maskormenacelogs | 004; until you pull too hard

WHO: Woden~ & Eli~
WHERE: Some shady Woden-themed place in Heropa.
WHEN: Saturday~ish
WHAT: Eli finally tracks Woden down.
WARNINGS: Wic&Div spoilers, drugs, TBA

The misfortune (or fortune) of Eli Vanto is that he isn't stupid. In fact, when he puts his mind to things, as he was taught to do, he can get a lot done. Always more than Eli expects of himself; it shouldn't surprise him at this point but it still does.

The hazy memories belonging to Sleipnir had certain impressions to them that gave Eli a fair idea of where Woden could be found. The type of places he would prefer and the company he would keep. The picture is incomplete, gaps here and there that Eli sought to fill in.

Perhaps, from those he would be able to work out how to stop. The mind is a funny thing, something had clearly been amiss before Woden even got his hands on Eli, but now it spilt over everything.

Rationally, Eli knew he should not be here, but that knowledge was not enough to stop him. Infuriatingly as it was Eli still followed. Not unlike an addict seeking one last cigarette before quitting.

This place is not Eli's scene at all. He's visited some cantinas in the Outer Rim but this place is just blinding lights and smoke; the pounding bass of the music reverberating inside his ribs.

And he knows this is the right place.

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"It's nothing like that." Eli felt his face heat up, anger sweeping through at such a comparison. He wasn't — but then, Thrawn had been particularly overbearing as of late, one step behind Eli, almost —

No, it's nothing like that. Eli isn't stupid enough to understand a power imbalance, at times he had challenged it. After Sleipnir, after feeling that complete tranquillity of belonging to someone, Eli had no longer wanted to. Maybe, it was more accurate to say he couldn't. Whenever Eli said those things I belong to him, they are a very specific him and it's not —

Eli stares at his reflection, whatever he sees is unwelcome, he looks lost and unsettled; irked —

"About this? It's inconvenient. I don't dislike you but how much is that me and how much is the remainder of Sleipnir?"

"That's what we need to find out," he said, and the warped reflection leaned back, again. Not disgusted, but less in his presence, less like he needed to impose himself onto Eli, especially now that he was certain his point had been made. There could have almost been a smile there, if the god had a real face to show the world.

"I understand. It's inconvenient for me too -- I have a life," drugs to do, self-loathing to indulge in, women to watch... All very important.

"Do you think, if we numbed those memories, would it be nearly as bad? Is it the memories that drive you? Or is it your loyalties?"

Intentionally or not, Eli feels malleable beneath Woden's words; a little pull here or there — rearranging, meticulously testing out the limits.

There is a glimmer of guilt; like a child caught with his hand in the cookie jar; breaking curfew; refusing to do his homework as asked. Eli fidgets with his hands, shakes his head. "Sorry.

"The memories make a person, right? I assume that they are the cause, yes. If I didn't have those then there would be no reason for me to feel loyal to you." He bites his lip, mouth dry; there is hope that everything can go back as to what it was before.

"If you were in my position, what would you do?" Eli is earnestly asking for advice. If a mortal can't find an answer, surely a God can.

"If I found myself attached and needing the approval and attention of another being? If I were dependent on someone else?"

Woden tipped his head up, as if he were thinking.

In all reality, of course, he already knew the answer. He would find a way to make it work for him, control it, manipulate the cards so that he would be able to do what he wanted and not what was needed by the other. He would make sure that they were under his thumb, under his purview.

His fingers danced against the back of the couch, as if he were thinking.

"I think...that I would find a way to make something more important. Or embrace it, if I didn't mind it."

"Make something more important." Eli mouths the words in thought, lets them sink in and his gaze sharpens. "Or embrace it." Technically, Eli could do that — embrace it, but then Thrawn's words, heavy and binding: Just mine. I won't share you.; enough to make Eli's face feel warm again.

Maybe, if he could just —

"I will upset someone important to me if I did embrace it." Eli would've chosen that path, Woden didn't seem so bad to him after all. Meaning: he didn't mind this too much. Sleipnir's being was not antithetical to his nature.

"You can mute the memories, right? With your powers?"

"I'm certainly going to make an attempt. I think I can swing it," he said, with a vague gesture.

Woden knew he could, given the nature of his powers. That was never the struggle. Simply taking away the memories was easy, it would require something simple, a bracelet, a little whisper of his power sent with a soft, gentle whisper. It would be a small thing, not even a drain on his power, but...

He liked that Eli was under his thumb. He missed having someone to cajole, to control. He missed sitting down in his lab, and spilling his secrets, his thoughts for the day, what he was going through.

The lack of a confidante made the weight of his thoughts all the more unbearable. He'd enjoyed the prospect, if he'd just had a little more time.

"You should focus on those that are important to you," he said, instead. "Although, I won't lie... I'll miss your company."

I'll miss your company. Simple, yet precise. Eli feels the warmth increase and rubs the back of his neck. "I'll miss yours as well." Painfully sincere; Eli wasn't young in age but there was a streak of something bright, and hopeful that highlighted some of his words. Statements which came out painfully earnest, as if Eli meant every word.

"Feeling like this without true memories is weird, but I don't mind your company at all. You seem to know a lot and have a lot to teach." Eli has always been interested in those who had things to teach him; he was an eager student.

"I know a great deal," he admitted. "Perhaps more than most give me credit for. Few are willing to look past the veneer and see what I have underneath," he paused, and his helmet tipped, giving Eli the impression that he was indeed looking directly at him.

"But that's their problem. Not mine. People like you, that are willing to listen are ones I'm far more interested in, I won't lie."

"I like to listen." Eli had found that listening was the best way to learn — about the other person as well as himself. And he does find Woden interesting, with or without Sleipnir involved; it's naive and well-meaning curiosity.

"Though I'm not actually very interesting myself, that's why I like to do so." Self-deprecating to the end.

Eli glances down at the crowd below, "Do you ever go there? Or is being here all you want?

004; until you pull too hard

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