they say that these are not the best of times

[bragnificent]

WHO: REGGIE MANTLE and TATE LANGDON.
WHERE: Maurtia Falls Psychiatric Hospital.
WHEN: Early October. Today??
WHAT: Two boys self-medi(c)ate.
WARNINGS: Drug use, potential references to violence and/or sexual activity and language.


[ This isn't a habit of Reggie's, necessarily, although during his time here and especially lately it's certainly been becoming more of one. That's the thing about using drugs even recreationally, unfortunately-- they're addictive. Reggie doesn't feel like it should necessarily count in his case, of course; he doesn't use "harder" drugs too often, generally preferring pills, MDMA, and sometimes weed, but that doesn't really change the fact he's more reliant on taking something these days not just for the usual thrill of it, but to get him through difficult situations.

He's ducked into the bathroom during his lunch break at work, wanting -- not needing -- some kind of pick-me-up before he has to go back out and face the rest of the day, possibly some of his least favorite coworkers, and most ominously of all, whatever impending "mediation" might be in store for him and Tate. Maybe not today, nothing's been scheduled yet and Reggie's not even sure he'll agree to the concept after all, but just the idea is enough to weigh his limbs down with annoyed dread. It feels so weak to him, similarly to why he's so resistant toward the concept of apologies; this isn't stuff he should have to care about.

And yet, here he was. He has a bit of ketamine left over from what Cassidy brought to his party, which Reggie now fishes a vial of from the baggie of pills and assorted other substances in his pocket and shakes some out into three clumsy lines on the edge of the sink-- does one quickly, blinking and rubbing at his eyes. ]

Comments

[bragnificent]

[ It's hard to really successfully avoid someone you work with, no matter how much you'd like to-- kind of like high school in that sense, except at Reggie's high school it'd probably still be easier, because the number of students vastly exceeds the number of people who work here. Of all the people that could be walking in on him right now, Casper the Anti-social Ghost may not be the worst possibility, but he's certainly the most ironic one.

Reggie would be more annoyed if the ketamine wasn't already starting to kick in, wrapping his mind in a sort of dreamy detachment. But not so much that he doesn't still roll his eyes. ]

Most people are out to lunch right now, so somehow, I think I'm going to be fine. Barely anyone even uses this bathroom anyway.

[bragnificent]

Oh, it'd take way more than that. After all, you wouldn't be the first person to ever try to get me fired. But Dr. Chilton likes having me around.

[ It feels worth it to point out, in case Tate's getting any ideas.

Once Tate's walked around him and begun situating himself, Reggie's head turns in that direction, more out of reflex to look at someone who's talking than to look-- although he does that, too, before turning his attention back to neatening up his remaining lines. ]

It's not that I don't like coke. I just have to be in the right mood for it. This is different, though-- ketamine.

[bragnificent]

What?

[ Reggie raises his eyebrow back, his tone some combination of defensive and confused, then looks from Tate to the drugs in front of him again. It's not a whole lot of ketamine, and Reggie's definitely already enjoying how cloudy and difficult to irritate it's making him feel, but he's also never actually tried using it before. Tate's assessment makes him a little wary, naturally, although Reggie's expression doesn't deviate from it's relative calmness. ]

I just had some leftover at my place and figured I'd try it. [ Never mind his other reasons. ] What's wrong with ketamine?

[bragnificent]

Sure, I've heard about all that. Which is fine by me, obviously-- the hallucinations I can give or take, I'm more in it for the whole "euphoria" and "chill factor" billing it gets. Though you're right, I'm looking at some fucked up shit right now.

[ He gestures Vanna White-style to Tate, giggling behind his hand, though not maliciously for once-- just genuinely like he's having a good time joking around a little. The drug is certainly working to put him in a more neutrally social mood, mellow enough that he's openly conversational, if not necessarily outright friendly yet. It might take a couple more minutes or another hit for Reggie to make it to friendly.

But yes, it's his first time; it seemed safer not to take one of his more tried-and-true uppers at work, because Reggie knows how those can affect a person in a bad, frustrated, potentially angry state of mind. Something sedative seemed like a better way to detach from the issue, possibly give him a more receptive disposition for mediation even if all he does is phone it in with nods, but he needed a test run first. ]

Easier than what? Cocaine? That one's already a freaking Russian Roulette. And this is only like-- [ He holds his fingers about half an inch apart in front of his eye. ] So don't knock it 'til you've tried it.

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[ Reggie laughs a bit harder, leaning his arm on the sink for support. Not that he isn't also trying to make an effort not to escalate any confrontations between the two of them unnecessarily, but normally a comment like that might at least merit a return threat, one with perhaps more weight to it given their physical size difference. Right now, though, Reggie just finds it a hilariously weird thing to say. ]

Yeah, cuz you'd definitely be able to pull that off. I'd have to let you, and even I'm not into anything that weird.

[ Said as if he's really into that many weird things in the first place-- he's not, surprisingly. Or at least, no more than average. Reggie turns slightly, leaning over the edge of the counter a bit as if in preparation to go again. ]

Well yeah, it's only like, three tiny lines. [ Two, now. ] Which honestly is barely anything. I think mostly all it's really doing is taking the edge off, anyway. Or like, y'know, filing it down.

[ More than that, almost certainly. But as far as he can tell. And that much at least is probably clear by now, given how relaxed he is even interacting with Tate of all people. ]

It's pretty nice.

[bragnificent]

[ Raising his eyebrow slowly, Reggie does duck down for another quick hit. After what Tate said before about the drug, Reggie would almost be tempted to hold off on the third line and offer it to Tate instead, but even in his current state that seems like too strong a gesture, whether or not he was doing it just so to avoid ODing rather than in the interest of being friendly.

Well, he'll still wait on it. He puts the rolled up dollar bill he's been using down on the counter between them, crossing his arms and leaning his weight against the wall.

Obviously, a few things come to mind when he hears the word "talk." Or rather... one large, abstract thing with a few different but specific points to attack it from. Either way, Tate's instinct isn't bad; Reggie might have an issue right now if the subject were something more depressing or existential, but he certainly feels up for whatever else. ]

Sure. Talk about what?

nope. it's immortalized forever now.

[bragnificent]

Why, because I just looked at your dick? It was for like, one second.

[ For a moment, Reggie's mind has rewound all the way back to their awkward concert aftermath, blanking out everything that's since happened between then and now-- it shows on his face after a few seconds that he senses something's off, his brows furrowing slowly and eyes tilting upward as his brain works on reseting to present time.

Oh, right. Now his eyebrows raise as he shrugs halfheartedly and shakes his head, arms still crossed. Not that he minds Tate all that much when things are "cool" between them, but especially at the moment, that suggestion suits him just fine. As long as Tate doesn't assume that means Reggie and Derek won't still hang out. ]

I dunno why you always have to be so high-strung about everything, but whatever. I can agree to that, fine. [ He waggles his fingers dramatically. ] What a huge sacrifice.

[bragnificent]

Twice is not all the time. And I've told you I don't want it, so let that go already.

[ Because as far as Reggie knows they're still on the same page there, so surely him not wanting to hit on Tate counts as part of this whole thing. He raises one eyebrow, expression still relaxed and somewhat dreamy. ]

Also, I feel like I should point out that I'm usually civil. I can handle that if you can. [ He gestures to the remaining line of K on the sink almost lazily, as if to try and prove his point. ] Here, help yourself.

[bragnificent]

Yeah, it kind of is.

[ If it's unclear which of those two things Reggie's referring to... it'll be more obvious in a second. He does take a second to cast a skeptical glance down toward the crotch of Tate's jeans, shakes his head, but then fishes back into his pocket for something else-- another baggie of assorted goodies. ]

What about coke? I think I have like, a gram in here.

[bragnificent]

[ Reggie lets the baggie drop onto the counter, content not to partake in any himself this time around-- mostly because he's already high, and while he's no expert on either drug, he doesn't imagine cocaine of all things is what you want to mix K with.

It's also a good thing Tate asked, because Reggie's also a little too high already to have thought about mentioning conditions before taking out the coke. He considers that now. ]

Well, obviously number one is no trying to get me fired. For this or anything else. [ Lest Tate and Starr ever try to conspire against him. ] That seems like the least you could do. And number two--

[ Hm. ]

I'm still gonna stay friends with Derek. So how about no more being weird about that, either.

[bragnificent]

You're just weird? Like, in general? Okay. Fair enough.

[ He doesn't necessarily say that to be confrontational this time-- though normally he often says stuff like that, it lacks the usual bite of cruelty, this time more an extension of Tate's deflection. Inviting him to either agree and let the subject rest, or argue it and admit to whatever his problem is.

Laughing a little, Reggie bends down to bump the final line of ketamine. ]

I dunno, I think so. Oh-- wait. [ He snaps his fingers. ] No more robbing me.

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[ Damn. That's a lot to listen to, let alone process, even if he weren't high on ketamine; Reggie manages, barely, not to tune out entirely in the middle of what Tate's saying, but especially after that third hit it's much harder to focus, like there's a harsh ear-ringing feedback in his brain when he tries. ]

I'm not a-- ugh. [ Well. He frowns, putting a finger to his temple as he tries to take this piece by piece. ] Look, my place, my rules. If you didn't wanna get wet, maybe you should've thought of that before you came around to stalk me. Not to mention rip me off.

[ Reggie's speaking a little more slowly than usual, but also more calmly, which is at least the plus side to having this conversation with drugs; no doubt things would have escalated defensively long before now otherwise, but right now, it just feels like a conversation. He's not mad, he practically feels like he has no cares or worries whatsoever, although the tension risks pushing him toward a lower, rougher comedown. Not yet, though. ]

You're pretty weird. I'm surprised you're not, like, proud of it.

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[ Reggie stares at Tate flatly, working his jaw as he idly bites at his inner cheek. Agitation is building, though mostly in his body language rather than his brain; he doesn't actually feel it, or anything, very sharply yet, but rather like he can just sense the emotions from behind a mostly opaque curtain. Nonetheless, his arms cross again, fingers tapping impatiently against his bicep.

He turns his back to the sink, leaning against it. ]

What, do you think I should be? [ He wets his lips, then shrugs his shoulders, still frowning. ] He's the one who offered. I didn't think he was gonna tell you about that.

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That's rich. You can't call me a cocksucker and be talking about the concert. That's just straight up--

[ Revisionist is the word Reggie would probably use there if he could think of it in time, or simply "bullshit" if he's being lazy, but it's lost to him as his whole train of thought derails. His face colors slightly, either in embarrassment or annoyance or some combination of both; he runs a hand through his hair. ]

I meant about him paying me. Not for-- not about that. Jesus, why would I-- [ He doesn't know how to finish that sentence, so he just holds his hands out in exasperation. ] It's not like I wanted you to find out about it either. But it is what it is.

[bragnificent]

[ The curtain appears again, but this time the silhouette Reggie recognizes behind it is smugness and a vague sense of pride; he's not really trying to get between Tate and Derek, but intentionally or not, Reggie still almost always enjoys being able to make people jealous. He's not going to rub it in this time, although a smirk twitches on his lips. ]

Well, I told him he didn't have to, but he insisted. [ Which is true, but-- maybe that was the part Reggie wasn't supposed to share? Whatever. He can't remember. ] And like I'm gonna turn down money. Even his.

[ ... Hm. Anyway. Reggie shakes his head. ]

I'm sort of seeing someone anyway. And he doesn't... [ Like him enough. Or, well, want him, at least. Reggie brushes his hand through his hair again slowly. ] You're overthinking it.

[bragnificent]

[ Reggie, on the other hand, is the exact opposite, usually preferring to go out of his way not to overthink things. Sure, that often leads to bad, impulsive decisions or thoughtless insensitivity, but it beats dwelling on every little thing to the point of distress or paranoia. Reggie's simply not cut out for anxiety.

For instance, he hasn't been overthinking Tate and Derek. He doesn't really "get" it, just like he doesn't really "get" some other recent pair-ups amongst his friends, but it's pretty obvious by now that they're... something. Which he's in no position to feel weird or jealous or curious or anything else about, but nonetheless, he still feels... something.

Right now it's all just white noise. ]

So I guess all bets are off if he's the one to come onto me again, huh?

[ It's a joke, but also, no promises in that case? He closes his eyes for a moment, thinking about it. Thinking back.

Then Reggie looks over at Tate again, eyes a bit unfocused and pupils very dilated. He really doesn't mind the idea of being "cool" with Tate again; that's more or less how they started, and also how most of their relationship has been. Weird, but in a good way-- easy, casual, and strangely comfortable despite the frequently salty banter. Even the not-cocksucking didn't fuck things up as bad as whatever the hell happened to set off that fight in Tate's place when Derek walked in on them, which to this day Reggie still doesn't fully understand. All he knows is that right now it all seems so stupid. ]

We can be cool. I'm not even trying to fuck anyone right now-- I'm supposed to be getting serious.

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[ Reggie wrinkles his nose slightly, but then shrugs. His memory (and mind) is too foggy at the moment for him to remember what he last told Tate about Veronica, if they'd talked about her since the New York trip and, if so, exactly what he'd said about the state of their relationship-- all Reggie can be certain of is that he wouldn't have told Tate she said "no" to actually dating him back in July when he'd asked.

Before the Derek thing. Though it's certainly a factor as to why that even happened.

He still has enough sense to know he doesn't want to tell Tate too much now, either, nothing that's too revealing. Reggie hates showing vulnerability, it's embarrassing to him on almost a primal level, and rejection is enough of a bitch to deal with even without admitting it to someone he barely gets along with. ]

Okay, well-- besides her, I mean. Which isn't like always easy to do, but I've been pretty good about it.

[ Besides the Derek thing, which doesn't count. And the concert thing, which... also doesn't, though on a technicality. He's been pretty good about it if you don't check his math too closely. ]

[bragnificent]

[ Reggie uncrosses his arms, gripping the edge of the sink under his palms as he leans his weight against it more heavily. His buzz is probably not as good as Tate's right now; it's doing its job pretty adequately, numbing him and drawing that curtain of detachment between his thoughts and his emotions, but the effect is still not quite what he'd been expecting. It's much colder. ]

I don't worry about stuff like that-- it's just not worth the headache, y'know? There'll always be someone else.

[ He does, actually, worry about fucking up sometimes, especially when it comes to relationships; he tries not to do it often, but it's hard to avoid. He knows it's not very intuitive to him, committing to one person and being a good boyfriend (whatever that means). It's not as simple as just finding the next person who comes along that he can fuck, but it's a lot easier to think about like that than consider all that's involved in caring about someone and then losing them, and then having to start all over.

That's harder to find, which is the problem Reggie's been having right now. The intersection between people who will fuck him and people who will date him is unpleasantly narrow. ]

Or at least like, things that the other person never needs to find out about. That's probably even the secret behind most healthy relationships, to be honest.

[bragnificent]

Uh huh. Like--

[ Still leaning his weight back against the sink, Reggie brushes his bangs out of his face, then sticks his hands in the pockets of his hoodie. He doesn't elaborate further on the former point yet, which he both does and doesn't believe is quite that simple-- for him it often feels like there'll always be someone else, because usually people just want him for flings anyway. Whether he believes in true love, fate, or "the one(s)" is something he has barely given much thought to, mostly for lack of experience with real, romantic, emotional connections. ]

There's a lot about me Veronica doesn't know yet. Probably a lot even Archie didn't know, either. [ Not that he's talked about Archie with Tate, but Reggie's mind is doing its best under the circumstances. ] And she doesn't need to know all of it. If it's something that shouldn't matter and that they wouldn't even get, then who's it hurting? No one. Especially since it's usually stuff they wouldn't even wanna know anyway.

[ Like cocksucking.

Reggie's eyebrows knit and he wets his lips in thought, shaking his head. ]

I dunno. I don't think I could date anyone if I had to tell them everything. Same for you, I bet.

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Right. [ Easy agreement, without hesitation. ] And always.

[ Just because he's feeling somewhat more chill from the ketamine doesn't mean Reggie is any happier to have accidentally stumbled onto some form of common ground with Tate, but the K at least helps keep him from reacting poorly to it. Weird, yes, gross, definitely, but mostly at the moment he feels more apathetic to those parallels than bothered by them.

And there's still enough differences that keep him from relating too closely for comfort. Maybe he still doesn't really understand real love, or maybe (despite having very much felt otherwise, at times) he's never been deeply in it enough yet to feel that desire for total honesty. Reggie can't think of a single person he'd want to be unconditionally honest with, can't think of what good not hiding anything could possibly do a relationship. Obviously there's some things that shouldn't be hidden, at least not if things really start getting serious, but no one ever needs to know everything. The thought of being completely open honestly kind of makes Reggie sick, but maybe that's also more of a personal problem. ]

I honestly don't get it. I mean, nobody owes anyone their entire life story just because you decide you kind of like each other. If it was something like, I dunno... that you've been to prison, or that you had like, gonorrhea, then all right, fair enough. But who the hell even wants to know about all that other crap?

[ As he talks, though, the grayer those gray areas start to seem. Maybe he can tell himself that his fuck-ups from home or his proclivities with other people shouldn't matter to any current relationship he has (platonic or otherwise), but that's not really true. Reputations stick to you, and that's why it's so useful sometimes to pick and choose what to share when the opportunity to pick and choose is there. On the other hand, history always repeats itself when you don't learn from it. Reggie's had secrets, not to mention the consequences to his own actions, blow up in his face enough times before. No wonder he's so bad at dating.

He drops his gaze, suddenly doubtful, but it's only for a moment. ]

Anyway, I always thought love's more about what you do than what you say. At least it should be.

[bragnificent]

[ That's the thing; how that other person might look at you for sharing something, even if they'd also be offended that you tried to hide it. Some things are lose/lose, even if they're not even all that terrible. But it's impossible to know sometimes what'll be someone's dealbreaker.

Not impossible to guess, though. And wrong or not, sometimes it's better to trust your gut on those things for as long as possible. ]

A reason? Well-- I dunno. Yeah, maybe. But I don't have like, some deep dark past or anything. I doubt there even is anything that could come back to haunt me.

[ Famous last words, maybe. Also, definitely not entirely correct. But since Reggie rarely overthinks the consequences of his actions ahead of time, it's an easy statement to make with only a small amount of false confidence-- or more accurately, rarely overthinks the negative consequences. Worst case scenarios? Sure. But there's a difference in considering how someone's perspective of him might change based on how much (or how little) they know, considering why it's better to take the easier, more beneficial, less risky route, versus thinking about how his own impulsive and arguably selfish decisions could backfire on him. Ironic, maybe, considering all the drama that came from the Derek/Reggie secret probably originated from that same line of logic.

He shakes his head. ]

That happens, though. [ Hurting people. ] You can try not to do it on purpose, but it always is still gonna happen.

[bragnificent]

Yeah, no freaking kidding.

[ That it's heavy, not the haunting; Reggie would still rather assume otherwise with misguided overconfidence on that one. Probably the biggest argument for not doing K again any time soon. Reggie doesn't like discussing heavy topics even with people he likes more than Tate, but right now he barely even felt the tonal change of their conversation. If they'd been discussing the weather, he might still feel about the same; casual and mellow with a slightly manic edge that rises and falls.

Reggie can feel it start to wear off though, which means lunch break will probably be over soon. Still not soon enough, but there's enough time to steer the subject and sober up a little before he heads back out. Find anything else to talk and think about to stop himself trying to think back on anything incriminating he might have said accidentally once he's more coherent again. ]

Hey, you think this place is gonna do anything for Halloween? Cuz it seems like kind of a waste to me if they're not gonna even decorate.

[ Said with an almost involuntary cock of his eyebrow, further emphasizing his love of "decorating" things for Halloween. ]

[bragnificent]

I dunno, asylums are kind of a Halloween staple, aren't they? Creepy as hell even when they're not haunted. This place is probably close enough to count.

[ Reggie grins -- more to himself than to Tate -- imagining the possibilities. He doesn't mind if a lot of the "decorating" has to fall on him, because true, probably a lot of what he has in mind wouldn't fall within traditional corporate-approved basics. But it'd be better than just having some candy out in a pumpkin tub over by reception.

He shrugs, finally turning that grin out on Tate. ]

Hey, they're gonna need to learn how to adjust at some point, right?

[bragnificent]

Oh, you know. Doesn't have to be anything too fancy-- like, we could just mess with the wiring for some of the lighting around the place, to start. And creepy decorations go without saying, obviously... maybe those kind with the motion-sensor sound effects.

[ He shrugs, expression still mischievous. It's maybe too much effort to waste on this place, but that's rarely stopped Reggie before; he'll still be here every day this month, after all. Might as well have some fun with it.

And if nothing else, it's fun to think about as he's coming down. Safe, too, because even he knows better than to risk coming down badly -- if he can help it, of course -- when it's something he's never taken before. ]

Plus, TP's more of an outdoor look. Same with eggs.

[bragnificent]

Well, I'll jump out at people during the day while I'm on the clock getting paid for it, but I'm not about to stay late afterward more than like, maybe once or twice, tops. I actually have things to do when I'm done with work. But y'know, feel free if that's what you're into.

[ A couple times could be fun, sure. But like he really wants to hang out at work, in the dark, on his own time. Who does that!! ]

That doesn't surprise me. You're so pale you already look like some drowned kid's corpse.