maskormenacelogs | JULY CATCH-ALL.

[ About halfway through flying over to the apartments, Jaime can't help but think to himself: what am I doing with my life?

He's happy to train people in how to use their powers. More than happy, really; it's a hard thing to get used to, and a necessary thing to get used to. But it's something else entirely to train someone to become a full-fledged superhero. Archie here is determined, though, and if Jaime doesn't train him, who will?

It's not going to count as absolution if anything happens to him, but he can't just sit around and do nothing. With that in mind, he makes his way over, a bright blue blob in the darkening evening sky that comes ever closer to Archie as he lands in front of him with a quiet thud! ]

Hi! [ He says, waving at him with a smile, because hesitant or not, he doesn't want to be unfriendly to the poor kid. ] Looks like you're ready to get going!

[Archie has absolutely none of Jaime's reserve. He grins despite feeling suddenly terribly under-dressed. Jaime sure knows how to make an entrance! (At least, Archie views "showing up out of the sky" as an entrance because he's still new to this Comic Books are Real business.)]

That was so cool, [he gushes, before he can stop himself. Then he seems to remember that he's gotta not seem like an absolute nerd if he's going to leave any kind of good impression, and he tries to wipe the smile off his own face. Whatever success he may have at that is debatable.] I mean, I'm definitely ready.

If you think that was cool, you've got a lot to get used to. I'm not the coolest guy around here.

[ Man, what if Archie meets Batman? Sure, he can't fly, but he'd probably, like, explode out of sheer excitement. Jaime's got wings, but Batman's the guy with oodles and oodles of style. Even in sunny El Paso, he somehow found convenient shadowy corners to lurk in. How does he even do that?

Wait, he's getting ahead of himself. He surveys Archie up and down, briefly, and dang. This kid's way taller than he is, which just seems profoundly unfair. ]

Okay, you got two choices, and both of 'em will probably be a liiiiittle bit uncomfortable. You wanna go for the piggyback option, or do you wanna go for the bridal style option?

[ He personally prefers bridal style, but one dude he picked up freaked out so bad when he scooped him up that he nearly dropped him. Some dudes just aren't okay being carried like that. ]

[Archie is pretty tall, and practically a solid slab of muscle, though that's not necessarily apparent immediately because of the bulk of the varsity jacket. He's got the right physique for the job, but literally none of the necessary skills. Unless he starts football tackling his enemies...

Archie looks surprised (and a touch dismayed) by his options. When the offer of flying came, he was maybe hoping for more of a dignified superman one-arm-carry situation. He coughs though, to cover it up. Smiles again, because honestly, who cares how it happens? He'll be flying!]

Um, whichever way is easier, I don't care.

[He's being truthful at least, he doesn't mind either more than the other, because they're probably both equally awkward. He's pretty easygoing though.]

Bridal style it is! Sorry, this might be awkward for a bit, but you'll get used to it. Arm around my neck, annnnd... here we go!

[ With that, he scoops Archie up, bridal style, and doesn't waste any time before jetting straight up into the air with a few decisive flaps of his wings. Once they've gotten enough altitude, buildings looking tinier and tinier below, he starts moving forward. ]

Now, you gotta tell me if the wind or debris is bugging you. I can put up a shield whenever, but... your first time flying? You've got to feel it for yourself, for at least a little while. It's my best power, swear to god.

[ And it's true - flying hasn't gotten old for him. It's a delight every time he sets off, the ability to speed wherever he wants to go, feel the wind against him, look down at the world below as it looks so small, and so simple... it always lends him a sense of perspective that he's deeply grateful for.

Plus, it's fun. ]

Better than a plane, am I right?

[Archie reflexively holds on awfully tight as they go rocketing up, but once his brain catches up to the fact that they're not going to go spiraling back down anytime soon, he loosens his grip in increments.

Because, holy shit. He is not wrong.]

Oh my god. [It's literally all he can think to say, for at least the first thirty seconds. His stomach is doing excitable little flips like he's on the world's best roller-coaster, and he eventually manages to master his mouth again, letting out an exhilarated bubble of laughter.] Way better.

[After a few minutes of absorbing the sensations in awed silence, he tips his head back slightly so the wind pushes his hair back out of his eyes instead of into it, before glancing around over their shoulders and ruining it all again. Now that he's really up close and personal, the logistics of Blue Beetle's mask (armor?) are a touch baffling.] Hey, what's this made out of? [He taps Jaime's opposite shoulder to make it clearer what he's talking about.]

I figured you'd say as much. Okay, I don't actually want this to take all day, so we're gonna put on the speed now, [ he says, and on cue, a little blue forcefield surrounds the two of them. Jaime doesn't need it (he's got built-in goggles!), but the seal's well needed, if the little pitter patter of debris against it is any indication as he really puts on speed, the world whizzing past below them. ]

You might get grossed out, [ Jaime says next, answering Archie's question. Which would be fair. His suit is pretty gross, but then again, it can be gross to look at too; the way that it moves organically with his skin can look eerie; unnatural. There's a reason why so many people come to the conclusion that he's an alien instead of just some guy in a suit. ] It's actually my skin. It converts my dead skin particles and stuff into a carapace that I can do basically whatever I want with. It's one-hundred percent organic, I can tell you that much.

[That is gross. But like, gross in the way that teenage boys find to be cool? So while Archie makes a bit of an eaugh noise at first, pulling his hand up from where it had been resting on Jaime's shoulder.... he replaces it a second later, seemingly over it.

But wait, he's pretty sure it's the same all over, so like does that mean...]

Wait, if that's all your skin, then are you like not wearing any clothes?

[AWKWARD]

Um. I mean, it depends on how long I wear it for? If I wear it for too long it, like, melts my clothes. Which isn't great, because I'm not exactly rolling in dough. But right now, they should still be there!

[ He hopes. He can't afford to keep on replacing his clothes. And yes, he really, really tries not to think about his own skin burning his clothes off, because that's weird, even for him. ] Just don't think about it too hard, and - oh! Here we are!

[ And with that, the protective bubble vanishes with nary a sound, and they begin their descent down into what looks like nothing more than a dusty plain. It's not flashy, but it works. ]

[It's a good thing that suddenly they're landing, because if not Archie absolutely would have been sitting there thinking about it.

Instead he swings his legs back to the ground, feeling a touch wobbly once his feet are on the dirt. He looks significantly more elated than queasy, though.]

We get to do that again on the way back, right? [Like, what else would they do? But he's already looking around them, distractedly. It doesn't look like... much. Or anything. Honestly he was kinda expecting a gym or something. Maybe a cool, superhero headquarters. A beetle-cave?] Uh, so, what are we doing here?

Well, we're not getting back any other way, so unless you piss me off... yes!

[ He winks at Archie, though, voice bright. He's not actually going to leave him here, and Jaime kind of hopes that the kid knows that he's just teasing him. ]

We're here because it's the perfect place to train. Or, at least, this is how I did it. It's about having a clear, open space where you can train without a bunch of people staring, and you can fight as hard as you want to here. I also busted some boulders, back in the day, but I'm not sure if that's really your thing.

[ He pauses, considering that maybe this isn't a normal way to train. Whoops. He needs to take some, like, superhero mentorship classes. ]

Anyway, I know that the last thing you want is more rules, buuuuuut... I'm gonna lay 'em on you before we get going. Number one? Don't go rushing into danger after this. I know I can't stop you from doing it, so if you do? I'm one phone call away. You call me when you see something, and I'll be there a lot faster than you think to back you up. Doesn't mean I'll be doing all the legwork, just that I'll be there just in case.

Rule number two? You gotta talk to me about where you're at. If something starts to hurt, or if I'm going too easy or too hard, you gotta tell me. Zero judgment zone, but I can't help you if I don't know where you're at!

Rule number three... um... [ Jaime pauses. ] You know, I think that's about it. We agreed?

[ The thing about living with two other telepaths is that there really isn't much in the way of privacy at times and Jean has been wanting to speak to Erik... and just Erik about a couple things that seemed to be, well, bothering her a little... mostly to do with one telepath in particular that they live with. So, with 'home' out for some place to talk, she decides to try the garage where she knows Erik works, hoping to maybe catch him when he's either just about to take a break for himself or, even better, be done for the day.

There's the campaign and everything else going on as well and so she really has no idea on her timing with coming here, but still she approaches the garage, trying to feel out with her telepathy if he happens to be around before she moves around to the actual garage part of the place and starts to, well, take a look for herself. ]

Um... hello?

Hello!

[ Jaime calls it out before really knowing who he's talking to, on account of him being underneath a car at the time. He slides out from underneath it and takes a moment to inhale the comparitively fresh air before rising to his feet and stretching out his sore back. Jaime's appearance has seen better days - his hair is plastered across his forehead in the heat, and his uniform, arms tied around his waist, is smeared with oil - but he's not too self-conscious about it. That's what garages are all about, anyway.

He reaches out to wipe his hands off on the nearest available rag before asking, voice in the pleasant cadence of customer service, ] What can I do for you?

[ It doesn't take Jean long to find Jaime coming out from under a car he seems to be working on, standing there with a curious but friendly smile. She doesn't have a car herself (not back home or even here) and so just standing there without something that needs to be fixed or looked at seems... really... awkward... just a bit. ]

Oh, I don't have anything that needs to be fixed or anything. [ Obviously. Tucking a few strands of hair behind an ear, she glances around for a moment. ] I was just wondering if Erik was around... I know he works here. [ She's just never been here before oops. ] Maybe I missed him.

Oh, yeah. He left early and left me with all the work, the jerk! I think he went to go do some campaign stuff.

[ There's nothing in his voice that suggests anything but a fondness for Erik though; although there are two candidates he's technically rooting for, he is really rooting for Erik's success. Maybe he can turn from his work as... well, a terrorist to working within the law, for the common good. ]

Are you guys friends or something?

[ There's a brief look of disappointment that comes over Jean when Jaime mentions that Erik left early. It's not all that surprising, if she's to be honest. He's been doing a lot of public appearance and work for his campaign that of course he would slip off work here early to go and tend to those matters. Still, she had wanted to talk to him about the professor and ends up chewing on her lower lip without even realizing it before Jaime asks that question and she looks up to him, a blink of her eyes. ]

Friends? [ She seems... taken aback by that and laughs a little, looking away. ] That might seem weird, right?

[ She puffs out a sigh then and looks back to him, smiling. ]

I guess you could say that. We're from the same... world. [ That's still weird to say. ] I knew him back home and we sort of live together with a couple others here.

[ A shake of her head, arms fall at her sides, seeming at a loss suddenly. ]

I was trying to catch him here to talk to him about something but... guess I missed him.

Well... sort of! When we're all lumped in here together, we make friends that, uh, aren't exactly in our age range. We're kind of friends too.

[ Kind of. That's not to denigrate Erik, but he's not sure what they are to one another. Erik's equal parts friend, co-worker, fellow imPort, mentor, and something else, but whatever he is has been invaluable to him over the past year or so. Things get hard like that here; as it turns out, kids always need someone to look up to, and they have to pick from what's there, not their parents or teachers or family members.

Sometimes, you pick a mutant terrorist. It happens! ]

Man, though, I was starting to wonder when someone from his world and not a different version of it was gonna wind up here. You guys must be close if you live together.

[ Maybe she's from before he went off the deep end, in his own way. Or maybe she accepted his redemption. Or maybe she's on his side! Who knows? ]

[ Erik is certainly... something, that's for sure. In fact, he's beginning to border slightly on what one might assume could be seen as a 'father figure' to her, which... she's not entirely sure how any of that is happening but he's familiar and things between them have been patched up since the whole Apocalypse thing, so.

His comment gets her to laugh a little under her breath and she glances off again before her attention falls back onto him, seeming a little curious this time. ]

It's kind of surprising to me, too.

[ A pause, slight change of subject. ]

So you work here with him, huh? [ She smiles again, taking a look around the place before she wanders over to the car that Jaime had slid out from under. ] I take it you're good with cars then?

Edited 2017-07-11 09:41 (UTC)

Yep! I've worked with him... gosh, practically since he got here? At least a month or two after he got here, anyway. 's hard not to become friends when you're crammed underneath one of these bad boys all day.

[ And funnily enough, Erik is his friend. Billy had warned him about Erik, all that time ago, and Erik had, in turn, divulged his story to Jaime. It may be senseless, but Jaime still trusts him. He's got his heart in the right place, and running for Ambassador only serves to prove that further. ]

But yeah, I'm not too bad with them! [ He says, cheerfully. ] My Dad owns a garage back home, and I practically grew up there - working at one here just seemed like the logical move. [ He wipes his hand off a little more thoroughly with a rag before offering it to Jean. ] I'm Jaime. Nice to meet you!

[ The outstretched hand sort of has her pause for a moment before, slowly she smiles and reaches out to take his hand into hers, shaking it all formal-like. ]

I'm Jean. Don't know if Erik's ever mentioned me or not.

[ He's been here much longer than her so who knows what he's told... friends of his.

Pulling her hand back and letting both of them slip into her back jean pockets, she glances around the garage that they stand in before she cocks her head back over to look at the car again. ]

So can you drive these as well or just fix them up?

He hasn't, but - he doesn't mention people from home a whole lot.

[ He's mentioned his wife and his kids before (and not underneath circumstances that made Jaime feel comfortable so much as asking their names), but other than his known friendship with Professor X, he doesn't really talk about anyone else, and Jaime hasn't asked. ]

It would suck to have fixed these for so long without ever getting to drive one! So, I mean, yeah, I can drive. I got a car and a bike, actually.

[ They were both gifts. My, but Jaime is spoiled. ]

I'm not above juicing up the engines. Just a little though! I'm not doing any Fast and the Furious stuff.

[ There's a smile that comes to her lips at his words. Would it suck? Definitely. Although, she can't exactly say that she's skilled in the art of fixing cars up as Erik and Jaime seem to be. Still, it's not like she can't appreciate their being able to.

However, it's the whole juicing up the engines comment that gets her to blink curiously for a moment before she glances back to the car for a moment. ]

Fast and Furious stuff? [ She's not aware of those movies sadly. ] You mean like racing?

Wha - have you never seen those movies? They're great! And awful. Please don't recreate anything in them; they're really dumb.

[ Which is to say, she definitely needs to go see them at... some point. Do they even exist in this universe? It's probably, like, The Rough And The Righteous, but it's not like it makes a big difference so long as it's primarily about big cars and things exploding. ]

Anyway, I just mean, like... you know, making sure they can go a little faster, if I need 'em to. I've never raced with them, but I like having it there.

[ It's also very illegal, but look, he's a good guy! He can get away with it from time to time! ]

[ Once the chaos in the streets quiet, it's time for Jaime to confront something he already suspected was true when he never received any word from Kaidan about where he was, or how he was doing. A part of him has been expecting this for a while now, since after Shepard had been ported out, but it makes his stomach sink to consider it anyway. ]

Okay, Khaji, [ he says out loud. ] You know the drill. We got four cities to search.

[ So they do. He takes to the skies and does a flyover of all four Porter cities, but all it does is confirm his suspicion that Kaidan is gone. He operates based off of habit alone, knowing exactly what needs to be done in this scenario, and that he's the one that has to do it. He still feels numb until he opens the door and Mako rushes towards him, tail wagging wildly, and then rushes right past him, doubtlessly looking for someone who isn't going to show. ] Oh. No, Mako, he's not - it's not - come on, come here, he's not here.

[ He cleans up the mess inside of Kaidan's apartment (Mako hadn't been let out for a while; Jaime immediately feels horrible for not having come sooner), lets her outside, opens all of the windows and gets to work. He finishes off the bathroom, but he only gets halfway through the bedroom before he hits on a pile of loose photos that Kaidan probably meant to get around to putting in an album sometime, rubs fiercely at his face, and decides that it's time for a break. He winds up lying down on the couch with Mako lying on his chest, absently smoothing down her fur while he stares at nothing in particular.

And, well, if Manabu comes a-knocking at the door, he figures that whoever's there will just have to forgive him for ignoring them. Maybe they'll just go away. ]

[seven missed calls is too many. this isn't even counting the texts. Manabu doesn't think to worry about Kaidan as much as other friends, given his military training and background. this is the guy who, despite getting hurt himself, was able to get call for help and get the both of them to safety after that shooting weeks ago, after all.

so maybe he's sick? that was an awful lot of water in Heropa, never mind how dirty it probably was.

maybe he's really busy with the relief efforts. there's definitely no shortage of work there or in any city, so nobody with a mind to help is wanting for work...

Kaidan's just going to have to forgive him inviting himself over. he's sure he will. Manabu climbs up the stairs, second- and third-guessing himself on the right address. he...he never actually visited his home before, though Kaidan's offered him a place to crash more than once. guess the worst that can happen is he knocks and it's the wrong apartment, right?]

Kaidan?

[after a hesitation, he knocks, then recoils. the door was only loosely closed, and even a little nudge shows he can just push it open. that's...incredibly rude, but.]

Excuse the intrusion, but I'm coming in! [he calls while already poking in, peeling his shoes off at the entrance and padding down the small, short foyer.]

Kaidan, are you ho--oh... [he immediately freezes, spotting what looks like a stranger at first in the living room. he feels a rush of guilt for, well, breaking in and hitches on a half-formed sound before he realizes that-- uh, beyond the dog -- he recognizes him.]

Ueh, Jaime-?

Shit, [ Jaime says, softly, but with feeling. He's not much for swearing, but considering the circumstances, he's willing to make an exception. Mako uses his chest as a springboard, leaping off of him and sprinting towards the door, which gives Jaime the time to sit up, scrubbing at his face with the heels of his hands. It's good that Manabu caught him in the midst of tearing up instead of flat-out bawling, because god knows that if it were the latter, that'd be the end of it. When Jaime starts crying, that train don't stop.

He gets up, and, well, he's looked happier to see Manabu before. Nothing against the guy - he seems perfectly nice - but this isn't the kind of task he really wanted company for. But he's not going to kick the guy out or anything, so contrary to his instinct to hide or jump out the window, he asks, ] Manabu? What are you doing here?

[Mako may as well be some little alien jumping bean for all Manabu knows; he spares her a momentary glance as she scampers over to sniff him before he looks past her, around the room, back to Jaime, his expression clouding more and more with agitation and confusion.]

I--I don't get it... [he shifts, moving his foot away from the dog nosing at it.] This is Kaidan's place, right? Where is he? He hasn't--answered in days, so, I...

Ahhhh... [ Jaime rubs at his face again. He really doesn't want to be having this conversation right now, on account of the fact that he doesn't want to be having any conversation right now. Really, all he wants to do is hunker down and wallow in his own sense of misery until he feels like he can peel himself off of the ground again.

And then he'll do some more wallowing, and rinse and repeat. That's just how this goes. He didn't even know that Kaidan and Manabu were friends in the first place! But since they clearly were... Well, the poor guy needs an explanation as much as anyone else. ]

Look, man. He got ported out. He got ported out... probably around the time he stopped answering your calls. He's not the kinda guy to ignore you like that. [ He shrugs, the slope of his shoulders low, downcast. ] Sorry to be the bearer of bad news. But... that's how this place goes.

[Jaime's a reasonable guy, from what Manabu can tell. so it's weird that he's saying something pretty unreasonable right now.]

We just... [his brow furrows. he has to actually try to think his thoughts before blurting them.] There's been chaos...everywhere. For--for days. How do you know why someone's gone for sure in all that? Some--procedure, or...

No. There's no procedure. Usually, someone goes missing, you just wait around and hope it's a port-out, [ Jaime says. There's no shortage of bitterness in his heart left from well over a year ago, when that hadn't been true, when what had been presumed to be a port-out had happened to be a kidnapping. He hasn't made the mistake of not checking that one out thoroughly since.

He sighs, leaning against the couch and drumming his fingers on the back of it. ]

I can track people's DNA. Even if something had happened to him, I would have been able to find him. But I couldn't. So he's gone.

[incredulous, he lets out a puff of air, leaning before stepping backward a pace. sit and wait? really? so...so all of Hazel's other friends had just sat around and waited? and Kaidan's do that now, too?

that's unacceptable. he swallows and finds his voice again, pressing with a bit more certainty:] Where? Where did you look? Besides normal places? Has anyone else? Because I can--

Don't. [ Jaime's not sure if he's saying this for Manabu's benefit or his own. Maybe he doesn't want to have to sit through someone else's denial, or maybe he doesn't want Manabu to go through the same thing everyone here winds up going through at some point in time. He holds one hand up, trying to stop him in his tracks, before his mind can even go there. ]

Please, just... don't go down that road. He's not here. I promise he's not. You can go looking if you like, but that's just gonna make it harder for you in the long run. And he didn't - he wanted to go back home, anyway.

[ Even though he was certain he was going to die there, he wanted to go back, to where Shepard is. Jaime's still a little angry with him about it, even if that feeling's a wholly insensible one. ]

[Manabu bristles at don't, his eyes widening for a brief moment. being told to not do something only sparks a stubborn want to do it anyway.] You ca-- [Jaime's still talking, and as much as Manabu wants to and tries to cut him off, it's Jaime here who has more cards to work with than he does. and attempt to talk over him proves futile in the face of the explanation -- that final remark being the real one-two punch that causes him to waver in place and lose his train of thought.

isn't it a little more than selfish of him to want Kaidan to certainly be here? but. still, he...didn't even get to say goodbye or good luck or, or really anything useful. that's not fair.]

But that-- [he starts to argue the thought out loud, but his voice catches. he looks startled for a second, blinking dumbly at Jaime before looking past him at the room, down at the expectant dog at his feet.]

I...I, ah... That-- [he looks back up, his mouth twitching.] That's...true, isn't it. Ah...

[ Jaime sighs heavily, sitting back down, then leaning over and dangling his fingers against the ground, calling Mako over to him. Poor thing has no clue what's going on. Maybe it's cruel to keep pets. Maybe they shouldn't have even kept BB.

But they've got to live while they're here, don't they? Jaime just smooths down Mako's ears, trying not to think too hard about it and failing. ]

Yeah, [ he says, quietly. ] I don't think... I don't think this place had enough for him. And practically everyone he knew from back home had already gone back too. It was his time. He knew it too. Last time we spoke, he talked about wanting to be back there, but about worrying about what would happen to his life here, too.

[ He picks Mako up again, looking her in her little doggy eyes. ] I told him I'd take care of Mako. So that's exactly what I'm going to do.

[so that's it? that's just. how it is?

Manabu watches Jaime, feeling a little wave of nausea. it doesn't set well with the little spark of indignation that got set at "don't", leaving him here with just an all-around unpleasant state of being.]

Then... [he swallows, his voice thick.] There's nothing I can do?

No.

[ It feels wrong, saying that. Jaime likes to think that usually he's all about hope, all about fighting for another chance, to change something, somehow. But Kaidan had wanted to leave, had wanted to go off to whatever dangers he had to face, and even if he didn't?

This has happened to Jaime too few times for him to hold any hope for anything other than Kaidan being ported back in sometime. He might. He probably won't, though. Most people don't. ]

You collect their things, and call the people who need to be called, and take care of what they left behind. And then you move on. [ He sighs, an altogether unhappy twist of his mouth a betrayal of how he really feels about this. ]

Sorry. But that's all you can do. You'll... you'll get used to it. If you stay here long enough.

[ And if not? Maybe Manabu should be arranging for someone to clean up what he'll leave behind too. ]

[the grim, miserable reservation in Jaime's tone hollows out a pit in Manabu's gut. that aforementioned spark? it ignites a sudden sharpness -- desperate recoil against something he can't stand to accept.]

Don't joke around! Get used to it? [his voice is a bit too loud, but this space is empty. there's a lot of open room to fill.] This-- [a frustrated arm gesture at Jaime, at the room.] This is...getting used to it? You have to be kidding me!

[he huffs loudly, shifting in place with half a mind to start angrily pacing. his eyes are stinging with unchecked, brimming tears. lower, trailing off as he looks down, hands curled into fists.] Get used to it...

You're just saying that because you haven't been here for long enough! I don't know what you wanna hear from me, because all I can do is tell you the truth, and the truth is is that this - this happens all the time, and if you keep on - if you have a meltdown every time it happens, you're never gonna stop!

[ And that's the truth of it, isn't it? Jaime's heard of all of that Keep Calm And Carry On nonsense and at one point, he'd thought that all it was was repression. Well, now he knows it's repression, and a little bit of something else; if you're going to cope with something happening all the time, at some point, you need to numb yourself to it, just a little bit. Not enough to do a disservice to those that are gone, but enough so that you can do what has to be done, and so that you can keep on going.

But then again, usually when Jaime figures out someone's gone, he's alone. Usually, he can curl up in his room, lick his wounds, cry a little, then get up again the next morning. This time, though, he's being confronted right in the moment, and he can feel a very, very familiar tightness in his chest. No, he tells himself. Nope! Not now! He's a big crybaby, but not right now! That's not what's going to happen! He's going to stay strong and certain until Manabu leaves, but until then, he is definitely not going to cry! ]

You don't get to burst in here and tell me I'm handling this wrong, when -- when --

I'm just trying to do right by him! [ He explodes.

And then he bursts into tears. Which is awful, and which he was actively trying to avoid, and which he's trying to stop now, but once you get the crying train a-rolling for Jaime, it just doesn't stop. It's the worst. It's not very dignified, and it's not the way a superhero should act, and it's not the way he's supposed to be dealing with Kaidan's stuff in a clean and diginfied manner, but it's happening anyway, and he can't stop it. ]

Oh nooooo, [ he groans, a hint of panic in his voice as he realizes that this is the opposite of a situation he wants to be in. Can he jump out a window? He could probably jump out a window.

He's seriously considering jumping out a window. ]

Dude! [ He says, sounding deeply accusing, as though he can override tears with the sheer potency of his anger at Manabu saying the same crap he had felt, a couple short years ago.

Anger doesn't work so well when it sounds quite this watery. Great. Kaidan's gone, and now he's embarrassed himself. ]

[he's bristled for fisticuffs -- people tend to like to punch him when touchy things get too heated back home. he doesn't know Jaime well enough to not know he's not the sort to get sassed up and punchy over sensitive topics.

the sudden break causes him to startle, himself having to blink rapidly to keep his own situation under control. it's really difficult, since other people being highly emotional gets him going, too...

Jaime gets to enjoy the crushing mortification of his tears for a few beats longer while Manabu stands still and silent, save for the quivering to keep himself just that. tears do spill freely, though, when he can muster to speak in a choked-up voice, his arms stiffly pressed against his sides.]

Go ahead, then... [he swallows.] Do right, that's fine. But..."get used to it"-? [the sound he makes is him trying to laugh, but it's a sad sound. he shakes his head.] Don't say that... I don't care how long you've been here, how many times you've had to put up with this... [a beat for breath, shoulders lifting high and drooping with the effort.]

You don't get used to it. Losing people you love and care about. Not once. Not...a dozen times. That's--[breath.] That's how it should be. It has to be terrible, Jaime...

Ugh! Why do you even care? Why d'you think it's your business how other people deal with this crap? You haven't been here for it.

[ You do get used to it, Jaime thinks. It doesn't mean that it hurts any less, necessarily, even if it does help you cope. It just means that you get to manage it, in the ways that you can. If you spend every day getting hurt, even if it hurts every time, you're going to get used to it anyway. That's how it works. ]

Screw this. I didn't come in here to get - to get lectured on this, [ he sniffs, rubbing away his tears with the undersides of his wrists, trying to get a hold on it, and failing horribly at it, shoulders shaking and face reddening and nose running.

And then he stomps away. This would have a lot more dramatic effect if he stomped right out of this place, but he still has to clean it up, so instead he just stomps off to the washroom. Then, mere seconds later, as Mako scratches at the door, he opens the door a crack to let her in. ] Oh. Hi, Mako.

[ ...and then he shuts the door again. He knows that this is a childish, immature impulse, but he doesn't particularly care. He wants to hide and deflect and avoid all of this, and if that means sitting in Kaidan's washroom and crying on his toilet, then that's exactly what he's going to do.

He's still audibly crying in there, though. Which sucks. But he's already lost that battle, so if he's going to be the crybaby who crumples immediately under pressure, then he might as well be the crybaby who crumples immediately under pressure before immediately hiding in the washroom. ]

[Jaime's tearful exit is unchallenged, and it leaves Manabu alone, standing at the threshold of the living room. aside from the muted sounds from the bathroom, he only gets to hear the rapid drumming of his heart in his ears.

there's nobody to yell at -- or get yelled at by. nowhere to send hot, uncomfortable outrage. all it can do now is linger and cool into grief and remorse, like a hot, forged knife set into water. the steam in this instance will knit into the fog that follows him and thickens when he ignores these miserable feelings too long.

he takes a breath, and in that beat swipes at his eyes and turns. he silently puts his shoes back on and pulls the door open, waiting for a proper click at close behind him. after another beat, he pulls his hand away and lifts it to view, watching it tremble. the other does, too, he realizes, inspecting them both.

being sad and angry is to be expected, but he's suddenly aware that he's scared, too. he's lost someone important--someone with a connection he doesn't have with many people here, isolating him in a way. Kaidan's been a constant, a first sight each time he's found fresh footing here. so what does that mean for Manabu in his absence? if anything?

carrying grief is easier -- he's carried it since he was a boy -- but fear is harder for him to corral when it starts to override common sense.

he squeezes both hands into fists again and breathes through his teeth, bracing against himself and hastening downstairs, away. move fast enough, and he thinks he can maybe outpace it for now.]

[ Jaime sits quietly in the washroom until he hears the click of the door. Manabu had been crying too, he reasons to himself, and he's just sad and hurting too. Jaime's not the only one here who lost a friend. He can practically hear his Dad's voice in his ears - mijo, just talk to him - and he knows what he'd do if he really was a good person, which is run after him, apologize for running and explain that tensions are high, offer to give him some of Kaidan's stuff, send him on his way knowing that there's still a group of people here to remember and to support.

He doesn't do that. He stays in the washroom long after Manabu's gone, as though scared of being caught in case he decides to come back, but eventually he comes to the realization that he's safe, alone. He splashes some cold water on his face, trying to bring himself back to Earth (it's not an easy thing; his head is throbbing and fuzzy in the way it always is when you cry hard, a strange weightless feeling in his feet and in his chest), then heads back out again.

Unlike Manabu, though, he can never really be alone. ]

Query: Does < Jaime Reyes > wish for chemical changes?

Suggested action: Increase in Endorphins.

[ It's not the first time Khaji's offered to mess with his hormones to try to ease a pain he can't altogether understand, and it won't be the last time either. As ever, Jaime shakes his head (he can't start having Khaji mess with his hormones to make him happy or to give him a deeper sleep; that's a rabbit hole he doesn't want to go down), but his and Mako's presence are enough to bolster his spirits to get back to work cleaning out and organizing the rest of the apartment, silently making a list of people he has to call once he's through.

He'll make it up to Manabu later. Or maybe not. Maybe he'll be ported out by the time he's ready to face him again. Who knows with this place? ]

JULY CATCH-ALL.

FOR ARCHIE

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FOR MANABU

READY 2 CRY

CRYING SOFT BOYS GOOD 2 GO

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1/2

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GOTTA GET IN DAT GRATUITOUS ENDTAG