Sad Stark Moments 1: The Saddening [closed]

[honorobble]

WHO: Robb Stark & Jon Snow
WHERE: Their farmhouse
WHEN: The evening after Lucy Pevensie left
WHAT: Bros supporting each other
WARNINGS: n/a

Not that Jon is known for having a happy face in general, this time he really looks down. Now Robb has never truly met Lucy but he has been vaguely aware of the fact that his brother had lost his heart to her.

He approaches him slowly, still wearing his job outfit that consists out of black slacks and a brightly colored shirt with a nametag on it.

"Jon?" Robb's voice is soft as he announces himself. "Are you well?"

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[song_of_ice]

He had come back from the ambassador's office and retreated to the attic room he shared with his brother. All of the emotion he had suppressed in the video threatened to come back up with him. Rather than let his family see it, he pressed his face into his pillow and let his expression shift from neutral to pained.

The house was filled and every room occupied. Even if they wanted to be alone, there was always someone around. Which was why it wasn't a surprise when Robb came into the room. He was still dressed in his uniform, something that normally made Jon smile in amusement. Usually he was concerned about his brother in the city, but today he couldn't muster that emotion.

He was too exhausted. "I'm fine."

[honorobble]

Once he has entered the room he takes off his nametag and pulls the shirt over his head to replace it with something long and made of linen. The slacks come after that and he picks a nice pair of woolen breeches in stead of it.

“Gods be good, you are an awful liar, Jon.”

The words come out in a bit of a huff.

“You can tell me, it can be a secret between us.”

[song_of_ice]

"It isn't a secret, Robb." He hadn't seen the network then. "Lucy returned home." There wasn't much more to say about it. Everything he worried about had come true. He knew that the end would eventually come, but he hadn't given thought to when it might happen or how it might feel.

"There's nothing I can do about it."

That was the painful truth. He had to endure and accept the loss.

[honorobble]

Well, Robb doesn’t check the network often and when Jon speaks of Lucy leaving he nods slowly.

“You have lost your love...” That must be harsh and there’s a sincere expression of warmth on Robb’s face. Still, he is not quite sure what to say. He cannot get her to return and he is too inexperienced with love to know of a broken heart.

“I would not know what to do either... I think the best thing is...to remember the good times.”

[song_of_ice]

He rubs his hands over his face, giving a small huff as he tried to pull himself together. It was fine to brood over the loss in private, but that was emotion better hidden from anyone else. Even from his family.

"As brief as they were." He could find the person responsible for pulling them in or out, he wouldn't hesitate to drive his sword through them. That anger was lurking beneath the surface, begging to be let out.

"They took her. No warning, no word. She was just gone." Just as the rest of them might someday be.

[honorobble]

Robb has never suffered from a broken heart or something like that. He had never had a woman and he had never loved either. Of course, he hopes to do so one day.

“Mayhaps it is not safe to lose your heart to anyone here. It is a temporarily thing. When one’s time is up they have to leave again.”

He has no idea what to say.

“Being angry will not help you…”

[song_of_ice]

"I don't intend to. I shouldn't have gone against my instincts after I arrived. I knew this wasn't going to last." But she found her way into his heart. It was a sharper pain than anything he knew. He thought Ygritte's broke him, but this added to that was too much.

He shook his head, staring up at the ceiling.

"I'm not angry, Robb. Feeling anything about this beyond acceptance is pointless. I need to look after the city on her behalf."

[honorobble]

“Well...there are many songs and verses about love... The heart can be treacherous at times.”

Robb says it wilt a solemn voice, as if he is lecturing his (now) older brother.

“Yet you do not just feel what you wish to feel. There is nothing wrong with loving...I hope to lose my heart to a woman one day...” But Robb knows better. He’ll be betrothed to a girl he barely knows. At times lords bring their daughters to Winterfell, hoping Ned Stark would betroth them to his oldest son. “I do not think it will happen, but I can hope... And...Jon, doesn’t it feel good to have been able to love another?”

The type of love that goes beyond stealing kisses from the kitchen maids or ogling at the teats of a whore.

[song_of_ice]

More than treacherous. He had fought against opening himself up again, still mourning Ygritte. Lucy found her way into his heart and remained lodged there. While he knew how it was to be in love, he didn't want to go through it all again. Not here, not when there was a chance he would return home.

"It's a good feeling, but she could come back someday." He doubted it thought. "Even if she is gone, I still love her. I won't betray her." For as long as he was here, she would remain his as he would remain hers.

He feels dread inside him. He knew what happened when Robb lost his heart to a woman, but he said nothing, not wanting to ruin his dreams of love. "Each time I've loved, Robb, I knew that it would end. I could never keep her." What was the point in the end? Only the pain left behind and him being alone once more.

[honorobble]

“Indeed!” Robb nods. “She could come back. And I would hold on to that hope...that she might come back. It will make everything less difficult.”

Some sort of small voice in the back of his head wants to ask his brother if he has seen this woman's teats.

"That is because you chose to take the black... I have always wondered why you wanted to go to the Wall."

[song_of_ice]

"If she comes back, she will have no memory of being here or me." Which made it more painful to consider her returning. She would be happier in Narnia with her family and friends. How could he wish her to be taken from that and brought here once more, a strange realm she wouldn't recall?

"There was no place for me in Winterfell or King's Landing. I'm a bastard, Robb. The only place I would command respect is at the Wall. It's no matter now." Robb knew the truth about his life and that he left the Wall. Now he had the chance to love and have a family, neither of which appealed to him anymore.

[honorobble]

"Then make those memories again... Or would you think you will scare her off?"

Robb pulls a face at the answer Jon gives him.

"You are my brother. Why would you ever think we'd turn on you? Or that we'd shun you for...being a bastard?" He sits up straight and rolls his shoulders. "Do you still think that? After everything that will happen in your future... Now father took away your bastard name?"

Technically only kings are able to legitimate bastards but to Robb Ned's words mean just as much.

[song_of_ice]

"I don't know." Would she even fall in love with him again, if she did come back? How did he manage to catch her heart the first time? He wasn't sure if he could lose her, only for her to return and reject him. Their time was so limited as it was, would it be fair to ask her to become attached to him only to be sent home once more?

But this was speculating. It was unlikely she would come back.

"It wasn't how you would treat me that worried me, Robb." His true born siblings had always loved him and treated him like their brother, but the North and the rest of Westeros were different. Were. It didn't seem to matter in the face of the coming threat. He had acceptance, but always at a price.

"He took away my name here." He didn't want to lessen what their father had done, but it was temporary as well. "We won't remember any of this when we return home."

[honorobble]

“You are difficult to please...” Robb huffs in response and frowns a little. “Why do you always...refuse to see the good in things? Or think about that what is good? It is good to hope for something, you know.”

He leans forward a little, his arms crossed.

“You become a king... And I will as well...” The frown on his face deepens significantly. “I have been thinking about that a lot. I think that you are probably my heir. Or I made you my heir or the North has...” Finally he turns to look at his brother again. “That is why I do not want to become king. I do not want to die. Because that would mean father and mother die... So we need to remember what happened here.”

[song_of_ice]

"What good comes from that hope, Robb?" He snapped, feeling his frustration towards the city finally breaking. So much had been denied to him in his life and he had thought that was over, but the Gods weren't kind. Not in this world or in their own.

He sits up, leaning his elbows against his knees as he rubbed his eyes.

"I wish it was that simple, Robb. There were days I wanted to leave the Wall and go to you. When you called the banners, I nearly broke my vows and rode to meet you. I couldn't...I couldn't leave and I regret that." If they could remember, maybe so much could be averted, but it seemed unlikely. He knew what would happen when they were sent back. This wouldn't even be a dream, it simply wouldn't exist.

[honorobble]

“So that mean you have to sit and frown all day long and think about all the injustice that has been done to you?” Robb snaps back at his brother. “I cannot change you being a bastard. Only you can change how you look upon that. Not all is lost.”

After saying that he just looks at Jon.

“You should not have chosen the black in the first place. And...it is good that you did not break your vow then. Breaking it would have made you a deserter.”