[closed] I drove all night

[unclassifiable]

WHO: Simon Illyan, Mark Vorkosigan, assorted other Vorks
WHERE: a swamp, to start
WHEN: we don't need timelines
WHAT: Jorah the Andal is surprisingly creative in his revenge
WARNINGS: violence, potentially against alligators. Potentially discussion of torture.

Simon didn't know how long he'd been suspended by his feet in a swamp proximate to a lazy pile of alligators, but he had been awake for thirty minutes. His head was pounding. His knee was throbbing. His back was aching from having to arch back to pull the knife out of his boot, and stay arched to saw at the rope holding his feet together.

The alligators didn't seem terribly interested in him, at the moment. They had fallen on the pile of dead chickens close by and were now sleeping away their meal, right on top of Simon's stunner. He could just barely see the handle.

Next time he saw Jorah Mormont he was going to shoot both legs and then fast penta him until he'd drooled a pool onto the floor. Simon's mind was really built for convoluted forms of revenge; he'd been trained for efficiency.

Maybe he could put Miles on the problem.

Comments

[jacksonian]

The more immediate problem, however, is being seen to by someone who is very much not Miles. Emphatically not Miles. Once it had become clear that Illyan was missing, Mark had pressed to be allowed to be the one to find him - because he's new, and he wants to prove himself, and he wants to prove emphatically that he is completely over Illyan kidnapping him. And so he'd gone to Billy Kaplan - Demidov was recuperating from an injury, apparently, and Mark was a little uncomfortable around him anyways - and found Illyan's location.

It was not a good location.

But while a hoverbike was certainly not the luxury shiny red aircar that Mark wished he had, it's good for situations like this. Manages the terrain fairly well. So he takes it out into the swamp, expecting to find a body rather than someone still alive...And so as he putters to a halt (going slowly as to hopefully not wake any malicious wildlife) he stares in mingled relief, horror, and amusement at his still very alive boss, hung upside-down by his feet.

Don't laugh, he instructs himself firmly. He does not laugh. Instead, he lifts his helmet from his head and speaks softly, if perhaps a bit dryly.

"Orders, sir?"

[unclassifiable]

Simon jerks his head to the sound, squinting. He can tell who it is mostly by general mass; his vision is swimming, just a little.

"... Vorkosigan," He says with a noisy sigh. It is a testament to how long Simon has been around Vorkosigans that he can make it sound irritated and relieved at the same time. He adds, after a quiet moment trying to get his head straight: "Ensign. Feel free to use your initiative."

Which is a pretty generous order given that Illyan is essentially suspended over several carnivorous animals. Don't fuck it up, Mark.

[jacksonian]

This...is a bit of a puzzle, isn't it? The easiest thing would be to kill the alligators. He has a conventional gun, like a primitive needler but high-caliber, dangerous. He could snap off a few shots and kill them quickly and easily. No risk at all to Illyan.

But that path...also means that those animals would die. And that's not really his first choice. Hah. Some assassin I am...

So he goes instead for the stunner. Cranks up the power all the way and levels his aim at the creatures. And he warns Illyan, "Pull yourself up. I don't want you getting caught in the stunner-nimbus."

[unclassifiable]

Simon takes a deep breath, bracing himself before as he resheathes the knife so he can have both hands free to haul himself up. Bending his knee right now is probably one of the more painful things he's ever done, but he manages, ungracefully, to get onto the branch, though he has to wait a moment for his vision to stop spotting before he signals Mark to proceed.

[jacksonian]

The first two alligators are smaller. They end up stunned without any problem. That last one, though...Mark fires off the stunner beam and it glances off its armored head - and the alligator waddles forward, sluggish from the stun, but not unconscious. Shit. He thinks about running, because holy shit, alligators are very large and terrifying. But he stands his ground, waits for the animal to get close enough, and then he fires off one more shot right into its open mouth. That gets it. Thank God.

He takes a moment to wonder what an alligator with a post-stun hangover is like. He decides he doesn't want to.

Mark guides his bike around the pile of drowsing reptiles under where Illyan is hanging. "Any other traps?" he asks as he considers Illyan's situation. Given the rather improvised - nasty, but improvised - look of this one, he hopes not.

[unclassifiable]

Simon watches all this with a raised eyebrow, managing to look perfectly bland and noncommittal even while clutching a tree branch.

"I don't know," he says once the gators are properly subdued. He finishes hauling himself into a better position to finish cutting the ropes off. "I wasn't conscious when he strung me up. I'd say he exhausted his inspiration burying my stunner under those dead chickens, though. See if you can find it."

Because that's what lower ranking officers are for.

SEVERAL HOURS LATER...

[unclassifiable]

[Late in the evening, Simon and Mark come limping up to the front steps of the Vorkosigan residence. Or rather, Simon is limping, leaning heavily on Mark's shorter body, his face drawn.]

[dendarii]

[ Miles is taking a nap on one of the living room couches when Simon and Mark arrive. He jolts upright at the door opening - and then blinks at the scene in front of him. Simon? Limping? Leaning on Mark? ]

What the hell happened? Are you two all right?

[ Because surely Mark got them in trouble? The thought of Simon having caused it is inconceivable. ]

[jacksonian]

[ The faint amusement of seeing his not-terribly-beloved boss hanging upside down from a tree has been replaced by a certain amount of grimness as Mark has seen how worn down Illyan is. He hasn't asked for any details - obviously, those can wait until they get inside their home, to a safe place - but he's figured out enough to look grim, as well.

He answers Miles' question tersely. ]

Fine. Get Lord Vorkosigan.

[unclassifiable]

I'm—

[Mark literally steals the words form Simon's mouth, syllable by syllable. He looks briefly nonplussed, glancing down at Mark and then back at Miles, grim mouth twitching faintly upward with amusement.]

Just so.

[dendarii]

[ Miles' expression is Mark's mirror in more ways than one. He nods, sharply, and tumbles off the couch in a flash. ]

Give me a moment. And sit down, for god's sake.

[dendarii]

I'm hearing an echo.

[ But - yes, on his way imminently. He waves at the couch before disappearing up the stairs. ]

[jacksonian]

He can't quite suppress an, "Are you serious?" He closes his mouth on it a moment later, because of course Illyan is serious. Of course. Well. This isn't the most unpleasant order he's ever followed - Illyan's qualities as a superior officer are, on the whole, far more palatable than Galen's - and so he shuffles through the muck to poke unenthusiastically at the awful things.

Gross. This is going to put him off chicken for a very long while.

"Someone has a sense of humor."

[jacksonian]

[ Mark jerks his chin in acknowledgment. Then he leads Illyan over to the couch. ]

[unclassifiable]

[Simon just keeps his eyebrow carefully leveled at him.]

Move, boy.

[And sighs out a breath, at Miles back, giving into a wince.]

[dendarii]

[ A few minutes later, Miles returned. Aral having been informed, he stopped in the bathroom to pick up an ice pack and a first aid kid. ]

All right, I've told him. What happened?

[dendarii]

[ He was moving, geez. But a few minutes later he returns with a first aid kid and an ice pack. ]

You needn't order me. Especially given your current state.

[unclassifiable]

[Simon briefly looks like he has something acerbic to say, and then evidently re-thinks how tired he is and merely says instead:]

Just a botched knee. The rest is swamp filth.

[dendarii]

As if botched knees don't hurt like hell. And you've gone and soaked yourself in something that will infect any open wounds you have.

[ He offers the ice pack first. ]

[unclassifiable]

Thank you Miles, I'm very aware.

[His head is still killing him, too, but that is Simon's concern. He uses his knife to cut around the knee so he can get a look at it. By now it's covered in ugly bruising and looks, well, broken.]

[dendarii]

[ Miles lets out a low whistle. ]

Impressive, sir. I expect your opponent looks much worse?

[unclassifiable]

He did, briefly. Needler to the thigh. I imagine that had much to do with inspiring him to string me up over a pit of alligators.

[dendarii]

[ Bastard likely deserved that needler too. Miles stiffens at the mention of the alligators, a hard edge coming into his voice. Simon might be his boss, but he's also practically family. ]

And who managed that, exactly?

[unclassifiable]

"Mm. Well, I shot him in the leg with a Needler. I've often found that to do strange things to a man's mind." This was awfully elaborate, though. Jorah could have far more easily just killed and dumped him. Regardless of the resurrection technology, it would have gotten him out of the way far more efficiently.

With Mark busy, Simon gives a baleful look at the ground. These trees don't have much in the way of lower branches." How much height can you get on that hoover bike?"

[jacksonian]

[ Mark responds tersely: ]

Ask him. I haven't gotten the story yet.