The words form almost as fast as she thinks them. Easier than she thinks they should. When they catch in her throat, in front of her eyes, and it's so true it almost feels too true. Like she's handing him something too big, too honest, too irremovable, even after a week of days and nights of trying to, when she has every reason not to.
There are so many reasons, and yet she still wants to know. Of course, she does. It's Luther.
The last time it came up, this side of Luther finding out, when she did, had been the worst moment, and possibly the worst way to find it, and several other things, out. Before that, it takes a moment to even try to place it, but before that, was even further. Was the time he'd actually been telling her, about his time on the moon, when they heard the gunfire in the house and that night had ended with the first secret he hadn't wanted to share. That she knew only two or three lines about.
That was the extent of it all. The moon before; being on the moon.
They really were shit at this now, weren't they?
The three words sit there, and it's the truth. That's what she comes back to, thinking all of it. It's the truth, and she doesn't want to know if she has it in her to lie at this second. Doesn't want to know. Doesn't want to do it. With him. If she's choosing not to do it with Vanya, no matter how Vanya decided to strike out in the worst situation of her life, made worse by having Allison in it -- didn't she owe him, owe Luther, especially Luther, the same?
She couldn't even ask herself the question of why that was so much harder, and easier, both, at the same second.
She sends the message and looks over. Trying not to cover it entirely. Every emotion behind it.
no subject
The words form almost as fast as she thinks them. Easier than she thinks they should. When they catch in her throat, in front of her eyes, and it's so true it almost feels too true. Like she's handing him something too big, too honest, too irremovable, even after a week of days and nights of trying to, when she has every reason not to.
There are so many reasons, and yet she still wants to know. Of course, she does. It's Luther.
The last time it came up, this side of Luther finding out, when she did, had been the worst moment, and possibly the worst way to find it, and several other things, out. Before that, it takes a moment to even try to place it, but before that, was even further. Was the time he'd actually been telling her, about his time on the moon, when they heard the gunfire in the house and that night had ended with the first secret he hadn't wanted to share. That she knew only two or three lines about.
That was the extent of it all. The moon before; being on the moon.
They really were shit at this now, weren't they?
The three words sit there, and it's the truth. That's what she comes back to, thinking all of it. It's the truth, and she doesn't want to know if she has it in her to lie at this second. Doesn't want to know. Doesn't want to do it. With him. If she's choosing not to do it with Vanya, no matter how Vanya decided to strike out in the worst situation of her life, made worse by having Allison in it -- didn't she owe him, owe Luther, especially Luther, the same?
She couldn't even ask herself the question of why that was so much harder, and easier, both, at the same second.
She sends the message and looks over. Trying not to cover it entirely. Every emotion behind it.