maskormenacelogs | we'll take the whole shebang

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we'll take the whole shebang

WHO: Ray & Ben
WHERE: Canada
WHEN: Nooow
WHAT: Hanging out with sled dogs and sled puppies
WARNINGS: none!

They'd been up in Canada for a little over... what was it, a week and a half now? Ray had lost track of the days, maybe he should've been counting better, but it had taken less than an hour for him to forget where he was. To sink into the landscape and the things he was meant to be doing to really fit in. To fit in with Fraser - Ben - and Canada in equal measure. It wasn't as if he'd ever hated the place, but he didn't exactly measure up just yet. There were skills a guy like him just didn't have, a fact he knew pretty painfully well.

They'd decided to head on up for a variety of reasons, but sled dog training became one of the essential ones. Ben had recommended they visit an operation and rent out a fully formed troupe, take one of the off roaders and head on out to camp for a week. Ray thought the whole deal sounded great, perfect, excellent - any one of the words he could throw out there that meant he was happy to get away and delve into their future a little further. He'd fully adjusted to the fiance thing, he just needed to fully adjust to Canada now. Because he was pretty sure he'd be marrying both of those things - that was the whole point - which meant he needed to get along with both of them equally well. Or at least find a way to keep from struggling, hold his own, pick up his feet and keep going.

But he'd never hated the place. Maybe he didn't handle the terrain oh so perfectly, but he'd get there. Nothing to worry about.

First thing first: the dogs. Took about a day, maybe two, to get into any kind of groove with them and Ray was sure he threw out all the wrong gee's and haw's and about ran them into fifty different kinds of obstacles. Never knew how many dangers were out on open terrain until he had dogs all going and listening to his command and he forget which one of his hands was the left one and boy that dip in the ground is a rocky ride. But a few more days later and Ray had settled into things, viciously enjoying himself and standing up off the seat while letting the dogs do what they do best. He'd gotten a kick out of the team, scruffing them up on their off hours and batting their ears, playing at camp until everyone knocked out for the night.

Save for Ben and he, who sometimes snuck off to visit the nearby packs, hovering at the edges of the group of wolves, fully formed themselves and disappearing into nature under the ruse of animalism. It made the land that much more bright, like the world had knocked off flint and was settling over his skin like a glove, like fitting in that way where he just side stepped and things fell into place. Didn't have to think about it, didn't have to fight back, just settled back on his heels and fell into step. Even as a wolf it was meant to be.

Sort of explained the whole day late getting back. Riding up the dogs to the ramshackle main building, the rest of the mutts out back immediately started barking their heads off. Ray finally rolled their own scruffy rentals over to the backside of the barn where he gave one of their employees a cheerful grin as he hopped off the four-wheeler, well aware they were meant to be back a day ago. The shits he gave were in the negative category and he turned, walking backwards, as he called back to Ben who had been seated on the back of the ATV at least to make it look like they were some semblance of two dudes who didn't have magical abilities.

"I'll be back, I got this." And with that, he disappeared inside the building to pay.

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Fraser loved it out in the wilderness. Even in the middle of summer, and two days out of human settlements, it was so absolutely beautiful in the wild that Fraser couldn't help but to throw himself out headfirst into it. It was in his blood, this country, and in a lot of ways - even engaged - Ray was very much just along for the ride.

He'd tried to restrain himself this time, though, and consequently the trip had been about Ray. They'd taken a pack of dogs, and Fraser had been very hands off with them so that Ray would take the responsibility of driving, looking after them. Fraser held himself back from correcting his mistakes, let Ray make them for himself, and consequently he learned. Ray learned, and it became his own thing, and Fraser hoped that he learned more about the country at the same time--made Canada his own too.

That was the hope, anyway.

To that end, they went out on their paws, too, with Diefenbaker at their heels. They ran out on the plains and watched the wolves, the musk ox, the occasional polar bear, and then circled back to sleep it off in the camp. Like that, they got to explore out further and higher than they could have taken the dogs. They got to blend in with the nature that Fraser himself was made of.

Then, together, they reluctantly made their way south again.

When they stopped, Fraser set about reluctantly unhitching the dogs, knowing that this meant the end of their adventure, and yet Ray seemed to be buzzing from the experience even now. It was always like this after their short trips north, and Fraser really hoped that they'd be back together soon. Too bad that they had to go home at all.

Paying for the bill was a wholly uneventful thing - the bill was, that is. It took about a hot second and a half to notice the fact that they were trying to rid themselves of a few extra puppies, snoozing in a pen off to the side. Ray glanced between the owner of the place and the little guys and did a pointy-finger-you-me gesture between all of them before a final just one sec, as he scooted on over. He'd pay, don't worry! he tossed over his shoulder, but first, the puppies were really kind of cute.

And one of them was especially really kind of cute.

Not having the faintest if he was allowed to pick them up, he stopped giving a shit and did exactly that, picking up a particularly poofy brown tinted one, bright blue eyes and paws bigger than its little ears. Ray was endeared almost immediately and the thought of putting him back down was one that he struggled with for oh... maybe fifteen seconds. It felt at least like a few minutes. Maybe more! It's possible it was even twenty seconds that he struggled with the decision, choosing something for both of them that they could handle and obviously needed. Of course they needed a puppy. Together. They did.

Ray walked back over, fluffball still held in his arms like a football (the american kind), grinning up a storm and finally set in to pay for the whole kitnkaboodle. At which point he interrupted himself once more to nudge open the front door with a hip, sticking his head out and shouting:

"Hey, Fraser- C'mere, you gotta look at this!"

Before he went back to finally sign the receipt.

Ray sounded excited. That was the first thing he registered. Ray sounded the kind of excited that he'd sounded when they'd found several tons of gold in the hold of a cargo ship. You've gotta look at this! Sounded illegal and authoritative and brilliant. Maybe they'd stumbled upon some illegal drug ring or puppy laundering, and they'd uncover some amazing plot and seize back their honor as crime fighters.

Or not.

But the mere possibility had Fraser moving off the spot instantly, Diefenbaker on his heel, leaving the hand to deal with the unhitching of the dogs. He didn't think he needed to be armed, so he didn't bother with that, but he did check the bearing of his hat as he made it to the door and flung it back open, bursting inside to discover...

................

That Ray was paying the bill.

Wait. Ray had an armful of the most adorable malamute puppy that Fraser had ever seen - and he'd seen a lot of them - and...Fraser didn't suspect anything. Certainly not that they'd just become owners of a new little pup to add to their ever growing pack.

"Oh," he said, stunned. "Oh Ray, they're adorable."

Ray identified Ben's boots before his voice kicked into gear, and once he was done signing, he dropped the pen back into the mug-depository and brushed his free hand off.

"Yeah, aren't they?"

It seemed pretty obvious to him as to why he was holding this one, but maybe Fraser thought he was just being momentarily possessive. One of those 'I just really need to hold a puppy right now' moments or something. Did people have moments like that? Was that even a thing? It didn't matter because Ray was holding him and he didn't have to put him down again. They had to get him back and get him home and get all sorts of things, but right now he just needed to get Fraser on the same page as him.

Which involved holding up the snoozing puppy to face level and all but poking Fraser's nose with the little guy's. It was a rather adorable image, if Ray was to say so himself (he did say so himself) and he grinned broadly. Lookit him creating Kodak Moments. Way to go.

"Say hi to our new puppy."

Just as quick, Ray threw a cheerful wave and a 'thanks!' over his shoulder before ducking out through the door past Fraser's shoulder. An escape act so that Fraser could do as he pleased whilst saying things he might not in front of a stranger.

Okay, he should definitely have known better, because Ray had that look on his face that said that he was doing some mischief or other. Ben didn't know immediately what that mischief was, but it didn't take long for him to find out; didn't take long for Ray to drop his line and sashay out the door the puppy slung in his arms. As he slid away, Fraser blinked after him, stunned like he'd just been struck on the head suddenly.

Our new puppy?

"Wait, Ray..."

He looked at the sled owner who had just sold them a puppy, shocked, like a deer in headlights, and then spun on the spot and pushed his way out the door, coming briskly after Ray and the puppy, Diefenbaker at their heels again the moment they were outside.

"Ray. Ray. RayRayRay. Shouldn't we discuss this? Ray. Ray, if we're going to be a family now, then this has to be... This has to be the kind of thing we discuss. Ray, a new puppy!"

Just put it in his face again, all his complaints will evaporate.

Give it a second, one-

There it was. Fraser came bolting after him and Ray grinned to himself like a kid just barely getting away with something he shouldn't, sneaking under the wire and knowing he has it made just because he's that good... except he didn't quite know he'd gotten out scot free yet. Considering that was a lot of Ray's - he lost count after three - and stopped thinking straight after family until he finally turned his heel, holding the puppy close to his side as he faced Fraser's coming onslaught.

"Yeah. A new puppy. Lookit at him, he called to me."

Once more, Ray held him higher, the little thing lifting its face for a moment to stare at Ben before it drooped again, paws seemingly waving in the breeze. All fluff and yet no spunk. Too little and too sleepy, though Ray knew once nap time was over, they were done for. He just knew it, like he knew Fraser would fall for him in the coming minute.

"What're we discussing? I mean- he need any discussing, Ben?"

Expression turning into a quietly warm smile, Ray nudged him at Fraser, little pushing movements to encourage him to take him in hand, like passing over a child for the first time... but furrier. Definitely furrier. "We'll give him a home."

"He called... Wait--"

He froze, suddenly, as the puppy's eyes came level with his own, and he stared back at the puppy, feeling absolutely defeated by the dog's expression facing him. It was absolutely adorable, and yet... And yet possibly the worst looking sled dog he'd ever seen. It was all fluff, with big paws instead of the narrow ones that a good wheel dog would have, a droopiness to his entire demeanor.

He didn't look like he had any running in him, not now and not ever--no wonder he was a sled dog reject. Fraser looked at the pup helplessly, knowing that he wouldn't have been the one he picked, but Ray... Ray was Ray. Ray was excited - thrilled - about what he'd done, and getting one over on Fraser was a part of that.

He felt his heart melting. Not at the look the pup gave him, but the look Ray was, and the efforts he was putting in to shove the dog at him did all it took to push him over the edge. The rigidness of his shoulders fell, and then the puppy was being accepted into his arms, all the whole pile of him, and Fraser wrapped him up and pulled him gently in toward his chest. He looked across at Ray, piercingly.

"You're going to train him," he said, firmly. "And he will need dedicated training, Ray, and a lot of exercise. If there's any hope for him to be a decent sled dog then what he misses out on in form will need to be supported by muscle, and affinity with his musher. With you. Do you think you can handle that?"

It took a little longer than Ray would've maybe hoped for, a moment or two extra spent worrying if he'd gone and actually fucked it up. Because he knew he picked the furry one, but they all had a little extra to 'em, though this one had things that Fraser just didn't see yet. He'd be a wiggle monster eventually, he was just stuffed to the gills or drowsy or something right now - who knows what. But it was there and Ray knew it and he just had to give the little guy a chance.

Which, apparently, Fraser agreed upon. Giving him an opportunity that is, to be part of their pack. To stay with them. Only after finally, finally accepting the puppy into his arms. And then suddenly looking dead set and stern like a parental unit; Ray blatantly groaned just to put across the point that he wasn't looking for a father in this instance.

"C'mon, Fraser. What, you think i'm gonna let him lay in bed all day and eat cheetos?" He all but huffed, hands going to his hips. "I'll take care of it. I'll train him. I'll make it so he's got all the goods he needs to keep up with everyone else. Don't want him getting picked on. He'll be good. We're both good. You'll see. Have a little faith, huh, I thought about it for more than a second, he's got it in him. Get him the right food, make sure he doesn't pick up any of Dief's habits."

The last jibe came with a particularly smarmy grin, though he ruffled the little guy's perky ears before batting at his feet. "Naming him, that can be a family decision."

That was, to be fair, exactly what Fraser thought Ray would let the puppy do. It was what he let Diefenbaker get away with, even though he was supposed to be a wild animal, but try taking a doughnut off a sugar craving wolf; it just wasn't possible, okay. Still, getting a puppy was supposed to come with rules and ultimatums, and Fraser more than expected they'd end up broken before the end of the day, nevermind months from now when the pup was older.

So Fraser took it all with a pinch of salt, and an arch, considering look, before turning his attention completely to the pup in his arms. He was a daft, soft looking thing, but then Diefenbaker hadn't been a particularly bright pup either, and yet he'd come to love him, came to respect him as a valued partner and friend. Never a pet. The same would be true of this dog and Ray, and Fraser determined he'd do his best to make sure that he was Ray's dog first, and theirs second. Ray's partner, like Diefenbaker was Fraser's.

"No, no. You should ask him what he wants his name to be. Diefenbaker chose his, and you should let him do the same. You need to take him on a spirit walk with you, Ray."

Diefenbaker was a different case altogether - he hadn't been his dog from the beginning. His wolf. In fact he'd been pretty annoying at the beginning and throwing him doughnuts seemed like a good kind of sweet revenge for putting up with the furry guy on top of a relationship he couldn't untangle. But then he'd grown to like him, like his company - who were we talking about? - and the doughnuts had become an affectionate rope between them, something that had helped tie off the ends of a friendship.

But Dief, he was still Fraser's. They were buddies, pals- sure. But never the same. "Quit giving me that look huh, I know what goes into taking care of a dog." He'd done the research before, read up on the training and the food and all the things you had to do to make a puppy behave. To make a dog behave. To keep one in an apartment while your girlfriend watched you like a hawk. It wasn't his fault his dog had run off into traffic and he looked guilty for a few seconds before he instead choose to reroute his mind and watch Fraser watching the puppy while the puppy watched back. Something that was almost sickeningly sweet save for Fraser's faintly concerned look, but Ray looped back into a gentle smile.

At least for a few seconds, his brow furrowing at Fraser's words.

"A spirit walk? You mean I can't just call him Big Red or somethin?" Also known as- i'm not allowed to pull a name out of my ass? "I mean, i'm not even allowed to go on spirit walks, right? You gotta be- be- I don't know, somethin that isn't me to do one. And besides, isn't he a little to young to be smoking, don't want him startin in on those bad habits too soon."

Half of Ray's words drifted off into muddled absence, smoothing down the perky ears of the pup as he spoke before he popped his attention back to Fraser and looked all too cheeky.

"Well he's hardly a Big Red, is he? More of a little..."

Fraser abruptly cut off what he was saying, seemingly for no reason at all, except that a moment later he was lifting the pup right up out into the air in front of him and taking an awkward half step back, putting lots of room space underneath him. Sure enough, Big Red was peeing in a little arc, spraying urine onto the ground between himself and Ray, and Fraser held him up with one hand under each of his little shoulders.

The puppy looked meekly back into his face, and Fraser looked back into the puppy's and tried not to be too judgmental about it, because it was just doing what puppy's did.

But this was clearly all Ray's fault, and so he raised an eyebrow toward him a moment later. Okay, he was done. He sighed, and gave him a quick shake - one, two - before offering him back toward his partner.

"Well."

Ray didn't know why, or what, Fraser was stopping for but when he snagged the pup out of the blue and held him out - the stream of piss arriving a moment later - the ability to keep a straight face was suddenly incredibly lost on him.

There was a moment or two where Ray just stared, watching while the puppy took care of its little puppy business, and then he was absently covering his mouth, trying his hardest to keep from cracking up. This would be their life until the little guy could hold it in and Ray took a moment to stare at the ground in an attempt to barely suppress laughter. The noise bubbled up for the length of a few breaths before he collected himself and looked back just in time for Fraser to give him a sharp look.

"Never knew you had the sense to detect when an animal's gotta take a wizz. Or is that just a puppy thing you got goin'?" Accepting the little dude back, Ray held him like a football (the American kind), hiked up carefully against his ribs. But he was grinning back at Fraser's carefully tempered stare, trying to ease his judgemental annoyance.

"Look, we needed a little one, yeah? I've done the potty training thing before and it's not like I can't clean up some piss. How bout you gimmie a chance on this front and i'll cook dinner for the next month followed by a you-know-what. Make it up to you while he's sleepin."

Their home wasn't so large, but then Fraser's apartment back in Chicago had hardly been enormous either, and once upon a time - before the fire that had burned it to the ground - it had served a similar purpose. Today, while Ray was out, Fraser set about working on building in the living room.

With parts of the bed he'd stripped out and piles of skins and blankets, Fraser worked hard, efficiently, so that by the time that Ray came home there was what was apparently a blanket fort in their living room. The window was cracked open, and smoke was pouring out of it through a wide faux-metal pipe, probably a part of the air conditioner that Fraser had taken apart in the corner.

The room was practically filled with the thing, and Fraser was out of sight, Diefenbaker and the new pup sleeping outside its door flap.

Waiting for Ray to get home.

Ray was only out running errands, not suspecting for one minute that anything involving tomfoolery would occur back at their place. But leave Fraser alone for two seconds and one could never tell exactly what he might get up to during at least one of them. The man was a marvel from time to time (more like all the times ever) and Ray still didn't really get it; he didn't need to, he just rolled with it.

Like right now. Like this.

Ray saw the smoke before he even made it inside, narrowing his gaze suspiciously. It wasn't like their place was on fire or anything but he didn't know what was going on either, his footsteps picking up speed as he made his way in until he stopped rather dramatically just inside the door, staring at the blanket tent... fort... smoke machine, until he could muster his way through the shock to try to find Fraser to gape at. But apparently he was nowhere to be seen - likely either hiding inside or in the bedroom for all Ray knew - leaving Ray to finally shut the door and inch his way further inside which was about all the room there was to move.

"Uh. Fraser."

What words were there to say? Really. What words.

"Fraser. I know you like camping and all but we could always just hit up the nearest park, pitch a tent, get arrested building a fire like I know you like."

Fraser couldn't be any more cheerful. Or damp. When he poked his head out through the flap of the tent, he was pink in the face, his hair nearly black from sweat, his bare from the waist up torso just a sheen of sweat on muscle. His head and shoulders emerged, just a little ways, and he looked up at Ray and beamed like a child who'd found an edible gingerbread house...or maybe baked one.

Or just someone who was baked.

Legitimate high or not, Fraser was happy, and eager to share his new build with his partner. And he had told Ray that a spirit walk was going to happen, even if - it was true - he'd given no clue or indication of what that actually meant. Not at any point had he said "Hey, Ray, so I'm going to build a sweat lodge in our living room, hope you don't mind."

"You're supposed to take off your clothes before you come inside. Not all of them, just whatever makes you comfortable."

Ray didn't even flinch when Fraser popped himself out into the open air, merely blinking at him as if he were only a bit off his rocker. He looked legitimately high off his gourd but there wasn't anything wrong with that - if anything, it was kind of amusing. Adorable. Both. Something. He always made the peculiar feel not quite so and it rang of all the things Ray always felt about himself. The not-so-strange-strangeness that he just ran with, and eventually Ray just gave his head a little shake, knocking his shoes off and closing the door behind himself.

"Am I supposed to bring the little guy in with me?"

Speaking a little louder so Fraser could hear him through the material of the tent, Ray slowly worked his t-shirt over his head, wondering how comfortable jeans were supposed to be while you were being baked alive. In multiple ways. Was this comfortable to do in boxers? Definitely not in socks. The zip of his belt through the loops and it was gone before Ray finally sucked in a breath and ducked inside, squinting through the darkness.

"Or is it just you and me in here?"

Fraser ducked back into the tent, giving Ray his privacy, although it had to be said that neither of them really needed it at this point. It was just another example of the rhythm they'd fallen into as partners holding over into their relationship, of course, although Fraser didn't think on it at all. It flowed naturally, like separate trips into the bathroom to brush their teeth and not having to punctuate every one of their daily separations with a kiss--which of course made the kisses that much more special when they happened.

Inside the tent, a bed of flat rocks lay on top of hot coals, all supported on an open stove. There were no open flames, but that was because the heat in the coals was enough to serve the purpose, so that when Fraser poured scented water onto the stones, it burst into a cloud of steam and thickened the heat and moisture in the tent. He sat and waited cross legged on a tatami mat, and called out to Ray as he settled back down, voice raised just above conversational.

"Just the two of us. Dogs don't sweat the way that we do, it would only make him uncomfortable." Logical, really.

Ray thought he'd need more than a few seconds to peer around but apparently not so much, given there wasn't a whole lot to look at past Fraser himself and the pile of rocks in the middle. Which gave off a heaving burst of steam the second Fraser trickled water on top of them. That's right- Fraser had talked about building a sweat lodge and it all came tumbling back into Ray's mind, making sense and not making any at all. Why this was gonna offer him up a name like a winning lottery ticket was a mystery to Ray but he might as well go with it, finally plopping himself down near Fraser with about a foot in between.

This wasn't much a good time for cuddles as he was already roasting and really, they both got on fine without incessant touching. Not that Ray would've minded that much either, but hey- things flowed as they chose to and nudging Fraser in directions didn't work. Ray couldn't complain. He might, however, sweat to death- was that a thing?

"Uhhh huh, yeah okay. You sure you're not gonna sweat a hole right through the floorboards?"

Already shifting in his chosen spot, trying to adjust to the dramatic change in heat, Ray was already wishing he was sprawled out with the dogs outside of the tent. But he'd lived through Chicago summers, this was no sweat. Hah. Yeah. He went there.

"This won't work unless you give yourself to the method completely," he admonished, casting a brief glance at his partner. A foot in between them was more than enough, at once close enough and too far away. His eyes hung on Ray longer than he'd meant them too, but then Fraser was concentrating on increasing the steam by increments, raising the ladel of water over the stones and dripping it a little here, a little there, until the atmosphere was positively volcanic.

"By which I mean, of course, that the ideal circumstance would be one where you stop complaining, at the very least."

No, that was only going to agitate Ray more, and Fraser needed to get him to focus, and concentrate. He coughed, loudly, as though to punctuate what he was saying, before pushing on.

"Trance is like hypnosis, Ray. To progress, you need to reach a state of true relaxation, starting with the sound of my voice."

Ray wanted to say that he wasn't complaining, that he was just making a comment on the matter but Fraser sounded perturbed enough that he cut the words were they lay, leaving them to drown in what was going to be soon, a sweat covered floor. Ray didn't know if their place would ever even recover after this but it didn't really matter. He was making fun of the process, didn't give a shit if the floorboards busted, and they both knew that. And so he heaved a breath, looking to the flap that led out to the rest of the room and then looking back to stare at the rocks.

Seriously. He was taking this seriously. Starting right now.

"I never said I wasn't listenin to you, did I?"

He only grumbled a little before waving a hand in Fraser's direction: "Carry on, i'll shut up. There, I said it for you." And with that, he dropped his shoulders a touch, bowing his head as some form of symbolism that he was going to stop talking from here on out. He'd be good - he was ready for this. Maybe.

Sure, Ray was taking it seriously, which was why Fraser was prepared to cut him a little slack, just a brief flash of a glance that was admonishing and then nothing more.

"Breathe. Focus on your breathing, focus on taking in the steam with every breath, letting it right down into your core. Breathe in, then out. Each one slower than the last. If you listen, your breath is like the sound a river makes; each one flows into the next, rolling ever downstream. Water flows in a circle, Ray; the circle of life that comes round and around. It falls onto the land, and trickles into the river, and then flows to the sea.

"That is the circle. Your circle. You have flown into the river, and now you're carried through the land; the land of our forefathers, a land of nature in all its forms. You can see the trees and the rolling hills, the grass, the animals..."

Maybe if it wasn't so damn hot, the whole thing would've been a joke. But it helped that much more that Fraser had hypnotized him before - albeit with that code of conduct book - but listening to him still had its soothing benefits. Something that Fraser knew without too much trouble.

Trying to breathe more slowly, trying to think more slowly - both trials for Ray when he always moved a hundred miles an hour - he only paused a second to rub at his eyes before he stilled again, sweaty palms on his knees. Trying to focus on his breathing was hard enough when he was trying not to focus on everything else but big heaping breaths had his head swimming and his chest filling with the sound of the river. There wasn't any babbling brooks in his head but the sweeping rush of water, like what came from cramming your ear against a shell, sounding seemed to overtake his thoughts until he could concentrate solely on the rest of the words.

On the land, on moving through Canada, on capturing the waves of the nature they'd explored. Okay, okay he could do this. He could find himself windswept with the dogs, soaring along, seeking out the things he knew he wanted to be a part of.

"You know how it feels," Fraser continued, "To run as though you're a part of the river itself, to fly as though you're a part of the wind. The snow under your paws, the scent of nature all around you. You are at one with it, and it is at one with you. With us, Ray. I'm there beside you, running with the dogs. The mountains and rivers of the north are our home."

Such poignant words, considering how far they still were from it, but Fraser believed that if they could just wrestle away their independence... It would happen. But those weren't thoughts they needed to have to complicate the atmosphere of their sweat lodge. This place had one purpose, to connect them to nature; its walls banished the outside, metropolitan world and let them look inside themselves instead, and Fraser knew that it was working.

"Now it's your turn. What do you see?"

It was all going so nicely until Fraser turned the tables onto him and Ray went utterly silent - more silent than he was already being. It took enough to concentrate on his breathing, feeling loopy and out of it, but to come up with a response to that? To what he saw when it come to the snowy north?

Ray saw a lot and he gave one final exhale, humming in quiet thought.

"Uh, I ah- I see us. Where we're supposed to be, where we're all we need. Cold air, warm fire, blanket smorgasboard. The cabin, the snow, the dogs, the- the nature. The you. Lotta you up there, Fraser, all with the going where we gotta go and taking the dogs out to run and bein free for the first time. Movin where we wanna move to, chasin after packs and bein our own. Bein right, right where it matters the most. Watchin you fit, and fitting with you every step of the way. Movin through the north like water."

It always melted Fraser's heart to hear Ray talk about things and places that he loved with the same love and adoration, with the same intensity of feeling that Fraser lived his life with. His home, his north, and now the home he shared with Ray at every opportunity. If only they could take themselves there completely, give themselves to the north. They could, but God only knew what would happen, who'd come after them.

He reached across, knowing it would break Ray's concentration, and laid his hand on his partner's knee. He leant a little closer into him, but not so close as to share his heat--it was already more than hot enough in the tent.

"You have to look for him. He's there, amongst the others."

It wasn't as if Ray was purposefully trying to be heartwarming, he just sort of babbled when he actually let himself. Gushed feelings like breaths and didn't stop to think maybe he should be a little more wary of what he was saying. With Fraser, it was only ever spilling himself over and he knew that honesty didn't come with the same price it eventually had with Stella. It was a price he'd paid out the nose and yet now he was understood, taken by the hypothetical hand and given something more for being who he was.

The hand on his knee had him jump a touch, back going straighter and almost opening his eyes before he settled again, feeling Fraser leaning in closer. Heat was palpable in here and Fraser's heat was mingling with his heat and making a little heat marriage. It took a second for Ray to ward off a grin but eventually he came back to their little fleet of dogs, to his own footsteps, to looking out on snow and pups.

"Look for him? Where'm I supposed to look, it's not like he's- oh. Yeah, okay I got him. Just gotta get him outta the drift he's rolled in."

It had to be said that Ray's imagination was really quite something, when it came down to it. Who else would imagine that their spirit animal was rolling about in a snowdrift? It was adorable, and it made Fraser's heart swim all the more with love.

He watched Ray speak, on the edge of dreaming, the heat pressing in on them both. Even Fraser could feel sleep tugging at him, but that wasn't the purpose of the sweat lodge. It sharpened the inner eye, and if he closed his own then he'd see it too, as Ray did. But this was for him, for his partner, so that he could find the name of their new dog.

"You can understand him, communicate with him, here. That's the power you have. He knows what his name is, let him show you the way to it now."

"Fraser, I don't know how to follow him. Don't even think he knows the way, wherever it is we're s'posed to be goin."

Ray was halfway inclined to open his eyes and prod at Fraser, force him to guide him that much more because he obviously couldn't take the steps on his own. He didn't entirely know what he was supposed to be seeing, doing, believing in, halfway wondering if he was making it up to please Fraser or if he was actually walking with the spirits. It was hazy enough in his brain to be believable, that he was somewhere else, but he was pretty damn sure he was going to do it all wrong.

And it wasn't that he wanted Fraser to do it for him - he wasn't that pitiful - he just didn't want to screw it all up. He didn't want to show Fraser that he didn't know if he could be a part of this. He wanted to do it all for him.

"It's okay. Try not to think so hard about it. Don't force the vision, Ray, just let it come to you."

Reassuring him was important. This was important. He could tell by the effort that Ray was going to here and the strain in his voice that it was important--that what he was feeling was a need to achieve a specific thing, satisfy a yearning need that demanded that he be as much a part of this wilderness as Fraser was, but... But that wasn't it. It wasn't all that Ray was, and maybe it was in trying so hard to make it right, make it everything Fraser was, was what was making it so hard for Ray to connect with himself.

"Don't look to me. I'm on your journey here, Ray. I know that I'm a distraction, but I need you to look past me, find yourself in this world, as all that you are, not just what you want to be. Loving you isn't about you being as much like me as possible, it's about the synergy between us. Abbott and Costello worked because they were so different, and so do we. Peace and noise, north and south, cold and warmth. Find your noise, Ray. Listen for it, and you'll find your path."

"Fraser. I'm not tryin to- to- I don't know. I don't know what i'm tryin to do except walk through the snow without fallin on my face. This is about the pup anyway, innit? Is he supposed to be leadin the way or am I supposed to be the one doing the walking because i'm thinking you could'a given me an instruction manual on this..."

It was hard enough to focus on what he didn't know how to focus on, but trying to intertwine it with Fraser's words and the supposed need for a Spirit-Walk-Found-Name made it twice as difficult. But sure, he could work on being himself in this, himself who didn't know what he was doing and tripped up more often than Fraser ever did. Which was fine, it really was, but this had been Fraser's idea after all. Fraser's world, not his own, and it'd take some struggling to get where he was going. If only because struggling about was Ray's middle name; eventually he got there. And that was always the point. Trial and error. And acceptance.

"I'm thinkin he knows where he wants to go."

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we'll take the whole shebang

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