[CLOSED] PUNCH DRUNK? HOW ABOUT PUNCHING DRUNK.

[batburgers]

WHO: Jason Todd and The Midnighter
WHERE: Jeopardy Nevada
WHEN: Halloween Night
WHAT: When two guys want to investigate the new porter around by visiting the nearest bar scene. Clearly the best idea and won't end up in any fights whatsoever.
WARNINGS: Violence, alcohol, lightweight Jason Todd

[The place isn't as dingy as Jason is used to for the bars he visits, especially when considering he spends most of his time these days in Maurtia Falls, but it's a nice bar. Even nicer that there is actually decent music. None of that techno dance floor shit.

Jason is on his first beer and plans to go for a second, because he's a grown man damn it. And he's definitely not trying to look like a mature and cool guy just because M is around. Not at all. They are here with a purpose. Check out the town, get some information from what locals they can find--and what better place to look than a bar that's not as shiny as some of the others around. But at the same time...]

Should I be wondering where all the glitter came from or chalk it up to Halloween?

[Yep. Only on the first beer.]

Comments

[heliophilic]

[M's genuinely curious about the sudden appearance of a new city, but he's not in a rush to examine it too closely right now. The best way to get a feel for a city is to listen to its drunks (...or something like that), so M's indulging in a potent potable while he people watches.

At the question, M simply smirks.]

Don't you remember--that's one of my powers. Glitter follows me wherever I go.

[His delivery is deadpan enough that it isn't entirely obvious he's joking. He hopes taking a sip of his drink does, though.]

[batburgers]

[Fuck. Jason stares him down for a minute, because he can't tell if he's joking but he has to be joking right?

Right?

Then he finally gives out a snort--right into his drink. Bubbles rise to the top.]

My gun shoots bubbles, acid, and gum. I'll buy you farting glitter. As if the hair, the leather, and--[he waves his hand around because he can't remember M's boyfriend's name]--weren't making you obvious enough.

[heliophilic]

[M shakes his head slowly. The night was just beginning and yet already felt over for the angriest (...second angriest?) bat.]

I don't hide who I am. I'm not like you, dressed up like--[he waves his hand out of some sort of politeness]--and then claim to want nothing to do with him.

[batburgers]

[Look, he's fine. He's just feeling perky. Beer is great at helping you feel less like shit. Sometimes.]

For one, that's low. [As if he wouldn't know exactly who M is talking about.] Mocking his legacy is not the same thing as wanting to do anything except piss him off. I'm good at that.

Two, you're so obvious that farting glitter is unnecessary and yet, they probably would have done it anyway. Rainbow girl isn't as obvious as you.

[Nice girl. But so obvious.]

[heliophilic]

Is that what you're pretending to call it? Because you're failing at even being ironic.

[Look, you started this.]

I also occasionally wear tank tops that say "Real Men Eat Ass". What's your point?

[batburgers]

You're not around enough to see how often he uses me as the terrible fate that awaits all the bad little Robins who step out of line. It fills me with joy.

[Was that too close to home? Nah. He's not angry defensive yet.]

Not that there was even a point. We were talking about glitter. How did we get into kinks?

[Somehow we got here. Jason is sure it's M's fault. He finishes off that first beer and raises his hand to get the attention of the nearby waitress.]

[heliophilic]

I know enough that he goes through them like water.

[Look, he did a lot of Robin research there for a bit. Not enough to know everything, but enough to know there were way too many in way too short a timespan.]

You were attempting to goad me on my exclusivity to fucking men through what some might call blatant stereotypes.

[batburgers]

Hey, I'm pretty sure you were reveling in those stereotypes. Because you like being gayer than glitter. [Look he brought up glitter, but M totally started it. Jason is not talking the fall for that one.] Which I'm not judging. Just pointing it out. Roy says that's how conversations work.

[Drunk Jason Todd: Thinks Roy Harper has good ideas about making conversation.]

[heliophilic]

I'm allowed to revel. See: "Real Men Eat Ass" tank top.

[No, Jason brought up the glitter. He just made a joke.]

Who's Roy? Because whoever he is, you shouldn't listen to him.

[batburgers]

Hey! Roy is...Yeah, no one should listen to Roy. Most of the time. [The waitress brings his second beer and he smiles broadly at her. Then he points the beer at M.]

But you're friends with Dick, who so it's not like you can talk. No one should ever listen to Dick, either. Even Roy knows that.

[heliophilic]

Maybe, but whenever Dickie calls you know things are about to get interesting.

[And perhaps the same should be said for whenever he decides to call (or occasionally kidnap) Dick.]

[batburgers]

Last time I called Dick it was to invite him to infiltrate a circus crime ring. We dressed him up as a clown.

[See, Jason can be interesting too. Not that he's ever spent time trying to one-up Dick Grayson in his life.]

[heliophilic]

So you mentioned. His name was like tiddlywiddle or something.

[Oh, of course not.]

[batburgers]

Close enough. [Jason that was not it at all. He laughs.]

Dick is a lot less fun than he looks like he should be. Carried a gun and never even shot anyone with it. Where's the fun with that?

[heliophilic]

True... but he did once throw it at a lightpost, then when it rebounded it knocked a guy out. Oh, and he did all that on a moving train.

He doesn't know it, but that was our meet-cute.

[batburgers]

What the hell is a...meet-cute?

[Jason has no idea what this shit you're talking about is, M.]

[heliophilic]

[M pouts a little, sad that the word he learned the other day is not as common as he'd been lead to believe.]

It's apparently what it's called in the movies when a couple meets for the first time.

[batburgers]

[Jason has a very dumbfounded look on his face, because that description makes no sense to him.]

Wait. Wait. So Mr. Darcy insulting Elizabeth's sister is part of a meet-cute? It's supposed to be cute?

[Why yes he did somehow manage to connect this to Pride & Prejudice.]

[heliophilic]

....You've completely lost me.

[Who's Mr. Darcy?]

[batburgers]

[Jason is staring at him like he has no idea who M is. Which he does know. He's Dick's nemesassy. But for him to have no idea who Mr. Darcy is...]

You're telling me you've never heard of Pride & Prejudice?

[He might actually be too tipsy--not drunk, definitely not drunk--to handle this.]

[heliophilic]

You'd be surprised what I've never heard of.

I didn't exactly watch movies until about 5 years ago.

[batburgers]

It's not a movie--there are movies, but not all of them are any good, but that's not the point. It's a classic of the English language by one of the greatest authors to ever live.

[Not-drunk rambling, we have arrived.]

You have been deprived, M.

[heliophilic]

Funny how it happens weapons of mass murder aren't taught the classics.

[batburgers]

Bad childhoods are no excuse for a lack of culture, M. It's just more tragic that way. [He says while holding up his drink to finish the last in the glass.]

I'm sure you have plenty of time to catch up now. Things are boring as hell right now.

[heliophilic]

Watch your mouth. The second you say that, things start to blow up.

[Though judging by his tone... he might just be hoping for it.]

I hang around people. I've watched maybe 10 movies. I sometimes dance. I've learned exactly one karaoke song. I'm getting there.

[batburgers]

Movies. [Jason snorts right there.] I bet no one's even shown you the good ones. I knew I was a shitty friend, but geez. If I had known just how little you knew about good media I would have given you a list months ago.

[At least being this kind of a shitty friend hasn't gotten anyone shot or killed and it's fixable.]

[heliophilic]

My ex like sci-fi, but "all the good ones" he couldn't find for whatever reason. I've seen a couple others over the course of people showing them to me.

[batburgers]

Did he at least show you The Thing?

[heliophilic]

Doesn't ring a bell.

[Did Cisco show him that one? No, no he doesn't think so.]

[batburgers]

What kind of sci-fi nerd doesn't show The Thing? What about The Twilight Zone?

[Jason pauses for a moment at the thought.] Does this place have Twilight Zone? Might be too on the nose with this place popping up out of nowhere.

[heliophilic]

I know he complained about missing things that began with Star.

You're going to have to figure that one out by yourself, as I have no idea.

[batburgers]

Anything with "Star" in its name is mainstream bullshit. [Look, Jason is passing buzzed by about now, M, give the man a break for thinking out loud.]

And The Twilight Zone is a show about weird shit happening when you can never explain it--like a random town with a creepy spider god popping into existence--and humans prove how terrible we truly are to each other.

[heliophilic]

[M just smiles. It's amusing to see him getting riled up over pop culture.]

I don't have to see that then--I've lived it. You have no idea the things I've seen before I played house with you little bats.

[batburgers]

[More like he rarely watched anything that came out later than twenty years ago. He reaches over and pats M on the arm.]

I've seen enough on my own that I don't need to hear anyone else's tragic backstory to know it's probably full of all the horrors that humanity can unleash. It's part of the "Guide to Being a Vigilante."

[heliophilic]

[M barks a laugh at that.]

Other people find my backstory tragic. To me it's just life.

I'm referring to the fun stuff--tentacles from the moon, blood-spitting space cats, a vampire battle royale....

[batburgers]

[Hold up, hold up.]

Blood-spitting space cats?

[Yes this is the most important thing.]

[heliophilic]

The Red Lantern Corps got themselves a mean pussy.

[batburgers]

[Jason blinks at him before face-planting onto the table with a huge, disgusted sigh.]

I can't even laugh at that it was the worst.

[heliophilic]

[He regrets nothing.]

I was almost a red lantern.

[batburgers]

Seriously? [Jason is surprised and yet not surprised at all.] And you seem so calm and full of chill.

[heliophilic]

I think the ring confused "violent" with "angry"

Especially since my boyfriend was right there, and he's far angrier than I am.

[That's not a knock on Andrew. It's a fact.]

I guess rings assume the guy wearing spikes is angrier than the guy with a sun on his chest.