maskormenacelogs | things just happen so much don't they

[her fingers twitch anxiously for lack of knowing what to do. how dare this idiot be so calm when his face is ballooning!! and it's her fault!!!!!! mostly!

she slaps his arm a few times frantically.]

STOP TOUCHING YOUR FACE!! Gods! Go, then! If that's your solution! Hurry up!!

OW! DON'T SLAP MY ITCHY ARM NOW THAT'S ITCHY!! I STILL CAN'T SEE WHERE I'M GOING AND I FEEL ALL TURNED AROUND!!

[He takes a step towards where he thinks the bathroom is and immediately walks into a wall.]

And don't rush me! Just! I need you to guide me, Cece!

I'M SORRY!! [she's like two seconds away from bursting into tears from horror and stress! Darin you're so hideous to look upon!!!

she slaps her hands over her mouth to muffle the squeak as she witnesses him just straight up smack a wall. gods. all she wanted to do was play with makeup. why. why this.]

F-fine! Fine, just! [exasperated, she grabs his wrist and tugs him along upstairs.]

[He trips halfway up and now she's just dragging his useless frame up the stairs because why even try getting back on your feet at this point. Sorry, Cecelia, sorceresses are known for their STR modifiers, right?]

So, hey, silver lining? At least this happened to me instead of you.

Unffh-! [she nearly topples over him when he slumps, and after a few useless tugs she gives up, letting his arm drop with a thump that she hates the sound of.]

Oh, sure. I'm thrilled, can't you tell? Getting my housemate killed. It's good fun!

Get up. It's like six more steps.

I'm not gonna die, Cece. If I ate it, then maybe we'd have a problem, but this is just...

Well it's not as bad as it looks.

[Darin climbs up the remaining steps on all fours.]

Okay, so...bathroom is to the right...

[He turns to the right too far and he's about to step down the steps again.]

[no, he's definitely dying. she's sure of it. look how stupid he's being. hastily, she moves over and kind of lightly bullies him in the direction of the bathroom, stopping just shy of entering herself.]

Please tell me you can bathe yourself, because I'm about at my limits here!

I'm just gonna climb into the tub as-is. Hold on.

[Darin kinda kicks around with his bare foot until he hears the thung thung thung of the side of the tub. He climbs in and feels around until his hands find the faucets.]

[Okay, cold on the left. We don't want cold, right? Cold would suck. No one likes a cold shower. So let's go with hot and we can adjust with the cold. This is good. This is fine.]

[So, you know how when you have a severe rash or hives, the advice is to always use a cold cloth or compress? Because it doesn't inflame the area and make it more itchy?]

[This has literally never been an issue for Darin.]

[He turns on the hot water and within seconds he's just. You know. Screaming.]

[He's now on his back in the tub scratching his arms like they're on fire.]

OKAY. WATER ISN'T HELPING!!! DEFINITELY NOT HELPING!! UNLESS SOMEONE SWITCHED ALL OF THE WATER PIPES IN THE HOUSE WITH ONES THAT SPEW FIRE IN WHICH CASE DICK MOVE!!!!!

[Cecelia screams in elvish, clamping her hands over her ears and recoiling.]

WHY IS IT WORSE NOW YOU SAID YOU WEREN'T DYING BUT YOU SOUND LIKE YOU'RE DYING I'MNOTAHEALERWHATAMISUPPOSEDTODOABOUTTHIS?!

[Oh gods this is literally the worst feeling. Frantically he tries to turn the water off...and succeeds!]

[...And then accidentally tears the knob from the wall. Welp. He can fix that later.]

[He's just going to writhe in the tub looking every bit like an inflamed, drowning rat.]

O-Okay. Okay. In my room. On my desk is my comm. I need you to look up the name Archie and call him. He can heal. Please tell him to hurry! Gods it's like everything is fire!!

Okay! Okayokayokay-! Just! Don't! Die?! [he's like. changing into a completely different thing? and is hideous? and she wants to scream and throw up and cry all at once, but having an actual task spurs her to rush out and barge into his room and--]

WHAT.

[DARIN IS EVERYTHING ABOUT YOUR LIFE A MESS, IS THAT JUST A RULE. she yells in disgust, kicking dirty clothes out of her way as she makes a bee line for the desk, pushing sketchbooks and utensils out of her way to grab the comm.

it only dawns upon her while scrolling that she could've just gone to her room and gotten her comm.

whatever.

dial. Archie.

she barely waits for a hello when she hears the telltale click and just:] GET OVER TO THE HOUSE RIGHT NOW DARIN IS TURNING INTO SOME GIANT, GROSS FLESH-MONSTER AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT SO HURRY UP!!

[click.]

[wow. okay. that's... certainly a shriek-y voice he's never heard before. is this allura? archie is so confused. it came from darin's number, so... well! archie sighs and gets up to leave for darin's place-- flesh-monster? hum. he hadn't considered that dio would change darin's body. he has to wonder what the trigger was. archie mentally puts his money on darin stubbing his toe.

it doesn't take him long to arrive. he also kicks down the door? sorry, cecelia. he might be panicking a little.

the scene he comes across is not the end of the world. it's a very miserable looking elf and a drowned rat in the tub. archie looks between the two of them, dumbfounded, then saunters into the bathroom. puts the lid of the toilet down. sits on it. drops his head in to his hands and loses his shit laughing.]

[Darin still can't actually see. So, he hears heavy footsteps that he assumes are Archie's and prepares himself for some of that good good healing energy.]

[And then there's laughter.]

[Almost immediately, Darin starts scratching furiously again, any time his nails break the skin, almost instantly it heals up.]

WHAT THE HELL IS SO DAMN FUNNY?!

You! You idiot! What the hell have you done to yourself this time?! Your poor roomie looks like she's about to keel over!

[he snorts, shaking his head and grabs darin's wrist to stop him from tearing up his skin. starts that good good healing energy going. this is a pretty extreme reaction, so it might take him a while.]

What the hell did you do?! Rub your face on poison ivy??

I didn't do anything! We were playing with make up and apparently one of the shades comes from the devil! Why do you automatically assume I'm the cause?!

[Because he always is.]

[But once those good healing vibes start coming through and the inflammation starts to go down, he slumps in the partly filled tub.]

Besides, I know what poison ivy looks like!

Gods that feels better...

Because you always are!

[he rolls his eyes, then picks up the shower head with his free hand and holds it to darin, turning on the warm water.]

Wash it off. You need to find out which brand made you puff up, figure out what exactly it is you're allergic to and also buy an epi-pen.

[archie shakes his head and looks over to cecelia.]

Yo, lass. You alright?

[these moments feel like a chaotic haze — from the terrifying entrance to the utterly farsical rapport the two have on display, Cecelia gapes with her face still contorted in dismay.

when addressed, she is slow to react, slow to blink, slow to look at Archie directly.

another beat passes before she blinks again, then turns on her heel and walks out of sight and to her room, door quietly clicking behind her.]

[Darin clings to the side of the tub like a drowning man at sea and cranes his neck over to where Cece was standing.]

[There's silence as she walks away and leaves the two men in the bathroom, and when he hears her door click shut, he turns to Archie.]

...See what you did? She's totally weirded out by you.

[archie gives darin a flat look, then whaps him upside the head.]

I'll finish you later.

[getting up (ignore his knees clicking THANK YOU) after giving cecelia a few minutes, he saunters over to her room and knocks lightly on her door.]

Hey... are you okay in there? Darin's gonna be fine. Thank you for calling me... I know I didn't make the best entrance but you did the right thing.

I see.

[the response comes late -- a minute or two late, following some nondescript sounds. during those few minutes of dudes being dumb, she had taken to screaming into a pillow and then fixing her makeup. as you do.

now, though, the door remains closed and her tone clipped:] Well, thank you. As long as no one is going to die in this house, that is enough, I suppose.

[Darin is draped over the side of the tub like a seasick, waterlogged cat.]

Man, I should find out whatever the hell was in that junk and extract it. Nothing's ever done that to me before.

Darin.

[darin has likely never heard a more irritated hiss.]

Ah... yeah, we're good out here. Are you alright in there? [he directs to the door.] I'm gonna stick around for a half hour or so to make sure Darin's alright-- I'll get him out the bathroom so it's free. Can you... maybe come out and tell me what you were using while this all happened when you're ready?

[still refusing to open the door:] It’s all downstairs. I arranged them in the sequence used, but I don’t know which did the deed for sure.

...I think I know which one.

She mentioned something about it being 'untested.'

Look for the one with that on it and we should have the culprit.

Right. Thank you for being so neat, Cecelia. That'll make this a lot easier.

[he looks back to darin, then gestures for him to come downstairs.]

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