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→ ( CLOSED - where have you been, my love? )

WHO: Adam Parrish & that Gansey kid.
WHERE: The Meadows, De Chima.
WHEN: 01.05
WHAT: Missing friends and conversations.
WARNINGS: N/A

[ After the day they'd had, all Adam Parrish really, really wanted was a hot shower, a cold soda, and an early night in his ridiculously comfortable dream bed. The caves weren't bad as he'd thought they'd be, but the run-ins with what lived underneath had been a little hairy from time to time. He'd definitely been looking forward to switching off. That plan though, had been well and truly scuppered by the time he and Gansey had come home to the Meadows and found Matthew Lynch fast asleep and unwakeable on the kitchen floor. Something had gone tight and complicated in Adam's throat, even as he helped to move the younger boy somewhere more comfortable.

The questions that had cut off Adam's breath were the ones mirrored on Gansey's face, but he'd had them halted them with a hang on a second, text Blue, Adam's feet all but running as they had taken him to the barn outside. The answers had come with Henrietta's closed eyes, her monstrous body slumped in the hay where she too, was sleeping.

He makes his way back more slowly, a fine April shower drizzling over his shirt. He doesn't feel it, or better yet, his mind's too full and his heart too heavy with the truth. He thinks he already knows when he finds Gansey in the kitchen, from his tight shoulders and the grip he has on his phone. Blue and Ronan are not just out somewhere causing trouble. They're not anywhere at all. ]

It's both of them, isn't it?

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[ The problem with all of this, of course, is that Gansey's not operating with the same knowledge base as Adam. They'd come home after their caving experience feeling dirty and tired and ready to sleep, and - on Gansey's side, at least - satisfied with the work they'd done. But they've come home to a house that's strangely still, with Ronan and Blue both apparently out, and Matthew sleeping on the floor.

Gansey hadn't been in contact with either Ronan or Blue while they'd been in the caves. He'd warned them that he'd be underground, and that he'd have limited opportunity to get in touch, so not to worry about it. This had been far more for Blue's benefit than Ronan's, since Ronan's dislike of phones meant he was very unlikely to be looking for them, anyway. Now Gansey tries both of them - calling when his first text to Blue doesn't go through, and then trying Ronan's number too, just on the offchance.

When Adam comes back, looking like someone has scooped his stomach out, Gansey feels his own heart grow cold. He lowers the phone from his ear. ]

No answer from either. The calls won't connect.

What's happened?

[ That look on Adam's face reads of something terrible. Part of Gansey feels he knows the answer, and dread starts to tug at his chest. ]

Henrietta's asleep too.

[ He remembers, suddenly, that he is the only other person who knows what finding Matthew sleeping means. His mouth tastes sour when he takes a breath. ] Ronan's gone. If Blue's calls aren't connecting then I think she is too.

[ Unbidden, the urge to reach out and hit something comes to him. He imagines being a different boy altogether and getting the satisfaction from hitting a wall or countertop. Instead he has to cross his arms over his chest and hide his trembling hands in his armpits. ]

[ Henrietta -

Gansey pauses, his eyes on Adam. He knows what it means that Henrietta is asleep. She's Ronan's dream creation. His night horror, something pulled directly from his worst fears. Like all dream things, she can't function without the dreamer.

She's asleep.

The real question here is not why Henrietta is asleep, but why Matthew is, too. And why Adam had known to go and look for her, after he'd seen Matthew. Gansey stares at him. ]

But Matthew is...

[ Prokopenko. ]

Jesus, Adam, you don't think that Matthew is...

He wouldn't have. Would he?

It wasn't my secret to tell.

[ Adam's accent is in full force, Henrietta slipping her way in passed his tired defenses. Part of him is almost angry at Ronan for this, for leaving Adam and making him the keeper of such a truth. But it's misplaced, he knows that, he's only angry because the alternative is pained. ] He didn't know. Not until the shit with Kavinsky started. Declan told him then. [ Pressing his fingers hard into his ribs, Adam lifts his gaze to the ceiling above them. ] He was three. He wanted a little brother.

Ronan wanted me to help him, that's how I knew. He knew what would happen to Matthew if something happened to him. We were trying to figure out a failsafe.

Edited 2016-05-01 14:17 (UTC)

[ Gansey took all of this in with shades of disbelief in his eyes. Not so much that Ronan hadn't told them all, or even that he had told Adam - both of those facts were quintessentially Ronan, and Gansey was beginning to learn that nothing about Ronan's abilities should surprise him.

But his mind was turning it over, and realizing al that it meant. That Ronan was gone, really gone, as in no longer in this world. That the things he'd dreamed were still there, still living, but asleep.

And this meant Matthew, but Matthew was also a person here. He was a person with school and a job and friends and people who would, most likely, come looking for him if he didn't appear. His phone, unlike Ronan's - unlike Blue's - would not just stop responding.

Ronan is gone, Blue is gone...gone, home, away, not contactable...

Jesus, no. Gansey had to make himself think. ]

What are we going to do?

There's no ley line we can take him to. We can't just leave him like this.

I don't know.

[ He's barely able to keep the misery out of his voice this time. Ronan's gone, Blue's gone, and Adam has never had Cabeswater here. He can't just move a few rocks, direct the flow of power. He can't take Matthew someplace that would make him open his eyes. No amount of scrying or card reading would give Adam any answers because here he doesn't have the power to jumpstart anything. A bowl of water, some painted paper, him. There's no magic in it. ]

I didn't think Ronan would leave without us. [ Noah had, but he'd been used to that. Noah was never truly tangible back home. But Ronan? Adam hadn't even thought to entertain the idea that this was a situation he should plan for. ]

[ Gansey pushes his fingers through his hair. He hadn't thought it, either. They'd arrived together, all of them. Noah had been in and out, of course he had, that's not strange. Noah is always in and out, by his own nature.

But Ronan, and...

And... ]

It's both of them.

[ He takes a breath. He needs to get his head around this situation if he wants to have any control over it, and of course, Gansey needs to have control over it. He needs to have control over everything that he does, especially when situations go South.

He hadn't been prepared for this. He is furious with himself for not having been prepared for this. ]

Ronan and Blue. They're both gone. Neither of their phones will connect.

[ Simple, straightforward facts. Gansey will not allow himself to panic. At least not outwardly. He looks at Adam. ]

Look, we need to get on top of this. We don't have time, we've got to help Matthew. He has school here, and work. Someone is going to notice, Adam.

We have to...

Jesus. [ His mind is reeling, and it fixes on the first, and only solution that would ever present itself in a world like this. ] I could call Billy? He does in reality what Ronan does in dreams. Maybe he could help.

[ He's momentarily so glad for Gansey. He steps up to the plate when things start to go wrong and Adam is thankful for it. Because he is not doing so well. His gaze is momentarily drawn to the window, his thoughts strangely stuck on how dark it is before he realises it's moss creeping up the edge of the windowpane and eating away the light. He jerks his attention away from it just as suddenly as he realises, desperate for Gansey not to notice. ]

I know.

[ They can't just keep a sleeping boy in their house and not expect people to ask questions. Adam is aware of that. His thoughts are already turning to how badly they need to find the ley line here, how they have to wake it up, when Gansey continues. His mind empties completely. ] Oh.

[ Billy.

Jealousy curdles in his gut and it's such an inappropriate reaction that Adam has to shove his balled fists into the pockets of his jeans. His voice is carefully devoid of anything. ] Yeah. You should call him.

[ Gansey doesn't notice the moss. Not yet, anyway. For the moment, his mind is too focused on the fact that Blue and Ronan are gone, and trying not to be focused on that face, that for a little while Adam is spared.

At least, from him noticing the moss. That flattening and those curling fists are another matter, one far less easy to be distracted from.

He knows that tone. He can't have Adam upset with him now, not when they are the only ones left. He stills and looks up, eyes sharp on Adam's expression. ]

What? I thought you liked Billy.

[ This is not what he wants.

But here they are, and now Gansey is looking at him and that's even worse. He turns away instead, moves as if he's not completely at a loss, as if this is a normal day and there are fucking dishes to be done. ]

Nothing.

[ How is it that he always ends up like this? ]

Just call Billy.

[ Oh, no. There's no way in hell Gansey is leaving it like that. He goes after Adam, moving quickly and getting around the other side to face him again. ]

No. Not until you tell me what's wrong.

Jesus Christ, Adam. Look at what's happening, I cannot stand to be fighting with you as well! Talk to me.

[ There are so many things he'd rather be doing than facing up to this. In one hand he has the first of their dishes, and when Gansey tells him to talk, he drops the mug into the sink a little too harshly. It cracks up the side and Adam feels the same kind of fracture inside of his ribs. He hasn't lost his temper in so long.

But then, he hasn't really lost his friends before either. ]

We're wasting time.

[ He fishes the pieces out of the sink, leaves them to rest abandoned on the counter as he scrubs his hand over his face. ] Just call him. We'll talk after.

[ He can't think. ]

[ Gansey’s eyes flash to the mug. He feels a total disconnect from Adam now. He has no idea what the problem is. They were on the same page a moment ago, and now they’re not, and it makes no damned sense at all.

All he’s sure of is that Billy’s name had triggered it, so he just stops, and plants his feet.

He will not get angry. He cannot lose Blue and Ronan and Matthew all in one day and then lose Adam too. ]

No. I don’t want to fight. You don’t want him here, then I won’t call him.

Talk to me, instead of breaking our damned cups.

We need him.

[ He sounds frustrated, the ache of it working it's way into his voice. God, he just wants to rewind time to yesterday, to when he could force Blue and Ronan to stay. ]

He's the only one who can fix this. I can't --. [ It gets bitten off, Adam's gaze everywhere but on Gansey. He doesn't want to admit it, because then his friend will know just how long it's been brewing. Adam has felt adrift since the very second he arrived in this world, his connection with Cabeswater severed. How awful it had been to go from resenting its control over him, to straining every single day for just a hint. If he had Cabeswater here, then he would have been useful from the start. If he had Cabeswater here, he would have been needed. ]

I can't do anything. [ He can't help Matthew, he can't protect his friends. Billy's power is in everything, nowadays, from the wards on the house down to this. And he's tried not to be sick with jealousy but that has never been his strong point. ] Just call him. You know you have to.

[ Gansey does know he has to.

He also knows it's not so desperately urgent that it can't wait until he's worked this out with Adam. And it has to be worked out. He means it; he's already lost too many people today to be at odds with Adam too. He can't do their usual thing of fighting and then dancing around each other for days until they're over it.

They're here alone. And Gansey needs him. ]

What are you even talking about? I can't do anything either! Are you angry with me for asking for help when we need it?

No.

[ Frustration is giving way to anger now. Adam has to squeeze his eyes shut and settle. It's harder now than it used to be, partly because he gets so rarely angry these days, and partly because he doesn't have the comforting presence of Cabeswater to retreat too.

His mind feels untethered, as if it's floating somewhere beyond his body and the two can't reconnect. ]

I used to be able to, alright? I used to be of some use to y'all. I could have fixed this. Move some rocks, arrange some twigs, we could have redirected something and Matthew would have been fine. But I can't, and he's not, and we need someone else to protect us. The longer we're stuck here the less meaning any of it had. [ What good was he now? ]

[ Gansey stares at him. None of this makes any sense to him. Adam's logic doesn't make sense, and his anger makes even less.

But at least they're finally getting somewhere. At least they're at the edge of it. Gansey works hard to stay calm, to be calm, even in the face of his friend's growing anger. ]

That isn't true. You know it's not. It wasn't your bond with Cabeswater that woke Aurora, and it wouldn't wake Matthew now. It's not your magic we need, Adam, it's Ronan's.

[ A pauses, his hands hanging uselessly at his sides. He needs to get to the root of this. ]

What use is it that you imagine you're not? You're my best friend. I've never needed you to be anything but that.

[ He hates this.

It rises up in him like bile, the sickly sour feeling of inadequacy. Because it doesn't matter what Gansey says. If Adam could just feel Cabeswater then he'd know there was a way. Even the smallest of sparks would be tended into something bigger. He could have found the leyline here, woken it up. He could have protected them from the Russians, he could have kept them hidden during the invasion, he could have found some place to keep Matthew. They used Cabeswater to wake Aurora and if Adam was any use, if he were strong enough, he could have brought that power to them.

But he isn't.

All he can do is grow some flowers. They need Billy. Gansey needs Billy. ]

I needed me to be. [ It's the same feeling that had taken him to the Pig, to Cabeswater, to the centre of it all. He couldn't just stay Adam Parrish, trailer park trash, powerless to stop anything that came his way. He had wanted to be bigger. ] I needed to be better than that, Gansey. But I can't scry here, I can't read the cards, all I'm good for is making sure the lawn stays fucking green.

[ Gansey's head feels light. He feels that strange sensation of time slipping, like he's been here before, and will be here again, and it makes no sense in this context, but...

It's Cabeswater. That's what Adam's really saying. That's what he misses, and Gansey feels like they've backtracked months, to that night when Adam had betrayed him. It's like nothing has changed since then. The same argument, the same helplessness, the feeling that nothing he says or does can make this any better for Adam.

Because there never was anything, really. Adam had to make it better himself. This was something Gansey was never, and had never, been able to fix. ]

You're doing it again.

[ Softly. Even though he knows saying that probably won't help, either. ]

You're trying to take on the world by yourself. I thought we'd been here, Adam. I thought we'd moved on from this, I thought...

Look, I know that you miss Cabeswater. But it was never what made you important to me. It was never why I needed you, and it's not why I need you now. I don't need you to save us all by yourself, I need you to be with me.

Not being able to scry isn't keeping you from that. [ But obsessing over it is, clearly. ]

But they took you away! [ It's out of his mouth before he can stop it, louder than it should be and sharp around the edges. Adam closes his eyes, the muscle in his jaw twitching again. By now the moss beyond the kitchen windows has found its way through the cracks, slowly darkening the edges of the frame. ] They took you away and I couldn't do anything. [ Quieter, and without looking at Gansey. ] And now Blue and Ronan are gone and I can't --.

We need Billy to protect us. Because he's actually a fucking Magician. [ Jealousy is an ugly emotion and it twists Adam's expression accordingly, his gaze cutting away to some middle distance. He wishes he didn't feel like this, honestly. He knows that it's wrong. But having to sit back while other people fix the world is killing him. ] Everything that I did, all that we've been through, it's been fucked with and I can't even stop my friends from being taken from me, Gansey.

[ It's maybe something, the idea that Adam needs them now. That he hasn't been feeling so unknowable lately. But it also means he ends up feeling like this.

Lost, helpless, wanting to punch a wall. ]

[ They took you away.

The words rock Gansey, stealing his breath. That one phrase puts all of this into such sharp focus. This isn't about what's happened to Matthew, or where Ronan and Blue have gone, or the fact that Noah can't seem to stay in this world.

It's not about any of that, this is about Russia. This is about the kidnappings, and it's been going on since then, and - ]

Jesus Christ. Adam.

[ That's when it occurs to Gansey that it's gotten dark in here. Dark in a house that is never dark, because Ronan had made it so that the sun came through every window. Dark because of the plants, Adam's plants, growing over those windows, and if they're growing over the windows then they must be creeping all along the walls.

Gansey starts forward, taking hold of Adam's arms. ]

I know they took me. Do you think I'm not afraid? Because I am. I know it could have been so much worse.

But you brought me back. And while I was there, you were in my head, you and Blue, and you helped keep me sane. I needed you then and you were there. And Billy, he was in that cage with me. It wasn't him I needed to save me then.

[ His gaze drops like a weight to the hands on his arms, his breathing coming in angry little bursts. He hates the situation they're in. He hates that they have no control over it. And while it would be worse, having to deal with this alone, there's still a specific kind of awfulness about knowing they're both stuck in this reality.

That is, until Gansey gets taken out of it. The thought is one that keeps twisting itself around Adam's ribs. ]

I just can't sit back and wait for the worst to happen. [ It should be a confession. Adam should finally, finally tell Gansey what he's thinking of doing. But as ever, he's sure that his best friend wouldn't understand. Even this feels like butting his head up against a wall instead of getting anywhere. And it's not as if he doesn't believe him, he does. Gansey is honest in himself. If he thinks all he needs is someone to be with him, then that's the truth. But it's just accepting what Gansey thinks as a Gansey truth, not a universal one. Adam can't trust him to see the wider picture. The power of love can't save a person from an attack. It won't save them. ]

I didn't find you. I should have. [ It's been something that's kept him up more than he'd like to admit, that constant worry that one day he'll wake up to an empty house and there will be nothing he can do to fix it. The world feels unbalanced, too much power in the wrong hands. It's a familiar fear. What difference is Whelk and the ley line to the governments and their porter? ]

[ Gansey shakes his head. His brow furrows. It's not that he doesn't understand the powerlessness Adam feels now. He feels it too; he hadn't been able to stop himself from getting kidnapped, he hadn't been able to save himself or Ronan, and there's nothing he can do to bring his friends back now.

But what can they do about it? The way Adam says that worries Gansey almost more than anything else. I can't just sit back. This is the Adam that had gone out to sacrifice himself to Cabeswater. ]

But you did. You helped. The team that found us couldn't have done it if not for the information that you and Blue helped fine. You didn't do it alone, but that's the whole point.

None of us could. You're not a one man army. None of us are. What do you mean, you can't sit back? What are you going to do?

[ He goes still, his gaze returning to its almost faraway state. ]

Nothing.

[ He still doesn't know if learning with Sabriel is the right idea. While he knows he needs the power, knows he needs a way to protect them, he still isn't sure. A baptism isn't the same as a sacrifice but the idea is still a strange one. He has more time to think at least, with no Whelk like figure forcing his hands.

Then, more honestly. ] I don't know. We have enough to deal with. You need to call Billy.

[ Gansey stares at him. His hands finally drop from Adam's arms, and he feels a sigh building in his chest. He knows that it's not nothing. Part of him is so frustrated that he wants to just keep pushing, demand that whatever is on Adam's mind should be aired at once. He is so, so tired of pretending that everything's fine when it's not.

But there's another, more logical part of him, that knows Adam Parrish. He knows he won't talk until he's ready, and that Gansey would have better luck extracting information from a stone than he would an Adam who didn't want to talk.

So in the end, he visibly clears his expression and steps back, acknowledging the dismissal with a sharp nod. ]

Fine. You're right, I do.

I'm going to ask him to come and look at Matthew. If there's a chance he can help us, I'll ask him to.

[ Because frankly, Gansey is not going to turn away genuine help just for the sake of Adam's pride. Especially when he's refusing to even talk about it.

Gansey turns away, his phone in his hand, while he types quickly to text his friend. He'll end up waiting in the living room, seated on one of the couches, with his knee lifted and his elbow balancing on it to run his thumb over his lips. ]

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