鏑木・T・虎徹 ᴋᴏᴛᴇᴛsᴜ ᴛ. ᴋᴀʙᴜʀᴀɢɪ (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
earnedmystripes) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
maskormenacelogs2015-08-27 01:06 am
earnedmystripes) wrote in maskormenacelogs2015-08-27 01:06 am
when the going gets tough
WHO: Kotetsu and Jesse
WHERE: Xavier's
WHEN: Let's say a few days after the swear-in
WHAT: Dealing with your problems is for emotionally healthy people.
WARNINGS: Likely references to the fear gas event
[This is probably a terrible idea. On some level, Kotetsu realizes it, and it's probably a good part of why he's loitering a couple feet away from the nurse's office, so he can just so happen to "run into" Jesse. Classes will be starting up again soon, which means setting up for the new year, so it totally makes sense for him to be here. And to ask entirely casually about getting a room at Xavier's, which is of course, only in the interest of practicality and has nothing to do with avoiding his housemates at night.
Part of him is embarrassed to even be asking for something this stupid, and he wonders even while he's standing around like an idiot, walking down the hall when anyone comes by and then doubling back quickly if he ought to just cough up the money to crash at a hotel instead. It's not like he spends much on himself, as it is. But even Kotetsu has his limits, and that much just seems ridiculous when all he wants is not to disturb anyone until he gets a grip on these goddamn nightmares.
...So here he is. He kind of looks like hell, all told, even if he made an effort to seem presentable to avoid drawing any unnecessary concern. Maybe he can pass it off as exhaustion from dealing with the incidental crimes and emergencies caused by those affected by the gas, or something.]
WHERE: Xavier's
WHEN: Let's say a few days after the swear-in
WHAT: Dealing with your problems is for emotionally healthy people.
WARNINGS: Likely references to the fear gas event
[This is probably a terrible idea. On some level, Kotetsu realizes it, and it's probably a good part of why he's loitering a couple feet away from the nurse's office, so he can just so happen to "run into" Jesse. Classes will be starting up again soon, which means setting up for the new year, so it totally makes sense for him to be here. And to ask entirely casually about getting a room at Xavier's, which is of course, only in the interest of practicality and has nothing to do with avoiding his housemates at night.
Part of him is embarrassed to even be asking for something this stupid, and he wonders even while he's standing around like an idiot, walking down the hall when anyone comes by and then doubling back quickly if he ought to just cough up the money to crash at a hotel instead. It's not like he spends much on himself, as it is. But even Kotetsu has his limits, and that much just seems ridiculous when all he wants is not to disturb anyone until he gets a grip on these goddamn nightmares.
...So here he is. He kind of looks like hell, all told, even if he made an effort to seem presentable to avoid drawing any unnecessary concern. Maybe he can pass it off as exhaustion from dealing with the incidental crimes and emergencies caused by those affected by the gas, or something.]
no subject
He doesn't think much of it when he walks by Kotetsu in the hall, too distracted to find it odd that the guy's hanging around when classes aren't in session. His mind's in another place - namely, the flashbacks he's been having as a result of absorbing so much fear toxin.]
Hey.
[In passing. No high-five today.]
no subject
[Dead on his feet as he might feel about now, the lack of high-five doesn't go unnoticed. He thinks maybe he ought to leave quietly and think about coming back later, making it a social call over pizza or something. But he's not sure he won't chicken out from embarrassment and change his mind by then, so--]
Uh, by the way, I wanted to ask you something, when you've got a sec. It's not important or anything, though, if you're busy.
no subject
Uh, sure. Yeah. I got a couple minutes.
[He gives a nod for Kotetsu to follow him into the infirmary. Setting his backpack down, he leans up against his desk and grants Kotetsu his full attention.]
no subject
[He starts talking more quickly here, haste undermining his attempts at a purely casual tone of voice.]
Since, y'know, classes are starting up soon and all, and it'd save me one half a trip. Just figured it'd be convenient.
no subject
'course. You got a particular room you want, or..?
no subject
[Beat.]
...And maybe farther away from the other kids, too.
[That part of the request is definitely weird for him. Kotetsu loves being around the kids when he's here. It's the reason he sought out the job in the first place.]
no subject
[Switching gears into medic mode, now. He's been seeing stuff like this all week, people isolating themselves because of the flashbacks.]
no subject
[The brief deer-in-headlights look gives him away, as does the subconscious shift in his posture so he's not within easy arm's reach anymore.]
No.
[Kotetsu T. Kaburagi is a terrible fucking liar.]
no subject
It's not weird. Happens to a lotta people. It doesn't mean you're a wimp or whatever. Your hippocampus got fucked up. It's like pulling a muscle in your brain, you know? So now you're getting too much adrenaline when you sleep, and that's what makes nightmares.
no subject
It's not a big deal, I'll get over it. I'm fine. Like I said, it'd just be convenient to have a room here.
[Maybe this was a mistake after all. He just assumed Jesse wouldn't ask any questions, like back when he'd asked him to keep quiet about the secret ID thing.]
no subject
Look... I hate therapy, too. But it doesn't work like that. You don't just "get over it".
[He crosses to Kotetsu's side, offering his hand.]
I can't take away the memories of what you saw or felt, but I can stabilize your neurotransmitters. Fix what's broken.
no subject
[He's about to snap, I don't need therapy, before he catches himself. Jesse's only trying to help, and he's offering to (yet again) suffer on his behalf for that very purpose. He doesn't deserve being lashed out at just because he can't stop thinking about the people he failed to save because he'd hallucinated them all already dead.]
...Look, I--I'm okay, the Hundred Power already probably got most of that gas stuff outta my system. It's probably why I'm not in the hospital too.
[Which is all well and good, of course, but it ignores the damage that's already been done.]
I just want a private place to sleep, that's all.
no subject
[Though Jesse's so fucking fed up with this place and its heroes, he's ready to let Kotetsu languish in his own misery if he likes it so much. There are plenty of people waiting for Jesse's help who'd actually be grateful for it.]
If I give you a key and you snap and hurt one of these kids, that's on me. And I don't wanna deal with it. So just let me do my stupid thing.
no subject
I wouldn't--I'd never...
[The words hitch in his throat, though, when he thinks of all the fights he had to break up during the swear-in. Maybe nothing like that's happened to him yet, but what if the toxin's designed such that any lingering traces might have side effects later? What if he really loses control of his Hundred Power?
And the way he's carrying on, he's clearly not at his best. Sixty-five people are already dead. How many more would he be willing to slip through the cracks just for the sake of his goddamn stubbornness?
Slowly, and utterly reluctantly, Kotetsu outstretches his hand, gaze dropping to the ground. Jesse has a point, but he can't bear to watch him suffer.]
no subject
Healing these lingering effects isn't nearly as difficult as taking on the toxin itself was on the day of the attack. There's really no need for Kotetsu to even avert his eyes, because when Jesse absorbs that trauma, there's no physical sign of it at all. He's spent a good deal of the last few years living with PTSD. This feeling isn't new to him.
When it's over, Jesse's mentally wearied, but Kotetsu ought to be feeling something like a Xanax kicking in: the heaviness and the paranoia relieved, as if all those worries are in the distant past instead of recent, and everything's going to be fine.]
...Okay now?
no subject
--Um, yeah.
[Which is mumbled a little sheepishly, because even if he feels a lot better, he's still Kotetsu, which means he's kind of embarrassed for the help in something that felt so minor even before the healing, especially when Jesse's help comes at such a cost to himself.]
...Hey uh, when you're done with work stuff for the night, do you wanna grab a pizza or something?
[Not that a pizza can come even remotely close to paying him back for all the things he feels like Jesse's done for him, but it feels better than just going on his way and leaving Jesse to the aftereffects of his power like an ungrateful jackass.]
no subject
We could go right now, if you want. I kinda skipped lunch, so...
no subject
[A beat, then, just to be sure:]
I wasn't interrupting anything important, right?
[Not that he thinks Jesse would ditch something important just to hang out with him, but he'd rather be sure that whatever Jesse was doing can wait longer than the original "couple minutes" his friend had said he had before.]
no subject
[Which he will finish doing now. He unzips his backpack and turns to the supply cabinets, shoveling handfuls of gauze into the bag. It only takes a few seconds before he's zipping the backpack up again, and then he turns back to Kotetsu, shrugging it onto one shoulder.]
no subject
Any uh, favorite places in particular?
no subject
[That, and Jesse's the least picky eater there is. He's happy with anything.]
no subject
Sure. Uhhh...there's this one pretty neat place I know, where you get to watch 'em actually make it? Kinda like Subway, but for pizza. S'called Pieology, I think?
no subject
[He usually gets his pizza delivered to him in his room so he can sit there by himself and eat his sad and lonely meal in a sad and lonely way.]
Let's do it.
no subject
You good with walking there, or did you wanna drive?
[He figures he might as well at least ask, since the last time it came up Jesse found it depressing that he walks most places.]
no subject
[Best to avoid getting behind the wheel for a while, anyway. Mental trauma is a strange thing to absorb. It isn't like regular pain. It just leaves him feeling fragile - like he's teetering on the edge of something. He feels okay, but he also doesn't. Like the slightest nudge could set him off, even something as simple as a car horn or a moving object in the corner of his eye.]
no subject
[It's a little strange, walking down the street with Jesse like this after being healed by him. There's part of him that still associates his power with Colorado, with seeing him dying slowly in the hotel room. Jesse looks okay, but he knows his friend probably feels like hell right about now. And despite this whole pizza arrangement, there's still an uncomfortable prickle of guilt right under his skin that he didn't just deal with it on his own. He tries to avoid thinking about it, though he does occasionall toss furtive, concerned glances Jesse's way while babbling whatever inane topic comes to mind during the walk.]
Hey, looks like we might've just beat the lunch rush.
no subject
When they arrive, he's apathetic to whether or not they beat the rush.]
That's cool.
[He supposes. If food is a priority. He puts in his order for an extra-pepper, extra-meat pizza that's really an experiment in how much spicy stuff he can manage to pile on one thin crust.]
no subject
He rubs at his neck, trying to keep from fidgeting too much.]
...Hey, it's almost your birthday, right?
["More than a month" is not "almost", Kotetsu.]
no subject
At the mention of his birthday, Jesse looks up with mixed alarm and pleasant surprise. It's nice that Kotetsu remembers. It's painful when Jesse realizes in the next moment that Kotetsu was at the party a year ago, when Skye was still a part of Jesse's life.
When Skye loved him.]
I guess it is, yeah.
no subject
Have you thought about what you're gonna do for it yet?
no subject
Um. I dunno. I was thinking I'd get outta town. Head to the Keys or something.
no subject
[He'd like one of those himself sometime. Too bad he can never feel comfortable leaving the Porter cities for long. Too much potential for crisis.]