maskormenacelogs | (closed) reach out and hold back

Entry tags:

padmé amidala | senator

(closed) reach out and hold back

WHO: padme and obi wan
WHERE: Maurtia Falls, between 7 and 5
WHEN: nowish??
WHAT: Hi there?
WARNINGS: Star Wars canon general ones, will edit if anything gets intense.

[ It is, for her, a normal day - or as normal as they have become, lately. That still sits oddly with her - she goes to her job, she sits and she smiles, and it is at once more demeaning and less personal than anything she ever did in the Senate.

But there is still nothing normal about this place. She still wakes every day with the sudden awareness that she is alive when she had not expected to be, still takes her slow time unwinding in the morning. Sometimes Anakin is there with her, sometimes not. Everything is still so new and fresh that it is taking her time to understand what she can and cannot handle at a given moment.

Today she is stepping out of her house without any work scheduled, her day free. She hasn't contacted anyone yet, is thinking only that she needs to not be sitting in the house alone but also is unwilling to summon anyone there when she herself is uncertain why she is not at ease. Her clothes reflect that, something she has not yet been able to find a way to thoroughly control. Anonymity is what she wants, and that is where her mind goes, even if she is more than a decade past that time. She sighs, pauses on the sidewalk shortly out of her house to see if she can will herself into anything more suitable. ]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[Obi-Wan has already arrived yesterday and already things were interesting. He had stumbled across Anakin and another strange ImPort before finally making his way to his assigned housing. He has moved in but didn’t sleep much.

In fact, the Jedi looks rather distracted and deep in thought when he emerges from house 5. His cloak wrapped around him to keep out the chill in the air. Tatooine had been hot, and Pennsylvania is... not. Even to those that don’t know him he looks downtrodden. Clearly not in the best of moods. Sad would be a good word.

In fact he’s so immersed in what he’s thinking about that he fails to pick up on a familiar presence in the Force nearby. If she didn’t look, she might miss the cloaked figure walking by in silence. The hood of his cloak pulled over his head.]

[ It doesn't work, not quite yet, her clothes remain the same - she's getting there, she thinks, but so far she has found that it takes a force of will she is unable to command when she is distracted by so many other things.

It seems there is more to be distracted about these days than there is to be pleased about, sometimes, even if there are so many things to be happy about.

But there's a pull to a familiar figure, even if at first she assumes for a moment that it's Anakin returning to his Jedi robes again.

It isn't. The cloak is different, is -- ]

Obi-Wan?

[ It's soft and shocked, but they're close enough it should carry to him. ]

Obi-Wan, is that --

[ It breaks off. She doesn't know how to continue it. ]

[Its the voice that finally gets his attention. A voice he had never hoped to hear again. Pulling him out of his thoughts and causing to turn and look up. Mournful dull blue eyes lighting up just a little bit.]

Padme?

[Stunned, he doesn’t move at first, but after a moment he pulls back his hood. It’s indeed him, and he can hardly believe his eyes even though he had already seen Anakin. The last he had seen of her, she had died right before his eyes while he held her child. He hadn’t even been able to attend her funeral. But here she was, alive and seemingly well.]

[ It is Obi-Wan, and her step towards him is immediate, her smile tremulous but there.

To see him carries with it such a rush of memories from their world, clouded by what she has been told here, but it is still far weighted towards good and comfort to know that he is here too. ]

I know, it's - it's all very complicated.

[ As if to forestall the inevitable "how are you alive" questions she tends to get from people these days. Does he know?

He looks -- old. Not in years, but in experience and in tragedy. Likely he knows. ]

When did you arrive?

[And her step forward was accompanied by several of his, bringing them within better talking distance. A part of him wanted to reach out and embrace her, but he held back. Deciding that might not be appropriate. Instead folding his hands in front of himself respectfully. But she was right, it was very complicated]

Only just yesterday morning.

[He saw no reason to ask how she was alive. Anakin was after all, and the why wasn’t so much important as the fact that they were.]

It’s... so good to see you.

[ Oh, it is good to see him, but it is hard to see the edges etched already into his face of all that has happened.

She holds out her hand, ignoring how he clasps his own. An old friend such as he is should at least receive that much. ]

Then you must have many questions still.

[ But more importantly, for the moment. ] You are settling in well? Are your roommates kind?

[ But those words from him make her smile stronger, and she bows her head slightly in acknowledgement. ] You as well, Obi-Wan. You have always been a loyal friend.

[He hadnt been expecting it, but as she extended her hand to him he looked down at it. A bit tentatively he unclasped his hand and gently accepted the gesture. It may not seem like much to most, but the emotion in his eyes was certainly telling for such a normally composed Jedi. Holding her hand in that friendly way they had done so many times before.]

Well enough I suppose, and I barely know them but there has been no problems.

[His roommates were all young men, and it was a little awkward but he hasn’t been mistreated. A small smile then lightly tugged at his lips, which had been parched and cracked before he had come. Though there was little evidence of that now. Her words were kind and he was grateful, though he wasn’t sure he was deserving of them.]

And what of you? Are you well?

[ Her hand is warm and solid in his, her other coming up to clasp his in turn. It is reassuring, as it always has been. It is almost half her life now that she has been trusting it to his hands at one time or another.

What a strange concept.

It makes the last memory of his face she has more difficult when she thinks of things like that (the grief as he held her children and she faded), so she puts that aside and maintains her smile as she can. It's unsteady, still, but there. ]

I am glad to hear that.

I've been here only a month or so longer than you, but I am doing well so far. It's overwhelming, sometimes, but there are good things here.

There are things that you should be aware of, though.

Edited 2017-11-06 16:27 (UTC)

[That reassurance was a gift. Something he has no had since this disaster began, and had not found here either until just now. There had been no one to comfort a lonely Jedi on a desert planet with only his thoughts to keep him company. He hadn't even managed to contact his old master yet.

He features softened just a little bit, and his fingers curled around her hands.]

Overwhelming is certainly a good word for it. Despite it all, I'm glad you're here.

[So very glad. Even if that was a bit of a selfish thought.]

I've already spoken with Anakin, if that's what you mean.

Edited 2017-11-06 17:08 (UTC)

[ They probably look strange, here on the streets clasping hands with such earnestness, but it does not make her drop his hands. The awareness of the ever present followers and cameras that tend to follow the Import housings does make her a little more wary, though, glancing around. ]

We should go inside. They like to watch us.

[ A slight curl up of her lip, because she finds it unkind and demeaning to all, but. His words soften that again, even as her body gains some tension at his mention of Anakin.

It's all so very complicated. ]

That, and other things. My children are here and grown. Others, from far in our future. [ She glances around again, gestures with her head to her house, unwilling to let go of his hands. ] I live just there.

[The mention of them being watched seemed to make Obi-Wan more alert and he looked up, straightening his shoulders a bit.]

Yes, that's probably a good idea.

[He didn't seem to be all that inclined to let go of her hand either. Willing to follow her to her place.]

Really? I live just over there, in number five.

[He also looked in the direction of the house not that far away before back to Padme.]

Anakin did mention Leia.

[ She turns a little, still holding onto his hand with hers as she moves towards her place, but the sudden smile she gives him at that knowledge of his closeness is very bright. ]

I'm glad you're so close. I only have the one roommate myself at the moment, and he's frequently out and a kind person, so you are always welcome here.

[ The house itself as they step into it is still not that well furnished, but there are a few wall hangings that seem almost Naboo in their design but just off enough to not quite be, a van gogh print of irisese on one wall of the dining room. She keeps meaning to do more and not knowing what it is that she should do.

Once they cross the threshold one hand does drop from his to close the door, and she pauses a little awkwardly, suddenly aware of how long she's been holding onto him as she lets her hand loosen in his. He might not want to remain like that. ]

We can sit anywhere. I --

[ It is almost stranger to be in private than it was to be in public. ] I have missed your presence and knowledge, here.

Thank you, Padme. The same goes to you of course.

[It was good to know there was someone he knew nearby, a friend even. And of course, he could at least keep an eye on her from so close. Should she ever need his help.

As they stepped into the house, he took a moment to look around, feeling her grip loosening on his hand. Taking that as a cue, and perhaps only just realizing how long he had been holding her hand as well, he withdrew his hand. Clasping both in front of him again.]

I have missed you as well.

[And with her invitation, he moved to sit, though waited for her to do so first. And there was a pause before he continued.]

I only wish there was more I could have done to save you.

It will certainly be good to know that you are only a few doors down should I find myself in any trouble here.

[ Not that there are not others she could call on as well, but to have him this close to her is appreciated as well.

It had been good to hold his hand, the warmth of a friend's grasp, and the smile on her face has settled and evened, warmer than the shaky uncertainty that had been on her face when she first realized who it was. She takes a seat on the couch, gesturing for him to sit as well, and then he speaks again and she feels her smile falter again, pauses. ]

You did all that you could, Obi-Wan. You hold no fault in my death. And I have much to thank you for in your care of my children.

[Well at least they're on the same page about that. Even if he finds a reason to move to a different place, he would certainly be hesitant to leave Padme here alone again.

Her words, though kind, drew a solemn look from the Jedi as he took at seat upon her prompting. It was clear he wasn't entirely convinced in that. He may not have had much of a hand in her death, but he had failed Anakin, who did cause her harm. Thus his responsibility was indirect.]

It was the least I could do.

After what happened on Mustafar.

[ Not quite a question, but not quite a statement either. There's no anger in her voice, only sorrow, and she moves on almost as if there hadn't been more meaning buried in that. ]

You are from around then, yes? You look -- different, but not greatly so.

More tired even than I remember you, when you held Luke and Leia.

[That was not quite what he had expected, and Obi-Wan lifted his eyes to look at Padme again. Did she know somehow? With others being here from the future he had to wonder.]

Well, I suppose running for one's life does that to a man.

[He couldn't deny that he felt worn down from tragedy and hardship.]

From my perspective, it's been a few weeks since then. I've only recently settled into exile on Tatooine.

All Jedi to be killed on sight. [ A pause, her gaze going inwards. She did not see what happened at the Temple, but she saw Obi-Wan after he saw it. His grief had been so strong that he turned from her to not show it, so overwhelming --

The younglings.

Equally strong is the memory of Anakin in her arms so recently, of his tears as he told her how torn he was, how much he did not trust himself.

I don't believe you. I can't.

It is not enough. The answers she has, the far distant information, and when she lifts her eyes back up to his her gaze is sure but sad. ]

Tell me what happened on Mustafar that I do not remember, Obi-Wan. [ One hand picks at the sleeve of her gown, the ragged edges suddenly the same voluminous dress she had worn in the apartment on Coruscant when he had come to ask her where Anakin had gone. ]

I would hear the truth, from a friend.

[And Obi-Wan immediately looked uncomfortable. The man shifting in his seat and looking away from her. Several thoughts going through his mind.

Mustafar was the most difficult subject for him to talk about. She was asking much of him, but then, of anyone, didn't she deserve to know? It would be better for her to hear it from him than second hand or from someone who didn't really know the truth.

Not saying anything for several moments, Obi-Wan rose to his feet. His hand over his mouth as he considered these things. His expression a bit distant and tortured. Like he had done before, he turned away, facing a window as he folded his arms.]

I tried to reason with him Padme. I pleaded with him. But he would not listen.

I did what I had to.

[That was vague, intentionally so. Going into grim detail... he wasn't sure he could do that.]

[ It's the same stance, the same expression.

That only confirms some things, not everything. ]

He lived.

[ Very simply, because she doesn't know how else to say it, except after a moment her expression twists a little, almost ill. ]

In some manner of living at least.

[ A pause as she considers. She does not want to cause him more pain than he has already been through, but there is part of her that wants the entire, unvarnished truth.

There is another part of her that shrinks from it, from the knowledge that could come with it. From the suffering that can only come from forcing both of them to live or relive it.

She is very tired, suddenly. ]

Perhaps we have all suffered enough on that planet for our lifetimes. [ Quiet, gentle. ] I will not ask for anything further, old friend.

[What she says is enough to confirm what he had feared from the moment Anakin had mentioned a life support suit. His shoulders slumped visibly, heavy with the knowledge and the guilt that he had only allowed more suffering. For Anakin and the entire galaxy it seems.

It wasn't supposed to be that way, it shouldn't have been. How Anakin managed to survive was beyond his comprehension.

It was his own weakness that allowed this. He should have ended it and finished him then and there. However, he could not do it just as he had told Master Yoda.

Padme's gentle words then pull him out of those thoughts and he turned, his face ashen with grief and he nodded silently. Appreciative that she didn't push him. It was too much right now. It was all still too raw.]

[ There is silence from her too, for a long moment, letting the quiet settle into this room that is still foreign to her.

There is so much she would wish undone, in their time, knowing now what comes to pass.

When she speaks again, it is very quiet. ]

If there is blame to be cast anywhere, Obi-Wan, it must fall on my shoulders as well.

[ But this is too small to be entirely reminiscent of the apartment on Coruscant, and she stands suddenly, tugs her sleeves into alignment for something to do with her hands rather than betray her unsettledness. ]

Would you care for something to drink?

[Coming to sit back down again, Obi-Wan looked back to Padme and considered her words quietly.]

We all have our regrets. Undoubtably we would have made different decisions had we known what would happen.

[He couldn’t and wouldn’t blame her, but he was acknowledging how she felt. Her question drawing a solemn but grateful nod.]

I would, thank you. Tea if you have it.

Had we known what Palpatine had in mind, much would have been different.

[ And that was quiet, angry steel in her voice, but she moderates it after a short moment as she moves to the kitchen, puts on water to boil. ]

I have a few kinds, yes. I have been trying to find things that remind me of Naboo, but it is difficult to get anything that quite captures it.

I suppose that is the danger of other worlds.

[ And if she is using the advantage of being in another room and slightly out of his line of sight to let her hands curl tightly around the counter now, well. This has all been rather unexpected and sudden, and even if she has let things go in conversation -- there is much still at turmoil within her that she has yet to begin to understand how to resolve. ]

This world is a strange one. Once I have a place to purchase my own tea, I can share with you what I find.

[He didn’t have to see her, he could practically feel her emotions radiating through the air. He felt guilty for not being more straight forward with her. She deserved the truth, and he wanted to give it to her. Though not at the expense of the possibility that he might break down himself. She didn’t need to deal with that. As good a Jedi as he is, Obi-Wan is not perfect.

Perhaps in time, they could both find the healing that they need and they could speak of this more openly.]

I would appreciate that. There are several places here, but honestly, I'm rather unaccustomed to doing my own shopping.

Or cooking.

[ Or, like, 90% of what constitutes a normal life for most people. Getting out mugs is easy enough though, removing the packets of tea from their wrappers. ]

You said you've spoken with Anakin, but. You did not say how it had gone.

I know what you mean.

[While he wasn't on Padme's level of reliance on others, he had a great deal provided for him by the Jedi Order. Being on his own, on Tatooine and here, has been an adjustment. At mention of Anakin though there was a pause.]

Not well, I'm afraid. Though it could have certainly been worse.

In some ways, things seemed so much easier back home. [ A slight pause, as she pours water into the cups and takes a moment to think. ] And yet in many other ways, it was much harder.

[ Some people here speak as if they are unfamiliar with war at all, or at least it coming close to them. It is foreign to her.

But ah, that. She brings the mugs out, places them on the table and reseats herself. ]

He's very close to what he became on Mustafar, but -- Obi-Wan, he is not there. And here, there is a chance. Please believe me in that.

[Again he knew what she means. Second chances were available, and yet things seemed less and more complicated all at the same time.]

I want to believe that, Padme.

[And there was an earnest truth to that in his voice. He desperately wants to believe that.]

But he still believes he can save you from dying, that he will use Palpatine as a means to learn how.

[He shook his head sadly.]

I’m not certain I can get through to him.

I'm here.

[ Very firm, very certain. ] I am here, and I am alive, and he and I have been talking.

[ She will not let him get hurt again if she can help it. ]

Do you know what happened on Tatooine, before we came to find you?

[ It might seem a deflection, but it is an important tangent. ]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

(closed) reach out and hold back

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject