maskormenacelogs | [ closed ] there's blood on my hands

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[ closed ] there's blood on my hands

WHO: Bertholdt & Annie & Reiner, whoever's home
WHERE: Nonah, NC.
WHEN: Tuesday, June 10th.
WHAT: Sometimes meeting up with people you knew from back home is slightly awkward. Or slightly startling.
WARNINGS: Canon spoilers past season 1/chapter 33.

Personal run-ins aside, the Swearing In Ceremony this month was starkly lacking in explosive, violent disaster. Annie was almost amused, given both explosives and guns had been part of the curriculum, and the moving picture they'd been invited to watch at the start had circled around the idea of one final act of explosive violence - perspective, she finds, is a very skewed thing in this world.

Annie fished her door key out of her backpack, turning the lock and stepping in through the front door. The modern luxury of the shower still mystified her, but that incredible luxury was foremost on her mind. A hot shower, and bed.

Sitting down to pull off her shoes, she paused with her fingers resting in the loops of her shoelaces, cocking her head to the side at the sound of movement. "Reiner?"

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Everything had somehow gone right, or at least as right as they could possibly go under the particular circumstances. Meeting Bertholdt at the Swear-In had been an unexpected but very welcome surprise -- not a surprise, though, that Reiner would find it as such -- and Reiner had been particularly insistent that Bertholdt come back home with him. Not to Heropa, but to Nonah.

His mind felt strangely blank, all else aside, as if keeping him from overwhelming himself with complicated thoughts and emotions. Right now he operated on two primary switches, "happy" and "not happy," and it was the former that he was running on at the moment.

"Annie!" He called, hearing his name. "Guess who's here with me!" It didn't matter much to him that she might not actually care; he was doing a service, he thought, since it wasn't just him he thought Bertholdt would want to see.

Reiner's excitement and good mood doesn't relax Bertholdt's running thoughts. There are still questions he needs answers to and a lot of them are open ended ones, things he doesn't know how to decide for himself. Bertholdt follows Reiner while they Port out and into Nonah. Walking around this place, the short distance from the Porter to the house, he almost forgot who he was about to see; this place was nothing like theirs, and Bert takes it all in.

When they get closer, Reiner's voice echoes in his ears, just one word. Annie.

She's here. Reiner won't lie to him so he has no choice but to believe in it, but still... Bertholdt's hands close to a tight fist, breathing in slow, short breaths; he'll be sure when he sees her.

She doesn't like surprises. Annie stands, socked feet on the wood floor, bracing herself for whatever's coming. Reiner doesn't remember what it is he should or shouldn't be happy about.

Annie drops her shoulders, turning to square off against the people coming down the hall. She looks different from her usual back home, tired, but not as removed as she usually held herself. There's been less of a need here, and she's liking the lack of pretense more than she's liking the distance between herself and others. Even the hoodie and the jeans are just slightly off from her usual presentation.

"I'm not guessing. Is this going to take long? I was heading to the shower..." She trails off as she sees Reiner, and the tall, lanky form of someone she wasn't sure either of them were going to see again.

Bertholdt.

Her stomach drops out with a sense of immense, pervasive relief. It's a selfish kind, one that she acknowledges for what it is, but doesn't regret. I'm not going to be the only one watching Reiner anymore. It's true, and anything else requires more thinking than she wants to commit to right now.

"... Bertholdt?"

Edited 2014-06-24 01:18 (UTC)

In his own excitement, it's easy for Reiner to get ahead of himself; Bertholdt's here, and whether that is a good or bad thing in the broader, more general sense isn't on his mind at the moment, just that he couldn't leave Florida without bringing Bertholdt with him.

He smiles at Bertholdt, tempted for a moment to pull him along by his hand before he decides regretfully against it, moments before they find themselves face-to-face with Annie. Reality sinks in a bit more then, as he looks from Annie to Bertholdt in an assessing way.

"He just arrived," Reiner says after a moment passes, patting Bert's shoulder in a rough but chummy way. "I didn't think you'd mind if I brought him here."

All his gears stops when he sees her. He holds his breath, his arms go limp and when he catches on that it's really Annie -- in the flesh, the sound of her voice, a sound that isn't a scream as he had imagined, crashing into his sense -- there is a rushing feeling of relieve, joy and excitement that burst from his chest. It almost came out in a nervous laugh but Reiner's hand came down on his shoulder and Bertholdt makes a noise, the beginnings of a laugh and ends of a startled noise.

He shifts to grab on to Reiner's arm for a moment, letting go as soon as he got the hold in, just to steady himself in this. Though Annie's unreadable, silent and stoic, she is their teammate. She's one of them. He grabs on to Reiner's shoulder again; he'd hug her but Annie's not someone you just go and hug, not like Reiner. Bertholdt force a smile on his face, force the feelings away.

"Annie," it gets harder to say the words. Bertholdt stares off and his hand tightens on Reiner's shoulder, "I'm glad you're here. I'm glad you're both here."

Annie tenses, but the tension resolves itself as Bertholdt holds on to Reiner. The two of them will help ground each other; Bertholdt could discuss the things she wanted some kind of understanding ear for, from the perspective of their world. There's too much here to try and take in all at once. He's just come in with the most recent rush, and that has to mean something, in the meaningless chaos of people coming and going. Doesn't it?

No, she decides, it doesn't. What it creates is an opportunity, and it's one she appreciates. It's a comfort. How to phrase that? She doesn't have the words.

So Annie says nothing, blinking wide eyes, going from surprised to under control over the course of a minute. It's not fast enough, but it's not as defensive as she's used to being back home. "How much has Reiner told you?" The thought of a hot shower felt very far off now.

It's all Reiner can do not to slap Bertholdt's hand away when he grasps onto Reiner again for support, shooting him a brief glance that attempts to communicate for Bertholdt to over to her. Just what is he waiting for? Bertholdt, in Reiner's opinion, could communicate better with Annie than Reiner was -- is -- able to.

Then again, it isn't as if they will be lacking for opportunities if they all stick together. They have no one else, that much has been evident from day one, even if it is still sinking in for Bertholdt what that might mean for them here.

"Not too much," Reiner says after he waits too long for Bertholdt to so much as shake Annie's hand, answering instead. "I thought it'd be better if he got most of it from both of us -- that way he knows it's all true."

What else does he need to know? His best friend is here, Annie's not being held captive despite having the what seems to be the whole command chain of the Survey Corps here. They're not being hunted down by them because of a pact. And ... there's no wall. No mission. Those two facts repeats itself in his head again and again and it still hasn't sunk in far enough for him to gauge what it could mean.

Bertholdt recovers after seeing Annie and look between the two of them. The paranoia creeps back after the moment of joy is gone and Bertholdt's expression flattens, somewhat.

"I found some things out myself," he lets that hang, weighing his words, "Hange Zoe is a commander now, though I don't think ranks means anything here with no Survey Corps to speak of. She told me there's a pact between us and them."

He looks to Annie at this point (though he was always been looking more at Annie than anything else).

"Is that true?"

"No."

Annie is blunt and to the point. "There's nothing official. If she's pretending there is, Levi's either misinforming her, or Erwin's gone soft in the head when he decided to 'retire' as Commander."

She's not the sort to spare words. Her body posture radiates a degree of tension that had been bleeding out before - she doesn't forget what Levi's said to her. She won't forget what's been happening with him and Armin, or Armin's own breakdown. She can't. She let him be part of her own downfall. Looking away from that...

"They can't touch us without us giving them a reason. We're protected by this world, in a small way. For one, here, we aren't wanted. For another, we're not even seen as adults."

There's a dry sense of amusement and derision in her voice, a twitch of her lips that might be generously described as a smile. Very generously. "Harming us teenagers without a clear and obvious reason makes them look bad to the adults... and the government."

The quick and definitive way Annie answers that question earns an arched eyebrow from Reiner, though he doesn't comment on that, particularly. Whether or not Hange is a commander or Erwin is makes little functional difference to Reiner except in that Erwin, naturally, has more experience in field strategy. His retirement -- for however genuine, false, or temporary it might be -- seems at the moment more beneficial than not.

His eyebrows flatten again, shelving above his eyes which cast downward as he listens, and thinks. We're protected by this world, in a small way. How strange it is to think about that being true.

"She's right," he says a few moments after Annie finishes, though his expression is strangely enough more solemn than hers. "But that hasn't stopped a few of them from... pushing. They're all watching us. Waiting for the one movements that paints us as threats."

Though he's directing this to both of them, his eyes settle on Bertholdt. "Captain Levi said," he begins slowly, crossing his arms. "That he would give Annie up to scientific research here, if he could. Eren, too, but I think he was bluffing."

He watches the brief exchange between the two; from Annie's curt and no-sense way of communicating to Reiner's reaction that makes him wonder how much they're on the same page. Bertholdt pockets the little details and nods. Erwin retiring is a surprise, the Commander never seemed to quit and retiring wasn't a word they used much. Dying to replaces it more often than not. But having Hange and Levi heading whatever remains of the Survey Corps isn't exactly good news to them.

"So, there's nothing we can do but stay as far away from them as possible," he says with a flat voice, "Even if Captain Levi was bluffing, I wouldn't put it pass Hange Zoe to make such actions true." A frown cross his face; he worries for Eren for a moment, as the coordinator and what it could mean to them, and belated what it means to someone they had called friend.

"You've both been here longer. If you trust the government here to keep us safe, then I will too," he ends with a questioning tone. Bertholdt looks between them, then thinks better and continues, "I suppose, we don't have much of a choice in that matter."

Had Levi said as much? Annie won't say she's surprised, but she does look slantwise to Reiner, lips pursing as he says as much. Eren she doubts is in any danger at the moment, at least any specific danger of that sort. Maybe Armin had crawled so deep inside Levi's pocket to prevent something like that from happening, but it still didn't make sense. Levi followed the chain of command. He wouldn't act except on orders from Erwin or Hange.

"Don't trust the government to do anything except what benefits the government itself." In the long run, it's about the self sufficiency they can win. "While we're useful to them, we're a resource. When we're not, we're not. They're as corrupt as anything back home."

She feels agitated, and it's in stating out loud these thoughts and intentions that aren't the comfortably straightforward operational goals back home. Even those weren't really straightforward. The end goal simply sat as the same between all of them, for their own reasons. We want to go home.

"We need to make allies among the imPorts. We should be useful to the United States, but without relying on what science would love to research to prove that usefulness. We probably shouldn't out-do ourselves... too much attention from anyone will be bad if not on our terms."

She pushes a hand through her hair, expression briefly clouded. She's showing more of her emotions than usual, all because this is uncomfortable, and what training is supposed to prepare her for a world that constantly surprises, frightens, or confuses her?

"They're not talking to me like they're talking to Reiner. They probably don't think the same manipulation will work." They're right, but she doesn't point that out. "Having them speak with you might mean they're underestimating you, Bertholdt, or hoping to do something similar to what's been happening with Reiner. It might be best that way. If I'm the biggest threat they think they have to handle, it leaves both of you freer to do whatever needs to be done."

If she's the big bad wolf, she'll wag her tail and trot down the forest path, leading them wherever they so pleased on a wild goose chase.

"Hange has made it fairly clear that she would experiment on any of us if given the opportunity. Of all of them, she's probably the one who would care least about having a reason to." Reiner's lips tighten again, but he doesn't bring up -- not right now -- the brief exchange of information he'd done with Hange just for necessity's sake. He hasn't found the right way to approach that subject yet, and if nothing else he'd rather bring it up to each of them separately. "We just have to be extra careful, that's all."

We, he knows, meaning perhaps especially him. It's a known weakness that Reiner's mind slips from one pole to the other still on occasion, although he's becoming better (he hopes) at keeping a grip upon himself. Balancing that precarious scale. Whatever guilt or friendship or false camaraderie he may still feel, he hasn't forgotten that anything amiable is probably a trap. But his dedication to the role made making allies especially easy for Reiner.

"Annie's a lost cause as far as they're concerned, but Bertholdt and me they're not all sure of yet. Especially me. I know how it is," he assures. "But we're better off playing along with that as long as possible. We don't have a mission as long as we're here, but I doubt that'll matter much. If it looks like we want to be better people now, other people will believe it even if the 104th doesn't -- we'll work it out all right."

Not that it's redemption any of them are seeking in particular, but that they are seeking something is barely even misdirection, even if Reiner isn't sure what that something is.

He sneaks glances between the two again. Assessing all this information would be better once he had a night's sleep on it. Adrenaline's the only thing keeping him going right now and being brought here, though it's strange place and not what he would be comfortable enough to call "safe", has been easing off the steady flow of it. Having both of them here almost makes it like home. But his body knows and he knows, he needs to think about this with a more clear head (how much of it is him trying put the issue aside for now, that's a whole other topic).

Lack of rest and clarity doesn't stop the first thought that comes to his mind; Reiner actively engaging in the others, being manipulated as Annie said, means he'll have to be vigilant in bringing Reiner back. And giving Reiner a long steady look, he thinks Reiner knows that. He smiles faintly.

"We will be extra careful," he breaks from Reiner and addresses both of them, "Armin and Jean were the only others that I talked to, aside from Hange Zoe. They were both friendly enough."

Bertholdt hesitates on approaching this topic for a moment. Thinking about them brings about an unease to him. Not talking about it, running away from it would be so much easier but he needs to know as much as he can for the safety of them all.

His expression falls from worry to guilt but he continues, "Considering our last meeting, it was strange that they were. I had expected more hostility. They're either trying to play it safe, like I was. Or they're like what Reiner said, unsure of us."

He doesn't mention that he might have given the thought that being reasonably friendly was as much of a peace offering as he's going to get.

"Or they're both." Annie looks less relaxed and more like she's considering. Her words had been to the point and harsh, but she knows no one needs to pretend with her. Her goals are less easy to see than Bertholdt or Reiner. She's never been as much a part of the group.

She's been the lone wolf, and that's frightening. In every question asked of her, people have waited to hear her breaking point, to see when it is she'll cut ties and kill, and it's amusing, and irking, and irrational. She plays a long game.

Threats have to find her first before she'll react, or opportunities have to arise. Where's the benefit? No one ever asks her that.

"Reiner's right. I'm the lost cause. Their superior officers never knew me, and the only one who had any insight has lost his head since arriving in this place. I don't know if things were so much worse after I was captured. It doesn't matter, does it? Here, they're at as much of a loss as we are. Saving humanity from itself in such an obvious way is different from the politics back home."

Playing it safe and keeping themselves out of the spotlight was about where they'd have a benefit to acting in any of this. "But you'll need to make your own calls. My views are mine. I just recommend working on talking with anyone you can who isn't from our world. They're our best support against whatever the ones who are might want to do in the future. Not to mention the government... though that's a frightening thought."

"No matter what happens or how we act around them -- how they act around us, they're not our friends. That's the important thing to remember," Reiner says after a quiet stretch of silence on his end. "We can't be forgiven, and they won't ever forgive us. As soon as they get the chance to fight us, they'll try it. Until that day comes, we should keep up the front of peace on our end. Even with Annie, they don't want to make any definitive statements yet."

Threats, yes, but talk was talk. Action was something else entirely.

For however long that may last, but Reiner's stance hasn't changed: Their mission can't be completed here, so they have no reason yet to fight. No reason to be the aggressors in this conflict, because they have nothing to benefit from doing so. Reiner looks at Bertholdt silently for a moment, leaning close and brushing Bertholdt's bangs from his forehead gently.

"Hey," he adds. "We don't have to figure out the whole plan now -- maybe you should let it all sink in first."

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[ closed ] there's blood on my hands

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