maskormenacelogs | [CLOSED] When all the roads you took came back to me

Entry tags:

[CLOSED] When all the roads you took came back to me

WHO: Hermann & Newt
WHERE: Nonah Individual housing
WHEN: August 16th, evening
WHAT: They Drift, and secrets spill out.
WARNINGS: PR2 spoilers, disturbing imagery.

[He tells himself that he's not putting his affairs in order, even if that's what it feels like. But in a way, he knows he is. He doesn't expect to die, but that They might infect him like they have Newton is entirely possible- and even probable. They've threatened as much anyway. And if They succeed at it.. disgust rolls through him and he shudders. He'd almost rather die.

The Drift itself is a whirlwind of uncontrolled neural impulses and impressions. He doesn't have any real hope of controlling what happens, only hopes that he'll connect with and bolster Newton's own mind. Then together, ideally, they'll fend off the Precursor's influence.

It's easily the most reckless plan he's ever conceived of and his heart rate refuses to settle. But the key part of this plan is waiting for Newton to shine through again.

They're curled on the couch after dinner when he decides he's prolonged them enough. He pets and murmurs into his husband's hair, heart twinging in his chest and anxiety sparking again.]

Newton.. Why don't we move to the bedroom? My leg's gone a bit numb.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[Newt can tell something is up and he waits for the other shoe to drop the entire time they are cuddled together, not soothed by the comforting hand in his hair. Hermann is keeping something from him. Hermann is planning. Hermann probably wants to break up with him. Or introduce another person into their marital arrangement because Newt's, er, condition is too difficult to work around for Hermann's sexual needs. He isn't entirely convinced it is just Precursors buzzing in his brain, either, even though They are always suspicious of Hermann's affections and motives.

Though it still might just be the Precursors trying to generate a rift between him and Hermann with uneasiness and doubt. That is possible. Maybe. The past few weeks WERE pretty good. Maybe They're kind of miffed about that. Or maybe it's Newt. It's probably Newt, he's sure, and is about to say something (except not, but maybe if he doesn't say something then Hermann will let him live in these delusions that their marriage is still a happy one a while longer) and then Hermann spares him the chance.

And then he THINKS he knows exactly what the unrest in the air is. Newt raises his head and frowns a bit at Hermann.]

Are you...propositioning me?

[He laughs, eyes crinkling, and glad for the temporary bit of distraction Newton's presumption provides. He kisses his forehead]

My intentions are pure, I promise. Unless you'd rather they weren't, of course.

[Newt licks his lips and considers. They want to say NO. Newt kind of wants to say YES just to be defiant.]

I don't know.

[He holds onto his smile for as long as he can]

Well for now, do let me up and you can decide once we get there.

Alright...

[Newt sits up with a groan--despite his anxiety, he HAD gotten comfortable there--and rolls to his feet. He wants to offer Hermann help up, but he finds himself preoccupied fluffing a pillow instead.]

[The simple action is telling. Newton isn't entirely in control of himself. It's unfortunate, but he's taken everything he could into account.

Hermann gets up with a bit of difficulty and leans heavily on his cane, but he takes his husband's hand as they move toward the bedroom.

Once there, he settles on the edge of the bed and tucks his cane away. He gently tugs his husband down for a kiss.]

I love you, Newton.

[His anxiety grows. Something is going to happen, he feels, and it isn't sex. It isn't just going to bed, either. He really isn't sure what it will be. It sort of feels like a breakup, or like being led to the hangman and he thinks that's it. Maybe Hermann is going to kill him. He suspects his husband--the NERD, the sentimental FOOL--doesn't have it in him to do so, despite that a dead Newt is what's good for everyone. But part of him hopes Hermann might, if only because another trip through the Porter could dispel this nasty business in his head. He knows, though, that Hermann won't.

Newt doesn't quite return the kiss, but he doesn't turn his head away to avoid it either. He manages to knock his forehead against Hermann's in an affectionate way as he murmurs:]

I know.

[He smiles, and metal clasps around Newton's wrist. The power suppressor activates.

His attempt at calm evaporates into the tight anxiety running through his chest.

Hermann reaches behind him and pulls up the pillows to reveal the PONS caps. Their cabling had been cleverly hidden to drape down the back of the bed and connect up underneath.]

I need you to fight them- as much as you possibly can.

[Realization hits and They try to wrench Newt's wrist away from Hermann's grasp as They claw fruitlessly at the suppressor. Blood trickles down Newt's lips and chin from his nose and his frightened expression settles into something more like gloating.]

Oh, you think you're a clever bastard, don't you, Gottlieb? Go ahead. Try us. You'll find that the fear you're seeing is Newt's own. He doesn't want you to Drift with us. He fears you'll turn out like him. But if you want to, by all means. We're not scared of you.

[He meets Their gaze and doesn't flinch, even while it feels like his entire body is ready to vibrate out of his skin. He keeps an iron grip on Their wrist]

Then I'll see you in a few minutes.

[His hand balls into a fist and swings hard at Hermann's face--only to jerk to a stop short as the muscles tense and Newt's expression strains.]

If...you're gonna---
Just do it. Hurry up.

Fuck, Hermann...

[Tears well up in his eyes. He's terrified for Hermann's sake, but at the same time... They'll hurt him if he stands here any longer.]

[He does flinch this time, but his eyes crack open to see Newton's anguished face and his stopped fist. He leans in to cradle his husband's face, thumbs brushing over his tears, and wishes he had more to offer in way of reassurance.

He kisses him one last time, then reaches for the caps.

Hermann secures one to Newton's head, then dons the other just as quickly. He ducks for the remote, and eyes locked with Newton, works to summon up all of his hope and love for the man in front of him. It will be their best defense, going in]

We'll own this thing.

[He presses the button]

[His body is rigid because that's the most he can offer in this forced stalemate with his Precursor occupiers. To do anything else would be to risk unbalancing this and not in his favor, so he's holding Them at bay while Hermann initiates the Drift.

We'll own this thing. For sure. The Drift rips through his brain to the screaming frustration of the Precursors. It flares through memories of the Anteverse--memories only, not a live feed as before--and tumbles through flashbacks both human and Precursor.

Hermann Gottlieb, dragged through Hell and back, covered in Kaiju muck and smelling like vomit, smiles beautifully at him as the Shatterdome breaks into bittersweet celebration and his heart is exploding like--

A nuclear bomb goes off. Their world explodes and the Breach collapses...

The cord strangles It's throat and It collapses before reaching the wayward little man cowering feet away. A remote and powerful influence works in place of instinct and drives the newborn creature to struggle to the last breath...

Hermann gasps his name as he comes, flesh soft and pink and warm--

Her.
Yellow and glowing.
Beautiful.
Alluring.
Tempting.
Newt, our creations...

Leibling kneads his thigh with her paws. Sophie Foster laughs in the snow. An excited but professional Hiro Hamada leads them around a Stark Tech show.

Hundreds of Drones line Shao Industries, unknowingly powered by Kaiju brain segments, built by the little man trying to save mankind...humanity's great hubris turned against them. Human weapons converted to serve the Precursors' designs... Engineers of their own destruction...

"If you aren't seeing anyone, and if you're free for the masquerade--uh, anyway, if you're into that, I know a tall, lean, brilliant man who you should definitely chat up."

He doesn't like you. He doesn't want you. He doesn't want to be your friend.]

[Love and anger clash and coexist in turns.

He marries the love of his life and sits on their balcony, reading while Newt dozes next to him. The sun is warm, but the air is chilly, and he has a throw blanket draped over their legs. An expensive watch shines on his wrist.

Arguing with the Marshall about Operation Pitfall's success ratios, watching Hansen retire with a heavy set of his shoulders and permanent grief etched into his face. Newton leaves, abuzz about Shao and avoiding his eyes.

I love you, he says, thinks with every flash of Newton's real self, longing to reach for him only for his heart to break as his green eyes turn cold. He awakes, frightened and heart racing.

Prison bars and a joke made at his expense, jeering orange suits and school children.

Dr. Morales' lifeless, exultant eyes, Blue on her lips.] I'm so, so, sorry.

[Anger, helplessness and terror as They crawl into his lap with a wicked smile.]

I love him. I love him so much and it hurts. Give him back to me or I will tear you apart.

Come with me. I love you.

[Gottlieb scares Them. Gottlieb angers Them. They teach Newt to hate the man he's in love with just to force a distance between the two so that Gottlieb doesn't undo their plans.

If We can't have him, YOU cannot either.

I can't come with you, Hermann. It's not that simple.
You don't understand.
Newt is OURS.

Holding the pons in his shaking hands.

He's high on adrenaline with the rush of what he's about to do. Human-Kaiju Drift initiated.
He's scared that the world's about to end, excited that Hermann's beside him. Human-Kaiju Drift 2.0 initiated.
He's unsure but lured by the prospect of Drifting with this fascinating brain he's managed to repair. Human-Kaiju Drift 3.0 initiated.
He cannot stop Drifting with the Kaiju brain. It's like a drug. He needs it. Something inside him... Human-Kaiju Drift number unknown.
He should name it. He shouldn't name it.
He names it.

Her name is...

His husband stands next to Miles at the end of the aisle. It's 2017, again. He's completely in love with Hermann Gottlieb-Geiszler.

He cries, frustrated at himself in a hotel room in Anchorage. It's 2017. He hates Hermann Gottlieb. Sort of.

His heart leaps into his chest and he looks away from Hermann's glowing smile as the man approaches him from across the tarmac. It's 2035. He thinks, faintly and not for the first time, he might kind of love Hermann Gottlieb.

It's 2030. Blood thick with alcohol. Shao's berating is distant and behind him. Newt picks up his phone, thumbing down the contact list to Hermann's number. Again. He always finds himself here. This time...this time he'll call. Kaiju grrroupie, Hermann would say if he could see Newt now. Music fades in the background. Blood runs down his nose and he feels high, weightless, orgasmic. He's a filthy kaiju groupie. Disgusting. The Kaiju brain bubbles in the tank across from him and he tosses his phone away. Hermann won't understand. He tips his head back and re-initiates the Drift.

Her name is...
Alice.

Come with ME, Newt. We accept you. We love you.]

[He's crying. It feels like all he can do these days- while he drives to work, between classes, at night in bed alone.]

Please. I love you, I'll help you. Just let me. FIGHT THEM.

[Behind it, a torrent of vitriol rises up and crashes in a sudden, blistering heat. His cane sweeps across Newton's desk, where beakers shatter yet can hardly be heard over their combined shouting]

How dare you! You've drugged, enslaved, manipulated him. I will not rest until nothing is left of you.

Love me, Newton.

[He's there, almost chasing the rabbit on a carride he was never part of in reality, murmuring apologies to Hermann and reaching for him to wipe tears Newt can't reach. THEY are there too, like backseat passengers in his head (in Hermann's head as well) lurking darkly. The tug of war for Newt's attention pulls him from Hermann's memory--

Shao's called a car for him. Newt feels underdressed in the backseat of the limo--

He's sitting in the backseat of a taxi in Hong Kong. Hermann's crying. And Newt is painfully in love.

Hermann is a beautiful force to be reckoned with when he's pissed. Newt watches with glee as he rages at a hotel clerk. As he goes off on a PPDC official on the phone. As he rips into Newt for something minor and later very forgettable, aside from the shattered beakers and chalk Newt has to clean up and file an inventory request to replace later.

THEY hate him. There is nothing in Newt's heart that loves or awes Their rage.

I love you, you vicious awful man.

He reaches for Hermann.
Newt feels like he's falling. It's getting dark. His head is pounding.
They're forcing him out of alignment.

Newt mentally screams and claws through a barage of Kaiju memories, of destroyed cities and destroyed worlds and creation in the Anteverse, fighting for anything human, anything to cling to--

He's alone on a beach. The sun sets over the ocean in an array of pinks.
There are sand dollars at his feet.
A kaiju roars its way from the ocean and slams onto the beach, pulling him into the water.

The water pulls him under, dragging his limbs down. It's hard to be upset for his own sake anymore and find it in himself to swim. He's just tired. He gives in. Laying in the bathtub in his apartment, it's overflowing, but if he can just open his mouth and inhale it won't matter soon. It's 2034. Hermann will figure everything out and save the world...

I still get nightmares, Hermann.

Standing at the Porter, he calls Hermann his "best friend" and he means--
I love you, Hermann.

The Kaiju roars in the distance and sets its sights on Hermann instead.]

[The kaiju is easily 100 times his size, but standing there on the beach, watching his husband unable to muster his own strength to fight for himself, words of love whispered on the wind, and fear becomes a distant concept. He understands that he has to fight for them both and that there's no other choice.]

I will save you.

[His peers laugh, what does he know? His fingers hurt, his vision blurs, and he can't move. He watches young, able-bodied cadets climb into the Jaegers he sacrificed his health to program. His father cuts him off for the last time.

But Newton always...

His cane becomes Gipsy's chain sword and suddenly the kaiju doesn't look so big anymore.]

You'll never take him from me without a fight.

[That's hot. Newt had never intended to be the princess rescued from the dragon by a shining knight, but here he is.

He can't let Hermann fight this FOR him, not without fighting, too, at least in spirit. They've always been side by side and he would never make Hermann go it alone; even if he fundamentally disagreed with the PPDC and their methods, he wouldn't leave Hermann to the battle alone. Together or not at all.

Hermann, you can't! They'll take you, too! You have to pull the plug on this! It can't keep going!

Don't you fucking dare listen to him, Hermann! Fight them! Fight them, damn it!
Fuck Them up, babe. Fuck up their shit.

If he imagines hard enough, he can picture himself with his own pons, standing next to Hermann in a Jaeger con pod. No, not a Jaeger. Their lab. But it's the same thing in the end. He feels stronger and fumbles for Hermann's empty hand.]

[It's the sort of impossibility that only makes sense in a dream: a lab in the shape of a Jaeger. But their hands clasp together and his heart soars. The real Newton is on his side, and they're strong.

He holds and kisses his husband, whispering his love until they fall asleep.

He shifts and Newton moves with him. His leg feels fine. When they charge, it's with their cane-sword raised and ready to strike]

[The sword rends the Kaiju in two as it screams out a roar. Newt kisses Hermann and practically leaps on him in an excited embrace.

The Drift goes dark for a long moment. They stir angrily.

Ba-Bump. Ba-Bump. Ba-Bump.

Ba-Bump. Ba-Bump. Ba-Bump.

Something moves in a thick liquid.

Ba-Bump. Ba-Bump. Ba-Bump.

Suction on glass. A machine whirs with the necessary fans and motors and tubes.

A plain interior door opens into a simple bedroom lit by natural daylight through horizontal blinds. It's not the room from Newton's memory of his apartment during his work with Shao. It looks like the kind given to imPorts.

Alice calls to him desperately. Newt's hand slips from Hermann's grasp.]

Newton!

[They won, but it doesn't mean anything if Newton isn't with him. He reaches for him, hoping to keep him away from the sickly yellow tank in the room]

Come with me, Newton. They're only using that thing to control you. They don't care about you- it doesn't care about you.

[But she does, Hermann. She's been with me all those lonely years. She's been my one companion.

He touches the glass and presses his cheek to it before reaching back for Hermann.

Come with me, Hermann. Come with me and you can finally meet Alice. She's waited so long to see you.]

[He takes Newton's hand, but it isn't to move forward with him. He stands firmly rooted]

I would have been your companion if only you'd asked. This is what has been keeping us apart all these years.

[I know. I know, but PLEASE meet Alice, Hermann, he pleads with some urgency and desperation. There's a fear in his eyes when he looks at Hermann again. I need you to meet Alice, and then maybe we can be together.]

I can't- I can't, Newton. They'll corrupt me, and then I won't be able to save you.

Come with me, Newt. We can be together if you just let go of her, I promise.

[You don't understand, Hermann. I can't escape her. She's part of me. Just-- Just hang on.

They're still in a version of Newt's other apartment, the one Hermann does not necessarily know about, and Newt tears open his desk drawers, pulls up his mattress, as if looking for something. Finally, he reaches into the trash bin. A handful of scraps of paper and ash re-materialize into a manilla folder as if a memory reversing itself: it's the the file for Newt's powers. He holds it out to Hermann.

I think you already know what this says.]

[His eyes close for a moment. Of course, it's the file he's been looking for since he found out about the Precursors. Hermann takes it with a heavy heart and flips it open, jaw tightening as his eyes skip down to the relevant section.

After a moment, he tosses the folder aside. His stance widens as his cane comes up, and he swings the handle toward the glass with every ounce of strength he has]

[The glass shatters with unrealistic force under the weight of Hermann's emotional mental attack, shards flying and the viscous liquid of Alice's tank pouring out, with her brain stems and mass slogging down into a repulsive mess at their feet. Newt screams as the Precursors and Their Alice make one final attempt to clutch onto his mind. He drops to his knees and grasps his head, both in and out of the Drift. The Drift breaks alignment and ends and Newt spasms on the bedroom floor in a seizure, eyes glassy and unseeing.]

[Reality asserts itself with jarring clarity. Hermann gasps and reaches for the PONS, dragging it off his head to sit where it will. Memories of the Drift still dance in his mind's eye, but it's Newton that he focuses on.

His knees hit the floor and he pulls the PONS off of him. He touches him with shaking hands, calling his name as he rolls him onto his side on auto-pilot. He thinks he remembers hearing that advice somewhere.

God, he hopes he didn't accidentally harm him.]

Please be all right, Newton. Please.

[The seizure breaks after about a minute and Newt lays there on his side on the floor, confused and unsure, staring blankly at the end of the bed linens and the underside of the bed. Even then, he's not entirely sure what he's looking at or how he got there. He can't even remember what led up to this. Was he drunk? Was it another seizure? How bad did he fuck up this time?

He lightly pats the person whose hand is on him and attempts to put one of his own hands down to leverage himself upright. About six inches off the ground, his head feels like it's spinning and he throws up onto the carpet and lays back down.]

[Hermann grimaces, but rubs Newton's shoulder, relieved that the tremors have subsided]

I'm sorry if that was too much. I wanted to help you. ...Do you need anything?

[He rolls over a little and rests his forehead against whatever part of Hermann's closest, be it his knee or his hand or whatever.]

Water?
What...happened?

[He stops rubbing Newton's shoulder for a moment, then threads fingers through his hair instead. He'd get him water, but doesn't want to remove him either]

We.. we Drifted, Newton.

Oh.

[He's not got his senses about him enough yet to be critical of Hermann's choices or examine how his own brain is doing. Everything is still in a sort of fog. But he's pretty sure now what he's experiencing is the aftermath of a seizure. This is pretty normal, really.]

Was...was it good for you?

[He frowns, worried]

Newton.. what is the last thing you recall?

I don't know. Alice, I think. My head hurts.

[He drags himself upright and climbs awkwardly onto the bed before faceplanting into Hermann's pillow.]

Why?

[He breathes and slowly, painfully gets up. His knees protest their harsh treatment the entire way. He still has enough energy to feel fairly angry about everything, but he lets that go before it makes it into his voice]

I saw he- it. I shattered the tank, and then we.. went out of alignment.

Oh.

Oh, yeah, I think I remember that.

[He scoots over and makes space for Hermann to join him on the bed.]

You were pretty brave in there. But...She's not actually dead, though.

[He sighs, taking a moment to sit on the edge of the bed]

I know.

...How do They feel to you?

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[CLOSED] When all the roads you took came back to me

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject