Armin Arlert (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
blondtactician) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
maskormenacelogs2014-07-02 10:08 am
blondtactician) wrote in maskormenacelogs2014-07-02 10:08 am
hopeful hearts are moving targets [open]
WHO: Armin Arlert and YOU.
WHERE: All over Heropa.
WHEN: 7/1 - 7/7 or so
WHAT: this loser going places doing things talking to people
WARNINGS: possible discussion of canon/spoilers, descriptions of anxiety/PTSD
7/1 - Tuesday Afternoon at the Library - Closed to Skye
[Armin doesn't know much about computers, and there's a lot to know. He has the basics down, at least, and can use google and Wikipedia like a seasoned pro. He even surfs all the messages from imPorts on his free time, attempting to learn more. But he could hardly be called an expert, especially considering most kids his age have grown up using it.
The woman set up her laptop and was using the Wi-Fi and technically it's against policy to bother people about that, even if they're vagrants just hoping to have a wank by streaming porn. Right to privacy laws are pretty restrictive. Still, Armin can't help but wonder what she's up to - glancing at a screen full of numbers that didn't seem like anything most people got up to here.
Couple that with the numerous complaints from other patrons that the bandwidth was all being used and he found himself wondering.
On his break, Armin sits himself down next to Skye, and says,] Hey. I won't kick you out of here for doing that if you'll show me how.
7/2 - Wednesday Afternoon at the Library - closed to Sansa
[Armin recognizes the red-haired girl from seeing her around on the network. At the time she'd been dressed as a noblewoman. Armin's own dislike for monarchy had made him hesitant to help her, even though, he assumed, she was probably as confused by this place as he'd been at first. After skimming those messages, he'd determine she wasn't in need of his help, as many imPorts offered her insights. He'd been struck at the time by how collected and capable she seemed, but promptly put it out of his mind. Armin had plenty of other things to worry about that month.
Still, she seems to be looking around, and Armin is an assistant to the librarians here. He approaches her and offers a polite smile.] Is there something you're looking for, miss?
7/3 - Thursday evening at the Mall - closed to Kotetsu
[It's just an ordinary day at a local shopping mall. Armin tries to avoid the crowds when he can, but he couldn't resist a rather impressive sale on skin care products he'd wanted to try. Plus, it would be better to get all of this sort of thing out of the way before the weekend and holiday hit, something he's very much not looking forward to. It still strikes him as ironic that anything involving a war or conflict would be celebrated by what sounded like artillery rounds, but there are some things Armin's made peace with not understanding.
He's in a fairly good mood as he heads out the door, when a loud, bright explosion of noise sounds off in the entryway he's headed out. Without a second thought, Armin hits the deck, diving behind a potted plant as some young men about his age set off a chain of firecrackers.
The smell of fire and gunpowder. A loud commotion, and people frightened. It's only for a few moments - and the boys are quickly chased out of the mall for their dangerous disruption - but Armin can't bring himself down from the spurt of adrenalin that's surged through him.
He's sick to his stomach, afraid, and can't think straight. He's shaking too badly even to get out his cell phone and call someone for help, so he just sits there, his hands over his ears. He dropped his bag, too, one of its bottles rolling slowly away.]
Saturday morning on the Bus - 7/5 - OPEN to the first reply
[It's early morning and already starting to get hot. Armin is reading a huge hardback volume he has to rest gently on the seat in front of him, his ears covered by headphones blasting something loud and guitar-heavy. He's perfectly contented in his own little world until the bus lurches to a stop, and a team of police officers swarm the bus, hauling off a screaming suspect in hand cuffs. A scene plays out on the side of the road as he struggles.
Armin glances to his cell phone for the time. It's too far for him to get to work on his own at this rate. Nothing left to do but hope things are resolved quickly. He pulls off his headphones, trying to hear what's going on a little better.]
What is going on....
Sunday - 7/5 - OTA
CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE!
Monday Afternoon at an Indian Restaurant - 7/6 - CLOSED to Jean
[There's something about buffets that always both awe and depress Armin a little bit. So much food, freely available for cheap, and all of it delicious. It would be easy to eat oneself sick. But seeing the locals waddle over to the ice cream machine for yet another cup of vanilla mango swirl can put a damper on one's appetite. Still, Armin enjoys this place, happily situated between both the library and Jean's place of employment. Much of the cuisine from the continent of Asia avoid dairy, a boon for Armin's delicate stomach.
He's happy to see Jean - technically, he ambushed the guy and insisted on taking him to lunch - even if he's still getting used to spending time with his friends in these sort of contexts. There's something about the electric lights, the tinny, ever-present music that makes it all seem surreal. Armin sops up some curry with a corner of naan, glancing up at his friend.]
So. What have you been up to?
WHERE: All over Heropa.
WHEN: 7/1 - 7/7 or so
WHAT: this loser going places doing things talking to people
WARNINGS: possible discussion of canon/spoilers, descriptions of anxiety/PTSD
7/1 - Tuesday Afternoon at the Library - Closed to Skye
[Armin doesn't know much about computers, and there's a lot to know. He has the basics down, at least, and can use google and Wikipedia like a seasoned pro. He even surfs all the messages from imPorts on his free time, attempting to learn more. But he could hardly be called an expert, especially considering most kids his age have grown up using it.
The woman set up her laptop and was using the Wi-Fi and technically it's against policy to bother people about that, even if they're vagrants just hoping to have a wank by streaming porn. Right to privacy laws are pretty restrictive. Still, Armin can't help but wonder what she's up to - glancing at a screen full of numbers that didn't seem like anything most people got up to here.
Couple that with the numerous complaints from other patrons that the bandwidth was all being used and he found himself wondering.
On his break, Armin sits himself down next to Skye, and says,] Hey. I won't kick you out of here for doing that if you'll show me how.
7/2 - Wednesday Afternoon at the Library - closed to Sansa
[Armin recognizes the red-haired girl from seeing her around on the network. At the time she'd been dressed as a noblewoman. Armin's own dislike for monarchy had made him hesitant to help her, even though, he assumed, she was probably as confused by this place as he'd been at first. After skimming those messages, he'd determine she wasn't in need of his help, as many imPorts offered her insights. He'd been struck at the time by how collected and capable she seemed, but promptly put it out of his mind. Armin had plenty of other things to worry about that month.
Still, she seems to be looking around, and Armin is an assistant to the librarians here. He approaches her and offers a polite smile.] Is there something you're looking for, miss?
7/3 - Thursday evening at the Mall - closed to Kotetsu
[It's just an ordinary day at a local shopping mall. Armin tries to avoid the crowds when he can, but he couldn't resist a rather impressive sale on skin care products he'd wanted to try. Plus, it would be better to get all of this sort of thing out of the way before the weekend and holiday hit, something he's very much not looking forward to. It still strikes him as ironic that anything involving a war or conflict would be celebrated by what sounded like artillery rounds, but there are some things Armin's made peace with not understanding.
He's in a fairly good mood as he heads out the door, when a loud, bright explosion of noise sounds off in the entryway he's headed out. Without a second thought, Armin hits the deck, diving behind a potted plant as some young men about his age set off a chain of firecrackers.
The smell of fire and gunpowder. A loud commotion, and people frightened. It's only for a few moments - and the boys are quickly chased out of the mall for their dangerous disruption - but Armin can't bring himself down from the spurt of adrenalin that's surged through him.
He's sick to his stomach, afraid, and can't think straight. He's shaking too badly even to get out his cell phone and call someone for help, so he just sits there, his hands over his ears. He dropped his bag, too, one of its bottles rolling slowly away.]
Saturday morning on the Bus - 7/5 - OPEN to the first reply
[It's early morning and already starting to get hot. Armin is reading a huge hardback volume he has to rest gently on the seat in front of him, his ears covered by headphones blasting something loud and guitar-heavy. He's perfectly contented in his own little world until the bus lurches to a stop, and a team of police officers swarm the bus, hauling off a screaming suspect in hand cuffs. A scene plays out on the side of the road as he struggles.
Armin glances to his cell phone for the time. It's too far for him to get to work on his own at this rate. Nothing left to do but hope things are resolved quickly. He pulls off his headphones, trying to hear what's going on a little better.]
What is going on....
Sunday - 7/5 - OTA
CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE!
Monday Afternoon at an Indian Restaurant - 7/6 - CLOSED to Jean
[There's something about buffets that always both awe and depress Armin a little bit. So much food, freely available for cheap, and all of it delicious. It would be easy to eat oneself sick. But seeing the locals waddle over to the ice cream machine for yet another cup of vanilla mango swirl can put a damper on one's appetite. Still, Armin enjoys this place, happily situated between both the library and Jean's place of employment. Much of the cuisine from the continent of Asia avoid dairy, a boon for Armin's delicate stomach.
He's happy to see Jean - technically, he ambushed the guy and insisted on taking him to lunch - even if he's still getting used to spending time with his friends in these sort of contexts. There's something about the electric lights, the tinny, ever-present music that makes it all seem surreal. Armin sops up some curry with a corner of naan, glancing up at his friend.]
So. What have you been up to?
no subject
That's what he's afraid of, and he doesn't know how to vocalize it more than he already has. Then again, he feels like he's slammed the hammer against it often enough.]
And maybe you don't, but maybe ... it's time to change. We have a choice now, don't we? To really decide what matters to us.
no subject
[Armin finds the wall behind him, unconsciously clinging to it, fingers and palms pressed to the warm concrete.]
I already have that blood on my hands. If I stopped right now, if I quit to become a librarian, or a travel journalist, or who knows what else, it wouldn't change that. I put together a plan, and it was probably the best decision we could've made given the circumstances.
It's fine. [But with Jean pushing like this, Armin can't help but wonder, is this what I joined the Survey Corps to do? He lowers his chin a little, hoping his hair will hide his face, and the hint of more tears, from Jean's view.]
If I'm already that kind of person, I can go on being like that. Especially if it means you don't have to dirty your hands. I have to admit, it's an unpleasant feeling. I'd rather you not go through it.
I know right now things are fine, but I can't settle down. I can't help but feel like things are about to get bad, and I'll need to be that kind of person again soon. Every time I hear a noise I don't recognize, or a loud bang, or someone brushes too close. What you're talking about... starting over... I wouldn't even know where to begin.
no subject
But when it comes to life here, I don't know where to begin. But I know how to choose what I don't want to do. I don't want to be protected from it, and I don't want you making choices based on what I'm not willing to do myself. That's just stupid, and the exact opposite of what I'm trying to say her. So why don't you listen to that? We can protect this world, and we can protect humanity in a way that's different from what we're being trained into back home. [Or attempted to be, at any rate. Jean is still very resistant to that.]
I know you'll protect me. You have. Keep doing it that way, rather than just because you think I'm against getting blood on my hands. You think that makes the blood any less visible for me? 'Cause it doesn't.
no subject
[Armin barely knows what he's apologizing for, he just thinks he probably should. His heart feels swollen, too big for the narrow cavity of his chest. He cannot make his voice work the way it wants, even though he is standing still against a wall he feels as though he is tumbling and squawking. He's upset by the implications of this, feeling cornered. Being what Erwin and Levi have expected means he will fall, perhaps forever forever, in Jean's sights. But he isn't confident that he can come up with solutions that aren't vicious. He is motivated by a very real fear of losing, but losing might not mean annihilation here. Whatever his reasons are back home, he should try to be gentler here.
Yet he's also... what? Proud? Happy? that Jean gives a damn about him enough to keep on with these lectures, because he works so hard at pretending he doesn't.]
I am listening.
[Armin does manage to look up at Jean, now.]
Promise.
no subject
Maybe he has that wrong, but he doesn't think so. The way that Captain Levi and Commander Smith fight is what's wrong. They jump to ideas of harming others for a greater goal, and thinking that sacrificing lives is just a given.
And this has been escalating, and he wants things with his friends to be better. He wants to see eye to eye with Armin. Hell, he even knows that he does with Eren in some ways, even if that idiot is suicidal about how he goes about things. Still, his interests are in line with Jean's, and that matters.]
I don't think I've got anything else to add.
no subject
[Armin is silent for a long moment, pulling himself up to stand more confidently, pushing his hair out of his face.]
You know I'm an orphan, right? When we evacuated Shiganshina, my grandfather looked after me, Eren and Mikasa. He was forced to take on the so-called mission to retake Wall Maria, and was not among the 200 who returned.
He knew he didn't stand a chance, but he was in no position to resist. He tried to seem brave for me.
I don't tell people this. I wouldn't say a word if I thought you could take this knowledge back home with you.
I couldn't do anything about him leaving, then. But I can do something now. If you think I don't think about the human cost with the same weight that you do, maybe you should try and imagine what it's like to be someone other than Jean Kirschtein, okay?
no subject
In some ways, Marco's death had helped Jean realize his own mortality, and it helped him realize that he wasn't the only one alone in the world.
As a result, though, there is nothing about Armin's request that seems out of place. Jean cannot assure him that he would listen to it (that would be a false promise), but he does, after a moment, stiffly nod.]
I'll try.
[He doesn't know if he can accomplish it. Jean has that difficult of a time looking outside of himself.]
no subject
[A little of the pressure on Armin's chest seems lifted, and he pushes off the wall, taking a few steps down the sidewalk.]
Same time next week? Maybe with a few less lectures?
no subject
Next week sounds fine. But let's do something with less ... flavor.
no subject
You can pick the restaurant, then.
no subject
[And given where they are, it's supposed to be good. It can be made greasy, from what he understands, but it won't always be.
It's safe.]
If I need to talk to you about something, we'll do it over our stupid communicators.
no subject
no subject
[That's just too much communication.
Which means it's likely going to happen at some point.]
no subject
I know, but I'm just saying you could. I'm open to that communication.
no subject
[He waves him off after a moment.]
no subject
[AND HE GIVES JEAN A SUPERQUICK HUG AND RUNS AWAY.]
no subject
The fact that he stands there stunned means he gets back to work five minutes late, but it's not like anyone really interrogates the imPorts too strongly.
(After all, it's not like he's stealing anything.)]