some sort of confirmation of just what he was supposed to do.It was a simple useless thing that shouldn't have mattered except -

Except whenever he would close his eyes in prayer or reach for her Grace it was - just as he had described to Eve - like listening to a radio far away and sometimes when he reached out there was...well. Moments of absolute nothing. That had been terrifying. Like what he imagined falling would be like - just that sense of isolation. And then -

Well. He hadn't fallen. There would be more hideous bodily fluids and disgusting behaviors and urges he was quite sure but he would not wish that sense of isolation on anyone for the first time in millennia. This had been what Lucifer and his ilk had deserved but the tables had been turned and...well. Here he was. Taking a walk through the Nonah park at a whim, it's hard not to think about that isolation. This is heavily on his mind, as it should be. He's not an embarrassment. His days with holy choirs were millennia ago when he was practically as close to a child as an angel could get.

Yes. quiet contemplation. That was the way of doing things. He wasn't a fool, bursting into song like he would in the choir. Like people had been doing lately. No. He sang at home. When he was sure she was listening.

And it's like a bell. Just knowledge that she was but that affirmation is gone and and he doesn't realize as he spreads his arms wide in the park and- sings.

Only there's no singing - standing there arms folded. No. He's actually dancing and even if he's not aware that very special musical moment he's not doing too bad at dancing and spinning through a park like he belongs on stage. In fact. Despite the sad song, he's dancing beautifully.]

Mama, I could use some help here
Tired of talking to myself here
Back at home, you don't exist
So here I am in the abyss
Are you really in this place?
It's like the emptiness of space
I could search for all eternity
And never see your face
Help me out

[Literally like the protagonist in a movie - if there were a camera it'd be following him as he leaps over trees and rocks before standing perched on a bench with his hands spread to the heavens. It's a sad-ish sort of song but it's still worth belting out. The heavens should hear. Everyone should! singing is great!

About halfway through the number a collection of marathon runners, two construction workers, and a group of people at a child's birthday party join in to sing those background numbers. They even dance, cheering him on and man where was this in their old singing days-

Before he falls. On his knees in the grass, ruining his perfectly good pair of pants-]

The nothingness ahead of me
Is this the end you meant for me?
Every living minute
There's no home without you in it
I'm falling
Quit stalling
Your daughter is calling your name
I've burned all my bridges and games

[Except. You know. He's not dead, and even if he doesn't have her the choir is waiting and it's like something he'd forgotten he could do. He's the first musician. He's her musician and if she sent him here...well. There's adaptability. The humans all have plastered fake smiles and it looks so familiar that he just jumps back in and he's just so thrilled his wings unfurl. Dancing with those is a trick.]

I'm gonna get back home
Micheal, Sandalphon, Uriel and the Demons who're sad
It's messy but they're all that I have
I'll make the best of being flesh and bone
The best of being here alone without you-
Mama, I'm going home
Home
I'm going home!
Mama, I'm going home!

[The music fades and he blinks, staring at his arms before looking back at the collected people who are rubbing their heads and looking at him very confused. One points and he looks upward before his wings curl back.

Well.]

Folks I just want you to know? You did just almost as good as actual heavenly choirs. Heavenly choirs! Boy that was a lot of fun wasn't it? You should be really proud. I think we all needed that right? Not just me?

[Their expressions all say "no it was just you." and they were dragged along for the ride. Thank Her he doesn't need to eat. A few look at him with pity and he pulls out his wallet.]

Right okay. How much to make you all forget this ever happened and I am willing to pay in favors. Trust me. I'm Gabriel! Yes, the archangel that's why I have wings also please - please never mention that it's embarrassing.

[The birthday girl, in a moment of charity, tugs on her mother's skirt and asks her to invite the sad man to the party since apparently he misses his mama but both Gabriel and the mother wave it off and the marathon resumes, the party resumes, and he sits on the same bench that was his stage and stares at nothing. Wow. Ten minutes into his musings the mother has returned with that same pitying look and a slice of chocolate birthday cake that he accepts, stares at, and sets beside him.

Oblivious, still digesting what happened, the first person who approaches him to laugh or otherwise will get offered the cake.]

Want some? It was a gift from that nice woman over there at the birthday party. We were just singing in a possessed musical number about my emotions.

FIND HIM SOMEWHERE

[Find him in Maurita, Find him in Nonah, those are the two places he's been the most thanks to sheer dumb luck. He arrives in a crack of lightning and disappears just the same.]

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[He listens and feels. Something. It's a twisting sensation in his chest. The same one when Lucifer and he were arguing. It's uncomfortable like he did a bad thing. Device - unlike some - (Aziraphale and Crowley) had treated him with respect since arriving.

So. This feeling. Sitting and studying her he actually looks - and any human could tell. Regretful.

Folding his hands in his lap he studies her before weighing the words. And this feeling. It's uncomfortable. What do you do with this? Humans live like this? She made them to live like this?

IF she did, it had a purpose. You alleviate this. He had started to feel this way when she had mentioned that she had suffered and so-]

I'm sorry.

[It alleviates. By a hair.]

I can't give that time back but I would argue that human beings should take advantage of the time they have evne if there is no deadline. Yes it is suffering and it hurts.

[His chest tightened again.]

Okay. I don't know if it hurts. I really don't. I...have absolutely no frame of mind to think of that because I would...regret losing this corporation? But it wouldn't destroy me. The only thing that would do that would be someone actively trying to kill me. And to do that it would require hellfire.

[That same painful feeling is still there. It hasn't gone. He tried to kill Aziraphale. She doesn't know that. Darn. He stares at her.]

...I want to ask you what it's like to be afraid like that but I have a feeling that won't go over well. It seems rude anyway. So instead.

[He stares at his feet.]

I am sorry. I am truly sorry that we did that. I hope that you got to do many things however and now that it's...averted perhaps you will get to do many more.

[The sorry is genuine. The rest of it. He feels bad about this. And his first instinct is to ask Aziraphale about it.]

I know what it's like to live under a purpose. Mine's just - neverending. I don't know what it's like for humans. I would think it would be comforting.

[ Watching him wrestle with this unfamiliar emotion is oddly fascinating. He has no reference for it, and she knew that going in; had expected nothing but callous practicality from him, even. But the remorse, shifting restlessly under his skin. It's new. She wonders if she caught Gabriel at a good time to make him contemplative and self-assessing, when that song had ripped some of his armour from him. Anathema's head tilts. ]

Valid point. Everything dies, and that's fact. The only given about humans' time on Earth is that it's limited, and everybody gets the same thing: a lifetime. So I'll answer your question: the fear sucks, but it also makes you appreciative. A lot of people waste time because they don't think about it enough.

But yes, that's the whole point. I can do more now, and be more. It felt like I was on borrowed time and now I've been... given more? So it's a happy thing, honestly. Don't worry about me.

[ Is she consoling an archangel?? ]

My turn to ask a question that might be rude. How do you know you still have a purpose? If you can't hear Her?

[How are they so assured?

He can't hide the animal confusion on his face. Like a dog that has been told and understood the word no. Aware and yet unaware.

He presses his lips together and thinks about it before she delivers that last question and he looks haunted. Like she's punched him. He physically appears like a grown human man, a brave and powerful being, but when she says that he shrinks and looks away.

And then back.

and then upward before he closes his eyes tightly and clenches his fist. There's a puff of wind.]

...I-

[he breathes. It's a sudden motion that might look very strange. He has never breathed before this place.]

...I think so? I-

I don't know. I think so. There are tasks I do. I do them. I do the tasks and I do her will but what if it was never her will what if I got it all wrong?

[He drags his hand over his eyes and breathes again.]

It's so easy for you all. You made her angry twice. Every parent disciplines their child but she regrets every single one of you she punishes. I know it.

[He thinks. And his lip trembles.]

I don't do that. I think you of all people would understand what it's like to live with a set of rules. The only difference is mine do not go away. Even if...I can't see them...

[He buries his head in his hands.]

[ Even amongst humans, Anathema's more self-assured than most.

But even she knows when she might have pushed too far, hammered on a wound that's still too fragile; for a creature that isn't accustomed yet to processing emotions and dealing with them the same way humans do. Gabriel's always been expansive, his aura radiating electric-violet and larger-than-life, but now he shrinks. Looks diminished. It's such an alien sight.

She reaches out tentatively, splays her hand against his shoulder in what she hopes is a gesture of comfort. It's strange knowing there should be wings there but she can't see them. ]

I'm sorry. I knew that one would be hard. I was just wondering—

I'm not sure if you know this, but Agnes delivered me a second book of prophecies. More destiny, more purpose, more rules written down. More to interpret.

I burned them.

[First there is touch and he starts - he doesn't move away but he stares at it and then at her. Angels don't touch, or at least he doesn't but he lowers his head and then the reality of what she said sinks in and he looks horrified.

It's really hard to keep calm. He pulls away as gently as he can heart on edge, pounding, panicked before looking at her with wide purple eyes.]

...Why? She gave you answers. You don't - you don't want that? I have been interpreting prophecies since my conception. Delivering messages and that's why I hold the position of authority I do if I knew...if I knew...

[This is a human being he...feels things about. Nothing deep - or perhaps it is deep. He does not want this human to hurt. There are a few others in this place that he actually wants to watch his emotions around. Eve for one. Marco for another. They are...people who do not treat him like something to be reviled.

He would not care. He would not care of any of them despised him, he keeps saying that...]

Why would you do that? To live free and make choices for yourself without...without a purpose?

[He blanches and goes white, stark white. And then he laughs. laughs.]

...What will you do without them?

[ Since Gabriel's a being who reveres the messages from on high, she'd had a suspicion that wouldn't go over well. That her actions would be anathema, in fact, to his entire existence. (Ha.) But when he laughs, she feels like he might've caught on and gotten it. A smile curls at the corner of her mouth. ]

I don't know, actually! [ A flash of Anathema's smile, broadening. It's a conversation she'd had with Eve, too, about finding a new identity. ] I actually have a theory that the second book might've been empty, and that that might've been the whole point, Agnes' whole message.

But even if it had been full of prophecies, I'd still have burnt it. I want to do something else. Be something else with my life. And I have absolutely no idea what that is yet, but it's just not going to be 'professional descendant'. I've been there, done that.

The best part of this, so far, is the finding out. Making my own decisions. Not just because I feel like I have to.

[He had laughed out of manic desperation. Some unknown reaction his body had offered when faced with this...this terrible thing because he knows but also...

I want to do something else. Be something else. Like it's easy. All he has ever been is Gabriel. That's his name...

This is a conversation he may have later with another person but he stares at her thoughtful and frustrated before he shakes it off.]

That is your right as a human being.

[he pauses] Eve - your ancestor I suppose - she gave up paradise so you could decide what to do but apart from Aziraphale-

[His teeth grit and his hands clench, genuinely angry.]

...Apart from Aziraphale our names are our purpose. If I were to change my purpose I would change who I am.

[He thinks.

Staring down at his hands he shakes it off.]

Gabriel means god is my judge. She is my strength and my judge. And up until recently I would have thought it locked me into things. Everything I do is for her. Then I found out she gave us leeway.

What kind of decisions are you going to make?

[It's sudden and focused. he's not stupid. He can learn. Just absorb it.]

Anathema means a person or thing detested or loathed. A person or thing accursed or consigned to damnation or destruction. A formal ecclesiastical curse involving excommunication. A curse of divine punishment. [ Her voice takes on the cant of recitation, when she repeats those definitions. Of course she had them memorised. ]

I know the rules are different for archangels versus humans, but I don't think your name has to define every last little thing you are. You can be that and more, if you like.

As for decisions... I'm running my own business at the moment, and making new friends. I'd like to travel, and learn more magic — I'm stronger here than I was back home. I want to learn things about the worlds everyone came from. They're so much more than I knew was out there.

[What does he want?

The notion flits through his mind as he stares straight ahead.]

...And that explains why you succeeded in stopping us. You were the antidote to what we were doing. You're the Anathema to what we were doing.

[The worlds everyone came from.]

...I don't know what to do with that. I am-you were nice to me. You asked what would make me comfortable. You had no reason to do so. We preach charity but I had never experienced it.

[He stares at his hands.] so I will be honest with you. I don't...know. what I would do. There's just a long list of rules and things I should do.

But you sound so excited. It makes me...want that. [And not want you to have it. He presses his lips together and stares at her before looking upward.]

We should have it too. Not just you humans. We should have it too we deserve it.

[And Aziraphale took it. Without asking.

His head slips into his hands.]

[ He looks so lost that Anathema's not sure what to do with it. Gabriel isn't mortal, and so doesn't work by the usual rules of comfort and emotions and how she might treat an actual upset human man. But she's trying. We preach charity but I had never experienced it. ]

You call it charity, but frankly, I think it's just... being polite. [ She hadn't considered not extending him that courtesy, when they first met. There's a brisk, efficient kind of politesse to the woman, but it's there nonetheless. She'd been raised well. ]

Do angels not practice what they preach? Weren't the others kind to you up there?

But regardless, I— I don't know. You're here now, aren't you? Couldn't you suspend the rules for a bit, if you wanted to, if you wanted to try being excited about things? This isn't Her world. You don't have the same job you did back home. It's a new, stupider one, but still.

We're kind. We're beings of infinite love for her sake. [It's snapped because - normally there's just work. He likes work. He likes to do work and he likes doing her bidding and there have been other things.

Shopping. Sandalphon had put up with that. They had their quirks. Assigned hobbies they said to each other.

politeness. Of course it was but-]

...We practice it but human beings extending that courtesy is unusual. Your kind runs. Or bows. Or prays. Or - paints statues and builds churches.

I've known humans before but they've never reached out. Or-

[pause]

Some try. But you were just there. Putting your nose in it - all of you were. Like we were on the same level and I want to understand why you'd think that.

Because you affected Crowley and Aziraphale. Not you specifically but your species. Your humanity - they've lived with you. Not just...bought your goods like I have or consumed art like Uriel.

It's a lot.

[A new stupider one. Staring at her he laughs. He actually laughs. And then he stops.]

...It is stupider. And it's difficult to be here. I'm supposed to be in charge and she's supposed to be with us but she's ...not and it's difficult.

But.

[He holds up a hand and looks lofty and condescending.] Since you have asked. Even if it is just out of politeness, I will indulge you and the rest of this ...stupider world with my music. It is technically a form of praise.

[and then he looks. Well. normal.]

...but not now.

When I can find an instrument. I - haven't played in 3000 years. The last time I think I played was at Sodom and Gomorrah...

[That.

Wow. Something settles in his chest. Politeness. Destroying a city does not seem to be polite. That does not seem like the kind of thing that humans would try and reach out and make friends over.

That's the kind of thing that would make them run screaming and as much as he was used to that this...he did not want that.]

...It was not a positive thing. Sodom and Gomorrah. And I will play different music if I find a suitable instrument.

[ And on her end, Anathema actually laughs out loud, too, at his description of mankind and their usual reactions in the face of awe-inspiring blinding divinity. Which makes sense, but— ] To be honest, I'm not a big fan of running or bowing. Or groveling. None of that.

[ The mention of Sodom and Gomorrah is a jarring one and almost merits a disapproving frown from the woman, like a disappointed schoolmistress looking down her nose at him even if he's a literal archangel— but thankfully, Gabriel catches himself just in time. Anathema settles further against the bench, hums in the back of her throat with agreement. ]

No. It wasn't a positive thing at all. What would be a suitable instrument? ...Trumpets?

[he nods respectfully] Truthfully I appreciate it. I don't particularly have time for it. I mean I have other duties. I would rather we just keep things professional.

[long pause.] Trumpet or Horn. I can play both.

and no. I can't raise the dead.

Good. Because that sounds awfully complicated and like it might make more problems than it's worth. I'm just glad Adam hasn't gotten a yen for zombie movies, either.

[ Her boot has started to bounce against the ground, the grass of the park, the woman shifting a little restlessly — she's never been very good at staying in one spot, preferring to keep in motion. But the curious bystanders have all dispersed from that impromptu song-and-dance number a while back, at least, and at least Gabriel's head isn't literally in his hands anymore. He seems... a little less hopelessly bereft than before. Success? Maybe? ]

Sorry if I caused any existential crises, by the by.

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[Open] Gabriel Log for October

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