maskormenacelogs | people hurt us or they vanish, and you're right that really blows

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people hurt us or they vanish, and you're right that really blows

WHO: Kaneki and Josuke
WHERE: Heropa
WHEN: Saturday 21st
WHAT: Reconnecting
WARNINGS: Sadness

[In downtown Heropa there was a quaint cafe Josuke had taken a liking to called The Break Room. From the outside it looked a little more like a house than a place of business, but on the inside it was usually teeming with customers who had gotten cozy in one of the many cushioned barrel chairs or on long sofas with friends gathered around laptops or phones, viewing with amusement whatever was on their screens. The air was thickly permeated with the smell of coffee and freshly baked goods — but mostly coffee.

It was early morning when Josuke had asked Ken to meet him there, just after nine. Business hadn't quite picked up yet, and he was able to secure a nice table by the window with some padded bar stools. The view was great from there. A park across the street, still mostly green, had a few trees whose leaves had begun to change color. They were like small bursts of fire without all the smoke. He never expected to get so comfortable so fast, but this town reminded him in some ways of Morioh. Perhaps that's what he'd thought before when he was here, too. And why it had been so easy for him to make friends with people.

Friends like Ken...who would be there any minute.

He looked down at his mocha, then up at the clock on the wall before glancing back at the door. He'd done a little research. Not only did he know that he and Ken had been fairly close before, but he'd learned some other things, too. Ken ran a cafe of his own in Nonah. And he also had several other names he'd gone by before, including One Eyed King. And he was a ghoul. Which seemed to be something he knew before, something that didn't even bother him. Such that he'd even tried setting Ken up on some kind of blind date.

But there'd been some other things, too. For however close they'd been, it seemed Ken...he wasn't imagining it, was he? Ken had been trying to keep him at a distance. Wanting to keep him from getting involved in whatever it was he was a part of. Josuke wasn't angry about it, or he hadn't been...his other self, that was. But there'd been obvious frustration. The kind that even now, without those memories, Josuke could feel inside. He wished he'd dug a little deeper than that, but at the same time it had felt...

Well, it had felt invasive. Like eavesdropping in on conversations he had no real right to listen to. So this wasn't about grilling Ken when he showed up. This wasn't about asking hard questions. This was about a fresh start and not being a dick. This couldn't be easy for Ken, so Josuke wasn't going to push. But he wasn't going to let go, either.

When the bell on the door sounded and Josuke looked up to see Ken enter, he recognized him immediately from the videos he'd glimpsed on the network. But more importantly he saw someone he could trust, who could have hidden from him and didn't.

Beckoning the other boy over with a wave, he called out to him...]

Kaneki-san! Hey, over here!

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[ Kaneki often bakes for his own coffee shop during the morning, but today he decided he'd order from his suppliers instead of worrying about baking; while it's not the same, he is certain his clients won't mind the baked goods won't be handmade by the owner. But the morning will not go as it usually goes; he will use it to go meet Josuke instead, as promised, even if it's actually a really hard thing for him to do.

He misses the other, but he was forgotten. kaneki is terrified of losing people and this is... a bit like that. But instead of completely losing Josuke, he will see him while the other doesn't know Kaneki at all. Like being looked at but not really seen. It's actually very painful, because everything he had with Josuke was lost, it didn't matter anymore and was going to be re-written.

Kaneki was more than ready for Josuke not to come any close to him once more. It's selfish, but in a way he wanted to keep those memories he had of the other and not change them or the way they are. Selfishly he wanted to just remember how it was and didn't want to risk ruining everything. The risk is so high, after all. Kaneki has to go back to trying his hardest not to lose this person again, he has to try his hardest to be perfect for him, and he can not allow him to know the bad things he did again.

if they are going to talk once more, Josuke can never know about how ugly Kaneki is.

He enters the coffee shop, easily finding Josuke thanks to his hairdo. Even if the other hadn't waved and called out to him, Kaneki would easily know where he was. With a smile, he approaches the table to offer Josuke a nod as a greet ] Hey. This is a nice place. [ kaneki looks around. he has only been here once or twice before, it's always good to come back ]

Isn't it?

[Nice, that was. More like a home than a business, even for how busy it could get at times, and that added a lot to the cozy atmosphere.]

Only been here a few times, myself. But they got great coffee.

[Which it seemed Josuke hadn't procured for himself just yet. Some things didn't change, and it was obvious he'd been politely waiting for Kaneki to arrive before even contemplating what to order off the menu. The last thing he wanted to be was rude, especially in the presence of someone who'd once thought of him as a friend. He wanted to make a good impression...just as much as Kaneki did.

As the other boy approached the table, Josuke rose from his seat to greet him, his smile warm and familiar even if the person before him still virtually a stranger.]

You wanna grab a chair? I can go order.

Ah-- [ it's awkward. And painful. Being looked at as a stranger from someone who Kaneki considers his best friend. it's not josuke's fault, none of this is, and Kaneki may be willing to admit that pretending nothing is wrong may not be the best approach but... what else can he do?

But it's exactly because Josuke is kaneki's best friend that he can't dump everything on him either. It's not fair. So Kaneki will go along with the awkwardness and pain.

It's fine. ]

yeah, sure, you can order. Er- i'll take a coffee. Black with no sugar or cream. [ he always says that, just to make sure someone doesn't decide to put something they shouldn't on the coffee ]

You got it.

[Fortunately for Josuke the order line was short. He was able to tell the cashier and baristas what he wanted — two medium coffees, one black with nothing else in it or on the side; and the other with milk, sugar, and a shot of hazelnut — and bring the prepared beverages back to their table in steaming mugs and in record time.

Kaneki's was placed before him before Josuke dropped himself back into his seat opposite the other boy.]

It's um...kind of weird meeting people I don't really remember being friends with. But it's kind of exciting, too. Does that sound strange?

[He scrubbed a hand over the back of his neck and laughed sheepishly.]

I ever tell you how I made a lot of friends back home? This is definitely way better. What I mean is...thanks. For coming out to meet me. I know it can't be easy, and I can't...be someone I'm not. But if we were friends before, I don't wanna lose that, either. I hope that's alright.

[ Kaneki is sitting down, not entirely sure what to say or what to do. he keeps a straight face, a face that doesn't say much because Kaneki doesn't want to show much, specially when Josuke is back once again and starts talking about friends.

The ghoul takes his cup, taking a sip next, as he watched and listens to Josuke ] I wouldn't say "strange". it has happened before, so- I suppose I get it. [ it never happened to kaneki, though ]

I don't expect you to be someone you aren't, nor I expect you to remember things. Don't worry, Higashikata-kun. [ he almost called him by his given name, but at least Kaneki minds these things carefully. He takes another sip, momentarily avoiding Josuke's eyes so he can ground himself a bit before he adds: ] We can just start again. [ and this time around, kaneki won't show him the terrible awful thing he is, and it'll be okay ]

Ah, about that...

[Josuke bows his head.]

I'm really sorry for everything.

[It isn't his fault he doesn't remember, no more than it's his fault he's the bastard son of Joseph Joestar and Tomoko Higashikata, but just as he had when he met Jotaro for the first time, Josuke can't help apologizing. It's in his nature. In spite of a penchant for punk behavior, he was also brought up to be respectful and proper, and knowing he's caused someone such inconvenience, well...that's something that weighs heavily on him.

He's grateful for the chance to make amends, however. Kaneki seems like a good guy so far, at least as far as he can tell. If they were friends before, he's really not surprised by that at all.

As he straightens again, he flashes a calm but friendly smile at the older boy across the table.]

So...tell me about yourself. You've been here a while, yeah? And I think I heard you run a cafe? Is that what you've always done?

[ kaneki blinks as Josuke bows his head, but quickly shakes his own and attempts to gently stop the other from continuing to apologize] Ah-wait—you don’t have to apologize! It wasn’t your fault. [ it’s a bit awkward. At best, shouldn’t kaneki be the one apologizing? He is the one pretending he and josuke weren’t close, after all. ]

Hm- [ he nods ] I’ve been here for three years now. And I opened my coffee shop this year. [ still very new, really ] I’ve had other jobs before this one. I was a bookstore clerk, I worked at a coffee shop, I was a cop…

[Josuke blinked with some surprise, pausing in lifting his cup of coffee to his lips.]

You were a cop?

[But he looked...

Well, if he was honest, it was kind of hard to pin an age on Kaneki. His hair was pale, but he wasn't the first young person Josuke had ever met with light-colored hair. Those features, though. They were youthful. Very much so.

But also very sad...

Josuke had seen people who had seen too much themselves, and he recognized the kind of toll it took on someone's countenance. He didn't have any idea the kind of shit Kaneki had been through, but that sort of thing could make a person seem a lot older than their appearance otherwise suggested. It'd make guessing their age hard, too.]

That's pretty cool. Why aren't you anymore?

Hm- for about six months, a bit more. [ well, here, at least. Back home he was a whole different kind of cop for three years. Josuke doesn't need to know about that, for sure ]

And I think I'm better fit at something else, honestly. [ because of trauma and many other issues which again Kaneki will never tell Josuke about again. ] I like to have my own coffee shop, really. It's good like that.

I get that. It's a tough job, isn't it?

[He took a sip of his coffee before lowering the cup to the table and staring down at the milky beverage.]

My grandfather was a cop. He was dedicated to protecting the town where we lived. I really admire people like that...but it's a dangerous job. This guy...

[A Stand user. Angelo.]

...he broke into our home and got to that old man before I could do anything.

[Shaking his head, as if to dismiss the grave expression that had settled onto his face, Josuke looked back up at Kaneki.]

What I mean is, it's definitely not for everyone. And there's more than one way to help people, besides. You just gotta follow your heart. I guess that's a little cheesy though, huh? Sounded better in my head.

... I'm sorry to hear that, Higashikata-kun. [ kaneki's work on the police department was never dangerous in any way, apart from the cats who tried to bit him when he was getting them down from trees. His work as an investigator was completely different, though, but definitively not the same as a cop.

He just smiles a bit after that comment ] No, you are right. I really don't think I'm fit to be a cop, so it's better like this.

What do you want to do, in the future?

Maybe you're not, but that's fine. I think there's something for everyone.

[He smiled encouragingly and then paused to consider Kaneki's question. He was still in high school and hadn't given very much thought to what he wanted to do going forward. After the summer of '99 all that seemed to matter was protecting Morioh...

Taking a sip of his drink, Josuke shrugged.]

I dunno. I'll probably figure it out along the way. Maybe I'll go into law enforcement or become a model!

[Some things never change...]

[ yes, some things don't change. Kaneki smiles at that, taking a slow sip from his black coffee. Maybe this time around, Josuke will be a model instead ]

ImPorts are very loved, so maybe you'll get to be a model very soon. [ there are teen models, after all. And imagine what's like to have an imPort wearing your clothes - yeah, they'd definitively appreciate it ]

They'd probably ask you to change your hair, though.

[Josuke paused mid sip of his coffee, his gaze fixed on his companion over the rim of the cup. Why would anybody ask him to change his hair? What was wrong with his hair? He liked his hair. There was sentimental value behind the pompadour! Hell, it was great style even without its personal history and importance to him!

Kaneki probably didn't mean anything by it, of course. He wasn't insinuating anything. And they were friends before, right? Josuke had to give the other boy the benefit of the doubt here.

Lowering his cup, he cleared his throat...]

I don't know, if they asked something like that I'd probably tell them where they could shove it. No job's worth compromising your values, right? And my do...

[He indicated the pomp with his index finger, poking it upwards gently with a grin.]

It's very important to me.

[ oh he knows it is, and that's why kaneki is asking. With a tiny amused smikr, Kaneki takes another sip of his coffee in a very matter of fact manner and hums ]

And what if the police academy also asks you to keep the hair down, what then?

[ what then, Josuke ]

[Josuke grunted.]

I'd tell 'em to give me a good reason, that's what I'd do.

[He took a large gulp of his coffee before firmly setting the cup back down on the table.]

And if they insisted...well, I don't need a badge to help people, right? I'll do things my way and follow my heart. If it feels right...then I won't have any regrets!

[ kaneki shakes his head. Well, he is certain Josuke can deal with his own things and follow his heart without kaneki asking him things about his hair ]

Hm, I think that's a very good decision.

[Josuke remembered what little he'd been able to scrounge up in their previous conversations...or rather, Kaneki's previous conversations with his other self. And that, coupled with what they were talking about now, brought to mind a question.]

What about you? People here ask you to be somebody you're not, or do something you don't wanna do? You seem like a nice guy...but I get the feeling you're no pushover.

[Making it no wonder they'd been friends before, if that was true. Josuke admired people who were kind, but still had a spine.]

[ kaneki hums a little with a smile, taking a sip of his coffee again ]

I hardly do things I don't want to. Plus, people here usually don't want to force you to do anything. [ they want imPorts to be nice and happy. Sure, they ask things of them but ultimately nobody can be forced to do anything ]

Usually, huh? So there are some instances where they can be pushy.

[Well, that wasn't anything out of the ordinary. People were people, after all. They all had their own opinions, some of which were kept to themselves, others which were voiced loud and clear for all to hear, without any regard whatsoever for who it might affect, just so long as they had captured the attention of some listeners.

Following Kaneki's lead, Josuke took a sip of his drink.]

Maybe if people I work with get on my case about my hair I can start my own business like you did. Not to brag, but I'm pretty good at fixing stuff...

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