[Of course Kaneda did. But the worst part was Tetsuo couldn't even say that he didn't need anyone to do that. It felt like he was dying all over again, his chest constricting painfully as it all sinks in. At some point his other hand moved back to his heartbeat, just to make sure it's still there...
He was so determined to prove he could go without needing anyone, ever again. And he did prove something, alright - that... that Kaneda was right. All he was going to do was get himself killed.
He died. He really died.
On impulse, Tetsuo glances across the room, reaching out with his power to- ...to get... His eyes widen visibly when nothing happens. That's what that feeling of something wrong is. He's trapped in his own head!!
He feels great. He can hardly remember a time he felt so alive before. There's no pain. There's no voices.
He died.
He shouldn't feel this alive! He should feel worse! It's not fucking right! It's not bad enough Pan betrayed him; even his own body follows suit, feeding him with more energy than he can remember having. He doesn't hear things. He doesn't see things. The world finally makes sense again-
A whole new panic wells from somewhere deep in his chest, spreading an antsy feeling across his body until it threatens to paralyze him. Tetsuo backs up further, forcing his will out at anything - a window, the wall, the bed, the ceiling, the door. Nothing happens. He's just a scared teenager casting about the room for no reason; it's like he's completely forgotten Maya's there at all. No matter how far he stretches his consciousness, there's nothing but him for miles. He knows this cage, where it's just him in his head no matter what he tries. He knows what it is. It isn't his heart that's broken. It's him.
Fast, panicked breathing grows ragged all over again. His eyes burn, but he doesn't dare move his hand off of his heartbeat to do anything about it. He died. And now he has nothing.
He can feel the last little bits of himself shatter as he balls himself up more to try to keep the world out, keep it from seeing anyway as he breaks down. Except, the world is out. It's gone, and it's not coming back. There's nothing but fog where he used to see.
He traded everything for this power, and it didn't matter. He cut out so much from his life for this. He fought and he died for this. And it's gone anyway.
He curls up in the vast nothing of the suddenly claustrophobic world he's trapped in, arms and jacket protectively wrapped around his chest, and wishes he'd stayed dead.]
no subject
[Of course Kaneda did. But the worst part was Tetsuo couldn't even say that he didn't need anyone to do that. It felt like he was dying all over again, his chest constricting painfully as it all sinks in. At some point his other hand moved back to his heartbeat, just to make sure it's still there...
He was so determined to prove he could go without needing anyone, ever again. And he did prove something, alright - that... that Kaneda was right. All he was going to do was get himself killed.
He died. He really died.
On impulse, Tetsuo glances across the room, reaching out with his power to- ...to get... His eyes widen visibly when nothing happens. That's what that feeling of something wrong is. He's trapped in his own head!!
He feels great. He can hardly remember a time he felt so alive before. There's no pain. There's no voices.
He died.
He shouldn't feel this alive! He should feel worse! It's not fucking right! It's not bad enough Pan betrayed him; even his own body follows suit, feeding him with more energy than he can remember having. He doesn't hear things. He doesn't see things. The world finally makes sense again-
A whole new panic wells from somewhere deep in his chest, spreading an antsy feeling across his body until it threatens to paralyze him. Tetsuo backs up further, forcing his will out at anything - a window, the wall, the bed, the ceiling, the door. Nothing happens. He's just a scared teenager casting about the room for no reason; it's like he's completely forgotten Maya's there at all. No matter how far he stretches his consciousness, there's nothing but him for miles. He knows this cage, where it's just him in his head no matter what he tries. He knows what it is. It isn't his heart that's broken. It's him.
Fast, panicked breathing grows ragged all over again. His eyes burn, but he doesn't dare move his hand off of his heartbeat to do anything about it. He died. And now he has nothing.
He can feel the last little bits of himself shatter as he balls himself up more to try to keep the world out, keep it from seeing anyway as he breaks down. Except, the world is out. It's gone, and it's not coming back. There's nothing but fog where he used to see.
He traded everything for this power, and it didn't matter. He cut out so much from his life for this. He fought and he died for this. And it's gone anyway.
He curls up in the vast nothing of the suddenly claustrophobic world he's trapped in, arms and jacket protectively wrapped around his chest, and wishes he'd stayed dead.]