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maskormenacelogs2019-09-25 08:56 pm
privatepurchases) wrote in maskormenacelogs2019-09-25 08:56 pm
[Open] Gabriel Log for October
WHO: Gabriel [And possibly you?]
WHERE: Maurtia Falls, Nonah - near YOU?
WHEN: Throughout the month of October
WHAT: Gabriel gets hit with the fallout of his pride, sings out his feelings (in public ugh.) and tries to acclimate to living with humans.
WARNINGS: Gabriel is a walking warning for assholery and also possibly embarrassing human situations. He's also kind of a scary good singer. **UPDATE** will include toplevels for **OCTOBER EVENTS**
LET'S BE ROOMMATE BUDDIES (MAURITA)
[Gabriel doesn't sleep. His pet does and it is being taken care of. It gets a bed. almost a whole bed! Sometimes the human-shaped thing sits beside it and reads and that's when it'll just sit against him and after two days of pushing it away he just allows it at this point. Today though the jackalope gets the bed and the archangel has his very nice expensive coat off and his sleeves rolled up and he is cleaning.
It's something to do and this whole place is filthy. Compared to heaven it's filthy. So he scrubs and reads all the scrubbing things and everything is very very clean. It's gleaming even. The drains shine. Somehow all the dishes get done like it's instinct. Sometimes he can be found scrubbing the grout in the kitchen or the bathroom or wiping things and-]
I'm not apologizing. This place could always be cleaner.
LET'S GET MOTIVATED WITH MAXIMUM EFFORT (MAURITA)
[Gabriel is supposed to be a motivational speaker. He's been given a pamphlet on how to do this but it mentions his phone and using his communicator and social media but he still can't figure it out and finally he slips it into his pocket and approaches the first person he sees.]
Excuse me, would you like to know how not to go to Hell? I can help with that.
[So sayeth the very well dressed guy who may be insane. Feel free to hit him.]
I'M TIRED OF TALKING TO MYSELF HERE (NONAH)
[He honestly believed that this was a test. That didn't make it less painful. He was passing everything and he should have gotten a sign by now. Some sort of confirmation. Some sort of confirmation of just what he was supposed to do.It was a simple useless thing that shouldn't have mattered except -
Except whenever he would close his eyes in prayer or reach for her Grace it was - just as he had described to Eve - like listening to a radio far away and sometimes when he reached out there was...well. Moments of absolute nothing. That had been terrifying. Like what he imagined falling would be like - just that sense of isolation. And then -
Well. He hadn't fallen. There would be more hideous bodily fluids and disgusting behaviors and urges he was quite sure but he would not wish that sense of isolation on anyone for the first time in millennia. This had been what Lucifer and his ilk had deserved but the tables had been turned and...well. Here he was. Taking a walk through the Nonah park at a whim, it's hard not to think about that isolation. This is heavily on his mind, as it should be. He's not an embarrassment. His days with holy choirs were millennia ago when he was practically as close to a child as an angel could get.
Yes. quiet contemplation. That was the way of doing things. He wasn't a fool, bursting into song like he would in the choir. Like people had been doing lately. No. He sang at home. When he was sure she was listening.
And it's like a bell. Just knowledge that she was but that affirmation is gone and and he doesn't realize as he spreads his arms wide in the park and- sings.
Only there's no singing - standing there arms folded. No. He's actually dancing and even if he's not aware that very special musical moment he's not doing too bad at dancing and spinning through a park like he belongs on stage. In fact. Despite the sad song, he's dancing beautifully.]
Mama, I could use some help here
Tired of talking to myself here
Back at home, you don't exist
So here I am in the abyss
Are you really in this place?
It's like the emptiness of space
I could search for all eternity
And never see your face
Help me out
[Literally like the protagonist in a movie - if there were a camera it'd be following him as he leaps over trees and rocks before standing perched on a bench with his hands spread to the heavens. It's a sad-ish sort of song but it's still worth belting out. The heavens should hear. Everyone should! singing is great!
About halfway through the number a collection of marathon runners, two construction workers, and a group of people at a child's birthday party join in to sing those background numbers. They even dance, cheering him on and man where was this in their old singing days-
Before he falls. On his knees in the grass, ruining his perfectly good pair of pants-]
The nothingness ahead of me
Is this the end you meant for me?
Every living minute
There's no home without you in it
I'm falling
Quit stalling
Your daughter is calling your name
I've burned all my bridges and games
[Except. You know. He's not dead, and even if he doesn't have her the choir is waiting and it's like something he'd forgotten he could do. He's the first musician. He's her musician and if she sent him here...well. There's adaptability. The humans all have plastered fake smiles and it looks so familiar that he just jumps back in and he's just so thrilled his wings unfurl. Dancing with those is a trick.]
I'm gonna get back home
Micheal, Sandalphon, Uriel and the Demons who're sad
It's messy but they're all that I have
I'll make the best of being flesh and bone
The best of being here alone without you-
Mama, I'm going home
Home
I'm going home!
Mama, I'm going home!
[The music fades and he blinks, staring at his arms before looking back at the collected people who are rubbing their heads and looking at him very confused. One points and he looks upward before his wings curl back.
Well.]
Folks I just want you to know? You did just almost as good as actual heavenly choirs. Heavenly choirs! Boy that was a lot of fun wasn't it? You should be really proud. I think we all needed that right? Not just me?
[Their expressions all say "no it was just you." and they were dragged along for the ride. Thank Her he doesn't need to eat. A few look at him with pity and he pulls out his wallet.]
Right okay. How much to make you all forget this ever happened and I am willing to pay in favors. Trust me. I'm Gabriel! Yes, the archangel that's why I have wings also please - please never mention that it's embarrassing.
[The birthday girl, in a moment of charity, tugs on her mother's skirt and asks her to invite the sad man to the party since apparently he misses his mama but both Gabriel and the mother wave it off and the marathon resumes, the party resumes, and he sits on the same bench that was his stage and stares at nothing. Wow. Ten minutes into his musings the mother has returned with that same pitying look and a slice of chocolate birthday cake that he accepts, stares at, and sets beside him.
Oblivious, still digesting what happened, the first person who approaches him to laugh or otherwise will get offered the cake.]
Want some? It was a gift from that nice woman over there at the birthday party. We were just singing in a possessed musical number about my emotions.
FIND HIM SOMEWHERE
[Find him in Maurita, Find him in Nonah, those are the two places he's been the most thanks to sheer dumb luck. He arrives in a crack of lightning and disappears just the same.]
WHERE: Maurtia Falls, Nonah - near YOU?
WHEN: Throughout the month of October
WHAT: Gabriel gets hit with the fallout of his pride, sings out his feelings (in public ugh.) and tries to acclimate to living with humans.
WARNINGS: Gabriel is a walking warning for assholery and also possibly embarrassing human situations. He's also kind of a scary good singer. **UPDATE** will include toplevels for **OCTOBER EVENTS**
LET'S BE ROOMMATE BUDDIES (MAURITA)
[Gabriel doesn't sleep. His pet does and it is being taken care of. It gets a bed. almost a whole bed! Sometimes the human-shaped thing sits beside it and reads and that's when it'll just sit against him and after two days of pushing it away he just allows it at this point. Today though the jackalope gets the bed and the archangel has his very nice expensive coat off and his sleeves rolled up and he is cleaning.
It's something to do and this whole place is filthy. Compared to heaven it's filthy. So he scrubs and reads all the scrubbing things and everything is very very clean. It's gleaming even. The drains shine. Somehow all the dishes get done like it's instinct. Sometimes he can be found scrubbing the grout in the kitchen or the bathroom or wiping things and-]
I'm not apologizing. This place could always be cleaner.
LET'S GET MOTIVATED WITH MAXIMUM EFFORT (MAURITA)
[Gabriel is supposed to be a motivational speaker. He's been given a pamphlet on how to do this but it mentions his phone and using his communicator and social media but he still can't figure it out and finally he slips it into his pocket and approaches the first person he sees.]
Excuse me, would you like to know how not to go to Hell? I can help with that.
[So sayeth the very well dressed guy who may be insane. Feel free to hit him.]
I'M TIRED OF TALKING TO MYSELF HERE (NONAH)
[He honestly believed that this was a test. That didn't make it less painful. He was passing everything and he should have gotten a sign by now. Some sort of confirmation. Some sort of confirmation of just what he was supposed to do.It was a simple useless thing that shouldn't have mattered except -
Except whenever he would close his eyes in prayer or reach for her Grace it was - just as he had described to Eve - like listening to a radio far away and sometimes when he reached out there was...well. Moments of absolute nothing. That had been terrifying. Like what he imagined falling would be like - just that sense of isolation. And then -
Well. He hadn't fallen. There would be more hideous bodily fluids and disgusting behaviors and urges he was quite sure but he would not wish that sense of isolation on anyone for the first time in millennia. This had been what Lucifer and his ilk had deserved but the tables had been turned and...well. Here he was. Taking a walk through the Nonah park at a whim, it's hard not to think about that isolation. This is heavily on his mind, as it should be. He's not an embarrassment. His days with holy choirs were millennia ago when he was practically as close to a child as an angel could get.
Yes. quiet contemplation. That was the way of doing things. He wasn't a fool, bursting into song like he would in the choir. Like people had been doing lately. No. He sang at home. When he was sure she was listening.
And it's like a bell. Just knowledge that she was but that affirmation is gone and and he doesn't realize as he spreads his arms wide in the park and- sings.
Only there's no singing - standing there arms folded. No. He's actually dancing and even if he's not aware that very special musical moment he's not doing too bad at dancing and spinning through a park like he belongs on stage. In fact. Despite the sad song, he's dancing beautifully.]
Mama, I could use some help here
Tired of talking to myself here
Back at home, you don't exist
So here I am in the abyss
Are you really in this place?
It's like the emptiness of space
I could search for all eternity
And never see your face
Help me out
[Literally like the protagonist in a movie - if there were a camera it'd be following him as he leaps over trees and rocks before standing perched on a bench with his hands spread to the heavens. It's a sad-ish sort of song but it's still worth belting out. The heavens should hear. Everyone should! singing is great!
About halfway through the number a collection of marathon runners, two construction workers, and a group of people at a child's birthday party join in to sing those background numbers. They even dance, cheering him on and man where was this in their old singing days-
Before he falls. On his knees in the grass, ruining his perfectly good pair of pants-]
The nothingness ahead of me
Is this the end you meant for me?
Every living minute
There's no home without you in it
I'm falling
Quit stalling
Your daughter is calling your name
I've burned all my bridges and games
[Except. You know. He's not dead, and even if he doesn't have her the choir is waiting and it's like something he'd forgotten he could do. He's the first musician. He's her musician and if she sent him here...well. There's adaptability. The humans all have plastered fake smiles and it looks so familiar that he just jumps back in and he's just so thrilled his wings unfurl. Dancing with those is a trick.]
I'm gonna get back home
Micheal, Sandalphon, Uriel and the Demons who're sad
It's messy but they're all that I have
I'll make the best of being flesh and bone
The best of being here alone without you-
Mama, I'm going home
Home
I'm going home!
Mama, I'm going home!
[The music fades and he blinks, staring at his arms before looking back at the collected people who are rubbing their heads and looking at him very confused. One points and he looks upward before his wings curl back.
Well.]
Folks I just want you to know? You did just almost as good as actual heavenly choirs. Heavenly choirs! Boy that was a lot of fun wasn't it? You should be really proud. I think we all needed that right? Not just me?
[Their expressions all say "no it was just you." and they were dragged along for the ride. Thank Her he doesn't need to eat. A few look at him with pity and he pulls out his wallet.]
Right okay. How much to make you all forget this ever happened and I am willing to pay in favors. Trust me. I'm Gabriel! Yes, the archangel that's why I have wings also please - please never mention that it's embarrassing.
[The birthday girl, in a moment of charity, tugs on her mother's skirt and asks her to invite the sad man to the party since apparently he misses his mama but both Gabriel and the mother wave it off and the marathon resumes, the party resumes, and he sits on the same bench that was his stage and stares at nothing. Wow. Ten minutes into his musings the mother has returned with that same pitying look and a slice of chocolate birthday cake that he accepts, stares at, and sets beside him.
Oblivious, still digesting what happened, the first person who approaches him to laugh or otherwise will get offered the cake.]
Want some? It was a gift from that nice woman over there at the birthday party. We were just singing in a possessed musical number about my emotions.
FIND HIM SOMEWHERE
[Find him in Maurita, Find him in Nonah, those are the two places he's been the most thanks to sheer dumb luck. He arrives in a crack of lightning and disappears just the same.]
no subject
If one angel from your world does, then wouldn't all of them?
[He's of the opinion that everyone does, of course, but maybe others have to come to that realization themselves, like Amenadiel had. (Although Amenadiel would, of course, still rush to do their father's bidding, if he was given any to do. He hadn't come that far.)]
no subject
No he doesn't because if he did she should have told him. She wouldn't have lied. You obey - she gave him the command and put him in charge and follow her will. Do my will and obey my commands. Her commands were her rules. that was the path.
She set his path beneath his feet. Obey my commands. He was Gabriel, he understood them but she should have said Think for yourself because he had tried to follow them to the letter right until fucking Aziraphale and fucking Crowley and she had been silent and...
She should have said something.
She should have said something to him. She should have told him. He was her son.
How do you see it? because he had been trying to see it how she did and did he do it because-
He twisted his head between his knees and promptly gagged. Nothing comes up but bile before his shoulders shake. Oh god. Oh god did Uriel and Sandalphon know? Did Micheal? What if they didn't? What if they did.
The thought makes him gag again, dry heaving before he lets out a shaking shuddering sob before turning to Lucifer looking wild and furious.]
Why the fuck didn't she or he or any of them make that clearer?!?
no subject
[Duh, Gabriel.]
It's all about Dad's will. It's right there in the prayer humans recite every week. "Your will be done." There are no other options.
no subject
...Everything. That I have ever done is suddenly in question and I'm going over every inch in my mind of what she said and what she did and I'm...
How do humans do it?
I feel sick. I actually feel sick thinking about it. Like I try not to but then it-it creeps in and that happened - that whole musical number and I...
You're saying I can chose to go to heaven or hell and you're saying they could chose to love who they wanted to.
How do they do it? How did you do it? Because it means that I have to-I mean it seems to me chose to forgive her or otherwise for basically not ...not lying but not telling me the whole truth. Possibly not telling any of us the truth. My whole team. My whole hierarchy.
no subject
[He's...he's not going to able to leave any time soon, is he? He sighs and settles himself at the other end of the bench, one knee crossed over the other.]
I'm going to tell you a secret. I don't know how it works in your world, but it's probably similar, if you really look at it. Everyone ends up in Hell because of their own choices. I have nothing to do with it. I don't come in to the picture until it's time for punishment.
[And yet he gets the blame for all of it. It all comes back to that infernal Garden.]
How did I do it? I just realized one day that I didn't want to follow the path that was set out for me. I wanted to choose my own.
[He's quiet for a moment.]
Even after my Fall, I still didn't really have a choice. I just ended up doing his will in a different place.
no subject
He wants to. That's what he wants. Except she lied. She lied to him and to every other celestial being if things were the same and he strongly suspected that even if they weren't - everything big he had done. Not the little things, not fancy clothes or titles or anything like that. No, big things. Managerial things, were things he had chosen to do.
Not interpreted her will. She had given him the barest hint of instructions but he had chosen the how, the where, the why which meant he had chosen to judge Aziraphale and Crowley. He could be cast down for that.
Except. Had they also chosen? Chosen to ally with each other and perhaps chosen not to die? If one was an angel, one was a demon but apparently both had free will then what was the difference and the point and-
He leans forward with his head between his knees because he has a headache the likes of which he's never had before. Like he's pushing up against a garden gate and shoving his weight against it like an animal before-
That was it.
They chose to work together. They chose to find a solution together. Not just to stand with the brat, not just to be allies. No. They worked together and made something new.
Somewhere in his mind the gate breaks open and the world is way too bright and he retreats from the light and the sounds but the gate's there. and open.
He stares at Lucifer shell shocked before licking his lips and looking away.]
I'm sorry.
[he lowered his head.] For what I said at the swearing-in and the way I acted. It was unfair to you. You, didn't choose who...you are or your name or anything like that and I chose to...act stupid and compare you to the asshole who...I guess...chose to take half my friends and family. That was wrong, because you're not him. And I...
[He can't look at the white light because if he does he'll go blind. He's convinced. He'll go mad if he looks at the light in his mind.]
I was wrong. I'm sorry.
[Fuck. Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck the idea. The very idea of forgiving a demon. They were different stock, purer stock but the same stock and they had free will and so did he and...
There's a lot he wants to say but. Just trying to piece it together hurts. That's do be done alone with a very healthy dose of yelling at a God, at a parent who had sent him to another dimension only to find out she'd screwed him over and possibly other angels he worked with. Loved.]
...You know what sucks about free will the most?
[A lot. Actually. Like a ton. He's just discovered he lives with something he believed made humans stupid and insipid animals.]
no subject
I got in trouble with my girlfriend over what happened there.
[Just so you know, Gabriel. Don't get him in trouble again.]
Having so many choices and not knowing which one is the right one?
no subject
I hope your other female friends are more understanding. I mean they should be, if they were real friends they would be and if they're not, you need to find some new ones. It was my fault.
[The brief moment of self-assured behavior is gone.] ...Yes.
It's not just choosing a tie or shoes or anything like that, it's even more -It's important. Like the kind of thing that really affects things. It...
[I don't want it Or at least that much. Staring at Lucifer he shakes his head before staring down at the ground again.]
I just wish someone had told me.
no subject
She didn't even let me sleep in my own bed. I had to sleep on the couch, in my own house, because she was too mad to share with me.
[Someone got him into a whole mess of trouble.
What he says next is not going to help Gabriel at all.]
Here's another secret. People end up in Hell because of their choices. More than that, though, they end up in Hell because of making the wrong choices. It hasn't got anything to do with me, though. It's their own guilt at making what they believe to be a wrong choice that lands them there.
So really, they end up devising their own torture.
no subject
He stares at Lucifer in horror that he doesn't know how to disguise it.
Guilt?]
It's not the choice that does it in your world? The act itself?
[HE looks panicked. Then hurt because that's particularly cruel.]
no subject
[And so would he be, if he ever died and got stuck there.[
Let me tell you something. Cain, I'm sure you know who he is, showed up in Los Angeles. He wanted to break his curse so he could die. Which he did, but not before killing a number of people first. I don't even know how many, because he probably didn't start in this lifetime.
He was certain he was going to Heaven, because he didn't regret anything he'd done. Until I reminded him about the friend of ours that he killed. All it took was one thing that he felt guilty about, and now he's in a cell right next to his brother.
no subject
Only - it turned out he had chosen to do it. And all the hesitations he couldn't take it to her. He had not done her will, he had done his. Or had he?
Eyes wide he stares at him.]
Thank Heavens angels don't die.
no subject
[Given the specifics of how angels can die. It wouldn't make much sense for them to end up back in Heaven.]
It's not completely hopeless though. The doors aren't locked. Any one of them can walk right out of cell any time they want.