These Days I'm Fine || Closed

[setmatch]

WHO: David Klein & Chauncy Anderson
WHERE: Maurtia Falls #6
WHEN: Around Mid August
WHAT: In the wake of the Shamtheon and the flood of Maurtia Falls, David has some apologies to make.
WARNINGS: None, will mark as needed.



He'd stayed away.

For nearly a week, he had stayed away from the Falls. From Chauncy. Embarrassed, hurt, ashamed at everything he had done and everything he had failed to do. The Siren song of power had sung to him, and he had answered. He let himself believe he was Apep, because there was no reason not to.

Not after what Chauncy had told him.
Not after finding out what his future holds.

All the same... He had to return.
He had to see him. He had to let him know he was alive, and well, and no longer possessed by the idea that he was the serpent made flesh.

Standing on the doorstep of Maurtia Falls #6, he knocks. Three times. And waits.

Comments

[notgood]

What was worse was that Chauncy knew David was alive again. He noticed when David's communicator indicated he was "online" again, alive again. He'd gone to David's house despite his reservations about the other tenants, and no, he hadn't been home. He'd even messaged David's communicator, multiple times. All ignored.

The heartbreak that followed was swiftly dulled upon the realization that he supposes he should be used to this by now. David's quite good at cutting him out of his life, when he wants to.

Chauncy opens his door unaware of who will be behind it, and freezes still. David, still wearing the outfit he had died in, on his doorstep. His lips part and he swallows hard.

"David?"

Is it really him? Or is it 'Apep'?

[setmatch]

David had received messages. One a day since he had first... Since he had been revived. He should have said something. Should have messaged him back. But every time he had picked up his communicator, his heart had sunk like a stone.

He was ashamed. Embarrassed. Had been entranced, ensnared by another and made to become Apep once again. Destiny, it seems, had followed him here, and he didn't want it.

"It's me."

His voice is quiet. Tired. And he reaches out to take Chauncy's arm.
"I'm sorry. I should have told you where I was."

[notgood]

Chauncy pulls his arm back.

"Yes, you should have. It wasn't enough to make me worried sick for a full week, you—" his voice cracks, "—decided to make it two just to see how far you could push me?"

[setmatch]

"Chauncy." He sighs, because what else can he do? What can he say? He pulls his hand back, exhales slowly.

"The first thing that you need to know is that I never went home. I never was trapped in the Du'at. I never became Apep. What I did, what I said- all of it was because I was... I was manipulated by Woden."

He realizes now that he is still stuck in that clothing, and he wants to pull it off. All of it. Wants to shed the chains and yank away the cloak and burn every bit of it.
"And I was scared. That I would hurt you. That he could find me again and make me hurt you. He knows, Chauncy, what I am. What I will become if I ever go home again. And I don't-"

His chest hurts, and it's hard to talk. It's hard to speak.
"I don't want to hurt you again. I don't want to keep hurting you like I do. I just want to leave all of this godhood nonsense behind, Chaunce. I wish I had never been called."

[notgood]

"You said and did it all... as yourself?"

As David? David is capable... of all of that? The death, the flooding? Others were manipulated by Woden, but they weren't nearly as destructive. He wishes... that this had really been Apep.

And on top of that-

"For someone who doesn't want to hurt me, you accidentally do it more times than I can count!" He's raised his voice now, yelling at a half-naked man outside his door. Glancing back, behind David to the rest of the neighborhood, he pulls David into his apartment and shuts the door. No need to make this a public scene any more than it was.

"Take that off. Get clothes from my room, whatever fits. I don't care. Put real clothes on before I talk to you again." Not even because the outfit is embarrassing, but because he needs a moment to calm down.

[setmatch]

Yes. All of it was fun by himself. Or it was and wasn’t. It’s like when he was around Han- when he was around Eris. All the worst of his nature bubbles up, like lava seeping from the very core of his self. He hates it. Hates all of it. Hates how these gods play with him, bat him around like a toy, a tool to be used and disposed of.

There’s sorrow in his eyes as Chauncy shouts, because he knows the younger man is right. He keeps accidentally hurting him. Even as he tries to do right by him all he does is fuck up. All he ever does is hurt him.

He says nothing as he turns to go up the stairs, on the verge of tears as he heads to Chauncy’s room.
Long fingers undo the fasteners to the cloak, the shirt, the chains, as he strips it all off one by one.
Naked, all he wants to do is curl up and go to sleep.

All he ever does is hurt those he loves, doesn’t he?

He doesn’t even make it to the bed. Lowering himself to the floor in the corner, pressing his forehead to his knees.
Breathe. He tells himself, drawing in a deep, shuddering breath. No need to cause a scene. Tamp down the disappointment, the anger and disgust in yourself, and breathe.

The last thing he needs to do is wreck Chauncy’s bedroom.

[notgood]

It takes a few minutes for Chauncy's anger to subside, for him to take in deep breaths and count down from ten. He's been mad at David before for so many other things over the years, but this is the first time it's had a double digits death toll attached. And... he can't blame David for that, not really. That's Woden's fault. What is David's fault is avoiding him for a week, intentionally hiding away and not explaining anything. Yes, he was worried, and yes, he was panicking, but it didn't excuse everything. He could have just said he couldn't speak long or in person.

After David doesn't come back downstairs for another minute after he's calmed himself down, he decides to go up himself, and knock on the door.

"David? I still do want to talk..."

[setmatch]

David doesn't answer. Not at first. But he knows that Chauncy won't be kept out of his own bedroom for long. Slowly, he looks up, the heel of his palm shoving at his eyes to wipe away the tears that threaten to spill over.

"I'm not decent." He croaks out, his voice thick with suppressed grief.

All he ever does is hurt him. He should just leave. He never should have tried to make contact with him again. He should have run- should have gone somewhere, somewhere even the gods couldn't reach him.

What will happen if he ever goes home?

[notgood]

"I'm coming in anyway." He's seen David naked enough times. Chauncy twists the knob, pushing the door open, and stops. Alright, so he wasn't really expecting... this.

"David, come on. Don't be like this..." David's so obviously miserable. He hates seeing him like this. "I didn't... I didn't mean it. That much."

[setmatch]

"I'm..." Tired. Frustrated. Exhausted. Scared of hurting you, scared of being made to hurt you. Don't want this, don't want any of this, wants to go back to being human. Fully human. Just some prosecutor in New York City.

"Sorry. I don't want to." Destroy anything. Have his powers go off. Accidentally hurt you. Accidentally hurt everyone. Be taken in again. Be made into Apep again.

"Hurts..." Trying to hold it all in. All his anger and grief and sadness and self pity. All his wrath and rage and disgust in himself. How stupid he had been. How stupid, how foolish, he never should have gone. Never should have left.

[notgood]

Chauncy steps into his room and kneels in front of David. There's a lot they need to talk about still, but this wasn't going to be conductive to a conversation if David was practically falling apart.

"Come on. Get some clothes on and lay down. I'll bring you tea."

[setmatch]

David doesn't speak. Only pulls his arms around Chauncy, burying his face into his shoulder. Taking a moment to just... breathe. Calming with each passing second, like a clock slowly winding down.

"We do. Have a lot to talk about." He smooths back Chauncy's hair, looking at him with tear stained eyes.
"I'm sorry."

[notgood]

"I know."

He sighs, runs his hand through David's hair with one hand, and then wipes away a few tears with his other. Pulls David close again, cradling his head in a hug.

"I forgive you."

Even if he's mad at David, he'll forgive him. He always forgives him, eventually.

[setmatch]

David is grateful for the time Chauncy takes. For the feeling of his hand in his hair and his neck against his cheek. Eventually, the storm inside him passes, and he is still reluctant to pull away.
He leaves him with a soft kiss on his cheek, the only passion he dares to show until he and Chauncy get to talk properly. Quietly, he dresses, a t-shirt and loose shorts courtesy of Chauncy’s sleepwear.

“Tea... sounds wonderful. If you’ll take a cup with me.”

[notgood]

"Yes. Of course." Tea is what he offers, not because he prefers it (not by a long shot) but because he doesn't think the caffeine coffee provides will do David any favors. A nice mellow tea will be good right now.

As David dresses, Chauncy heads downstairs to the kitchen, and begins putting on water to boil.

[setmatch]

David takes his time. Rakes his fingers through his curls, tries to look halfway presentable.
But it doesn’t really matter, does it? Not when he has so much to say. Not when soon- gods willing- they’ll be sharing a bed and a home. So when he comes downstairs, he’s quiet. Sits in the chair across from where Chauncy usually sits and exhales slowly.

It doesn’t last long before he’s getting out mugs, sugar, milk. Whatever is needed for the tea that Chauncy makes.

[notgood]

To which Chauncy then takes them out of David's hands as he grabs them. Once he grabs the milk, Chauncy takes it, and puts a hand on David's arm.

"Just sit. You don't need to be doing something all the time. I'm making the tea."

[setmatch]

“... If you insist.” He smiles, awkward and unsure. Just sitting and doing nothing has never sat well with him. Never one to stop and take a break. Honestly? The man hasn’t had a vacation in years, with an exception or two for Chauncy alone. Too much work to do, too much to say, too much to read and write and-

And maybe that’s the problem, isn’t it? He takes the entire world on his shoulders and doesn’t ask for help. Doesn’t ask for Chauncy’s help.

He sits. And waits. And tries to stay still.

[notgood]

"I do insist." With that he ushers David away and to his seat, as the water begins to bubble. Hot enough for tea, at least. Chauncy pours it into matching but bland cups, along with two teabags.

"You still only do milk, right?" Chauncy asks, while preparing to pour some in.

[setmatch]

“Mmhmz” A tiny splash of milk in his tea. All he needs, really. It always helped the linden go down easier when he was younger...
“... I have to say, I’m almost missing my favorite mug.” It was simple. A chipped, stained, and cracked NYU mug. Been with him nearly 20 years.

“... Chauncy, I...”

[notgood]

He pours the milk, then sets up his own cup of tea. Takes a seat, following that.

"Alright. Go ahead."

[setmatch]

Where to even begin?

His hands fidget slightly as he runs them up and down the sides of the mug. Staring at the steam that rises as he tries to find the words.
"I... I was scared. Am scared. That I'm going to do something to hurt you."

It sounds like an excuse, and he holds the cup tighter, having to grip his own wrist to make sure he doesn't smash it to bits.
"I became Apep back home, right? And then Wo- And then Blake, someone I considered a friend...

It was like when I was with Hannah. With Eris. How everything seemed to black and white and there was this... this hunger inside of me. And it was like- like I was out of my mind, like something was possessing me from the inside out."

He can't quite put the feeling into words. Like a snake had shed its skin to reveal something awful inside of him.
"God, the things I did-"

Pink tinges his cheeks as he swallows down his shame, exhaling slowly as he tries to find his center.
"... I made out with Chilton just to shut him up. I got on my knees for Woden to please him, to manipulate him. I goaded Logan into killing me- I hurt so many people, and I'm scared. That no matter what happens I was born to be that. That maybe Apep is what I was always meant to be."