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WHO: Kylo Ren, Armitage Hux... and.... Padmé Amidala because that is happening
WHERE: De Chima 008
WHEN: March 3
WHAT: The most unlikely emotional support team-up of all time
WARNINGS: None as of yet, will update if necessary

Kylo hadn't felt Leia go.
Since their confrontation so soon after his own return from the future that awaited them, she'd been persistently shielding her presence in the Force from him- from everyone, most likely, given her limited control over her burgeoning abilities- and he had made no effort to reach for her.

It likely would have taken days for him to discover the loss, if he hadn't noticed Han's disappearance first. Theirs was a disjointed, tentative attempt at a relationship neither of them knew how to build- a clumsy tension between Han's rough but earnest overtures and Kylo's stiff, unpractised responses- and when Han failed to respond to a message Kylo had sent, he knew. Somehow.
He'd known it would happen. It had been nothing more than a matter of time.

It didn't take long to confirm his suspicions with a check on his Network tag- and that was when he discovered Leia's missing, too. He stared at his device mutely, the familiar, comforting protection of rage having apparently abandoned him too- and after a long moment, he put the device down on the coffee table and took himself into the spare room, closing the door behind him. He didn't re-emerge.

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Hux wasn't sure what to make of finding Ren's phone on the living room table. He had gotten up to make himself some coffee to find the room suddenly empty and the sound of a door being closed upstairs.

It didn't take him long to figure out where Ren had gone once he checked their bedroom, stopping at the door to the spare bedroom. Knocking at the door produced no response and he paused there for a moment, hand on the door. Going in when Ren may not be entirely in control of his emotions most likely was not a good idea, especially when he heard the sound of a lightsaber being ignited and a yell.

But....there was silence after that. That wasn't normal.

After a few minutes, he returned downstairs, trying to figure out what to do. He knew he was not entirely adept at handling situations that involved emotions. There weren't many options and after an hour of deliberation he pulled out his own phone to send a message to Padme- despite the tension between them he had a feeling that she may be in a better position to get through to Ren than Hux could.

There was nothing to do then but wait for her to arrive, listening to the eerie silence in the house.

She arrives almost more quickly than even her assurance of coming swiftly might have indicated she would, her dress about as simple as Padme ever gets.

Leia is gone, Han as well, and Padme's expression when she knocks and it is answered is weary but determined. She will not lose the family she still has remaining to grief, and she will not lose hope that those who have left will both return.

"Thank you for contacting me." There's genuine gratitude in her voice, the first time she's ever been really genuine towards Hux, but that is overridden almost immediately by her concern for Kylo. "You said he's shut himself away? Where is the spare room?"

Hux doesn't hesitate to answer the door when he hears it, trying to hold his own emotions in check, his expression controlled. But the signs of worry were there in how he pressed his lips together into a thin line and the way he kept clenching his hands without realizing it.

"I appreciate your willingness to come." It was an understatement to say they did not see eye to eye on most things but he had to give her credit for showing up when he reached out to her. It was rather interesting.

"Upstairs, follow me," he said as he started up the stairs. "I don't know if he locked the door, I didn't check."

"General." She pauses on her way up the stairs, turns to face him. "I do not agree with you or your standpoints, and I think it unlikely I ever will. But Kylo is my family. I will always come if he needs me."

It's almost stern, but tempered by worry, and she returns to following him upstairs.

"If he has locked it, I think it likely he will answer for me. If he does not, we have a much greater problem on our hands." Gathering her skirts in her hands to move faster.

Hux stopped when she turned around to face, his hand gripping the railing. "I am not under any illusion you came just because I asked," he said honestly but his tone wasn't harsh this time.

"I'm sure we can figure something out if he's locked it," he said as he followed her again, deciding not to think too hard on the fact that he was actually helping Padme with something.

Once they reached the door he stayed just behind her, clasping his hands tightly behind his back out of habit.

"I am quite aware of that." A pause, and then more gently. "And it does you credit that you were willing to overlook our differences for this matter."

It is not forgiveness, nor understanding, but it is sincere. She acknowledges that last bit with a nod, stops outside the door and considers. Her knock is brief, just two solid and forceful hits against the door, followed immediately by her voice.

"It's Padme, Kylo. May I come in?"

He'd been distantly aware of movement and voices, of course, but the numbing weight of a loss he still didn't have the capacity to process sat heavy- as if he had found himself underwater, the pressure of a hundred atmospheres crushing from every angle. Why would he respond to the ripples on the surface? It was a ludicrous concept. Nonsensical.

But he was still sat exactly where he had come to rest after sliding bonelessly to the floor with his back slumped against the door. Padmé's firm knock translated to his spine while the sound of her voice pierced through the dark like the sweep of a searchlight, and it was enough to pull him back.

He blinked, staring blankly at the wall opposite, willing anything other than shame to wake up and give him something to say- but there was nothing. Nothing.
Frustrated and mute, he closed his eyes and let his head fall back against the door with a dull, heavy thud.

Well, that clearly didn't work, and Padme's worry builds though she keeps it wrapped up inside, refusing to let it show on her face just yet. He heard her, she feels certain. She heard the thud of something falling, but cannot tell what. Kylo himself hitting the floor?

She doubts that, somehow. It hadn't sounded like a fist against a wall, either. But none of the few options that she can bring to mind are comforting or good, and she had meant what she said when she told Hux that if he wouldn't open the door to her, they had an entirely different problem on their hands.

"Kylo." Her voice is very firm this time, not commanding but hinting of the regal, and her second knock is much more peremptory. "I need you to at least say yes or no."

He's running out of time, and he's no nearer to regaining any kind of control over himself, and he can't, can't let Padmé see him like this. No-one can see him like this, because if they do, it's all they'll ever see when they look at him.

The weakest, ugliest, most useless parts of him have to stay right here in this room until he has the strength to crush them down.

"Don't--"

It's far, far sharper than he intended, and he grits his teeth, his fingers digging in viciously where they grip his knees. He forces himself to breathe and tries again.

"Please. Padmé. Don't come in."

"Ren-"

If he won't open the door for Padme, he's not sure how much luck he would have. He stepped up beside Padme, glancing at her for a moment before looking back to the door. If Ren was leaning against it, there weren't many options left to them.

"At least let her in, I asked her to come over so I don't think she will leave without seeing you," he admitted, hoping that would give Ren incentive to open the door.

There's not any of her usual tight concern in her glance at Hux as he steps forward, only consideration for what he can bring to this.

If Kylo truly doesn't want the door opened, she doubts she can do a great deal about that. But Padme has grown quite tired of people wanting her to leave when she can help, or not telling her things, so while she stands aside slightly for Hux to speak, when she answers in turn her voice is compassionate but still firm.

"I would like to see you. And the General is not incorrect. I have no intention of leaving here until I have."

She looks at Hux, meets his eyes. "If it is necessary, I will wait here until you are ready. But I think it would help if I came in."

He doesn't want them to leave.

The realisation comes as somewhat of a surprise, dulled at the edges by the strange dampening weight he can't seem to shift- but it shouldn't, really. He'd never wanted to be left alone in the dark, no matter how hard he might have insisted otherwise.
He doesn't recall a great deal of his childhood, but there's something here--

There's something about sitting like this- hunched up, back to the door and unable to accept comfort- that belongs not to him, but to Ben Solo.

And it all slots into place.
He feels hideously, violently sick.

"No," he forces out. "I'll come out."
There. He's said it, now. So he has to do it. He's committed.

But he still hasn't moved.
"I'll come out."

He met Padme's gaze before looking at the door. He wasn't sure if he was doing this right but Padme seemed to know what to do, he would let her take the lead.

So he stepped back when he heard Ren say he would come out, letting Padme take over. He wasn't sure what to do anyway, this was an entirely foreign situation for him.

"I'm glad." Her response is immediate, the slight tinge of relief in it clear, her presence in the Force if he can feel it at all responding as well to at least that much acknowledgement.

But it is tempered immediately by the lack of any action, and after a long moment Padme sighs, moves over and sits down next to the door, back against the wall just next to it. She's tired, a little, anyways. If waiting him out is what it takes, she will do it so long as he keeps responding to her.

(Should he stop responding entirely -- Padme does not know what she will do, but she doesn't maintain her workout routine for nothing. Against the Force she has no real hope, but she can break down a door if she has to.)

"I will be right here when you do, waiting for you."

A pause, and then quietly enough the door likely muffles it slightly. "It would make me very happy to see you and know that you are still here."

He's quiet again for a while, turning slightly. He can feel them both on the other side- their concern for him feels like... tethers. Anchors. Weights, certainly, there's a tug in his gut when he moves that almost feels like it must tug at them, too.

He's distracted for a moment as he wonders whether the hooks are sunk into him or them- but he shakes the thought off before he can dwell on it. It's irrelevant. He has long since learned that these ties do not sever easily, if at all, and the only thing he knows for certain is that if he sinks, they sink too- because he weighs far more than either of them can bear, even together. He'll drag them under.
He might have wanted that, once.

"I don't want to talk about it," he warns, forcing himself to stand, to breathe, to open the door, grateful that his large frame all but blocks out the view of the room behind- not because it is a smoking, lightsaber-scarred ruin, but because it isn't. There's only one seared scar, completely bifurcating the bed.

Hux let out a breath without realizing it when Ren finally opened the door. He could look at the damage later but for now, his eyes were on Ren. He nearly stepped forward but paused as he remained to the side so Padme could be closer.

She knew what to do. Hopefully.

"I'll let you two talk then. I'll be downstairs," he said quietly as he stepped back. "Let me know if you need anything."

Kylo felt the step closer that Hux almost took- it was so close to the surface of his mind that for a moment Kylo could almost see him split in two, like the opposite of an afterimage.

He didn't really want Hux to leave, but he didn't know how to say so, or even what he wanted Hux to do instead- so in the absence of anything useful to say, he said nothing.

Her first attention is to her grandson, immediately, standing and taking the step forward that Hux does not, her hand not reaching out quite yet but extended a little. But Hux's words take her attention away for a moment, her glance between him and Kylo considering.

"You are perfectly welcome to stay if you would like, Hux." She thinks -- she does not know the details of their relationship, but Kylo has always seemed to take some level of comfort from Hux's presence when she has seen them together. But she has also seen Hux's level of discomfort with a situation such as this, and if it is something he is not prepared or able to handle -- "I do not think Kylo would disagree with me on that. But if you think it would help -- I leave it to you." She will not make his decisions for him, and she does not know what the right answer is herself.

It is Kylo that is her highest priority right now, and she turns back to him, reaching out a hand to hover by his cheek, looking for his permission to touch him.

"If you would not like to talk about it, what would you like to do?" she asks gently.

Hux hesitated for a moment as he watched Ren struggling. Would he make things worse? Perhaps he may say the wrong thing or not say the right thing but he didn't move.

Looking at Ren, he decided it was a risk he was willing to take. He gave Padme a nod as he now moved closer. "I'll stay then."

And, as much as it galled him, he would follow her lead on this.

Kylo looks a little dazed- certainly as unguarded and lost as either of them have ever seen him- but there's an undeniable wash of gratitude that flushes over his face as both Padmé and Hux make the decision to stay.

He leans in towards Padmé's hand minutely, while the fingers of his own hand, closest to Hux, curl slightly.

"I don't know," he admits. His voice is low and hollow. "I want... to stop. I want it to stop."

Her hand rests lightly on his shoulder, comforting but not overly firm, and Padme leans against him a little with her own shoulder.

His reach for Hux's hand seems a good sign to her, even if she is not yet sure what to do about his answer.

"What do you want to stop, precisely?" Her question in response is gentle and soft. "Perhaps we can help."

Hux slowly reached out, his fingers lacing with Ren's. When that was welcomed he decided to move closer. Normally he would have been wary about showing affection so openly with someone else there but he would have to trust Padme this time.

So he slowly leaned his head against Ren's shoulder, closing his eyes. He didn't know what to say so would just be there for him, hoping that would say what he otherwise couldn't.

It's almost too much. Padmé and her gentle, unimposing but utterly unyielding care for him- she's so bright with a love he has done nothing to earn it almost hurts to look at her. And Hux. He knows exactly how frightened by his feelings Hux is, how out of his depth he must feel-- and yet he takes Kylo's hand and leans into him, too.

He sucks in a shuddering breath, ashamed both of his weakness and his inability find words to describe what it is churning in his gut- while more than aware that even if he could, he might not be able to force them out. He hates it. He hates himself. He hates his parents for doing this to him, for leaving him so unfinished, for being afraid of him and the darkness inside him he never asked for. He hates the Dark for never being satisfied, for pushing and pushing and pushing. He hates the Light for demanding more than he could ever give, but refusing to let him go even after it told him he was not enough. He hates Luke for seeing nothing worth saving. He hates Snoke for manipulating and using him, for lying to him, for tricking him into believing if he could just cut out the possibility, he could stop wanting. He hates his father for not coming to save him years before, he hates him for coming when it was too late, he hates him for the moment of clarity as he pierced him through- the moment just after the point of no return when he could almost see the way home that had been there all along dying in his eyes. He hates the confusion and the loss of faith, the disintegration of his resolve, the uncertainty, the doubt, the failure, the grief.

And he hates his inability to hold on to the simplicity of hate- the way he is fraying at the edges and coming apart without it.

"The dark," he says, eventually, barely more than a muttered breath. "The light. Either. I have nothing more to give."

"Then give nothing."

The answer is simple, in its words at least, her arm resting around him.

"You have family and friends, here. I know it will not leave you, entirely, but perhaps --

Perhaps you can turn aside from it, Kylo."

It's a reach, certainly, but she is here for him whatever comes of it.

"There is no need for you to choose one or the other, here."

It's so blindingly simple he doesn't know how to respond, and for a brief, shining moment it feels like he's found the answer.

If he wants it to stop, all he has to do... is stop.

The relief is so powerful he's certain they must be able to sense it, even without sensitivity to the Force- but it doesn't last, because he knows what happens when he stops pushing, whether towards the Light or the Dark. He gets dragged backwards. Neither will let him go. The idea of being adrift between the two, utterly without control or direction...

It's terrifying.
But it's not as if continuing the way he has been going is much better. Is it.
He sucks in a breath.

"Perhaps," he says slowly. Dubious, uncertain.
And then, a little more firmly, his fingers locking tightly around Hux's even as he meets Padmé's eyes: "With my family. Here."

Hux's squeezed Ren's hand before pausing as Ren's words finally registered. His breath caught and for a moment he forgot Padme was there as it sunk in.

Surely he had misunderstood? His own father had discarded him decades earlier and he had, in response, shut himself off. But now Ren was including him without conditions, without hesitation. In front of his grandmother, no less.

"Ren...." was all that he could get out though, the one word heavy with emotion that he couldn't contain.

Perhaps is better than nothing, Padme thinks. And it is possible -- it is possible that even if it does not work out in the long term, it might give him a brief space of reprieve. Some time to breathe.

It seems that is something he needs badly. They all do, truly.

Her gaze flickers momentarily to Kylo's hand tightening around Hux's, and drifts past Hux on its way up. It's not what one would outright call approval, perhaps, but it is an understanding and an acknowledgement.

"Family is not always easy, as we both know too well, but we are here nevertheless."

She pauses, and then with a slight smile. "Perhaps we could all use something to drink."

Kylo seizes on that opening immediately, as if desperate for something to do that makes some kind of sense. Fixing some drinks is a ritual he's fallen back on in situations like this before, too- a wash of gratitude floods through him.
Padmé is good at this, he realises. Better than anyone else he knows- he discounts his mother immediately, not because she did or didn't fail to comfort him, but because she is gone, she is gone and he has to learn to assign her to that very different place that is the past. Distant, unchangeable, untouchable. Crystallised. For better or worse.

"Yes," he agrees. "Drinks."
And then, because there is only one thing he particularly wants right now: "Hot chocolate."

Hux glanced at Padme, not sure what reaction he was waiting for but after awhile just nodded as if he understood.

"Drinks are a good idea," he agreed, giving Ren's hand one last squeeze before letting go. He had trusted Padme enough to see this much of what he and Kylo shared as it was.

"I'll get the water started," he said quickly as he pulled away. He would let them have a minute with each other if they wanted it as he headed downstairs to the kitchen to get things started.

"Hot chocolate sounds wonderful." Padme's smile is soft and gentle, and she squeezes his shoulder a little, keeps her hand there.

On the one hand, she appreciates Hux's desire to give them some time, and on the other, she thinks perhaps they should all simply unwind from this experience together. She tilts her head a little, watches Kylo.

"Perhaps we should help him? Unless you would like to sit down for a little while first."

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forgive me for my slow you two i am so sorry

you're just fine bb!

Re: you're just fine bb!

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