[Ken never wondered, even for a second, if the sanctuary he found in that house will last forever. He knew down to the very core of his being that nothing ever lasted. And nothing in the house had ever been permanent. Piper wasn't even around a month. Rose disappeared before he learned anything more than her name. Emma was gone quickly, too, with only a few cookie sheets in the kitchen to remind them of her existence. And now Charlie was gone, and so many people went in and out of the house that the magic guard he put around it was almost pointless.
But Kaneda's eyes had softened then. He had the look of a man who'd finally seen the end, and Ken had stumbled upon it once they all stumbled back to Nonah: Kaneda and Tetsuo calling each other's names softly, without the anger that used to be there, as things should always have been for them.
Things were the way they were supposed to be, and Ken, who knew the pain of losing what was important, also knew more than they did the joy of having that important thing. Didn't they deserve that chance after all that happened? Maya's laughter soon joined their noise, and when Ken realized that he wasn't a part of this scene, but only listening to it happen from the other side of a closed door, he couldn't help but feel that that was it. This was not his place anymore. Kaneda and Tetsuo will not heal if he's there.
But Kaneda is still here, right now, trapping Ken almost with the way he holds him. He squeezes his eyes shut against the press of more tears, tries to ignore the way he strokes his hair. A lot of people did that for him, just as his mother had, but he doesn't want that now. How could he tell himself he's okay if other people are seeing right through him and offering comfort? He's fine, he's fine. He knew this was how it was going to end before he appeared in front of Kaneda that day and declared that they were going to take down Pan.]
How can you say that? You know-- you've got to know why he kept hurting me. As long as I'm near you Tetsuo-san will get upset again. He doesn't want me there, but you need him. I can't... I can't win against that. [His voice grows quieter still and shakes, no longer holding on to the composure Ken always tried to have.] What Tetsuo-san has with you... I lost that the day my mom died. And I--
[He doesn't want to spend another day wondering when the next blow will come. He doesn't want to spend another day fearing that Kaneda will see what happened and still try to save Tetsuo, as he had when it happened in November. He doesn't want to see the looks on Jaime and Minato's faces as Ken still defended Tetsuo, even as he cut out the only salvageable piece of what little he had left of SEES and threw out the rest. Tetsuo only took away from him, and Ken still can't bring himself to take anything back. But if he lets go of everything, there's nothing more to be taken, right?]
I don't want to go through what he put me through again.
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But Kaneda's eyes had softened then. He had the look of a man who'd finally seen the end, and Ken had stumbled upon it once they all stumbled back to Nonah: Kaneda and Tetsuo calling each other's names softly, without the anger that used to be there, as things should always have been for them.
Things were the way they were supposed to be, and Ken, who knew the pain of losing what was important, also knew more than they did the joy of having that important thing. Didn't they deserve that chance after all that happened? Maya's laughter soon joined their noise, and when Ken realized that he wasn't a part of this scene, but only listening to it happen from the other side of a closed door, he couldn't help but feel that that was it. This was not his place anymore. Kaneda and Tetsuo will not heal if he's there.
But Kaneda is still here, right now, trapping Ken almost with the way he holds him. He squeezes his eyes shut against the press of more tears, tries to ignore the way he strokes his hair. A lot of people did that for him, just as his mother had, but he doesn't want that now. How could he tell himself he's okay if other people are seeing right through him and offering comfort? He's fine, he's fine. He knew this was how it was going to end before he appeared in front of Kaneda that day and declared that they were going to take down Pan.]
How can you say that? You know-- you've got to know why he kept hurting me. As long as I'm near you Tetsuo-san will get upset again. He doesn't want me there, but you need him. I can't... I can't win against that. [His voice grows quieter still and shakes, no longer holding on to the composure Ken always tried to have.] What Tetsuo-san has with you... I lost that the day my mom died. And I--
[He doesn't want to spend another day wondering when the next blow will come. He doesn't want to spend another day fearing that Kaneda will see what happened and still try to save Tetsuo, as he had when it happened in November. He doesn't want to see the looks on Jaime and Minato's faces as Ken still defended Tetsuo, even as he cut out the only salvageable piece of what little he had left of SEES and threw out the rest. Tetsuo only took away from him, and Ken still can't bring himself to take anything back. But if he lets go of everything, there's nothing more to be taken, right?]
I don't want to go through what he put me through again.