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maskormenacelogs2019-09-25 08:56 pm
privatepurchases) wrote in maskormenacelogs2019-09-25 08:56 pm
[Open] Gabriel Log for October
WHO: Gabriel [And possibly you?]
WHERE: Maurtia Falls, Nonah - near YOU?
WHEN: Throughout the month of October
WHAT: Gabriel gets hit with the fallout of his pride, sings out his feelings (in public ugh.) and tries to acclimate to living with humans.
WARNINGS: Gabriel is a walking warning for assholery and also possibly embarrassing human situations. He's also kind of a scary good singer. **UPDATE** will include toplevels for **OCTOBER EVENTS**
LET'S BE ROOMMATE BUDDIES (MAURITA)
[Gabriel doesn't sleep. His pet does and it is being taken care of. It gets a bed. almost a whole bed! Sometimes the human-shaped thing sits beside it and reads and that's when it'll just sit against him and after two days of pushing it away he just allows it at this point. Today though the jackalope gets the bed and the archangel has his very nice expensive coat off and his sleeves rolled up and he is cleaning.
It's something to do and this whole place is filthy. Compared to heaven it's filthy. So he scrubs and reads all the scrubbing things and everything is very very clean. It's gleaming even. The drains shine. Somehow all the dishes get done like it's instinct. Sometimes he can be found scrubbing the grout in the kitchen or the bathroom or wiping things and-]
I'm not apologizing. This place could always be cleaner.
LET'S GET MOTIVATED WITH MAXIMUM EFFORT (MAURITA)
[Gabriel is supposed to be a motivational speaker. He's been given a pamphlet on how to do this but it mentions his phone and using his communicator and social media but he still can't figure it out and finally he slips it into his pocket and approaches the first person he sees.]
Excuse me, would you like to know how not to go to Hell? I can help with that.
[So sayeth the very well dressed guy who may be insane. Feel free to hit him.]
I'M TIRED OF TALKING TO MYSELF HERE (NONAH)
[He honestly believed that this was a test. That didn't make it less painful. He was passing everything and he should have gotten a sign by now. Some sort of confirmation. Some sort of confirmation of just what he was supposed to do.It was a simple useless thing that shouldn't have mattered except -
Except whenever he would close his eyes in prayer or reach for her Grace it was - just as he had described to Eve - like listening to a radio far away and sometimes when he reached out there was...well. Moments of absolute nothing. That had been terrifying. Like what he imagined falling would be like - just that sense of isolation. And then -
Well. He hadn't fallen. There would be more hideous bodily fluids and disgusting behaviors and urges he was quite sure but he would not wish that sense of isolation on anyone for the first time in millennia. This had been what Lucifer and his ilk had deserved but the tables had been turned and...well. Here he was. Taking a walk through the Nonah park at a whim, it's hard not to think about that isolation. This is heavily on his mind, as it should be. He's not an embarrassment. His days with holy choirs were millennia ago when he was practically as close to a child as an angel could get.
Yes. quiet contemplation. That was the way of doing things. He wasn't a fool, bursting into song like he would in the choir. Like people had been doing lately. No. He sang at home. When he was sure she was listening.
And it's like a bell. Just knowledge that she was but that affirmation is gone and and he doesn't realize as he spreads his arms wide in the park and- sings.
Only there's no singing - standing there arms folded. No. He's actually dancing and even if he's not aware that very special musical moment he's not doing too bad at dancing and spinning through a park like he belongs on stage. In fact. Despite the sad song, he's dancing beautifully.]
Mama, I could use some help here
Tired of talking to myself here
Back at home, you don't exist
So here I am in the abyss
Are you really in this place?
It's like the emptiness of space
I could search for all eternity
And never see your face
Help me out
[Literally like the protagonist in a movie - if there were a camera it'd be following him as he leaps over trees and rocks before standing perched on a bench with his hands spread to the heavens. It's a sad-ish sort of song but it's still worth belting out. The heavens should hear. Everyone should! singing is great!
About halfway through the number a collection of marathon runners, two construction workers, and a group of people at a child's birthday party join in to sing those background numbers. They even dance, cheering him on and man where was this in their old singing days-
Before he falls. On his knees in the grass, ruining his perfectly good pair of pants-]
The nothingness ahead of me
Is this the end you meant for me?
Every living minute
There's no home without you in it
I'm falling
Quit stalling
Your daughter is calling your name
I've burned all my bridges and games
[Except. You know. He's not dead, and even if he doesn't have her the choir is waiting and it's like something he'd forgotten he could do. He's the first musician. He's her musician and if she sent him here...well. There's adaptability. The humans all have plastered fake smiles and it looks so familiar that he just jumps back in and he's just so thrilled his wings unfurl. Dancing with those is a trick.]
I'm gonna get back home
Micheal, Sandalphon, Uriel and the Demons who're sad
It's messy but they're all that I have
I'll make the best of being flesh and bone
The best of being here alone without you-
Mama, I'm going home
Home
I'm going home!
Mama, I'm going home!
[The music fades and he blinks, staring at his arms before looking back at the collected people who are rubbing their heads and looking at him very confused. One points and he looks upward before his wings curl back.
Well.]
Folks I just want you to know? You did just almost as good as actual heavenly choirs. Heavenly choirs! Boy that was a lot of fun wasn't it? You should be really proud. I think we all needed that right? Not just me?
[Their expressions all say "no it was just you." and they were dragged along for the ride. Thank Her he doesn't need to eat. A few look at him with pity and he pulls out his wallet.]
Right okay. How much to make you all forget this ever happened and I am willing to pay in favors. Trust me. I'm Gabriel! Yes, the archangel that's why I have wings also please - please never mention that it's embarrassing.
[The birthday girl, in a moment of charity, tugs on her mother's skirt and asks her to invite the sad man to the party since apparently he misses his mama but both Gabriel and the mother wave it off and the marathon resumes, the party resumes, and he sits on the same bench that was his stage and stares at nothing. Wow. Ten minutes into his musings the mother has returned with that same pitying look and a slice of chocolate birthday cake that he accepts, stares at, and sets beside him.
Oblivious, still digesting what happened, the first person who approaches him to laugh or otherwise will get offered the cake.]
Want some? It was a gift from that nice woman over there at the birthday party. We were just singing in a possessed musical number about my emotions.
FIND HIM SOMEWHERE
[Find him in Maurita, Find him in Nonah, those are the two places he's been the most thanks to sheer dumb luck. He arrives in a crack of lightning and disappears just the same.]
WHERE: Maurtia Falls, Nonah - near YOU?
WHEN: Throughout the month of October
WHAT: Gabriel gets hit with the fallout of his pride, sings out his feelings (in public ugh.) and tries to acclimate to living with humans.
WARNINGS: Gabriel is a walking warning for assholery and also possibly embarrassing human situations. He's also kind of a scary good singer. **UPDATE** will include toplevels for **OCTOBER EVENTS**
LET'S BE ROOMMATE BUDDIES (MAURITA)
[Gabriel doesn't sleep. His pet does and it is being taken care of. It gets a bed. almost a whole bed! Sometimes the human-shaped thing sits beside it and reads and that's when it'll just sit against him and after two days of pushing it away he just allows it at this point. Today though the jackalope gets the bed and the archangel has his very nice expensive coat off and his sleeves rolled up and he is cleaning.
It's something to do and this whole place is filthy. Compared to heaven it's filthy. So he scrubs and reads all the scrubbing things and everything is very very clean. It's gleaming even. The drains shine. Somehow all the dishes get done like it's instinct. Sometimes he can be found scrubbing the grout in the kitchen or the bathroom or wiping things and-]
I'm not apologizing. This place could always be cleaner.
LET'S GET MOTIVATED WITH MAXIMUM EFFORT (MAURITA)
[Gabriel is supposed to be a motivational speaker. He's been given a pamphlet on how to do this but it mentions his phone and using his communicator and social media but he still can't figure it out and finally he slips it into his pocket and approaches the first person he sees.]
Excuse me, would you like to know how not to go to Hell? I can help with that.
[So sayeth the very well dressed guy who may be insane. Feel free to hit him.]
I'M TIRED OF TALKING TO MYSELF HERE (NONAH)
[He honestly believed that this was a test. That didn't make it less painful. He was passing everything and he should have gotten a sign by now. Some sort of confirmation. Some sort of confirmation of just what he was supposed to do.It was a simple useless thing that shouldn't have mattered except -
Except whenever he would close his eyes in prayer or reach for her Grace it was - just as he had described to Eve - like listening to a radio far away and sometimes when he reached out there was...well. Moments of absolute nothing. That had been terrifying. Like what he imagined falling would be like - just that sense of isolation. And then -
Well. He hadn't fallen. There would be more hideous bodily fluids and disgusting behaviors and urges he was quite sure but he would not wish that sense of isolation on anyone for the first time in millennia. This had been what Lucifer and his ilk had deserved but the tables had been turned and...well. Here he was. Taking a walk through the Nonah park at a whim, it's hard not to think about that isolation. This is heavily on his mind, as it should be. He's not an embarrassment. His days with holy choirs were millennia ago when he was practically as close to a child as an angel could get.
Yes. quiet contemplation. That was the way of doing things. He wasn't a fool, bursting into song like he would in the choir. Like people had been doing lately. No. He sang at home. When he was sure she was listening.
And it's like a bell. Just knowledge that she was but that affirmation is gone and and he doesn't realize as he spreads his arms wide in the park and- sings.
Only there's no singing - standing there arms folded. No. He's actually dancing and even if he's not aware that very special musical moment he's not doing too bad at dancing and spinning through a park like he belongs on stage. In fact. Despite the sad song, he's dancing beautifully.]
Mama, I could use some help here
Tired of talking to myself here
Back at home, you don't exist
So here I am in the abyss
Are you really in this place?
It's like the emptiness of space
I could search for all eternity
And never see your face
Help me out
[Literally like the protagonist in a movie - if there were a camera it'd be following him as he leaps over trees and rocks before standing perched on a bench with his hands spread to the heavens. It's a sad-ish sort of song but it's still worth belting out. The heavens should hear. Everyone should! singing is great!
About halfway through the number a collection of marathon runners, two construction workers, and a group of people at a child's birthday party join in to sing those background numbers. They even dance, cheering him on and man where was this in their old singing days-
Before he falls. On his knees in the grass, ruining his perfectly good pair of pants-]
The nothingness ahead of me
Is this the end you meant for me?
Every living minute
There's no home without you in it
I'm falling
Quit stalling
Your daughter is calling your name
I've burned all my bridges and games
[Except. You know. He's not dead, and even if he doesn't have her the choir is waiting and it's like something he'd forgotten he could do. He's the first musician. He's her musician and if she sent him here...well. There's adaptability. The humans all have plastered fake smiles and it looks so familiar that he just jumps back in and he's just so thrilled his wings unfurl. Dancing with those is a trick.]
I'm gonna get back home
Micheal, Sandalphon, Uriel and the Demons who're sad
It's messy but they're all that I have
I'll make the best of being flesh and bone
The best of being here alone without you-
Mama, I'm going home
Home
I'm going home!
Mama, I'm going home!
[The music fades and he blinks, staring at his arms before looking back at the collected people who are rubbing their heads and looking at him very confused. One points and he looks upward before his wings curl back.
Well.]
Folks I just want you to know? You did just almost as good as actual heavenly choirs. Heavenly choirs! Boy that was a lot of fun wasn't it? You should be really proud. I think we all needed that right? Not just me?
[Their expressions all say "no it was just you." and they were dragged along for the ride. Thank Her he doesn't need to eat. A few look at him with pity and he pulls out his wallet.]
Right okay. How much to make you all forget this ever happened and I am willing to pay in favors. Trust me. I'm Gabriel! Yes, the archangel that's why I have wings also please - please never mention that it's embarrassing.
[The birthday girl, in a moment of charity, tugs on her mother's skirt and asks her to invite the sad man to the party since apparently he misses his mama but both Gabriel and the mother wave it off and the marathon resumes, the party resumes, and he sits on the same bench that was his stage and stares at nothing. Wow. Ten minutes into his musings the mother has returned with that same pitying look and a slice of chocolate birthday cake that he accepts, stares at, and sets beside him.
Oblivious, still digesting what happened, the first person who approaches him to laugh or otherwise will get offered the cake.]
Want some? It was a gift from that nice woman over there at the birthday party. We were just singing in a possessed musical number about my emotions.
FIND HIM SOMEWHERE
[Find him in Maurita, Find him in Nonah, those are the two places he's been the most thanks to sheer dumb luck. He arrives in a crack of lightning and disappears just the same.]
Nonah I can't resist
[ He says this in all honesty, and also to keep some levity in the situation, because Gabriel is singing about some things that Crowley has not had access to since before the Earth existed, and while he is really quite happy with his own existence right now, he is still Fallen. He's still Unforgivable. And being ripped from the Host had hurt, more than any mortal wound could ever hurt.
Perhaps that's why he takes a moment's pity on the poor, lost archangel. ]
You haven't Fallen, and I doubt you're going to, for what it's worth. Also, we live five blocks away, so if you're here to talk to Aziraphale you're getting warmer but not quite there.
[ He does perch on the bench next to Gabe, though, figuring the roses he's got from the nearby florist can probably wait a moment or three. ]
Yes good.
Honestly out of the two Aziraphale's betrayal hurt more because he hadn't expected it. But that's free will. He had chosen to work with the demon. They chose to be together but Aziraphale's name hadn't been stricken from the books.
He pressed his lips together and stared down the street.]
Thank you.
[It's...strangely kind. Gabriel regards him with suspicion for a moment before he lowers his head.]
I'm trying to decide what to say. So not yet. But thank you.
[he pauses] I was talking to Lucifer. Not our Lucifer. Fucking asshole. Ours. Not this one.
[The anger is there and deep and real but the archangel lowers his head and clearly calms himself.]
The other one, from the other universe who seems tolerable? He said all angels and demons in his world have free will, they just don't use it.
I think that's true for us too.
[He leaned back and stared skyward.] So I can't decide if I want to go home to -
[Yell at her. Drag all of it down. Cry. scream. rage.] talk to her or just to be home.
I don't know what to do. I just know I can't say anything to him yet because what he did hurt and I don't want to hurt him here.
Or there. Honestly I want to understand it and that means not killing him. Or you.
[Someone has confronted the fact that he was an asshole and realized hes an asshole. Which means...trying to figure out what to do.]
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Not sure how tolerable he is, I suppose compared to ours. Whinier than a human baby, though.
[ Sorry he's just got to dig at Lucifer every chance he gets. Of course, Gabriel is being just as whiny, but perhaps it's because Crowley understands slightly more of the context that he isn't quite as bothered by it.
Or maybe all his bitching about anyone being whiny is ultimately good-natured, because he's not terribly bothered by anything right this moment. He is, after all, in love. ]
But yeah, you do have free will. No offense [ he totally intends to cause offense ] but you lot have just had your heads up your own arses so long you never thought to consider the possibility. I mean, I don't blame you, the last time anyone in Heaven tried to really exercise free will, we wound up with... well. Satan. And me. And all the rest. But making choices isn't always terrible. You make little choices all the time. Aziraphale made a big choice, and he's doing great, at least, last time I checked.
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[He snarls at the thought but sits and listens to Crowley speak. Little choices.
He adjusts his bacon tie and stares at it with a sigh. Untying it he takes it off and shoves it in his pocket.]
I don't know what's happening with that.
[Looking at Crowley he considered him. A demon, he had very little memory of the old angels. The old guard that fell, that listened to that dramatic dick and his ranting and raving.
The two of them had chosen to work together. The key had been in choosing.]
...I'm an archangel. I don't get-
[His hands clench.] Okay so I get choices. Except for the longest time I believed that I didn't. You don't think I actively wanted to toss the ark around do you? They put the unicorns on the ark.
[he paused] I liked the unicorns. I guess that was a choice. Liking them.
[He sighed at that.] I don't know what to do about Aziraphale. I think...I think I dislike him. I don't know what to say to him but I think I respect him.
[staring at Crowley he looks genuinely confused and when he speaks he looks totally sincere.] Can you do that? Can you dislike a being and still respect them?
Angels are supposed to love everybody. I mean - I don't want him dead and I kind of think I regret it but I just...I don't know. Can you dislike someone and still respect them?
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[ Did he just find something in common with Gabriel?
... Nah. ]
That’s the thing about feelings. They don’t always make any sense. You can hate someone and still understand where they’re coming from. You can love someone and be angry at them. Humans have managed every possible combination, no reason why we can’t, too. We were all made in Her image, right?
Aziraphale, he actually does love all of Creation. Every bit of it. Doesn’t mean he likes all of it, though.
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[He shakes it off before staring at Crowley again.]
...I'd believe that.
Always send us passive aggressive little notes about every thing we did that she asked us to do and I'm sitting here wondering if I was listening to her and doing it right or if I should have listened to him since he was our man on the ground.
[Pause.] I dislike him immensely then. If you think I can.
[It's like a weight lifts.] But learning that he figured out this free will thing and worked with you...I think i respect him a lot more then I did.
And I'm...pleased he's not dead.
[Gabriel's slight childish attitude and smile and everything just fades and he looks his age. Like the very tired Celestial being that he is, that they both are probably.]
If he hadn't done what he did I would have never talked to you and I would never acknowledge this...this thing I have in me. Without the two of you.
no subject
Glad we could help, I guess.
[ Another pause. ]
I don’t hate Her, y’know. I’m angry at Her, but I’ve never hated Her. She made them, after all. The humans, and I mostly like the humans. And Aziraphale. For his sake, and because She made him, I can’t hate Her.
no subject
[He's said it a lot lately but if he says it out loud it will make it real and it will hurt twice as much. I'm not happy with her right now. How can he not be happy with her. With his existence.]
I wish she had told me. Told us. Not even just because I would have liked to not look back over my entire existence and wonder about every single decision I made.
[He holds up a hand and sighs.] ...I know what I am, Crowley. I'm not sorry for being what I am. We're her soldiers, Uriel and Micheal and I. My hierarchy. My team. She put soldiers in charge and asked us to manage everything and I honestly thought we weren't doing too bad until you came along and you two chose each other..
I figured it out. [There's a note of pride in his voice. It flickers and is gone.] You two survived because you chose to work together. Free will is what she gave human beings. She loves them, so if she gave it to you two then she loved you enough to protect you. choice
And she gave it to me because... [Well. Shit. If she loved them enough to do it did that mean she cared about him too? If it was all of them? but then what was the point? Dragging a hand through his hair he stared at him hurt and wounded and in pain and all those things he's not used to feeling. The expressions look unfamiliar and far too real. Like caricatures. Like a baby making them for the first time.]
...I don't want to think about it right now. I'm going home to take care of my pet. I just know I dislike aziraphale but I respect him and I think I respect you for telling me the truth.
Which is weird. When you screwed up the garden I couldn't go back in there again. I planted that tree. It felt like a failure. Uriel had to bury Adam and Eve. Micheal too.
[He shakes his head slowly.] I couldn't do it and I thought it was because she wanted me to keep my eyes on the earth but now I guess it's because I didn't want to do it and I don't know if I can face that.
[Standing, he gestures.] You can keep the cake.
no subject
But that having been said, that doesn't mean he's wrong in his conclusion.
It's just that Crowley generally tries not to think about whether the Almighty thinks or cares about him, personally. He decided a very long time ago that his existence is better if he doesn't think about it, doesn't wonder, because there's no way for him to know (and She undoubtedly hates him as much as She hates all the other Fallen, because otherwise why did they Fall? and ultimately, the idea of being hated by your Creator is not a good one, so he just avoids it).
But turnabout is fair play, he supposes. He doesn't think She loves him, and Gabriel saying so isn't going to get him to change his mind. But now he's thinking about it, and that's just no good. ]
You realize I had no idea She'd kick them out of the Garden just for eating an apple, right? That's on Her. Like everything else.
[ He's going to leave the cake. Eating isn't really his thing. ]
no subject
[He held up a hand] Don't mention her right now okay. Please. Please. I can't ask for your forgiveness but I will ask for your pity.
[He sighs.] I didn't know either. I told everybody we should have put the darn thing on the moon. In a nice glass case. That one and the eternal life one.
I was told that eating that fruit taught people good and evil but it also taught them the ways of the world and that if you eat it you learn everything including how to die. That's why we're not allowed near it.
[It's slightly malicious but - honestly.] But who knows even if that's true?
You scared us off making new fruits though. All the stuff that exists, all the weird stuff - that's humans. Like apple lotion. That's edible right? I saw that in a store here. it's made of apples.
Human beings right? Who could imagine they'd make spreadable fruit.
no subject
My recommendation? While you're here, find something to enjoy. Something human.
[ Something so he's not just stewing in his feelings about Her all the time, really. ]
no subject
[he pauses.] It would have followed me home. It's one of those mutant rabbits.
[Something human. That gets a blank purple stare.] I have killed so many of them accidentally or otherwise and every time I look at them I see what I did and they don't know and ...accept it. Or at least let me move about among them.
Not even my wings surprised them and I let them hang out. [And then someone suggested cutting them off. He humphs and then notes the flowers.]
Did you know those didn't grow thorns until after we had to close Eden down?
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[ Crowley shrugs faintly, though he's definitely judging you, Gabe. He hasn't killed a human in... well, possibly not ever. He's not that sort of demon. ]
I didn't know that. [ He glances at the roses again. ]
You gave the humans poetry fodder for millennia. Also, they created some varieties that don't have thorns.
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[He believes that and he sits up.] ...That's their right. Flowers are in their dominion.
...I think one day. Not now but when I figure things out if I - ever do I would like to ask you about your experiences.
I do not trust you but I would like more information.
[It's said in a blank very serious tone.]
Not today. Maybe not ever. But one day. When I...know more about what I have to do.
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[ Crowley sniffs at them faintly. Shrugs. They smell nice. The angel will like them. Of course, the angel likes anything he gives him. ]
Do whatever you like, Gabe. That's sort of the point, y'know.
[ He stands up, ready to leave. ]
no subject
...I am glad he's not dead. I am still sorting out my feelings about it and I can only imagine that if Beelzebub were to arrive the same thing would happen between the two of you. But I will figure this out.
[And possibly say the wrong shit. See. downstairs thread. He nods.] I hope he likes them.
[Nothing compares to lilies of course but he nods and moves to sit back down.] I hope your walk is pleasant and wish you well.