open; imPort support group: meeting #2

[theycalledmeacurse]

WHO: Rogue, Obi-Wan, and others!
WHERE: Endeavor Center in Maurtia Falls
WHEN: Saturday morning, June 8 (forward dated)
WHAT: Second meeting of the support group for imPort combat survivors
WARNINGS: war, genocide, pows, torture, combat, death
NOTE: Rogue will have posted flyers for the support group around the imPort towns. She'll also have sent a quick invite to anyone who expressed interest on the network! (There will also be another meeting later in June after FanPort.)



Even weeks later, it still surprised Rogue how well the first support group meeting had gone. People had come and listened to each other, they'd found relief in sharing their stories or experiencing a sense of no longer being alone. Their experiences might have been incredibly different, but the desire to find a way to continue moving forward was shared among them. Hopefully, today's meeting would go as well.

More chairs were arranged in a circle than last time, and the spread of refreshments was possibly more elaborate than was strictly needed. Scones of various flavors, muffins, fresh fruit... and coffee. There was plenty of fresh, delicious coffee, and she was already on her third cup. She'd just finished pouring it when the first person walked in.

"Hey there, sugar," she addressed them with a bright smile, her southern drawl making the words sound smooth and warm. "I'm glad you could make it. We'll get started in a bit."

Comments

before the meeting;

[theycalledmeacurse]

[ Grab some coffee, make small talk, scowl at the others. Whatever you please! ]

Re: before the meeting;

[by_candlelight]

[ A part of Ruby had reasoned that since she'd told her story last time, she should probably not come again. She'd said everything she'd wanted to, and probably a little more, so that meant she was done and not a part of the intended audience anymore, right?

Well, despite that, she shows up. Despite the fact she has a teen get-together to finish setting up. Despite the fact she doesn't know if she's still welcome.

All the same, she's found herself in a similar position as she had been before the first meeting started, eating food and jittering nervously. The fact that she was on her second cup of coffee since getting here was probably not doing anything for the jitters, especially not when she jumped a little at someone coming over to her. ]

Oh, uh. Hello.

[justlittle]

[ Bean had missed the last meeting. He hadn't been sure whether going was really a good idea. But this time, he's decided that he'll never know whether it's a good idea or not until he goes. So he's here, perusing the table of snacks before deciding on a banana. He recognizes Ruby instantly, and approaches her, seemingly unfazed by her startled response. ]

Ho. I didn't expect to know anyone here.

[by_candlelight]

[ There was actually a visible calming when she recognised it was him. She was, perhaps, calmed by the fact that she was now talking to someone who she was familiar with. ] When I came last time, I didn't. But it went well, I think. [ She offers him a bit of a smile. ] I'm glad to see you here.

[ And it was true, she was. ]

[justlittle]

[ Bean supposes he's glad to see her as well-- inasmuch as he's glad to see anyone. There are few people who he would be truly glad to see... Ender. Poke. Sister Carlotta. Petra. All so very far away from him now. He has to make do with the people on this world, but of them, Ruby's not one of the bad ones. ]

Did you share? Last time you were here.

[justlittle]

[ People may be wondering what a small child is doing at a support group for combat survivors. But here Bean is, anyway. Don't worry, he's not touching the coffee, instead sticking to whatever fresh fruit is available. He seems to be sticking to the outskirts of the group, playing the role of a quiet observer as the people gather for the meeting. He hasn't decided whether he's going to share his story today; he'll probably just listen to what other people have to say before making a decision.

Come bother him. Ask him if he's lost, or if he needs anything. He won't bite. ]

during the meeting;

[theycalledmeacurse]

Taking her own seat within the circle of chairs, a cup of steaming coffee cradled between her gloved hands, Rogue took a deep breath before projecting her voice the way she used to while teaching ‐ strong, clear, without a trace of uncertainty. She'd been nervous the first time she'd given this spiel, but it was easier now. This was important and she was the one who had to do it.

"Okay everyone, before we really get started, I just want to lay out some ground rules," she began, offering a reassuring smile while her tone remained serious. "Firstly, everything we talk about here is completely confidential. What we're discussing here is personal and private, and anything you choose to share with us will remain in this room. It takes a lot of trust to open up about the hard parts of our lives — anyone who breaks that trust won't be welcome here anymore."

After allowing a moment for the message to sink in, she continued, "Second, we are not here to judge each other. None of us can fully understand what each other's been through or how those events have impacted us. Whatever you are feeling, whatever you have felt, it's okay. You can be broken here. You can be angry and sad, afraid and hurt. You can feel guilty or grateful. There's nothing wrong with any of that."

She paused to take a sip of coffee before continuing. "Lastly, everyone needs to know we aren't here to 'fix' each other. Listening to other people sharing their stories can be hard, it's normal to want to try help make it right, right then and there, but that's not why we're here. We're here to listen when you need to speak and stand by your side when you just need to be. Because this is hard for everyone, and everyone here deserves respect for even taking this step. You should be proud of yourself."

She was certainly proud of all of them.

"Does anyone have anything they'd like to share?"

[ Will your character be sharing their story or experiences at this meeting? Make a top-level if they are! Obi-Wan will kick things off this time. ]

[hadthehighground]

Having been here the first time, Obi-Wan was already familiar with the routine. He even already has in mind what he wanted to talk about. So when Rogue poses her question, the Jedi speaks up.

“I suppose I’ll start things off,” he says.

“Some of you may know that I recently took a trip to Japan. I went with Anakin, in an effort to help him heal and find peace. For those of you who were not here before, we are very close, but our friendship took a terrible turn back home. Here, we have a second chance and are trying to regain what we lost.”

The details of which he still hasn’t really gone into.

“I think the trip was a success. I reacquainted him with the ways of our people, and he seems much improved. It was good for us both really. We talked, cleared our minds, and rested. It’s been some time since I’ve found such peace.”

[by_candlelight]

Ruby gives a small smile at this. She'd hoped the suggestion of location had been as good as Obi-Wan had seemed to think it was, and this was just reassurance that it was. They appeared to have gotten what they needed out of it. Or, at least some of what they needed.

"That's good to hear. If your beliefs are as similar to Buddhism as you implied, it probably helped to have a place that was actually dedicated to just... Existing. With no dangers or crazy happenings. I don't know much about Anakin, but I know that calm, quiet times are sort of hard to not fill with talking."

[hadthehighground]

Ruby's input brought a smile to Obi-Wan's face as well. After all, he had her to thank for the whole thing really.

"It did help, and while the monks were not Jedi, we were quite welcome there. We felt very comfortable with them, and they were most gracious in allowing us to use some of their spaces for meditation and such."

He had felt close to the monks in a way that was almost like being with his fellow Jedi. It was something he sorely missed.

"Anakin has a hard time quieting his mind and is always wanting to be on the move. But this trip forced him to slow down. So it was good for him as well."

[by_candlelight]

"I've only been here about three months now, but based on that alone, I can imagine that stopping and slowing down was probably a little bit of a relief, too..." She said, thinking of all the chaos that had been around in just her short time here.

Someone who seemed to be far less... Controlled. Like Anakin sounded to be, well. She could easily see someone like who she imagined being overwhelmed and fraying at the edges without some way to just stop and take some needed time to just not be surrounded by crazy.

[justlittle]

Bean hasn't decided whether he's going to share anything at this first meeting. He's mostly here to get a sense of what the environment is like, and whether he can really trust these people to be discreet with his personal information.

He's only half listening when Obi-Wan talks, instead his eyes are focused on the rest of the people in the room, getting a read on them, their microexpressions, their behaviors... Committing it all to memory.

It's not until Obi-Wan mentions the name Anakin that Bean's attention is drawn to the words he's saying. He'd spoken to Anakin online, told him more about Achilles than he'd told anyone else on this Earth. And Anakin had sworn to help him, should Achilles arrive here. He'd volunteered his protection without barely even knowing Bean from Adam. So of course, Bean wants to know more about who Anakin is, and what exactly he can do.

"Why did your friendship take such a turn? What did you do? Or what did he do?"

[hadthehighground]

Obi-Wan had taken notice of Bean rather quickly, mostly because of his young age. He appeared to be even younger than Ruby. The thought of children so young needing to come here was a bit distressing. No one should have to face such difficulties when their lives have barely begun. He hoped the boy could find what he needed though.

When Bean asked his question though, the Jedi paused. He didn't want to go into too much detail so as to ruin Anakin's already shaky reputation. Especially when he wasn't here.

"Anakin was... deceived by an evil man of high authority. We all were really, but it was Anakin who was tempted and pulled into darkness. He played a significant role in the slaughter of my people. He betrayed me. He betrayed us all."

He had to turn his gaze away from Bean as just speaking of it, and seeing the child, brought back terrible memories. His voice trembling just the slightest bit in those last two phrases. The sight of the temple, with the bodies of younglings strewn across across the marble floors, filled his mind.

[justlittle]

Suddenly, Anakin's words make sense to Bean. 'I was once a hero, but I ruined it.' Though, from what Obi-Wan is saying, it doesn't sound to Bean like it was entirely Anakin's fault. If he could be deceived-- corrupted... Made to stray from the path he started out trying to achieve, then even if he did slaughter Obi-Wan's people, was he truly the one to blame?

Sure, maybe a little bit. You don't do something people call 'slaughtering' without having at least a little blame put on you. But not all of it.

"I think he's a good man. From what little I've spoken with him, here." Bean offers his two cents. "Do you think your relationship can be repaired, after what he's done?"

Bean knows plenty of adults who would hold a grudge, and never forgive actions like the ones Anakin did.

[darkpants_warmfeeling]

"Sounds like he's turned a corner," Jacob remarks, leaning back in his chair with his arms folded across his chest. "And maybe he's not the only one. Do you know what made him decide to really change?"

It's a question he's often asked. What does turn a person off one path and onto another? What are those crucial moments or factors or truths that can make that shift possible?

[hadthehighground]

“He has,” Obi-Wan agreed. And really he couldn’t take all the credit for it. Anakin has been making improvements even when he wasn’t here.

“The knowledge of his future, I believe. It haunts him. To know that he will cause a great deal of pain and suffering. He wants to change it, though there is no proof of being able to change our realities once we leave this place.”

[by_candlelight]

Ruby fidgets for a little while, and eventually puts a hand up. She's looking at her feet as she does so.

"Is it. Alright to ask questions? I mean, instead of speaking like last time, or giving updates."

She had a lot of questions, really, and if the go-ahead was given, she would choose one or two. It really depended on which of them got to the front first.

And if she wasn't told it was alright? Well. That was fine, too. She'd gotten this far without having anyone to ask these things to, and they weren't exactly things with a time limit, so it wasn't going to hurt her one way or another. At least, that's how she felt about it.

[hadthehighground]

"I don't see why it wouldn't be."

He glanced over at Rogue, to make sure they were on the same page. This was her meeting after all, her rules, but he couldn't imagine it not being okay.

[theycalledmeacurse]

Rogue nodded and offered the other woman an encouraging smile. "Of course, it's alright." Glancing around at the rest of the group, she continued, "No one is obligated to answer, but hopefully someone can provide the answers or perspective you need."

cw description of radiation sickness

[darkpants_warmfeeling]

"Hey, everyone." Jacob gives a hesitant, somewhat half-hearted wave. He wonders how much these people already know about him just from the news and social media. All imPorts are public figures of course, but the Commander of Aegis Force who died and came back has a higher profile than some.

"The last time I was here, I wasn't sure what I wanted to say," he begins, speaking slowly, looking down at his hands in between glancing upward at the other attendees. "There's been a lot. And everything that happened last month- it's just the latest in a long line. Maybe the final straw, except it's more like a boulder. Now I'm looking back and seeing how much I've really been carrying."

He straightens up, sighs, and places his palms flat on his thighs. "Here's an example. I went to Mars last year. Helped build a spaceship, train a crew, and went all the way to another planet to fight. There were bad guys up there threatening Earth, and there was no one else to take care of it. So we went.

The trip took weeks. And it wasn't easy. That far away from Earth, imPort nanites start to malfunction. You get sick, start to have trouble with your powers. Even with booster shots, it was tough for a while. But the real trouble came when we hit the enemy space station."

Jacob pauses for a moment, and winces at the memory. "The fighting was heavy. Hostile robots were the least of the trouble, though. To get at the objective, we had to pass through an unshielded radiation zone- right through the heart of the enemy reactor. My nanites are the only reason I didn't drop dead from radiation poisoning. Instead, I got to go through radiation sickness on the trip back, and spent weeks in a hospital after."

He sighs, then bows his head again. "It's hard to describe what it's like. Feels like your body is falling apart from the inside. Lose your hair, lose a lot of your weight and muscle. Burns on the outside, bleeding on the inside. I couldn't keep food down, couldn't do anything. Like there was just no energy in me, even to go to the bathroom. And I got lucky. It could have been a lot worse."

Jacob trails off, finishing the story, then shakes his head, still looking down. "The thing is, these days I have to question whether it really meant anything. We went to Mars, risked our lives, and came back. It was in the news for a few days. I think some bad guys went to jail, but we never heard any follow-up. And did it really solve anything? The OTO just kept on finding new ways to hurt people, right here on Earth."

There's a long, awkward pause. Jacob suddenly feels sheepish, embarrassed, like he's whining and complaining about things that he shouldn't. He feels the impulse to wrap things up fast and fade back into the background. "Anyway. That's all I've got to talk about. For this meeting, at least."

[justlittle]

Bean doesn't know Jacob Taylor, as anything more than a name in the news, anyway. And he wasn't here a year ago for this mission to Mars, but there are elements of the story that resonate with him. Traveling to space, to fight an enemy that threatened Earth. Isn't that ultimately what he and the other Battle School kids did? The ones that were on Eros, anyway. Sure, none of them suffered from radiation poisoning or even had their lives put in any real danger-- the ones who really sacrificed were the pilots who had been sent to the Bugger homeworlds fifty years earlier. But Bean had witnessed the toll winning the war took on Ender and the others. Emotional trauma, even if they suffered no physical trauma.

And then, to come home only for Earth to erupt into global warfare again. What did they fight for, if this is what humanity is destined to do with its freedom?

Bean decides to speak up.

"It can feel like an uphill battle." His voice is small, but steady and unwavering. "One fight ends, the next begins. You feel like it's never really over. Like any peace you achieve is only temporary."

Meaningless observations, unless Bean can build a point out of them.

"But that doesn't mean we can stop fighting. Someone has to. And if we're the ones best suited for the job, then why not us?"

[darkpants_warmfeeling]

Oh, right. One of the many child soldiers the Porter keeps bringing in. Jacob vaguely remembers speaking to Bean earlier in the year, on the Network, but seeing him in person, hearing that level of eloquence and intelligence coming from such a small body is somehow uncanny.

"Is that all we've got to look forward to?" He asks, wearily. "More fighting, and then more fighting after that? Because somebody's got to do it, and if we stop, people die?"

[by_candlelight]

The first thing that Ruby takes from this is that she does not want to have to deal with radiation above the basic amount every living being is subject to. Ever. She'd already had that feeling, having grown up in a country where nuclear weapons had been dropped and horror stories of those who survived made it into even her underwhelming education, but this just drove it home even more.

The second thing she took from this was that Jacob Taylor was tired. She understood being tired, and how it made it feel like nothing you did had any worth. (Which was one of many reasons why she learned to simply be doing things all the time - you can't feel tired and hopeless if you're too busy to have feelings.) She could understand why. Sure, he and his team had superpowers and some government backing, but in the end it wasn't like they were being given full control over what they did, or even enough information to take out the enemy permanently. Even if they did have the information needed, it would probably involve a lot of delicate political nonsense.

Who wouldn't feel tired?

And the third thing she took away from this was that being tired had made it so that he couldn't see a potential end to all of this.

Eventually she spoke up, hoping it might at least give him an alternative perspective to look at. "If someone with a rocket launcher is pointing it at you, you do what you can to take it away. Even if he still has guns, or even just his fists, to damage you with once it's no longer a tool they can use.

"You took away a rocket launcher, leaving them to have to rely on mere bullets. Sure, they're still doing damage, but the potential damage from a single attack has gone down compared to what it was before. More, you took a weapon from them that they could use without much worry of being stopped because people couldn't get close.

"They might eventually build another rocket launcher, but if that happens, at least they won't have two. And you've made it so that they have to fight in areas where more people can defend against them. Eventually they'll either run out of weapons, or they'll run out of places to hide."

[darkpants_warmfeeling]

"Sure, that would count for something," Jacob says with a shrug, unmoved by Ruby's metaphor. "But that's not how this actually plays out. What really happens is they go and build something worse than a rocket launcher. Some kind of plasma cannon... or experiments that shred reality itself."

Like the ones the OTO has been running all year. The ones causing the cryptids to appear, along with all kinds of other bizarre manifestations like Jeopardy's paranormal phenomena.

Jacob sighs. "That's how this has always worked. They make killer clones of us, we shut down their clone lab. So they nuke Heropa. So we go to Mars to take out the nukes, and then they manage to come up with something worse than nukes. It all just keeps escalating. Hard to see where it ends. Maybe it doesn't end, not until the whole world is rubble."

after the meeting;

[theycalledmeacurse]

[ Now that everyone has been put through the emotional wringer, have another muffin — the double chocolate ones are especially decadent. Alternative courses of action include trying to escape before anyone can talk to you or proceeding directly to the nearest bar. For lunch, of course. ]