but I don't think I'm coming home

[enabeled]

WHO: ABEL GIDEON and VISITORS
WHERE: Health First Cape Canaveral Hospital
WHEN: 4/21 - 4/30 (specify date & time!)
WHAT: A trial and sentencing may or may not wait in Gideon's future, but his present involves a lengthy hospital stay. Spinal injury, amateur amputation, and a sudden but stubborn loss of appetite will do that.
WARNINGS: Probable references to violence, injury/amputation, cannibalism, and murder/attempted murder.


[ There should be relief, but there isn't -- hardly much. Abel Gideon almost wishes he had not survived his final encounter with the Chesapeake Ripper if it meant enduring what he is enduring now.

But he is glad to be alive, to be away from there. Here he doesn't have to worry about being kidnapped from his hospital room and waking up without his leg; they're taking good care of him. He had lost blood. He had a fever, and couldn't stop sweating. He felt cold almost constantly, and whenever he did sleep he always woke from nightmares shortly after with a jerk, staring with wary eyes at the door. Sometimes the window. Sometimes his remaining leg, feeling it to make sure it still really is there.

They feed him through an IV for the most part, because he refuses to touch any of the meat they try to serve him and has so far had some difficulty keeping anything else down except for the clearly inoffensive: Jello. Banana slices. Leafy salads.

Hannibal Lecter isn't here, but Gideon knows that is not a fact to take for granted. He isn't here now, therefore that fact is only of relief for the time being.

His condition is stabilized, but only physically. He doesn't speak much to the doctors or nurses but refuses psychological evaluation at every opportunity. Gideon is already rendered too vulnerable for his own liking for him to be interested in offering up what's in his head even if he did have reason to still trust psychiatrists. His head is crowded enough as it is, anyway; he spends enough time in there, thinking about Frederick Chilton -- and his own failure, twice, in killing him -- about Will Graham and the complicated baggage therein, about what his future might hold and dozens of other rotating subjects, some rational, some not.

Not much reading gets done, but not much sleeping does, either. Right now all he has is time to kill. ]

Comments

4/29, evening

[selfequipped]

[Kate doesn't come right away. The direct contradiction between Frederick and Abel's correspondence unsettled her, especially following the information she gathered in the room. There was too much. It was overwhelming, and the overwhelming nature of it told her one thing: she needed to go against her (worse) urges and step away.

It's that reason why someone has mentally involved as her takes over a week to arrive, but arrive she does. Uncertain as to whether she should bring anything, she ultimately decides on nothing. Everything about her is understated for this meeting, from her clothing to her appearance. Kate doesn't want to stand out. She can't afford to, and she doesn't want to disrupt the procedures within the hospital.

When she reaches his room, her knuckles hit against the door frame to announce her presence, but she doesn't step in. She waits in place, watching him with knit eyebrows.

Kate doesn't know what happened. She doesn't know who the Ripper is.

But looking at this man, looking at his condition, she thinks whoever he is, he's lucky not to know her.]

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[ He's not asleep, but he barely moves to acknowledge her for a good few moments -- propped up in a slight sitting up position, Gideon's attention is out the window even though there's not much to be seen from out it. Beneath the thin white hospital blankets the lump of his right leg is evident in particular contrast to the lack of an adjoining lump to the left.

Finally he turns his head, eyes resting cautiously on Kate. There's something present in the look that was not there either of the other times the two of them had seen each other, something restless beneath the surface of calm.

When he speaks, his voice is addled with the slightest of morphine slurs: ]

Ms. Bishop. So lovely to see you again.

[selfequipped]

[The slur is immediately noted, and Kate appreciates the fact that he's likely not in too much pain. He may be someone who harms others, but she grasps that he's not in one piece. Chilton's words from the memory she gained ring through whenever she thinks of Gideon, about how he wouldn't be able to put himself back together.

What is it like to be him, she wonders? Then again, some distant part of her can guess. She's been unmade before. She's had a piece of her identity stripped away, deconstructed in a brief, but violent act that reminded her of how utterly fragile and weak she happened to be. Everything she's done since then has been a reflection of that event, and while she embraces her duty that she's taken on as a result, it unsettles her, too.

And frustrates her.

She doesn't know the whole story, but she knows the different paths a person can take. His is, in some ways, just as logical as hers, even if she doesn't connect with that logic. Causing people pain is low on her list of things she enjoys.

(Even if she does regularly punch criminals in the mouth. But it's not something she seeks, surely—)

Kate steps in after a moment, moving toward a seat that's closer to the window and settling in it after a moment, hands folded in her lap.]

Have you had many visitors?

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[ His eyes are focused, pale blue and severe despite any presence of drugs in his system -- it seems not to have gone to his head much, so to speak. At his sides his hands clench and unclench in idle but rhythmic motions that might seem restless if they seemed particularly intentional, bunching and unbunching fistfuls of sheet, and his forehead is damp with a misting of sweat.

Still, his expression barely changes except for his eyebrows to lift in consideration, to tighten at the corners. ]

That depends on if you consider two to be "many." Not that I mind the quiet -- actually sort of relieving. [ He manages to make even that sincere statement sound dismissive. ] So what is it that brings you by?

[selfequipped]

[Two. That means that people weren't curious, either; they weren't wondering what his relationship to Dr. Chilton happened to be. Kate wondered if that kind of behavior could extend elsewhere. People registered because it was easier, because it made sense. Couldn't that be said to be the same here?

Or perhaps her own additional knowledge was to her favor?]

I'm here to talk to you about why I was able to find you that day. [She studies his features.] And why you went about what you happened to do. This won't be for an official statement. I won't be able to testify because I shouldn't have been acting as a vigilante. [But—it's not spoken, so she breathes in and breathes out.] Dr. Chilton is tied to a great many people here, and I saw everything that you did. [Everything.] Without the use of surveillance equipment.

[enabeled]

[ His eyebrows quirk slightly, although it's the extent of his expression change; Gideon certainly does not appear surprised to hear what she says. Maybe he's even been expecting this conversation... if not from Kate, then from someone. ]

Why you were able to find me is a question better answered yourself, I'd think. But Heropa's not a terribly big city either, is it? [ He blinks slowly, inscrutably. ] Saw it all, hm? Sorry about that. Had I known I had an audience... well, I'd still have done it.

I owed it to him.

[selfequipped]

You owed it to him. [She echoes that sentiment partly because she needs to mull it over. He owed it to him. Her lips purse and she says little else, at least immediately, on that line of thought. She intends to ask him why he owed it to him, but she wants to give her piece of information first.]

They gave me psychometry. I was able to process some information in that room. Combined with a good memory ... [Perfect memory. She doesn't say that, though.]

You can understand why I'd like more blanks filled. Your conversation with him had a lot of information, but despite being a hero, I've not decided a side. [He turned Chilton into the victim, after all.

But was he the victim first? And could she really blame him if he was?]

[enabeled]

I did.

[ He smiles faintly, but plainly; no sense in hiding the truth, or what he believes to be the truth. Chilton had earned every stitch and slice, as far as Gideon is concerned. ]

That's surprisingly diplomatic, given your occupation. Isn't exactly a case of 'innocent until proven guilty,' now is it? ... Just what is it you want to know, in specific? A lot I could say... and plenty I might not feel like saying. It all depends on the blanks in question.

[selfequipped]

What did he do to you? Specifically, Dr. Gideon. That's the question I want to know the answer to. I've run a lot through my imagination, but my impression is that your world is not filled with people who have powers, so ... I'm left curious. You lost yourself, and he had no help in finding yourself. [She remembers those words explicitly, and had a number of different ideas on what they could have met. And yet—]

Beyond that, it's all hypothetical questions. That's the one I want to know best, since Dr. Chilton is ... helping so many here.

[enabeled]

[ That, of course, earns a stretch of silence; Gideon regards her quietly, eyes impassive though wary, and he folds his hands in his lap before slowly looking out toward the window.

The ever-complex relationship between himself and Chilton. What can he say, really? ]

He was my doctor. You know how it is with psychiatrists... they poke and they push and they twist, all in the name of healing.

Can't say I quite agree with the methods.

[selfequipped]

[The lack of specifics makes her lips twist downward. She wonders if now that he's put on the spot, he won't say anymore, or if he's building up to it. Either way, Kate has observed that he's one for theatrics. They both are, and it frustrates her.

(Not that she's not guilty of it herself.)]

How did he twist, Dr. Gideon? What methods did he use?

[enabeled]

[ Brow furrowing, Gideon tilts his head slowly, debating how to answer her further -- if he does. It's a dilemma, and as he mulls his fingers idly drum his unfeeling thigh. There's no reason to keep it secret, though -- really, all that does is hurt him further -- except for his own dignity and sense of privacy.

Slowly, words carefully enunciated, he says: ]

He tried to remake me into someone else. The Chesapeake Ripper is a man of many faces, but none that belong to myself. However... [ He pauses. ] For some time I had been led to believe otherwise.

[selfequipped]

He led you to believe that you were a serial killer. [A wheel turns in her mind. Why would he do that? Did Frederick believe that he could get away with it? Certain evidence would have to be displayed, and it would mean that Chilton himself had the right amount of information to verify that.

Still, it's risky.]

Why? What did he stand to gain from that? [There's another question, too. How did Dr. Gideon find himself in that position? She'll get to that in a moment.]

[enabeled]

[ Oh, Kate. You are opening a whole new can of worms, asking questions like that. Gideon almost looks amused, the way his gaze lowers and his lips quirk, but mostly there's something more ambiguous in that look.

He tucks his chin in toward his chest, pursing his lips more tightly before speaking. ]

Renown. Status -- the usual sorts of things. What else do men like him ever want?

[selfequipped]

[Kate recalls their burger date, and the mention of wanting to offer psychiatry to someone like Lucifer. Despite her indications otherwise, Chilton had insisted upon going forth with it, and even acted as if her concern had been misplaced. She's curious about that in hindsight, and what it means to this now.]

And what were you before he ... remade you? [It's the question that needs to be asked. Did Chilton make him into someone who would harm others, or would it be something different?]

He suggested that I should be afraid of you. But honestly, Dr. Gideon, you wouldn't get very far with me. [Even in his normal state. She's certain of it.] But that was a warning that didn't come out of selfishness. Why did you attack him, when there were other ways to injure him that were more severe? [Ways to prolong it. It's a lot of questions, a lot of things she's wondering, and she wonders if he'll choose to answer any of them.]

[enabeled]

What was I?

[ In his normal state, Gideon was capable of quite a lot when it came down to it; he had felled four people on his own, a nurse moments after his heart had continued beating, two armed guards while he himself had been in handcuffs. Not that this sort of abnormal strength was drawn upon in more lucid moments... or ever could be, again.

He holds out his hands in an open-palmed shrug. ]

A man. A doctor, a patient... quite a number of things. But not a serial killer. [ He smirks thinly. ] Either way, I don't think I'd kill you. Awfully difficult now, I agree.

I wanted him to suffer, Ms. Bishop... but whatever he tells you, I'm not a sadist.

[selfequipped]

[The response itself is curious, but she doesn't investigate it further. He had to be any number of things, and from her conclusions, she's determined that it's very possible that he was wrongly detained before Chilton had begun his experiments (or whatever he did) on him. Kate lives in a world where such things are, unfortunately, normal, so in this exact circumstance, she doesn't contemplate it further.]

No, I ... I understand. It's fairly normal to be inspired by being made a victim. One way or another. [She tries to sound neutral, and is confident that she's accomplished it. But she thinks back to Jessica Jones, to their conversation, and she knows that it runs in many different directions.

It's hard to be a victim. It's even hard to admit to it.]

[enabeled]

[ Getting a straight answer out of Abel Gideon is a rare skill, it's true. Alana Bloom could do it on occasion, but normally there had to be something for him to gain to make him interested in anything resembling straightforwardness. Even now as he smiles tightly in Kate's direction, every word and sentence from his mouth is a winding path that detours in different directions. They aren't lies, but they're barely helpful in the end.

He tilts his head, looking at her with veiled curiosity. He doesn't like that word much, "victim," but he'll go with it. ]

You're quite right about that. And I'm relieved, trust me, that we're able to understand one another.

[selfequipped]

I can understand it, but it doesn't make it any better. I fully expect you to have to undergo the appropriate procedures. That will prove necessary in the future. [Kate understands the desire to give someone retribution, but that doesn't mean she believes in doing it. Understanding is in a completely different realm than action-based responses.

It's something that she hopes to make clear to him. Then again, it's not as if she thinks he forgot their last meeting with one another, where she came to collect him to ensure he was in prison.]

[enabeled]

[ Gideon raises his eyebrow at her, tilting his head as if trying to determine if she's serious. Not that he really doubts her -- she has a tenacity that reminds him vaguely of Alana Bloom, not to mention the dark hair to match -- but it seems almost absurd to him at this point in time while he's stuck here, phenomenally bedridden. ]

The future will, I'm sure, work itself out when the time comes. No doubts about that, in fact. After all, isn't like I'm going anywhere.

[selfequipped]

You'd be surprised what people are capable of when they set their minds to it. [It's not that she thinks he's going somewhere, but telling him to follow the proper procedures means more than it might otherwise. Kate has seen stranger things happen, and while she won't say those explicit words, it doesn't mean she's discounting them.

After all, if villains were that easily caught, New York would be a lot quieter.]

[enabeled]

[ Her choice of words only makes his eyebrow arch higher, his expression tightening into something faintly sardonic. He inclines his head, gaze lingering on her briefly before he looks away in thought. ]

Less surprised than you'd think.

[selfequipped]

It almost makes me wonder what our point of comparison is. [Kate deliberates over that thought for a moment longer before she rises up from her seat.] I'll hope it's not too close, that's all. Thanks for answering my questions, Dr. Gideon.

[enabeled]

Almost.

[ Not enough to question further, he notes, but she perhaps knows better than to try. He wouldn't answer that question. His eyebrow raises at her commentary -- too close to what, he has to wonder, because he can determine just by looking their experiences can't be the same -- but he doesn't respond to it. ]

No trouble, Ms. Bishop. I appreciate the visit.

[selfequipped]

I hope the medicine here is as good as they say it is.

[Because either way, she doesn't want him to suffer. That's her first inclination. After a moment, she nods to him, and leaves his hospital room.]