I can't cry (OPEN)

[d33tached]

WHO: D33 and YOU!
WHERE: The :Re Café in Nonah
WHEN: Dec. 1st - 3rd
WHAT: Kaneki is gone, D33 is convinced that he isn't coming back, and he is having an utter meltdown/ruining Kaneki's business by trying to run the Café anyway.
WARNINGS: None so far - will update as needed.

[Business as usual. That's what D33 is trying to tell himself. Maybe if he keeps showing up to the Café, maybe if he just pretends like this isn't happening, maybe if he just keeps sending useless texts, maybe if he just keeps going, going, going--

[Maybe this won't be real. Maybe he will wake up with Kaneki beside him again. Maybe he won't have lost the only thing he's ever had.

[But you can't wake up if you don't go to sleep in the first place, and he hasn't been. Instead, he's been working - showing up every day at opening, staying until closing, cleaning, brewing, breaking his knuckles with his fist against the wall. There's a nice hole through the plaster now. So he'll work on fixing that up too.

[Just keep working, working, working. Work until you can't work anymore. Run until your chest feels like it's going to collapse. Press your palms into your eyes so hard you feel like they're going to pop out. Throw shit against the wall. Work. Work again. Work again. Work again.

[He isn't likely to be very amicable when one enters the Café. Customers and co-workers alike will find D33 becoming more aggressive as the days press on - a dangerous combination of grief and a serious lack of sleep. He's liable to snap at any moment for any reason. One might find him shouting at one of the native customers for spilling something on the ground (or, by the third day, maybe just for looking at him the wrong way), slamming equipment around as he goes about filling orders, and kicking customers out that give him grief about the Swear Jar.

[Overall, D33 is just not in a very good place right now.

[Upon closer inspection, it might be clear that there's something welling up inside of him, threatening to burst at any moment. You know that feeling when everything in your body is telling you to cry but you just can't make it happen? It's evident behind his eyes that he's holding something back, that all of this aggression is misplaced - that he is misplaced. One might see it in the way that he crumples in on himself when he thinks he's alone, running his fingers anxiously through his hair, chewing on his lip and breathing in and out, in and out, in and out.

[Just keep working. Don't think. Don't feel. Just keep working.]

Comments

CLOSED - Jesse Pinkman

[d33tached]

[It's around 2am. The Café has been empty for at least an hour, all of the customers having been driven out, no doubt, in one way or another. D33 can't force himself to care anymore. He's been alone, cleaning, organizing, washing cups, counting money. But there isn't enough work in the world to keep his mind quiet.

[Gone. And here he'd just barely started to think that maybe, just maybe, he could have had something, he could have been happy, he could have had some sort of a life beyond surviving.

[Foolish man. He feels his teeth grit to the point of squeaking. His hand grips tightly around the glass he's currently holding - too tightly, as it turns out, because a moment later it shatters, driving a piece of glass deeply into his palm.

[He lets out a loud hiss, shaking the rest of the glass away and whipping around to drive his foot roughly into one of the cabinets with a loud, frustrated shout. A moment later, and the Café is quiet again, with D33 stuck staring at his palm, running red with blood now, the glass still wedged deeply within it.

[He makes no move to remove it. His mind seems to have shut off, in fact, for all he's really doing is staring at it, one damaged hand cradled by the other while puddles of red drip down his arm and pool on the ground beneath him.

[So much for those survival instincts, eh? Somewhere in the back of his mind, he wonders if maybe he'll bleed out this way, but he can't seem to stop staring, frozen there behind the counter in the deadly silent Café.]

Ninety percent...

[His voice is barely that of a mumble, and directed only at himself. Ninety percent, he thinks.

[He'll survive. But he's still just staring.]

[heisenbitch]

[ It's raining outside when Jesse bursts through the doors of Re: Cafe. Drops of rain cling to his leather jacket, to his buzzed hair, and about to call out for Kaneki, he smears rain away from his rain-speckled face while his attention sets on D33 behind the counter instead. ]

Dee, hey.

[ It's a distracted greeting, Jesse obviously harried in alarm by something. But... 'ninety percent'? Did D33 just mumble 'ninety percent'? Tilting his head in craning uncertainty, Jesse peers at him, taking a slow step forward. What's he staring at? ]

Dee, man... Hey, you okay? [ And that's when he sees it - the glass jutting out of his palm, blood everywhere. Jesse's eyes widen. Now he's breaking into a quick stride forward. ] Jesus, Dee—

[d33tached]

[Jesse bursts through the door, says his name once, twice. On the third "Dee", his head turns up from his palm. His face is alarmingly unalarmed given the state of his hand. He's still cradling the injured one with the healthy one. When he talks, he croaks.]

Jesse.

[He clears his throat, stares back down at the glass, tilts his head to the side a bit.]

Yes. [He mumbles.] It's alright.

[Still bleeding, still staring. Yeah. He's pretty much snapped at this point.]

[heisenbitch]

[ It's okay because Jesse is rounding the counter now, heading behind to where D33 is. Hands are urgently albeit cautiously reaching out to him. The caution is because Jesse doesn't really know how D33 reacts to being touched. He doesn't expect D33 is particularly welcoming of it on the best of days. ]

Jesus, Dee, lemme look at that—

fart noises whenever

[h2no]

[so archie isn't actually sure what his relationship with kaneki is? he feels like he's annoyed the guy enough that maybe he wouldn't be counted as a friend, but they've also shared a couple intense moments.

there is one thing he's certain of, though. kaneki makes damn good coffee.

he doesn't know the ghoul is gone. he doesn't know any of what's gone down the last day or so. he's just coming in as a customer. he's cheerful-- perhaps annoyingly so, but no different from the way archie is usually cheerful when he's not getting himself down about one thing or another.]

Yo, Dee!

[d33tached]

[Archie. For just a split second, D33 is relieved to see him - but that relief shifts quickly into bitterness and he replies coldly:]

What do you want?

[h2no]

[the hostility isn't something foreign to him. archie assumes he's in a bad mood for whatever reason-- hell, he can tell the guy hasn't been sleeping.

relationship problems? he won't ask. he doesn't care to.]

Er... this is a café still, yeah? One'a Kaneki's coffees would be the ideal.

[d33tached]

[The mention of Kaneki's name has D33 gritting his teeth and swallowing down a lump in his throat. Couldn't he have just asked for a goddamn coffee? He turns around, silently preparing a mug, then more or less slams it down on the counter and shoves it forward in Archie's direction.]

i'm kinda sorry but i'm also NOT

[secondscythe]

[ :Re Café, huh? This is that place with the rumors of some freaky-deaky shit or something, isn't it? Or... is that some other place? Either way, rumors about weird shit and blah blah blah, why not check this place out since he's got nothing better to do? Looks ok from the outside at least?

Pushing the door open, Duo here makes his way inside and... doesn't find much to be had if he's honest. Then again, looks can be deceiving (an illusionist would know) and so he doesn't totally write the place off. Instead, he wanders his way inside before he cups his hands around his mouth and gives a rather loud- ]

Helloooooooooo? What's it take to get some service around here, yo?

[d33tached]

[Now, there's a voice that D33 was not trying to hear today. He almost considers staying in the back, hiding out until the annoying little brat goes on his way. But, then again, he doesn't exactly trust him not to take anything from the Café or break something just to spite him.

[And he is not having that right now.

[So, after a few moments, he steps out from the kitchen and appears behind the counter, looking none-too-pleased to be speaking with who he's speaking with when he says flatly, coldly - not even necessarily irritated, but just...done:]

What do you want, Warlock?

[secondscythe]

[ Oh.

Oh.

Son of a- yeah. Figures he'd find D33 of all people in this place. No wonder this place has rumors... ]

Shit, you work here? Ugh, suddenly the rumors make sense about this place.

[ Though, he doesn't back down despite the gentle tch that leaves his lips, hands stuffed in his jacket pockets. ]

Uh, I'm a customer? So like, some service would be good.

[d33tached]

[D33 nearly snarls at the mention of rumors. If there was ever a time not to sully Kaneki's name, it would be now. But he doesn't mention it - only grits his teeth and practically spits:]

What. Do. You. Want?

i hope this is okay!

[itssacrifice]

[Things have been a bit rough with Kaneki gone to say the least. There's something missing in the cafe, something about the atmosphere, something about Kaneki's missing presence. Andrew hadn't realized how completely he equated the cafe with his friend until he was faced with having one without the other. And the fact that their sub-in manager seems to be losing his grip at an alarming rate isn't helping him feel any more at peace at work.

Despite working together for months he and D33 have maybe had a handful of conversations and a scattering of comments made between too co-workers trying to get orders done quickly. That is to say, he may have noticed something has been a little off with the man, but he hadn't felt it was his place to say anything.

Until now. He can put up with the bits of attitude directed his way, and D33's generally grumpy demeanor. But he draws the line at the other man yelling in the face of one of their customers. Throwing down the towel he had been using to wipe the counter, he moves over to the altercation with a speed that's surprising for a man of his side. Cutting through the raised voices, he grabs D33's arm.]

We need to talk. Now. [He applies more pressure to his grip on the man's arm, as if daring him to object. He nods towards an empty corner of the cafe, away from the customers. Dropping his arm, he then turns to the customer, a smile on his face.] Excuse us.

Totally fine! Apologies in advance for incoming assholery.

[d33tached]

[D33 yanks his arm away from Andrew so roughly that it almost gives him rug burn and, along with that motion, very nearly whips around to go for his neck instead. It's a reflex, which Andrew might not understand, but either way, D33 suppresses it and takes a step backward instead, practically spitting at the man.]

Get your hands off of me.

[It's pretty evident that these two have had limited interactions, because nearly anyone who knows D33 knows by now - it's not a good idea to touch him without warning.]

[itssacrifice]

[He holds his hands up, backing off a step, idly taking in the vicious response to being touched. He has no way of knowing whether it's touch in general or just the aggressive mindset D33's in that causes the reaction, but he makes note of it anyway.

Whatever the case, Andrew doesn't seem to be the least bit cowed by his aggressive actions or the spitting tone of voice. He doesn't really see his co-worker as much of a threat at all. At least, not to him. It's the rest of the people in the cafe he's worried about.]

We need to talk. [He repeats, this time in a much calmer and neutral tone.] Otherwise I'm closing shop for the day until you get control over whatever the hell it is that's gotten into you.

[d33tached]

[D33 isn't afraid of Andrew either, as much as he probably should be. At this point, he's not really thinking clearly about anything, be it threats or customer service. He nearly laughs at the idea that Andrew would close the Café down - over his dead body, maybe.

[It has to stay running, he thinks. And he has to keep it running, for Kaneki.]

Then talk.

[alcheregis]

[ Haen catches up with D33 when he thinks he's alone, in the back of the Café, slipping inside the staff-only door and offering him a sad little smile when he notices her. ]

You look like you need a rest, dear.

[d33tached]

Haen.

[His voice cracks when he sees her. He's caught off guard, first of all - no one wants to get caught like that when they think they're alone. But he straightens quickly, swallows down whatever's caught in his throat.

[And then he doesn't really know what to say.]

What are you doing here?

[Does she know? She must, he thinks.]

[aberranthubris]

[ Of course Charles has to check the cafe eventually, even if he knows Kaneki is not going to be there.

But maybe by some off-chance his powers just can't pick up Kaneki. Any chance isn't too small, right?

He'll slip into the cafe and instead of parking at his usual table, he hovers with his chair to the front. Seeing the young man who Kaneki obviously cares for working there, it makes his heart feel tight and awkward. ]

Hi, [ his greeting is quiet and unremarkable, for once, unsmiling. ]

[d33tached]

[There's a chill that creeps up D33's spine when he notices Professor Xavier, though not for the usual reasons. His own lips tighten into a line as he faces him, and for whatever reason, his heart is pounding - perhaps because he knows why Charles is here, and he knows what answer he'll have to give him.

[He decides to cut to the chase, get it over with fast. His words come out fast and cold, but not unshaken.]

He isn't here.

[aberranthubris]

[ Charles shakes his head, his brows furrowing as he rubs his forehead for a moment with a few shaky fingers. He doesn't look so good. Battered and beaten but also wild eyed and a little jumpy.

But all that aside, he gives D33 a silent look that says he already knew that. ]

No, he wouldn't be. I think he's probably where he came from. He disappeared when the Porter...

[ Right. This is a great story to tell someone's boyfriend. ]

[d33tached]

I know what happened.

[He's practically snarling now, just barely holding himself back from shouting. It's a story that D33 doesn't need to hear again.

[Kaneki is gone, the Porter is broken - he gets it.]

If that's all you've come to say, then be off.

[am_i_a_monster]

[Abigail is able to hear the shouting the instant she walks through the door of the cafe. She's glimpsed the side of D33 before and recognizes the fear in the customer's face. She walks over carefully, making sure D33 can see her and not be startled. She makes eye contact with him briefly, hoping if she's calm, he'll calm down. Then she snags a napkin from a nearby dispenser and begins wiping up the spilled drink from the table. She'll wait until he's done yelling rather than try to speak over him.]

[d33tached]

Be off, then!

[Abigail approaches just in time for the customer to run off, cursing under their breath while D33 gets his last word in. It's only then that it registers who's come in to clean up the spill. Before he realizes it's Abigail, he almost begins shouting again. It clicks after a moment, though, and he takes a step back from her, breathing hard, the rage in his chest quickly dissipating.]

Abigail.

[His voice is a bit calmer now. He might almost be embarrassed if he weren't so beside himself with the whole thing. And he certainly doesn't want to show Abigail any of that emotion. Instead, he stubbornly crosses his arms, watching her sopping up the spill with a sour expression.]

Leave it.

I'll get it.

[am_i_a_monster]

It's okay. I'm almost done.

[Abigail finishes and places the damp napkin in the trash. She looks at him for a moment, checking him for signs of physical pain and then wondering if she should say something about keeping it clean for when Kaneki comes back. She decides not to. Neither of them are optimists. It'll only sound like a lie. Instead, she offers a kind look.]

Do you want to talk? I think our table's free and it's my turn to buy you a coffee.