maskormenacelogs | (no subject)

If you see him first.

Brat.

Yeah.

[He sighs and closes his eyes, drags a hand down across his face.]

...Are you okay?

[ It's a very long moment before Viktor answers, stretching almost to a full minute. ]

... No.

[ The quiet statement is followed by a quieter chuckle. ]

Did you know that for years I didn't allow myself to say no to that question? Then eventually people wouldn't ask it anymore.

Why wouldn't you admit it? [Asks the boy who hates discussing his more private feelings for any reason.]

Because I couldn't be seen as having a hard time.

You couldn't be seen...

[He sits up straight and gives Viktor a perplexed look.]

What the hell does that mean, Viktor?

[ Viktor is still relaxed against the foot board, idly scratching Makkachin's neck while he turns his head towards Yuri. ]

Just that? During my teenage years, when figure skating was starting to get more popular across the world, especially in Russia.

So what? You could've told Yakov if you weren't feeling good.

Even if I had, it was his reputation that was building back up too.

[ Viktor shrugs. No big deal. ]

What does that have to do with anything? He couldn't know you were upset because of his reputation?

Right, because the skating prodigy couldn't take a break, couldn't be having a bad day or I'd be letting down Russia. Yakov was the same since he was my coach, and I was one of his only students in those first years. If there was weakness, then the wolves would get us.

Besides, it wasn't like I was actually upset.

You told me you were depressed! That's definitely actually upset.

Well, I suppose that's true, but it's not like I knew it at the time.

You were an idiot back then.

You say that like you knew any better ...

I'd tell Yakov if I felt that bad.

[He thinks so, anyway. He's lucky enough to have never felt true depression before, thankfully.]

I was too busy to feel bad? There was practicing of course, that never ended, but then there was making trips with Yakov to the newly-formed government agencies and the skating federation that was trying to get back on its feet again when nearly everything was lost in the collapse, records, policies, resources, and even people. Not even to mention the sponsors, which were almost an afterthought at the time, most of them had to be found out of the country back then ...

Edited 2017-11-06 05:36 (UTC)

[Yuri only caught about half of that, and understands the significance of even less of it.]

How the hell... [Was Viktor even human?]

And then on the instances where I really was injured, Yakov had to fight like hell to get good doctors and care. I think the first time I needed knee surgery was when he had to help me move to a smaller apartment to satisfy the loan? Or maybe that was the Achilles rupture ... Thankfully those hospital visits actually helped us create the list of specialists willing to work with the expanding skating federation.

Anyway, like I said. Too busy to be depressed.

What the hell, Viktor! When the hell did you have any time for yourself?!

[ He blinks, turning to look at Yuri again. ]

Well, there were a couple weeks in the off-season every year?
When my investments finally started to make a profit anyway, and I didn't need to do so many ice shows anymore. A few days during the second month of summer in the years before.

[Congratulations, Viktor. You've succeeded in horrifying Yuri into silence.]

... What? What's that look for?

There's no way you're human...