closed | something must've gone wrong in my brain

[hardedged]

WHO: Jesse Pinkman and Jessica Jones
WHERE: The usual — A dive bar in Maurtia Falls
WHEN: April 7, evening
WHAT: Jesse is drunk, and Jessica reluctantly babysits him. What could go wrong?
WARNINGS: Vulgar language, drug abuse, and sad emotions. Will update with more if necessary.

[ for the past month, jessica jones has been continuing her perpetual routine of solitude, with the rare exception. although she makes a valiant effort to ignore everyone in her life, fate has a way of thwarting her best efforts.

a prime example is right now. one minute, she's entering the local dump she calls a second home, and the next, there he is — jesse pinkman. it's certainly not the first time they've crossed paths in a dive bar, yet it's still notably different. her gaze widens, then narrows, as the man visibly struggles to stay in his seat. she's never witnessed him intoxicated before. she didn't realize it was even possible. ]

Jesus.

[ with a gruff exhale, jess steps forward, rushing to place a hand on his shoulder and help him maintain his balance. ]

Hey, Pinkman. You okay?

Comments

[heisenbitch]

[ This local dump has become something of a semi-regular haunt for Jesse, too. Only semi-regular - he never wants to make it seem obvious the reason he frequents here. The reason he frequents is the same reason he's here tonight, the same reason he ever comes here, and that reason has just come walking through the door.

Not that Jesse is aware she's there, not yet. While waiting to see if Jess might show up, he's gotten steadily more and more drunk, and quickly, over the past hour. The nullifier flashes away silently on his right wrist, staunching all his regeneration powers - and all his other powers - into dormancy, while he's been tossing back drink after drink. And now he's good and plastered, and he's pretty convinced, in his drink-addled brain, that Jess isn't going to show at all tonight. Which is why he's struggling to stay upright while attempting to slide off his barstool.

He swings an off-kilter, drunken look over to the sudden hand on his shoulder, and just like that - his face melts into a lopsided, boozy grin flooding with drowsy warmth. ]

Heyyyyy. I am now.

[hardedged]

[ jess freezes in place, unable to register what's occurring at this very moment. he truly is wasted. catching a quick glimpse of the peculiar device concealed behind the sleeve of his jacket, she turns her attention back to his inebriated expression. her own face twists into a frustrated scowl. ]

What the hell's wrong with you?

[ it was bad enough, when she quietly worried over his absence for a goddamn month. now he's drunk out of his mind. it's never a dull moment, whenever this moron's involved. ]

[heisenbitch]

Hmmmmm, got a bit drunk. A bit. Just a - [ Hand coming up to pinch his forefinger and thumb together as if to indicate just how much "a bit" is, while squinting almost comically with how drunk he is as he stumbles into her slightly. Still with that same drowsily goofy, infatuated little smile. ] Teeny, teeny, tiny bit.

[hardedged]

[ god, a part of her wants to kiss him right now and right here. get it together, jones. it's been a long time since she's seen him in this state — coy and playful, a glimpse of affectionate warmth that he reserves only for special occasions. she finds him both vexing and endearing. how fucked up is that?

her chest tightens, and she huffs a dry breath. ]

No shit. [ jessica retorts sarcastically. while she still has several questions, she can wait for answers. shifting her stance, she pulls him up to his feet with her enhanced strength. ] Come on.

[heisenbitch]

Whooaaa, Jones. [ He's pulled to his feet alright. On his drunken feet now, swaying slightly on the spot. He lets out a drunken laugh, a little obnoxious but mostly carefree and oblivious to all the shit that's usually all caught up in his head. ] Is this the part where I ask if you're a broom? 'Cause you're literally gonna sweep me off my feet.

[ Oh my god, cheesiest, stupidest pickup line? His head falls to the side with the most charming, gazing smile at her, all flirtatious and playful and so, so intoxicated. ]

[hardedged]

[ good lord, she nearly drops him. that's how goddamn awful that pickup line was, for the record. furrowing her brow, jess shakes her head and stifles a groan. ]

Shut up, dumbass. Before you say something I'll make you regret.

[ maneuvering her body, she throws one of his arms around her shoulder, as she carefully guides them towards the front entrance. it's time to take his wasted ass home. ]

[heisenbitch]

[ Okay, okay, he'll shut up. Even ass drunk, he knows how bad that was, and he lets out another slurred laugh to indicate as much as Jessica anchors his arm around her shoulders. He sways with her towards the door, feet moving slightly off-kilter, his whole body feeling both heavy yet weightless. Moving through the bar seems almost dreamlike, far away, blissfully unimportant.

When Jessica hauls him out the door and onto the street, Jesse pulls his arm free her so he can face her, balance off-centre, making him stumble a couple of slow steps to the side before he manages to sluggishly catch himself. ]

Sorry, sorry— [ Both hands coming up in surrender. ] That was bad back there, that cheesy ass shit I said. Sorry. Just jokin' around, tryna make you laugh.

[hardedged]

[ jess stays silent, listening to his apology, as her heart drops deeper inside her chest. he wanted to make her laugh. shit, he always does this — tries to reassure her, console her even when she least deserves it.

christ, she doesn't need to dwell on this right now. ]

Why are you wasted? [ she observes him cautiously, prepared to extend an arm at any moment, in case he requires her support. ] How?

[heisenbitch]

Magic.

[ The way he says that, it's obvious that's not a serious answer. He grins a lopsided grin at her, just like the sweet and gazing grin he'd been giving her back in the bar. This one is even sweeter, lingers longer, now they're alone. God, she's so beautiful, so beautiful. He's too drunk to feel his heart ache; instead, uninhibited by alcohol, his heart swells, the way it has no right doing. ]

[hardedged]

[ he's killing her here. jess presses her lips together, suppressing the impulse to reprimand him. as her gaze drifts down, she notices the flashing device near his hand, for the second time.

she begins to connect the dots, and without a second to waste, jessica reaches out. taking hold of his wrist, she pushes the fabric of his jacket aside. ]

Shit, Jesse. [ not "pinkman," but "jesse." distracted by the nullifier, she hardly realizes what she's said. ] Are you out of your mind?

[ why would he do this? ]

[heisenbitch]

[ He's too drunk to react quickly enough. He staggers slightly on the spot while Jessica grabs his wrist. He knows, somewhere behind all the drunk-addled fuzz clouding his head, that it's messed up to use a nullifier to get wasted. Better than using someone else to get wasted, though, right? At least he's only got himself to hurt. ]

Ah, it's nothin', yo, it's just— Just a coupla drinks, yo, you know what it's like to need a coupla drinks.

[hardedged]

[ he's such a moron, desperately craving a fix. there's no way in hell she's going to stand by and watch as he drinks himself into an early grave. narrowing her vision, she scoffs. ]

Yeah well, time to sober up.

[ she tightens her grip, using her other hand to roughly pull the strap of the nullifier forward. ]

[heisenbitch]

Hey, whoa, whoa, be careful, yo—! [ Grabbing her wrist in his clumsy grasp, trying to shove her hand away before she breaks the damn thing. He sways on the spot at the same time, drunk legs teetering right on the edge of sending him on a sideways, unbalanced stumble. ] I'm dangerous without this shit on, Jess, c'mon, leave it.

[hardedged]

[ with a stern grimace, she shakes her head and continues to unfasten the device. pulling hard, she yanks the strap off his wrist. ]

You're more— [ as the nullifier slips off, falling to the pavement, she keeps her grasp strong, to prevent him from collapsing as well. ] Dangerous with it.

[heisenbitch]

[ Jesse goes to make a frantic grab for it as Jess drops the nullifier to the ground. He misses because his aim is off, and at the same time, immediately feels the beginning rush of sobriety leaking its way in through his regeneration powers. ]

Jess! I almost killed somebody 'cause of my powers! [ He's not completely sober yet, so those words come out in a slurred shout. And then he adds: ] Why would you give a shit, anyway, whether I'm gettin' drunk or not? It's not like I matter, yo.

[hardedged]

[ her eyes grow wide, as jessica absorbs this unexpected revelation and fails to address his inquiry. she's too distracted on the first part of his confession. since when are jesse's abilities dangerous? ]

Bullshit. You heal.

[ other people, as well as himself. unless there's another power he's kept hidden from her. ]

[heisenbitch]

[ Sobriety kicking in faster and faster. The blissful heavy weightlessness of drunkenness is crumbling away bit by bit. ]

Yeah. I also gained a new power last time I got ported home, or whatever the hell we actually go when we disappear from this place.

[hardedged]

[ there's a long pause before she speaks again, her sympathy piercing the silence that hangs in the air. the nullifier remains on the ground, forgotten for the moment. ]

What is it?

[heisenbitch]

[ Jesse shifts on the spot and lets his head drop back for a moment in a weary sigh. God, he hates reality. Dropping his head forward again, his hands come up to his face and smear down it slowly, shoulders slumping a little while soberness continues to invade him. When he drops his arms to his side, he lets out another sigh and settles his attention back on Jessica. That charming, goofy smile is gone, Jesse looking more like his usual quietly haunted self again. ]

I absorb energy. Like, electricity. Or whatever's got some kinda energetic force. Turns into, I dunno, super strength. This guy... I almost drained the life force outta him, almost killed him, while sucking in a bunch of energy I didn't even realise I was sucking in.

[hardedged]

[ her brow furrows in concern, as countless emotions flash across her features. in spite of her cold demeanor, jess can empathize with this all too well. her powers have always been a source of trepidation — something to be loathed and feared.

she's killed with her strength, twice over. looking at jesse now? it's like staring into a mirror. ]

It's gonna be okay.

[ miraculously, she manages to mumble those four small words of reassurance. jessica jones has always been shit at conveying how she feels. however, she makes a genuine effort for once. her shoulders slump down, and she takes a slow step forward. ]

You're not a monster.

[heisenbitch]

[ Not a monster. Jesse's lips pull into a tiny ironic smile at that while he looks at Jessica. If only she knew. If only she knew all the monstrous things he's done. His chest squeezes heavy with a stab of guilt and his eyes drift down with Jessica now standing closer in his personal space. Everything about him tells her what he doesn't need to say out loud: That she's wrong, he is a monster. And not just because he almost killed Ronan without meaning to. What he did to Ronan is just yet another symptom of the disease Jesse is.

His gaze ends up landing on her hand, which he silently reaches out for, his fingers loosely closing around hers. She is someone he tells himself he would never do monstrous things to, but look at him, the way he can't keep away from her, can't keep away from the memory of Jane she allows him to soak himself in without her even realising it. That, in some ways, is worse than monstrous. ]

[hardedged]

[ for as long as she can remember, jessica jones has lost everyone close to her. at a young age, her family perished in a car accident, and the tragic trajectory of her life didn't cease there. she's akin to a curse — a pestilence that infects and devastates everything around her.

jess stares down at his hand, tentatively holding her own, and the moment overwhelms her. she's failed so many others, in the past — reva, ruben, hope. luke, malcolm, trish. and even here, with sarissa. she's so goddamn tired of mourning her broken bonds, of destroying everything she touches.

she realizes now the truth that she's tried to suppress for so long, why she's pushed jesse pinkman away at every opportunity. she never wants to add his name to the list. ]

You can learn to control it. [ she doesn't break free from his gentle grip, even if she's unable to reciprocate. ] I'll show you.

[heisenbitch]

[ Jesse strokes his thumb along the back of her fingers, pensive and apologetic. He's stone-cold sober now. It's for the best, for Jessica's sake. He probably would have told her something stupid under the influence of booze, like how much she means to him. How beautiful she is. How much he misses her. And wouldn't that be confusing to Jessica, to be told that.

He lets her hand go. Without looking up, he digs into his jeans pocket for his cigarettes, and he quickly crouches down to snatch up the nullifier. That gets stuffed into his jacket pocket as he stands tall, pulling out a cigarette to bring up to his lips. ]

Why?

[hardedged]

Hell if I know.

[ once he releases her, all traces of vulnerability vanish. with a gruff sigh, jessica shakes her head, as if she's awakened from a trance. the true question is — why does jesse continue to help her? why does he refuse to abandon her, even when she deserves it the most?

jessica jones is no hero. however, at the end of it all, she's not a piece of shit despite her own distorted perception. he's broken inside, his soul shattered into countless pieces, but so is she. pinkman's not beyond repair. not to her.

stretching out her arm, she extends her palm with an expectant look. ]

Hand it over.

[heisenbitch]

[ Bringing the lighter up to his cigarette and clicking it alight. The cigarette bobs between his lips with his blunt response: ]

No.

[hardedged]

[ she blinks, wrinkling her nose in mild confusion. ]

I'm serious, Pinkman.

[heisenbitch]

[ A cloud of smoke floats into the air at the first puff, and Jesse looks up at Jessica as he pockets his lighter and takes his cigarette away from his lips with a deep drag. Being stone-cold sober makes it easier to pretend to shut himself off from her. Truth is, just looking at her constantly knots him up inside with despair and longing. ]

So am I.

[hardedged]

[ huffing a deep breath, she disregards the cloud of smoke, though it only augments her irritation. ]

You that desperate for a fix? [ she reaches out to clasp his wrist, challenging him. ] Next time, am I gonna see you with a needle in your arm?

[ he's a goddamn junkie, just like her. only problem is — when he wears that device, he's no longer immune. he'll kill himself if he's not careful. ]

[heisenbitch]

[ Something about his expression flinches. For a second, just a microsecond, all he sees while looking at Jessica is glassy, lifeless eyes, pale blue skin, stale vomit crusted on Jane's lips. He swallows and quickly brings the cigarette back up to his lips. ]

I don't touch that kind of shit.

[hardedged]

[ narrowing her gaze, she catches the subtle shift in his expression. while jess doesn't comment on it, she keeps her grip strong and steady. ]

Yeah. You won't.

[ because she's not going to let him, regardless of how much he bitches about it. she's helped trish through an addiction before. malcolm too. it's never easy at first. ]

Want an off switch? I'll get you one. [ or more accurately, she'll volunteer to be one. using the nullifier is too much of a risk. ] But not that.

[heisenbitch]

Why does it matter to you?

[ Sounds a little curt how he says it, but he's also genuinely confused as to why it matters what he does with himself. He knows she probably hates him, and he's fine with that. It's good she hates him. ]

[hardedged]

[ good fucking question. running her tongue over her chapped lips, jess struggles to find a proper response. ]

You're a pain in my ass. I'm just returning the favor.

[ she's tired of arguing, especially here. it's past midnight, and they're in public, only a few feet away from a shitty dive bar. they should head home. she would suggest his, but she has no idea where he even lives. so her place, it is. stepping forward, she starts to walk, with his wrist still firmly clenched within her hand. ]

[heisenbitch]

[ Finding himself being pulled away, Jesse has no choice but to follow, with how firm her grip is. It's when they're halfway down the street, away from the bar, that he tugs his wrist in her grip to urge her to at least stop and look at him for a second. ]

You don't owe me any favours. You know that, right? You don't owe me anything. You definitely don't owe it to me to give a shit. The last thing you gotta worry about is me.

[hardedged]

[ jess does halt, yet his remark fails to elicit the reaction he wants. ]

You have a hard-on for hating yourself, or something? [ shit, it's enough to give her serious competition in the self-loathing department. ] Christ.

[ without another word, she turns around and continues to drag him along. ]