one day it could get better, maybe it could get better

[demonspawn]

WHO: Dr. Frederick Chilton & Terry Ward.
WHERE: Chilton's office.
WHEN: 07/03, late afternoon.
WHAT: Psychology and stuff!!!
WARNINGS: TBA.


[ Terry still remembers that one time Dr. Frederick Chilton tried to convince him to wear a really ugly shirt in a gym full of high school kids that all reminded him of antagonists from his early pubescent years. His impression of the man is a little mixed, but the truth is, now that he's survived a handful of months at school, he's starting to get serious about this psychology stuff -- more than that, now that he's using Mitch's "secret technique" to keep his powers in check, genuinely investing in his normalcy (his coping skills, beyond self-hatred and repression) seems like a good idea.

So he looks up the good doctor's place of business and takes the bus over after class.

There's no one in the waiting room when he gets there, so he heads over to the office door and knocks twice before letting himself in. ]

Hello?

Comments

[slightlyoffchilt]

Well -- [Chilton hadn't anticipated that as an ideal outcome. He was a narcissist by nature, and yet paradoxically dissuaded from self-analysis; Chilton did not necessarily acknowledge his own depth of fears. He didn't face the darker panic dwelling deeper within his brain. The fear of rejection, the fear of failure. The terror that all his power and prestige meant nothing, that it was all dust to the wind. Some part of his brain understood these concepts and how they related to his psyche, but the cogent repression defied processing.

He would thus be exposing himself.]

-- I hadn't intended me, but if you haven't any other volunteers at the moment. I suppose, why not?

[His ego would not allow this to dissolve. Terry's defensiveness reads as a challenge to Chilton.]

How -- how does it begin?

[demonspawn]

[ Terry had done some serious psychological damage in his day -- with people he considered to be made of stronger stuff than the man sitting in front of him. Soldiers and superheroes. That kind of crowd. This guy was pretentious art and tie bars and notepads. The risk for actually hurting him, maybe even permanently, was real. He didn't like that. He didn't like the fact that he was genuinely considering it even, for the sake of his own progress.

It felt selfish. ]

It doesn't just start. It's always happening. This whole time, I've already been keeping myself from just automatically reading your mind and pulling the fears out of it.

[ He had incredible self-control. That was one thing he would take credit for. All lapses aside, he spent almost every waking moment trying to reign himself in. To keep the demon from feeding. He prevented himself from giving into his very nature, to do the thing that was most natural for him. No wonder he was always so unsociable, so angry. ]

The second I let go, I'd know. I'd know what you're afraid of, and my powers -- [ A separate entity in his mind. As if he was possessed and not the demon himself. ] -- they'd want me to change. To show you what I saw. And there's no guarantee that I'd even be able to stop.

[slightlyoffchilt]

Right now? In this moment?

[That surprised him; he hadn't calculated on Terry's power being so compulsory, like a matter of invasive thought processes. Perhaps it truly illuminated Chilton's nature, when it was clear he assumed something, some ability as incredible as Terry Ward's, was at its backbone within the man's control. Perhaps the impulse to engage it was the struggle, Chilton had thought. Perhaps the behavior to indulge was the battlefield. Perhaps it was after the spark, that slipper slope, that Terry had to catch himself before something unfortunate happened.

But it was, in actuality, the initial spark that Terry drew conflict with.]

Before we -- ah, proceed. Before I expose my psyche to you in any way, shape, or form. I'd like to know what coping mechanisms you've already practiced. Like you said, Terry, no guarantee that you'd be able to stop -- that is indeed a dire situation.

[If it's a preemptive battle that Terry's fighting, then Chilton would have to reevaluate his entire prognosis.]

[demonspawn]

[ If he were really being honest with himself -- accepting, maybe, of what he actually is and how much it is a part of him -- then maybe he wouldn't even describe his abilities as superpowers. It was more a side-effect of his very existence. In the same way that a human body was always breathing, always metabolizing whatever morsels of food were in its belly, he too was always sensing people's fears, always hungering for them. A biological kind of black magic.

But he struggled to acknowledge that. It was easier to think of his powers as evil. He'd hurt a lot of people. He couldn't come to terms with the fact that this was just what he was. Like any other predator in nature, compelled to hunt by evolution. People needed to be afraid. They needed their nightmares. But he didn't want that responsibility.

In the moment, he was staring hard at Dr. Chilton, eying him from across that impressive desk. The man seemed unsure. That was fair. Facing your own worst fears wasn't a small task. He'd crippled people before. Driven them insane. ]

You just have to trust that I can talk myself down. [ Not reassuring, given that Terry hardly trusted himself. ] I haven't let go in a long time, so I can't promise anything.

[ The demon had hungered for months now. But maybe they wouldn't have to rely on Terry's self-control alone. ]

Are you armed at all? Do you have a gun or something useful in this office besides all the pretentious art?