maskormenacelogs | [closed]

WHO: Eleanor Shellstrop and Bodhi Rook
WHERE: Base One
WHEN: evening Dec 20th
WHAT: crying over lost love
WARNINGS: emotions!!!!!!

It was desperation that made Eleanor text Bodhi that night. Her usual routine of pushing others away and lashing out when she was hurt wasn't working. She was starting to realize crying alone while drinking vodka and stuffing her face full of junk food was not a way to get through losing Chidi. It was something that the old Eleanor had done and where had that gotten her?

It took her a while to work up the courage to send the text. She typed it out, deleted it, typed again. Aside from the rest of her friends in the afterlife, Eleanor had never really had friends she could go to with something like this. Chidi's disappearance had hit her harder than she had expected. She hadn't really allowed herself to grieve over her parents when they had died but Chidi's loss had hit her hard.

But she eventually got the courage and sent the text to Bodhi. Not long after she found herself at the door to Base One with no makeup, her unwashed hair hanging in strings, and dark smudges under her puffy eyes. Her clothes were wrinkled and definitely hadn't been washed in over a week. She had at least picked the Cheeto puffs out of her hair before she had left the house, the most effort she had put into her appearance lately. She wrapped her arms around herself as she waited for Bodhi to answer the door, steadying herself.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Bodhi was waiting for Eleanor to show up, after her text. Slightly concerned, he'd invited her over given she obviously needed someone to talk to after Chidi's departure.

Maybe he's not the best shoulder to offer, when the subject is heartbreak. Given recent experience, despite the differences in circumstances. But he'll do his best.

Even waiting as he is, when the knock on the door happens she'd hear the barking of a dog not used to guests knocking as much as just barging in whenever they wanted to. He gets up, gently pulling Ace out of the way before opening the door to reveal her. "Hey. Come on in." His heart sinks, seeing her and he holds the door open wider for Eleanor to enter.

Eleanor couldn't manage a smile even though she tried as she came inside. She had been pretending that she was for too long now and she had reached a point where she was willing to let Bodhi see her while she was vulnerable and raw.

"Thank you, Bodhi," she said quietly as she stepped in. She was entirely sober and it was just her- she had brought nothing with her other than pain and heartbreak. She leaned down to let Ace sniff her for a moment before looking at Bodhi.

"I'm sorry for crashing- I- " she wasn't sure how to continue. She normally did everything she could to shove others away so asking for help now was strange for her.

Finally, in a soft voice- "I didn't want to be alone."

Not anymore. She didn't want to be that person who shoved others away so she could build up walls and keep them out. That had been making her miserable and even though she missed her friends now, letting her defenses down hadn't been entirely awful. Good things could happen when she let others in.

In the time that he'd known her, Eleanor had always been upbeat and ready to have a good time - whether it be hanging out and eating shrimp while she educated him on Earth reality tv or otherwise. But now she's obviously not not alright.

It's never easy to lose someone you loved and cared about to the porter's whims.

"It's no problem. I'm glad you did call me." Rather than staying by yourself. Closing the door behind her, Bodhi watches her with Ace (the dog gives her hand a few happy licks, always happy for company - that one). "Go on and have a seat. D'you want anything to drink, or eat? I can order some take out, if you're hungry."

His own unit is a bit of a mess, there are two empty cartons of food on the coffee table as well as a blanket on the sofa from the last few nights of sleeping in the front room. But, hopefully she wouldn't mind...

She barely noticed the mess. Her own apartment was a nightmare of empty pizza boxes, used kleenx and moral philosophy books. She never thought that 'What We Owe to Each Other' would ever reduce her to tears but there she was.

But she gave him a little smile when he said that he was glad that she had called him. Before her death, no one had ever been there for her. Any attempts to reach out had been met with rejection or dismissal so she had just taught herself to close herself off. It was impossible to be rejected when she was the one who shoved others way first.

"I'm not hungry but thanks," she said as she sunk down onto the couch. She had eaten her way through a medium pepperoni pizza and what seemed like ripped off twinkies so her stomach just felt heavy.

"This place is so unfair sometimes, isn't it?" she asked in a quiet voice, looking up at Bodhi. "I thought I would be fine- this isn't the first time I've lost someone."

He sat down on the sofa next to her, first with his hands in his lap then he reached out for one of her own hands.

"I don't really think it's someone anyone can get used to, if I'm honest. This place is surprising like that, in the worst way." Maybe Kay's realist attitude was rubbing on him, but it's hard to feel optimistic when it comes to loss.

Though he can be honest, and truthful about it.

But it really isn't. "No, it's not fair. I've lost people important to me here, too. Some I know that... aren't going back to anything good. Or anything at all." He paused, running his hand over his mouth. "But I think... I think they would want me to keep going, so when I miss them the most, or I get angry about it - I just... remember that."

Eleanor leaned against him, twining her finger with his. Bodhi was someone she had come to trust during her time here and she knew that she could depend on him.

She was quiet for a moment, squeezing his hand a little. "I don't know what Chidi is going back to. We're all dead and I think we're about ready to go to the Bad Place. The really bad place where they torture you and everything. I just thought maybe...just maybe being her was a chance for us to try to prove we were better and was another chance to avoid that," she admitted softly before looking at him. He understood loss as she did and she knew it hurt- he seemed to be hurting as well in the same way. Despite her best attempts, a tear rolled down her cheek.

"I think they would want that too. I think Chidi would want that."

Bodhi felt his heart break for his friend at hearing the possible described fate. Not knowing exactly what awaits - when they return is perhaps harder than straight out knowing that it was to die. And she'd already described what the afterlife had been like, but this was not that same place as before.

He can't think he'd wish that fate on anyone (unless they'd been involved with destroying planets). Nobody else should suffer so.

Wordlessly, he reaches over and wraps his arms around her in a hug.

Eleanor let out a sob as she wrapped her arms around his shoulders, letting herself take comfort. It was still a strange feeling to allow herself to lean on someone, to let them see under the prickly surface and to see her at her most vulnerable.

Out of everyone here, Bodhi seemed to understand more than anyone else. He knew what it was like to go back to nothing, worse than nothing. She held onto him tightly, letting the tears fall freely now.

Bodhi feels his heart break a little more for her. It's always this moment to remind someone of how truly powerless they are, in the scheme of things when it comes to being here. Anyone can be up and gone in a matter of moments and there was nothing that could be done to stop it.

He just wishes that there was more that he could offer, more that he could do to help.

"I'm so sorry." He doesn't say much else, just holds her a little tighter and lets Eleanor cry herself out on his shoulder - as long as she needs.

It felt like a dam had broken inside of her. Everything she had been trying to hold in while trying to hold herself together here was crumbling and for a few minutes, she held onto Bodhi as if the rest of the world was crumbling around her and he was the only solid thing left.

But eventually, the tears subsided but she stayed with her head leaned against Bodhi, feeling oddly empty but as if a bit of weight had been lifted from her. It felt good to trust someone to let them in like this. "Thank you, Bodhi," she said quietly after a long silence, her eyes red and puffy.

[closed]

late with starbucks

mmm starbucks

<3

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject