I already told you the reason - you didn't have one and I'm tired of hauling mine up here all the time.

[she shifts, and then adds with a decided weightiness to her voice:]

If you're looking for anything more than that, I don't have it. I can't want things like that anymore.

[what I want doesn't matter. that was the center of her being now, a truth that she couldn't escape no matter how hard she fought. even if Hazel had wanted to manipulate Tetsuo for some abstract goal, she couldn't - she'd been stripped of that kind of autonomy, and the thought continues to plague her actions even in this world where it couldn't quite reach her.]